Who Are You Exactly? [Inanna, Ninsianna]

It was weird being back here so soon but Inanna did go as she pleased, the wind carried the embodiment of freedom and if she wanted to go somewhere then she would. It didn't matter what tried to stop her, she'd learn to fly if she had to but here she was. Fresh off having a chance to talk with Alex about her feelings and have his input, she really liked him and if it wasn't super weird and she was a little different she might've even had a stupid childish crush on him but that definitely wasn't the case.

"Ninsianna."

She said, only getting a puzzled look to the man that informed her that her mother was no longer working as a secretary for the boss here. Okay, so where was she now? Director of a word that she couldn't bother trying to pronounce? This was getting weird and after a lot of bantering and bickering of trying to tell this guy to take her to her mother to no avail her saviour manifested with this golden haired lady - maybe a little scantily clad for her liking but she looked cool - who offered to take her to her mother.

Score.

Inanna even got to trick her into carrying her there though it didn't cost her much resistance, eventually she arrived at this new office and went over to sit on the empty desk after saying goodbye to the nice blonde lady who seemed really nice.

Wait, that was clever. She jumped off the desk and hid underneath it, this felt like a really fun way to surprise her. Wasn't she just the smartest?

As it turned out, Ninsianna had found her new position was not particularly unlike her old one. That was, really, for the best, seeing as she'd quite enjoyed her previous position's actual workload. This was, however, something she felt she could do far more with, something that was not simply tied directly to Cyrus.

Walking into her office, Ninsianna went to set aside a few of the papers she'd been carrying, and even went to make herself a cup of tea. She'd never particularly spent much time with these sorts of little things, seeing as she had no use for them, but she was doing her best to enjoy life rather than simply to go through it as a chore and a duty.

She did need to have stories to tell after the end, after all.

Alright, there she was. Target was in the room or so she thought, Inanna did consider just jumping out while they moved about the room but there was an important thing to consider in that this might not have been her mother and so she might ruin the whole point of hiding under the desk by jumping some random. When she did sit down though Inanna felt like something was wrong, this was foreign.

She made no effort to do her little jumpscare, actually she made no effort to do anything at all which just made her sitting under the desk with a furrowed brow staring stupidly at the lower half of Ninsianna. It was entirely possible that she'd be discovered just by merit of her physical form taking up the space where her mother's legs should be taking up or a glimpse was caught of her silhouette.

"Who the heck are you!?"

Inanna exploded which didn't carry any hostility, just utter confusion at the whole scene before her. The pottymouth maybe coming from when she heard Alex use a couple of curses and while she rarely used them herself, this felt entirely appropriate a time to have a slip of the tongue.

If she were a less composed woman, Ninsianna certainly would have jumped in surprise at the exclamation from below her. As it stood, she still nearly dropped her tea, and she set it down on the desk before she looked below it, only to see her daughter looking up at her. Ah, well...she had been considering for a while how she ought to put this change.

"Well, I had hardly expected to see you so soon, Inanna dear, but I'm glad you've come. I've been meaning to speak with you."

Even if she looked quite a bit younger, her voice, her speech patterns, and even her small smile were quite unmistakably Ninsianna. She did feel very genuinely saddened that Inanna had to learn of this change in such a surprising way, but she had hardly planned for this. Best to just be honest with her from here on.

"..."

Her jaw just remained dropped when Ninsianna carried on like nothing was amiss, Inanna did not have that kind of composure. Her feelings were always so plain to see, written on her face and in her behaviours. The look was that of utter confusion and a dash of worry at the situation, maybe a little bit of fear in her eyes at the jarring change; only made worse by her inability to know what happened or what was going on.

Inanna just sat there with her ears tucked down, a little defeated almost and just begging to understand everything and not feel like she was going to be the one that was surprised everytime she saw her mother now instead of the other way around.

Ah. She'd done it again, hadn't she? It was always plain to see when she had upset Inanna, and this was certainly no different. Ninsianna had never quite been fond of that part of herself. Kneeling down so that she was at eye level with Inanna, she pulled her daughter into a very close embrace, a hug decidedly more emotional and human than was typical.

"I am very sorry, dear. I know that I told you I would be more transparent with you, but I did not expect this to happen, and I was not entirely sure how to tell you it had happened. But please believe me when I tell you that I did not plan for this. If I had, I would most certainly have told you."

Of course, Ninsianna could have simply shown Inanna what had happened. Proven it to her simply by showing her that memory. But that was so surgical, so detached. It was not how Ninsianna wished to interact with her own daughter.

It was meant to be reassuring but Inanna didn't know what to feel in this embrace under the desk, her body was limp while she just sat there and listened. The thoughts in her head simplifying and become more plain, losing words until only one remained and the question kept on running through her mind and it was becoming the only thing she could think about.


"Why! Why is it always excuses? Why am I not allowed to know things? Why do you keep things from me? Why, why- I'm sick of it! I'm sick of not knowing, I will know whether you tell me or not. I'll break every rule and overcome any obstacle that is put in my way until I know who you are, who you really are."

Inanna was prone to making empty ultimatums, throwing tantrums when she was especially young and not accepting the rules imposed on her or respecting authority but she wasn't a pushover and the stubborn attitude of the little danava made it a distinct possibility that she could follow through with the ultimatum or do what she usually did and fold afterwards.

"I'm a grown up, I'm old enough to know, why do you act like I can't handle it? Huh? The same way you never tell me about my dad, whatever I guess I don't have a dad but it's not fair! It's not fair that you're as mysterious as he is."

It was all she had in her, all of her frustration at everything that had happened. Everything she had been stuck thinking about when she talked with Alex and Vegas on and off, she vented and when she was done she shook her head in additional frustration when she had started to cry from her outburst.

She well and truly wished to maintain her composure for this sort of discussion. That was, after all, the sort of woman that Ninsianna was. But she had found herself at something of a crossroads. For she knew quite well that she could not do so without hurting Inanna. What sort of pain mattered more to her? The pain of telling her the truth, or the pain of hiding it from her?

"Because I want to be a mother of whom you can be proud, one that you can look up to as someone to be respected. But I have tried my best to tell you the truth, because I know that it has only done you harm to hide my life from you, my past."

Despite the hurt of hearing Inanna accuse her in such a way, she simply held her daughter more closely. How could she not?

"I do not want to be mysterious to you, I do not want to seem as though I am someone you cannot know. I will gladly tell you whatever you wish to know, if it would make you happier. But know that the things I have not told you have always been with your benefit in mind. You are older now. I have no right to hide things from you, I know. But can I not still wish to protect my own daughter from grief? From the sick truths of the world?"

She hated the way that she was talking, it made Inanna feel like she was hiding things because they were bad things that she had done in her past but it only made her imagine them as the worst possible things, like her mother had commited war crimes and atrocities for the thrill of it. Like she didn't want her daughter to know that she was a monster in her past and it only made her more angry that Ninsianna danced around it.

"You're my mother. I don't care. I don't want some illusion of you, look at yourself! You look nothing like you used to, how I've know you my whole life. Your hair's longer, you look younger and your boobs are bigger! Damn it!"

Inanna didn't know how to feel, she looked like a reflection. Peering into the future and what she might look like one day. She just took the opportunity to vent every bit of frustration, doubling down on her arguing and maybe it was a bit more than just this. Maybe it was just every little bit of frustration that made her want to run away in the first place that was boiling over and pouring out of her.

"I'm allowed to make up my goddamn own mind about things, I'm allowed to see the world how I goddamn please and that's not your decision to control and I'm free to make up my own damn freaking mind about what I think about you. I can overcome anything because I'm not weak or a scared little girl and I want to know everything and if you don't tell me I'll run away and you won't find me ever again. Got it!"

Besides the fact that her voice was breaking and felt throat felt tight from her outburst, Inanna did squeeze tighter through the whole thing. She wanted to say more but she didn't want to, well couldn't really. She wasn't anticipating how emotional she'd get and she felt herself finding it difficult to make anymore out since she had started to hyperventilate towards the end.

"I understand."

Ninsianna did understand, perhaps better than she ever had prior. How could she not, given the circumstances? She had grown, had matured, and it only made it that much more clear how decidedly that very same truth applied to Inanna. She was still a child yet, but not to the degree Ninsianna had always clung.

"If you wish to know everything, then I will share everything with you. My travels, my life, all of it. For there is nothing and no one in all of heaven and earth that I hold more dear than you, Inanna."

She moved one hand upward as she rubbed her daughter's ears, knowing perfectly well how it soothed the young girl when she grew too upset. It was something she was exceptionally unhappy to consider, that she had put her own daughter into this sort of state. But she would also do whatever was necessary to correct it.