Re: Just A Bedside Chat [Liltotto, Alastair]

Sat Feb 18, 2023 11:31 pm

Just A Bedside Chat [Liltotto, Alastair] - Page 2 JJKkQ1y

Liltotto Lamperd

The look on her face clearly showed that she was feeling quite a lot of things, on top of concern for how Alastair was taking such information. Nodding to his statement, she'd sigh - as long as he didn't think she was losing her mind or something, not that she literally was losing it but it felt like it at times when she was trying to figure some meaning in this revelation.

Cyrus didn't expect anything special of her, or to be anything like that weirdo, but she couldn't help but feel like there was... Something. It was so irritatingly abstract and out of reach that she couldn't articulate it, but there was.. Something, more to this, in some way. Had Mazda ever felt such a way? No, that guy acted so certain of everything that if he decided rain fell upward, it probably would've done so. Ugh.

Looking upon Alastair, she was surprised to hear he was actively struggling to recall the entity's existence. Most she had prodded about it just had no idea what she was talking about or treated it like some unimportant memory that they barely recalled, but it was like the redhead did have some capacity to remember, but it didn't stick.

"...Hey, don't hurt yourself, it doesn't really matter at this point. You'll probably drive yourself crazy forcing it," She calmly reassured, raising a hand as if to gently pry his attention from his thoughts, lowering it.

"Well that's.. Not the only thing. I kinda gain the traits of whatever I eat. I've.. Kinda been slacking on taking advantage of that, though. I've only really ever utilized it into making a sword that makes acid... And traps. Like, that'd sound like a human with high spiritual pressure, but I can also practice some quincy arts. Some. Can't use certain things at all, i'm entirely impotent on spellcraft for one."

It was odd, trying to figure out where her limits started and stopped, "..Im still trying to figure out the full extent of this. I.. If this is what I am, then I should become somebody capable of protecting the City at large. I've wasted enough time being a sad shit about stuff that happened forever ago, I guess. But I don't really.. Get, what I am exactly. Like, i'm a person - I think like a person, I act like a person, I have wants and needs and desires like a person, but then there's the fact my parents - my parents-parents, not my mom - had found me. I dunno where or how, but I was found, and that's the extent of what I know about where I came from. Nobody abandoned me, nobody had me and then died, I just.. Was found, like I appeared out of nowhere, least that's the impression I got from anyone who had anything to say about it."

END

Tue Feb 21, 2023 10:58 am

Just A Bedside Chat [Liltotto, Alastair] - Page 2 VaT3EEw

ALASTAIR EISFLUCH | Sternritter Administrator

The thought was a painful one to continue, coercing his own mind to continue to fixate upon a memory that was forcing itself back into the depths of his mind with almost insurmountable pressure. It was like he was trying to resist a divine command. Alastair had no doubt that he would soon reach his limit and those vestiges of recollection would slip through his fingers once more. For now, though, he had it there pinched between two fingers. A testament, if anything, to his own mental fortitude.

"No, no. I have it for a few moments more. This is like any other mental exercise, though certainly an unexpected one."

Liltotto, for her part in this, did continue to pile on the oddities though. Alastair was managing to contain the idea of the origin of her powers, but the application was also being called into question. He wondered exactly if he was qualified to offer this guidance, as this was hardly a matter that he felt like an authority on, but perhaps there was simply no one else that could even come close.

"I did not quite realise that you were eating those pieces that you were able to bite off. I assumed this was something that was used to break through the defences of your opponents but there is a higher purpose too? These traits that you digest, though, are they temporary or permanent? That seems like a peculiar burden for the Soul King to place upon you. But no one is just wished into existence, right? If you were found by your parents then surely you were placed there by someone else? That does not make you any less of a person, but surely it just means that your real parents were out there somewhere. At least at that time, anyway. I imagine they might have passed on since then."

HOT AND BOTHERED | END POST

Fri Feb 24, 2023 12:30 pm

Liltotto Lamperd

Lying a little deeply onto her pillow, she'd shuffle the ice packs on her lower body a bit, feeling moisture on her skin. Damn, she'd have to call a nurse in to change them out pretty soon... Though she wasn't uncomfortably hot, she definitely felt the heat in her body to a noticeable extent, though her gaze drew back to Alastair with her concern returning. As much as she appreciated his attempt to talk to her about this, it must have been difficult to figure out how to even deal with this information.

Well of course she knew that, she barely made sense of it herself - there was no Ultimate Guide to Having/Being A Fragment of supposed God out there for her to get or anything. Not even any old stories or any signs of anyone like her existing, apart from Mazda, but the guy was too busy not existing, not that she could tolerate or expect a casual conversation about this. She disliked what little he managed to uncover to begin with, more in how it came across than the information itself.

"Permanent from what I can tell... It's like, my body learns how to do stuff from things I eat, but I have to actively call upon and practice the motions of them - they don't just develop into stuff immediately, I have to go out of my way to form stuff..." Her voice was tired but insistent on telling Alastair as much as she could, maintaining concentration on the conversation despite her state, though her expression changed to a somewhat sullen look when his thoughts of her origins came up, "I don't.. Feel like that's true. Not knocking you, but i've always had some feeling in the back of my mind that.. I dunno, it's never been clear, I just have the strongest feeling that whatever I came from, it's not what i'd expect. Like, I feel I should remember, but I can't dig it up, and I haven't felt the need to investigate til recent."

Her brow ceased furrowing, sighing, "Sorry, I know it's a lot that doesn't seem to go anywhere but... Thanks for humoring my thoughts, at least. It means a lot."

END

Sat Feb 25, 2023 7:37 am

ALASTAIR EISFLUCH | Sternritter Administrator

"This does not sound like a process that just happens overnight. I understand that you have been around for a long time, and perhaps you have always been this fragment. So do not beat yourself up over failing to immediately master this newfound ability. Whatever the process, I have every faith that you will master it in due time. But perhaps you should focus instead on the present for a few moments. I know I would rest a little easier if you were back on your feet."

That much was certainly an easier thought for Alastair to process, as he continued to fight to maintain this memory of Mazda in his mind. Mastering one's powers were hardly something that could be done overnight, if it could ever be accomplished. He certainly knew that there was a lot left for him to do in regard to his own growth, and he spent much of his free time training when he was not tending to other matters. To that end, all he could really offer her was support.

"As for your origins, if nothing has yet materialised then you likely are the best one to decide where you want to be from. Whatever decision you make, I will still be just as proud to call you my comrade. No matter what you wish to be, you will always have a home here as long as you uphold the path of righteousness."

He thought about doing something cliche like placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder but decided against it. His words had been heartfelt enough that he did not wish to cheapen them with silly gestures.

"It is often best to speak your problems aloud. Even hearing them being reiterated back to you can put things in a different perspective."

HOT AND BOTHERED | END POST

Tue Feb 28, 2023 9:11 am

Liltotto Lamperd

Taking heed of Alastair's words and reassurances, she would bring her thoughts onto herself for a moment, thinking over her life and experiences thus far. Though she was capable of being a part of human society perfectly, she had done so for generation's worth of time, even if she began as an odd outcast of a child. Even that far in the past she was still perfectly capable and competent, surprisingly so at such a young age.

She'd always been able to adapt and conform as needed, and as far as she was concerned she definitely thought like a human; if she were some 'monster', she wouldn't be abstaining from just casually eating people or animals like her base instincts goad her toward.

As much as she was quite interested in understanding more about herself, Alastair was making it feel a lot less potentially devastating to her life and standing as a person.

"..Thanks Alastair, for understanding and listening," A surprisingly tender edge to her voice was present, even if a full smile didn't hit her lips, "That means a lot right now, with everything happening... If what I am means something, then I wanna figure out that something. I don't want us, or anybody, to face another catastrophe like that Arrancar showing up if it's in my power to stop it."

"I've been trying to figure out ways to better use what I got, guess you can say my days of passivity are officially over." A soft chuckle tiredly left her, "Gotta finish shaking off that hermit mindset."

END

Fri Mar 03, 2023 9:42 pm

ALASTAIR EISFLUCH | Sternritter Administrator

"I hardly feel that I have understood much, but I can always listen."

It was always hard to gauge what people would appreciate and what they would view as overstepping. At least, this time, he was glad that he had asked. It seemed like Liltotto was taking some time to consider her own thoughts on the matter, perhaps with a little more perspective, so really there was nothing more that he could do.

"We cannot expect to change the world by lingering in the past. Complacency is easy, but that does not make it right, so chase this newfound desire for understanding with all your heart." He sighed wistfully, a hand sweeping crimson hair off his face. "But I should let you rest before I get too carried away. The world can wait for you to get back on your feet."

That thought had also finally slipped through his fingers. The shadow of a man caught in the eclipse, seen only from afar and yet always close at hand. That strange feeling of warmth, like gazing at the sun itself, was all that remained.

HOT AND BOTHERED | END POST

Sat Mar 11, 2023 4:36 pm

Liltotto Lamperd

“That’s always the least anybody could do.”

It wasn’t certain what she was referring to specifically, but it was clear it could apply to anything the young man had said. She was quite ready to try to get some rest again, her eyes having fluttered shut even as she spoke; she had been fighting rest and finally she was going to allow it’s cold clutches to have her, was preferable to being conscious and dealing with a stomachache.

A sluggish hand rose and waved off at Alastair, “..Thanks much, guten nacht…”
She knew it was a good ways from sunset, but it was the most appropriate thing she could come up with on fleeting wakefulness as her hand dropped back onto her lap.

END