Heart's Crucifixion [Johann, Violet]

As the young lady screamed in frustration, Johann gave a quiet sigh. It seemed that whatever had happened that made her question her own worth involved this friend, or, rather, from how she spoke, ex-friend. As she stood up, her purse slipped and fell to the ground, its contents spilling. Johann's lips parted and his eyes widened slightly at seeing the exposed drugs clatter to the ground.

Normally, and had he been in his younger years, the sight of it would have sent him flying into a rage. Part of him still felt that anger welling up that she was so brazen about ruining her life -- but, he was not that man anymore. At the very least, he was trying. Rather, the shock quickly turned into sympathetic, and with a quick flick of his finger, small threads of Reishi spiraled to life from his fingertips and coiled around the incriminating items, lifting them and setting them back into Violet's purse, zipping it closed so that such an incident would not happen twice.

Perhaps the more responsible thing to do in that moment was confiscate them, to destroy or hide them away so that she was not posing a danger to herself and potentially others with such alarming items. But, Johann knew better than most that it would likely only make the situation worse. So, as the threads of Reishi quietly slipped around her purse, the elder lifted it, setting it down on top of the still-untouched handkerchief between them.

"If I may, could you I ask that you explain a bit more? Who is this friend? What did they do? And, if it isn't too much...may I ask what your father told you?"

“No body you’d know… unless you’re also a part of the Vandenreich,” Violet said. Even then, it was a huge organization, so the chance of this old man knowing Solomon was only a bit higher if he was one of them. “He got hurt, and I went to check on him. I was stupid enough to think that I could get strong enough to join and fight with him… Yeah, right.” Violet scoffed and plopped back down onto the bench. “Even Solomon knows I’m not strong enough to do anything significant. If someone like him agrees with Dad… Well, obviously, it must be true.”

Someone within the Vandenreich? Johann's eyes narrowed slightly at the notion. It was a big organization, but, he knew many of the individuals, even if not personally. So, he listened with a keen ear, and disapproving frown coming to his face as he heard her tale. The poor girl's confidence was shattered -- so that was her reason for such behavior. He did, however, get the name. There weren't many people with the name "Solomon" within the Vandenreich.

"Hmm...would the individual in question be Solomon Richter, perchance? If you could, I'd like to know what he said to you. Regardless, I could not disagree more, my dear. You say 'strong enough,' yet, that would mean that you have grown, would it not? That is an accomplishment, regardless of what others may tell you. Perhaps you didn't meet the goal that you wished to achieve, but, that does not mean there was no progress at all."

Violet looked at him. She hesitated in confirming it was Solomon. What if this guy mentioned meeting her and the things she said? What if that made Solomon mad at her? He really wouldn’t want to come near her then… Violet just stayed silent and refused to answer about which Solomon it was. Though, a silence like that spoke very loud. The look on her face couldn’t hide what she was thinking…

“Are you expecting to recite it, or something? He said I wasn’t strong enough and that I wouldn’t be willing to do the things that Stemrivers do.” Violet was not very good at the German thing… “He made it clear he wouldn’t trust me to fight with him… I doubt it matters if I ever get strong enough. After everything that’s happened… I know how he sees me… And if he ever found out the rest… I don’t…”

The heavy breathing started off slow and began to quicken. She brought her hands to her head, fingers clamping down on clumps of hair as if ready to rip them from her scalp. Her eyes were wide and she started sweating as a panic attack set in.

Hmm, that certainly could have been worded better. While an exact account would, by all means, be for the best, it was far from something that any regular person should require. But, before he had a chance to correct himself, Violet still chose to recount what she knew, what she had believed it as.

His hands gently rested on the handle of his cane as he listened closely to her, noting the peculiar aspects of her recollection.

Solomon was one of the many members of the Vandenreich that worked under him. He was as flawed as any other man was, but, the idea that he wouldn't trust someone to fight alongside him felt...odd. He was a young man who loved his comrades as if they were his own brothers and sisters. Before his thought process could continue, he heard the young woman's breathing pick up.

"Oh, no..."

With that, he was quick to shift, standing up to kneel down in front of her. so that she could see him This wasn't something he had a tremendous amount of experience in, but, at the behest of his wife, he had thankfully learned of them.

"Miss, focus on your breathing and where you are. Take a deep breath, think of the smell of the sea."

Violet looked up to Johann as he knelt in front of her, eyes wide in panic. The clear pumping of her heart and tightening ing her chest was a terrifying feeling. It was like every inhale was a struggle, and the fear it created only made things worse. She began to cry, instinctively reaching out for the old man as the horrid fear cycle continued. “S-S-Sc… are…d.” She said through very labored breathing.

Violet heard his words and tried focusing on her breathing like she was told. She took a deep breath and glanced over to the water, focusing on the waves. Violet didn’t know how long passed, but once she was drenched in her own sweat and felt like she could pass out, she finally felt that tightening in her chest fade away.

"What was that...?" she whispered, a hand over her chest. "It hurt..."

Johann could only imagine how horrible something like this was to experience. As Violet reached out for her, the elder was slow, careful, and gentle in rising, yet quick in moving her purse to the side and sitting down next to her, gingerly resting a gloved hand on her shoulder, and, if she allowed it, went to comfort her, holding her as if she were his own child.

"It's okay, miss. Just keep focusing. You'll get through this."

He spoke in a low voice, seeking to give her comfort, no matter how small. Eventually, she was able to focus on her breathing, the heavy breaths slowing as she took control of herself. As she did, Johann carefully made space between them, keeping a hand gently rested on her shoulder, both to keep her aware that he was still there, as well as to help keep her upright, should she need the assistance.

"That...was a panic attack, dear. It's an episode of fear or anxiety based on a perceived threat, not any real, imminent danger. From what I understand, they typically can come about due to stress and...trauma."

Violet didn’t withdraw from the old man. She saw little more than a nice old guy with a cane, completely unaware that, if he wanted to be, he could be a threat. She found herself laying her head on his shoulder like one would their family member, a bit of kindness from someone being a great help in calming her anxieties. Once it was all over, Violet was surprised. She looked at her shaky hand. “A panic attack?”

"I see... I have enough of all that... I'm surprised one of these haven't happened before," Violet said. They likely had, but her bad habits (heroin) prevented her from feeling them or stopped them all together. Violet saw her purse and went to pick it up. Settling back down, she looked through it and went to grab a bottle of water, and felt the syringe again. That urge returned, the desire to feel nothing but joy...

"I don't know what to do..." Violet said, taking a deep breath, hand over her heart as if she feared the coming of another panic attack. "I don't know what to do..."

It was good that she didn't withdraw. All he wished to do was to help a young lady that was very clearly in need of it. He leaned back as she went for her purse, allowing her to reach for whatever it was that she intended to get. But, as she started to retreat and put her hand back over her chest, Johann returned a hand to her shoulder, a gentle smile accompanying his aged features.

"Perhaps you should talk about it. If you'd like, we can go somewhere more private if I'm a suitable ear. But, for now, just be sure to breathe, and stay focused on the present. It might be scary, but, remember, there's no imminent danger."

Johann peeked into the folds of her purse, reaching in and retrieving the bottle of water from inside, holding it out to the young lady.

"Your name? I'd think it's far better to call someone by their name, rather than just 'miss' or 'young lady'."

Talk about it? What part would she even talk about? What her parents did to her? Her so called friends? Her sister? What they did to her? The drugs? The desire to end it? Solomon? Vanyel? She would have this old man here for hours if she did…

Violet tensed as he reached into her purse, a look of fear crossing her face. She had not realized he knew the heroin was there, and she didn’t want him to find it. “M-My name is Violet,” she sighed in relief and took the bottle of water. “What’s yours?”

“What part do I even talk about?” Violet asked said after a thoughtful silence and taking a long drink. “There’s just too much… I hate this… I hate all of it.”