Thumping Heart, Wrong Person [Gamukira, Kazuya]

It was nothing but nervousness, it was so unlike her to feel this way if one looked just a couple of months ago. She never was nervous or even worried, maybe even scared. The absence of fear in her life made it only more terrifying when she did happen to feel it. Gamu was scared for reasons she could only breakdown; was she scared to face her, what she might feel, the response? This trepidation was uncertain and for the captain of research and division she hated uncertainty. Things existed to be understood and rationalised to the point of being trivial considerations for later.

Factors to be manipulated and nothing about what she wanted to do had such a framework. It was illogical and foolish. She felt like an idiot, maybe she should just turn back instead of facing her again. Run away and try to cope instead of falling apart. If she did though how could she know? Was it wrong to have that longing need or the hope that she might say yes? Forsake everything and be with her, just them together and happy where the sufferring that the world brewed could fade into background noise.

It took everything in her not to crush the letter that was tightly in her hand, the fluffy coat like haori obscuring the captain's hands while she strolled towards where the woman of her heart lived, far away from everything and what felt like even further away from her.

What is the formula for this equation? Research upon research revealed many possible solutions, but these solutions had no equation that one could copy and simply solve. There is nothing for one to add nor subtract. He has watched men purchase flowers, acquire special rooms at hotels, reserve tables at diners, and act out plays for their beloved. However, the results always varied. It is impossible to factor in how one would be stimulated emotionally by an inconsistent display of affection. Such, the man known as Kazuya sat, stumped by the problem before him.

The problem? How to show his gratitude towards Miss Kyoraku for all she’s done. Though, considering all she’s done is bring him food on a daily basis, anything romantic feels too committal. Maybe he should simply give her praise as he always does, but that would also be so simple and hold no value to how special this day wants for one to treat it. Maybe he will come up with something as he nears her home. One problem: he is already close to her home. He is simply sitting in the field before the estate’s porch. None have come to bother him, for prior visits have labeled him as a frequent guest with odd behaviors. He also requested that Miss Kyoraku be left ignorant of his presence, until he figures out what to do.

For a big man, with a big head, he has the affinity for emotional stipulation like a child with acute autism. What does he even think of Miss Kyoraku anyway? Great. Now he has more things to ponder. Hopefully he comes up with something before the day grows too late.

"Hey you, manservant."

Gamu said, trying to keep the captain composure that she maintained. A little bit of trepidation in doing so while she stood over the hulking goliath who was smaller than her while seated but she could tell that he'd still stand over her lanky frame if he rose.

A little bit of silence while she debated and held out the letter for him.

"Give this to Abby.. I mean Lady Kyoraku. Yeah, do that."

Hmm... Manservant? That is simply incorrect. He is no manservant, never have been, never planning to. With a curious gleamin his eye, Kazuya's head turned towards the one who had addressed him in such a fashion. There are few that sit in the fields of this estate, and none are close enough to warrant such words so close to his ears. The fact that he could tell the official position of this pinked haired woman silenced his tongue from correcting her immediately. She spoke in a strange manners seemingly a bit unsure of herself at a glance. He is no fool and has an eye for noticing small defects in an object or person. That slip of her tongue when referring to Miss Kyoraku is enough to make his one brow rise.

"A letter? During this particular day. Are you perhaps a suitor looking to win Miss Kyoraku's heart?"

For some odd reason, he felt a tension in his chest, something he could only describe by relating it to the pressure a steel beam feels when bent. He has only felt such a sensation once before and knows a bit too well what it entails. He does not like this experience, not then and not now. However, he made no show of it and simply continued his current thought process which including understanding this woman's goal. Is she a friend? Acquaintance? A partner he was ignorant of?

A suitor? No, Gamu did hesitate though. What were they? Had Abalia not said that if she were to be into another woman it would be her? Said that she'd always be there for her after changing her and leaving her this scared lost woman in what was once a very simple world. Why did she have to try and win Abalia's heart? Why couldn't it just be a given for them?

The amount of time it took for her to respond was longer than she'd have liked but Gamu was a creature born of reason and not blind idealism which made her response weaker than it should've been.

"No... I just need to tell her how I feel, how much I need her, how much she hurts me. She doesn't like girls and even if I can change that about myself she probably won't see me as anything else."

Gamu kept her hand outstretched, waiting for this stupid oaf of what she thought was a manservant to take the damn thing and do what she wanted so that she didn't have to stand here looking like an moron.

Ah. So it is an admission of one's feelings. Though, it sounds somewhat one-sided. The detail that Abalia is not a lesbian nor bisexual does add to the complexity of this situation. However, Kazuya is no fool to simply believe that the heart is incapable of feeling love in anyone and anything. Being a heterosexual does not mean a bizarre individual is unable to win your heart. It simply requires time and dedication. This woman, this captain, must know Abalia a great deal for her to share such powerful words. It is strange she would give a simple manservant such information. Despite his reservation, Kazuya feels he should do something, even if he dislikes it.

"Shouldn't such a thing be said in person? I am no expert on these matters, but I know, among my people, feelings were dealt with directly and not through methods that allow for one to hide. I find Valentines an interesting day where people try many methods to get their points across. Even among those that fail, the direct approach proved far more emotional than any other method."

Telling her to go directly to Miss Kyoraku and make her feelings known probably isn't something this woman wants to hear. However, isn't that simply unavoidable. Even through a letter, eventually, the two women will have to hash out this situation among themselves. Is it wise to let these thoughts simmer until then? Kazuya is not an expert, but he always tells himself to do the now before it becomes the then. That way you won't have to worry about your future.

"But, if you insist, I shall deliver your letter."

Forgetting for a moment that he's being treated as a meager worker, Kazuya reached for the letter, wondering all the while about it content.

A retort was not what she was expecting, it called into question in her mind if he was actually a manservant of a noble family as she had originally thought. Would a real manservant actually try and engage in talk with a captain of the Gotei? Gamu didn't linger on it since she avoided dealing with the nobles and the points he made overtook that train of thought.

When he reached out for the letter she pulled her hand back and looked at him defensively. Both due to her suspicions that he might not be who she originally thought and also he made valid points. Well, did he? Emotional intelligence or even the capacity for it was something only recently acquired as her predatory instincts had become forced into submission.

Now she just didn't know, she wanted to tell her and admit everything. She didn't care who knew about how she felt either. All she knew was that she wanted her, needed her. Everything else could be thrown away and burnt into ashes for her but if Abalia was there then she felt like she'd be okay the same way she did when Abalia had hugged her after dominating the core of her soul and forcing it into submission. She wanted all that and more.

"I don't know."

That was the most painful thing to admit, that the mind of Gamukira Kurotsuchi and the Captain of the Research and Development Institute didn't know what to do.

"That is wise. Trying to know everything is the pursuit of all men, but knowing everything leads to one's downfall. You do not know if your next day is your last. You do not know if you're feelings will be returned. You do not know if you will even have food on your table in the afternoon. The world is full of mysteries, and, even as we try to solve them with equations and whatnot, some things are only resolved through guts and effort, rather than machine or logic."

As much as his words are for her, Kazuya found himself reasoning with himself. Is his efforts at trying to find the answer to Abalia's heart in vain? That leads into another question. Is he even after her heart? As he helps this woman try to understand the importance of her actions, he too is trying to understand the important of his own. What relationship do they share with Miss Kyoraku? Are they rivals in love? Is he admitting defeat to her already? He cannot sit down and try to understand this situation with a pen and paper. He can only overcome it with what he is used to, and that is by working tirelessly as he knows. For a moment he found his one eye closing, his thoughts suddenly clear. He won't know until he sees her. This woman won't know until she sees her. Then, let them go see her.

"Come. Miss Kyoraku awaits us. I won't have you running away now. If this is important, then as a servant, it is my duty to deliver the news, whether it be by mail or by person."

He became rather bold, rising, towering over the other woman, and reaching for her, a large hand on her shoulder as he went to direct her towards the estate. He won't have her second guessing everything now. They have to reach their conclusions, answer the questions burning deep inside of them. That is but the least he can do for her.

"Uhm, okay."

She sheepishly said, completely at a loss of why this guy was helping her. What were his motivations? The underlying meaning for giving her aid as he was now. Gamu was a cynic and as she had become more emotional and viewed the world through different lenses than those of a common animal; she came to realise that she hated it a lot more than she used to. She hated its inhabitants and even it and sometimes it felt like there was only one woman that could help her not hate it.

He stood up and confirmed her suspicions that he was a collossus of an individual but size wasn't everything when it came to the gap in power between the two of them, power didn't matter here though. Abalia didn't want to see her crush a person's skull with no effort. Gamu wanted to show her how different that she was and everything else that she could become with her.