Re: A Hollow Defeat (Heaven's Light Follow-up) [Shura/Lerna]

Thu Aug 10, 2023 9:25 pm

TAGS; - here NOTES; - here WORDS; - here MUSE; - Soundscape to Ardor

Ah ha... So Lerna could understand. She did well to listen to Shura's story, to take it in... and more importantly understand where Shura now stood in her life. Caught between a rock and a hard place as some would call it, desiring to protect her Brother... and needing Hakaishin's approval. Shura's hand raised into the air and her fingers began to wave around in the air as she smiled slightly "Ah... and so now you begin to see my dilemma. An innate burning, raging desire to protect my Brother from anything and everything at all costs... and the opinion of the one entity that gives me the power to do so. If I only do as Hakaishin commands, I shall gain strength immeasurable, yet be limited in what I am capable of doing with that strength. If I ignore him and aim to protect my Brother at all costs, Hakaishin shuts himself off to me and my strength and ability to protect my Brother stagnate and do not flourish."

As she spoke, the hand motions she was doing weren't simply for show... She was tracing various numbers in the air, and if Lerna was paying attention each set of numbers corresponded to the kido she used in their battle. "Hakaishin has been silent since I sealed my Bankai, as per usual. Yet I know it isn't because I didn't strike down Metatron, it is because I used kido and did not rely entirely on my Bankai, on my strength as a person, as a Shinigami. If word got out I could not only perform kido proficiently, but perform some of the strongest and most powerful kido available... it'd become expected that I use it more and more... and thus Hakaishin would shut himself off to me even more than he already has..." As she paused her hand fell back to her side "I might even lose the ability to perform a Bankai... Or... or even a simple Shikai."

Her words weren't so much filled with self-loathing as they were with fear... true fear, the fear of no longer being able to protect her Brother. Even if in power the two were similar... Shura's dedication to her Brother's protection was unlike anything else in her life. "But of course you wonder which is more important to me... yet answer that question I cannot. For without one I cannot have the other. To protect my brother, I must have the approval of Hakaishin, to have the approval of Hakaishin I must be able to protect my brother. After all, the desire to protect him was my entire reason for attaining Bankai in the first place."

made by RR of DD, steal and i will sentence you to the true death!

Thu Aug 10, 2023 9:39 pm

A Hollow Defeat (Heaven's Light Follow-up) [Shura/Lerna] - Page 2 HEADER_Ft47vg8aEAAknlF

That amused response certainly made it a little hard to actually understand Shura. Not literally, but more that little hint of playfulness that made her wonder if perhaps Shura was talking down to her. A bit of that old prifedulness bristling before she considered the ...strange dilema the woman was experiencing. And for a moment she leaned a bit forward before peeling her own Zanpaku'to from her waist. Setting it on the ground infront of her. A Gourd with the handle of a blade sticking into it. Deceptively small despite the size of the blade actually hiding within.

"I guess it's really just up to you. IF you simply allow yourself to be a slave to your Zanpaku'to's whims, I suppose it could grant you strength. But one's ability to grow with their zanpaku'to is about learning how to grow closer to it. And it doesn't sound like you're very close with your bankai. And I'm not surprised. IT seems pretty simple. All it does is make you stronger. Which is reflected in your pretty one dimensional relationship with your Zanpaku'to. You so what it says, or else it punishes you. There's no dialogue. IT really doesn't even seem like you understand them much. Well. Not that I understand my own Zanpaku'to. Even though I really should. IT's me after all." She hummed, eyeing the weapon and drumming her fingers. A pause as she .... glanced up at Shura. Briefly, she considered the situation.

Well. She supposed if there was anywhere to voice her concerns, it was in the spirit of reciprocation.

"My Zanpaku'to is a bit different from most. IT doesn't transform or anything. It changes me. Operating by modifying my body, rather than properly doing anything itself. And because of that. I've noticed it ...rubbing off on me. Almost like it's trying to take over. And even recently, it's been trying to get me to train for bankai. Manifest it into the real world. Which is ...suspicious. And concerning given my Spirit's disposition...." She murmured. Of course she didn't share everything. She didn't share WHY it was such a bad idea that she manifest her zanpaku'to. To allow such a monster out and into the open. But she shared .... a little.

"But Zanpaku'to are like that. But the question is., are you going to allow your Zanpaku'to to dictate how strong you are? IF you cowtow to your zanpaku'to. You aren't using your own strength. You're using THEIRs. And no matter how strong you get, like you said. If your Zan spirit suddenly changes its mind. It can just take away the progress you made. On the other hand. IF you rely on other sources for your strength. Kido. Hakuda. Hoho. That won't ever be taken away from you. Do you want to choose an easier path to strength by obeying your Zanpaku'to. Or will you make your own strength that can't be used to bait you into things?" She ventured, a crooked smile as ...truth be told. She almost wondered if she were in a similar situation and didn't know. Stuck between trying to train with her zanpaku'to, and pulling back to try and rely on her other skills lest it corrupt her.

Or maybe she was just overthinking it.

Thu Aug 10, 2023 10:04 pm

TAGS; - here NOTES; - here WORDS; - here MUSE; - Soundscape to Ardor

"Good questions... ones I've often asked myself." Their situations weren't too dissimilar it felt like, used by their Zanpakuto's to gain immense strength but bound by them at the same time. "But you see... Hakaishin doesn't respond to me. I've tried talking to him, tried asking... begging... demanding... but he does not speak unless he wishes too." She gave a soft chuckle, reaching over to grab her Zanpakuto and pulling it from its sheath.

"It is their nature to want to protect its wielder, for without its wielder it is naught but a common sword incapable of doing anything or acting on its own. It is through the Shinigami that the Zanpakuto acts, that it exerts its strength. In the academy we are taught that we imprint our souls onto it by having it always with us, by training with it, by doing all activities with it, and in so doing we forge a bond with our Asauchi and that is what makes it a Zanpakuto. The spirit that resides within is as much its own creature as it is us. My whole life I've been ruled by another, so it comes naturally that this Zanpakuto would rule me, you see. Forever trapped in a cycle of obeying another in a desperate and futile attempt at escaping the cycle."

She paused for another moment, considering her next words carefully "In the academy, I trained my kido only enough to pass the course. I skipped as much training with hakuda as I could, as I dedicated the whole of myself and my training to my Zanpakuto. By the time I left, My Hoho and Zanjutsu were considered to be without rival. There wasn't a soul in the academy that could compete with me, I was simply... the best." Her eyes were locked on her own Zanpakuto as she held it above herself with one hand. "It wasn't long after I graduated that I had attained my Shikai, and I trained every single day with it. I boasted of its unrivaled power and supremacy. I cut down hollow after hollow with my Zanpakuto, I needed nothing else. We were simply the best. I never thought about Bankai because I didn't need it, for there was nothing alive that could defeat my Shikai. Metatron... Is the one and only hollow I have failed to kill. Even with one of the single most powerful Hadō in existence, one that shakes the very foundations of heaven with its awesome might... It was only enough to allow for me to escape. It outshined me in every way, my strength, my speed... even my Kido."

Once again Shura paused for several long moments, the usual boastful and proud warrior eerily calm... even humbled by her own words. Shura had faced many Shinigami that were stronger than her, yet such was to be expected from one who wasn't at the level of a Captain. Yet in terms of enemies, Shura had finally met her match... a creature she could not fell... a hollow that, in her eyes, now threatened the safety of her Brother. "I wish I could do as you suggest... to break away from this cycle of obedience. Yet when faced against such a foe, one that makes all of my prior achievements meaningless in the blink of an eye... Would it even matter? Everything I've ever accomplished... With and without my Zanpakuto..." She paused midsentence, hesitating on finishing it at first. meaningless.

made by RR of DD, steal and i will sentence you to the true death!

Fri Aug 11, 2023 6:34 pm

Lerna nodded slowly at that, and she couldn't help but pause as she listened to Shura's situation. But the apparent coinciding of her relationship with her zanpaku'to mirroring that in her actual life. And for a moment, she wondered. Was her own situation with her Zanpaku'to a mirror of something else?

She tried to think back, of her life on earth. Of her being beheaded all those years ago. Of what she'd been made into. And she couldn't help but narrow her eyes just a little. What did her Zanpaku'to say about her? It wasn't like a normal asauchi. It was FAR more intimate than that. She was made from her zanpaku'to. Not the other way around. And she felt a shudder up her spine as she looked to the blade, and then back toward the woman sitting before her. Slowly taking things in.

She wanted to say that was ridiculous. That even a long road with sure results would be preferable to relying on someone else. But could she say that? She had struggled incredibly with her own learning of Hakuda, and though she'd made some strides, if she had suddenly lost those parts of her abilities that had truly carried her. Could she rely on something like Hakuda to carry her? Could she pour her everything into it enough to compensate? She wasn't sure, and so she didn't know about bringing up such a point before Shura.

"Trying to prepare for some monster like that Hollow is ridiculous. As much as those threats exist, theyre the reason why we have Captains. The Commander. Though I admit, yours is a sucky situation...." She murmured, trailing off for a moment before she looked to her own weapon. Wondering if she was allowing HER Zanpaku'to to rule her through fear.

The thought alone, brought a slow, simmer to her blood. And suddenly, she felt much less tired. She reached out and grasped her weapon, peeling it from the ground before glancing at the woman in the hospital bed. "Well don't give up. Worse comes to worse. There are a lot of Zanpaku'to experts in Soul Society willing to help you with your shit. Our Captain Commander IS part Zanpaku'to after all." She noted softly, something of a ...firm, determined look in her eyes as she slowly stood up. Her grip on her weapon a bit tighter than usual. And she could FEEL her Zanpaku'to spirit smiling in the back of her mind. An anticipation as it could sense the thoughts in her head. She'd had enough being afraid. Even if perhaps she was playing into what Soteiken wanted. She wasn't gonna let that fear get the best of her.

Fri Aug 11, 2023 7:03 pm

TAGS; - here NOTES; - here WORDS; - here MUSE; - Soundscape to Ardor

Shura sighed softly, sheathing her Zanpakuto once more as she listened to Lerna.. except at the same time she didn't hear her or perhaps it'd be more apt to say she didn't understand her. "Our forces, combined even with the Quincy's, were decimated in that fight. We didn't destroy them but that also means we did not win. All were slaughtered and those that weren't slaughtered were forced to retreat. Our 'Captains', are Captain's only in title. Their strength barely above my own. Many of them and our Vice Captain's I could overpower with just my raw strength, their Shikai's and Bankai's the only thing setting them apart from one another."

Shura sat up in the bed and shook her head, one hand reaching up to gently rest against her face "Even Kanae, something happened on that battlefield with her... I could feel it. Rare is it that she is pushed to use her Shikai, rarer still is the effort required to force her into Bankai. Yet even after releasing her Bankai, something changed in her Reiatsu. I can't describe it truly, but it felt akin to the feeling of an Arrancarr releasing their Resurrección. Yet whatever it was didn't matter, she too was forced to retreat."

This reasoning alone was enough to convince Shura that even their strength was pitiful and meaningless against such creatures as they had faced. "I have fought my Captain 1-on-1, I've felt the sting of her Shikai for myself. Metatron is as powerful as her at least. As for our 'beloved' Captain-Commander... tch..." Shura had never fought her before, so in truth she knew nothing of her capabilities and cared for little else about her in truth. "Her being half-Zanpakuto is meaningless. Her strength is meaningless. We should have responded with everything we had against that threat, the Captain-Commander included, yet she stayed behind... doing nothing as our forces were decimated. She didn't even so much as show up in case things went south, which they did. Had she at least been there, she likely could've single handedly won the battle, yet she wasn't there and she didn't win the battle for us. We lost many good Shinigami there, potential stars and future Captain's gone before ever knowing what their potential could have been."

She knew her words could easily make it sound like she hated the Captain-Commander, and in truth... such a theory wasn't entirely wrong. Anyone who had the strength to fight and willfully stood back was, in Shura's eyes, a weakling at best and a liability at worse. "As for Zanpakuto experts... The only one who can understand a Zanpakuto is its holder. Everyone else can only make guesses and assume. None save the holder can know what a Zanpakuto is thinking. I've seen many Zanpakuto in my time, from Shikai's to Bankai's. Of all the ones I have seen, few are there that I am truly afraid of. Kaname Tosen, an infinite void that rends all your senses from you, Sui-Feng, with her ability to kill near anything in two strikes, Kuchiki Byakuya, with a neigh impenetrable defense and a neigh unstoppable offense. The relationship each has with their Zanpakuto's was on a level that others could only hope and dream of. But everyone else? Nowhere close. But each has their own differences, circumstances that differ so vastly from mine that I can draw no knowledge from them. Never have I heard of or known a Zanpakuto who outright refuses to speak to their wielder except under the most extreme circumstances. Even those who have barely formed a relationship with their Zanpakuto's have better communication than I do with mine. Yet it is not just words that it does not share, it does not share its emotions with me either, it does not show me its presence either. Only within my inner world may I lay my eyes upon him, a cold unmoving statue as if waiting for something specific to occur."

She let out a deep, slow sigh before shaking her head again "Sorry... I'm not normally this talkative. Yet for the life of me I am unable to understand my Zanpakuto or its will."

made by RR of DD, steal and i will sentence you to the true death!

Sat Aug 12, 2023 9:36 am

A Hollow Defeat (Heaven's Light Follow-up) [Shura/Lerna] - Page 2 HEAD_FtIHro4agAATQ8q

It was Lerna's turn not to understand, raising a brow ever so slightly before something of a furrowed look crossed her features. "Soul society's might is much more than her Captains. And even they are something to be reckoned with. The emergence of the hollows was something that caught us all off guard. We barely got out of there before support rolled in." She sighed before closing her eyes and resting a hand on her hip. She didn't go further than that. After all, Shura seemed the stubborn type, and so she didn't really bother to go into how poor an assumption it was that Shura was as strong as one of their Captains. She really had no interest in correcting this woman's perceptions. Reality would do that well enough without her input. But she had to admit, it was somewhat....charming that Shura was so open about things. Even if they were a bit ridiculous.

And of course, as the subject rolled on, it kinda turned out how she expected. Shura admonishing the notion that anyone would be able to help her. Something that drew something of an amused smirk from her. "I think you'd hate my Captain. But you two might be rather alike." She ventured, rolling her shoulder before turning to leave. But before she had a chance to do so. She was a bit startled when Shura apologize of all things. DEFINITELY not a word she ever thought would leave the woman's mouth.

"Don't worry about it. Getting all that shit off your chest can help. Who knows, maybe you'll think of some way to get your zanpakut'o's attention soon." She offered, giving a wink and a crooked smile before she walked out of the infirmary. With a very specific destination in mind.