Re: Longing for home [PRIVATE-WAN]

Thu Feb 07, 2019 10:44 am

Artist: N/A - Song: N/A - Word Count: N/A

For some reason, while in the arms of Ulv, something inside of her heart began to feel.. warm again. Verniy didn't know why or how Ulv did it but both her thoughts and heart started to calm itself down as if she didn't feel so overwhelmed in despair anymore. Her grip against her hand eventually loosened, a sign that her bottled up feelings were somewhat relieved.

She felt calmer than before, no longer having to confront these foreign feelings that she didn't know how to cope with. When Ulv came out with those questions to her, she hesitated for a bit because she didn't know how to provide an answer but still, she wanted to try her best to convey it.

"I left.. this place for a long time.."

She stopped for a bit and took a deep breath in before she continued.

"If.. I didn't leave Mirja out of my own selfishness, maybe she wouldn't.. have died."

Somehow, Verniy felt comfortable enough with Ulv that she could at least trust her and be honest with her feelings. At least, there is someone to hear her out -- even if she couldn't cry, even if she couldn't express her pain.

"I felt if I couldn't protect.. one friend.. then what good am I?"

Thu Feb 07, 2019 11:10 am

Longing for home [PRIVATE-WAN] - Page 2 6EdIfMt

THE FLAME OF HOPE

Artist: Hammerfall - Song: Heart's On Fire

Where did the foolish idea come from that everyone would be able to protect Mirja so perfectly if they were there when it happened. Ulv shook her head and just looked down at Verniy as she spoke. Her heart was less on edge, less aggrieved now, but it would do little if she didn't help her at the source.
"You were gone because you felt you needed to be gone. If you didnt, you never would have left. So don't question the past because that is just the road to madness. You can't change the past. You can only change the present.

And besides, Mirja died because it was the only thing that could have saved her friend. You being there wouldn't have changed anything because her friend was basically dead and only saved by the power Mirja sacrificed her life to use. You could have saved her life but lost her friendship in the process, so don't bare the burden that you could have done something. If you really do keep on this frame of mind, then I am going to have to kiss you" the last bit was said with such a matter of fact tone that it totally belied the implied action.

Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:16 pm

Artist: N/A - Song: N/A - Word Count: N/A

Verniy couldn't help but to agree on Ulv's part. No matter what she thought, changing the past was practically impossible. Everything that ran in her head was just countless numbers of "what ifs" and "maybe", possible scenarios that could've happened if she were to do x and y. Still, what's done is done and she couldn't change that even if she beat herself over it.

"I'm sorry.. I just didn't know.. how to handle losing a friend.."

It is true since Mirja's her first and only friend that she looked forward in meeting again when she returned. Experiencing the loss of a friend for the first time wasn't something she had expected to experience, so she broke easily just from hearing the news.

And when Verniy had finally calmed down, she immediately broke out of Ulv's embrace and retreated away from her to the furthest wall in an instant the moment she mentioned about kissing.

".......!!!!!!"

The mood of the atmosphere shifted rather quickly. Verniy initially thought of her as a comforting but a serious person compared to her impression of Mirja, but it seems that her perception was somewhat wrong since Ulv didn't seem to hesitate to say that after what happened just seconds ago.

"Are you.. some kind of a kissing demon?"

After the surprise that she got from Mirja back then, her guard was up considerably at the mention of a kiss from Ulv, mostly because she thinks of it as something sacred and it shouldn't be done out of a whim.

Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:50 pm

THE FLAME OF HOPE

Artist: Hammerfall - Song: Heart's On Fire

Surprised again at how vehement Verniy backed up when the kiss was threatened, she cocked an eyebrow and wondered if she was one of them that really held the whole being touched on the lipswith extreme seriousness. And Ulv's Empathic Heart confirmed this a few seconds later. Nodding softly to herself, she took a step back from Verniy and let her huddle up against the wall if that would protect her from the kissing demon.
"I always thought of myself as some kind of kissing Goddess, actually. But if you want to call me a kissing demon, that is also fine. Call me whatever you want, we shall not kiss you now you have voiced your disapproval so radically"

Returning to her seat, she slid the chair around to face Verniy, and then steeped her fingers and stared. There was one question that had to be asked before they went to do anything else.
"So. Where did you go on your little wander around? I am curious to learn what the cute little Verniy has learned on her absence from the rest of us. Clearly, it isn't anything to do with taking flirting and teasing any better, which is why I am curious"

Fri Feb 08, 2019 7:47 am

Artist: N/A - Song: N/A - Word Count: N/A

Verniy was able to relax for a bit when she realized Ulv wasn't the type to force her kiss to her since it looked like she enjoyed the way Verniy reacted to these things that she deemed to be serious in her life. When Ulv raised the question about where she went, she felt that her reason of leaving in the first place wasn't that big of a deal but it was something that she wanted to fix for the sake of Mirja.

She took her cap off again and looked at Ulv right in the eye, then Verniy made an attempt to smile at her albeit a weak smile that didn't go along well with her dead eyes.

"This.."

It was something that took her a very long time to do because she had lost the ability to express herself in any shape or form, and the interaction between her and Ulv was after a long time of hard work just so that she can, at the very least, give her friend a smile.

"I wanted.. to show her this."

Her voice got softer as she was reminded that Mirja wasn't around anymore to see this: a more.. sociable Verniy, someone who can finally face a small part of her fear.

She wholly believes that if part of Mirja is still living on in Ulv's soul, then it is fine to show her.

Fri Feb 08, 2019 8:25 am

THE FLAME OF HOPE

Artist: Hammerfall - Song: Heart's On Fire

Looking at Verniy as she spoke and as she interacted wit Ulv, she could feel the emotions through her Empathic Heart. And those emotions painted a strange picture. There was something to Verniy that couldn't be seen behind that face that revealed nothing. Without her powers, Ulv might never have picked up on it, and even with them she didn't have a clear picture of what was going on. Just a vague implication of something. It was nice to see her smiling, but at the same time it wasn't really getting to the heart of the matter.

"There is something else, isn't there? Something beyond just feeling shy that makes you as retiring and antipathic as you are? Do you feel comfortable talking to me about it or is it a secret you would rather not tell anyone about? I can help either way, if you want help. But you must want help, I can not do anything if you simply believe yourself unable to be helped" Ulv made sure to stay away from Verniy so she didn't think it was a ruse or a con to try and drop her guard, but her passionate presence was still filling the room. The desire to help everyone she could, billowed from Ulv in waves. Wholly different from Reiatsu, this was simply tangible desire.

Fri Feb 08, 2019 9:35 am

Artist: N/A - Song: N/A - Word Count: N/A

It was something that Verniy kept silent about. Other than her parents, it was something that she never mentioned even to Radioactive during her time training and serving the Russian Government, so when Ulv had asked if there was anything more than this, she became very hesitant to talk about her condition regarding her inexpressive behavior.

"I..."

It wasn't something she would let it out free so easily, not now. Its a trauma that embedded deep inside of her and was what morphed the shy personality that she had today -- the fear of being shunned by others, fear of being a burden and an unreliable asset for others. She understands Ulv's intentions of wanting to help her but..

"I'm.. sorry. I know you're willing to help me."

It is something she fully intends to keep it locked away in her heart forever until she is ready.

"But it is not something.. that can be fixed so easily."

Verniy genuinely didn't want to say that to Ulv. It truly pained her heart to say those words to her but she believes that it is her own problems to solve. Until then, she'll remain the way she is: an inexpressive machine.

Fri Feb 08, 2019 9:46 am

THE FLAME OF HOPE

Artist: Hammerfall - Song: Heart's On Fire

Leaning back on her chair, Ulv felt the emotional wave come off Verniy and knew there was definately something more to it than just what was shown. Still, just because she knew that didn't mean she knew what exactly, or how she was going to go about fixing it, if it ever was fixed. She heard the words, and let out a soft sigh, shaking her head at Verniy. Her doubt would be smashed on the rocks by Ulv, and there would be left only intent. Only desire. Ulv would now allow such a simple misunderstanding, such a flawed belief, to be the reason why.

"There is nothing impossible for me, Verniy. If it hurts your heart and rends your soul then I will fix it. With abloom, and without issue. This is the power of Devil's Heart. There is nothing that can stand between me and the happiness of another. BUT it is something that you need to give me permission to use. Something I can not force upon you. It can only be given if you desire it. And if this issue is something you prefer to solve yourself, so you can have the pride of solving it yourself, then I shall allow such"

Fri Feb 08, 2019 1:03 pm

Artist: N/A - Song: N/A - Word Count: N/A

Despite Ulv giving her assurance that she can fix her problem, Verniy looked down silently, having lingering doubts that it really wasn't as simple as she thinks. It isn't a disease or a curse, there wasn't a soul even in this world of supernatural powers could identify and to her, it was no more than a lost cause.

She truly trusts Ulv to have harmless intentions and if she spoke out, there would be possible solutions that can temporarily mend the problems but it was a scar that she felt dug too deep into her heart. Part of Verniy wants to tell her about her condition but no matter what, nothing could come out of her mouth. She tried and tried but it wasn't a lock she can force herself to open.

Verniy eventually gave up, matched her gaze with Ulv's and attempted to do the same smile she did before -- weak and something that she struggles to even keep for a short period of time. In the end, all she can do was to apologize.

"Sorry.. There is nothing wrong now. I'm.. alright."

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, as these apologies repeatedly continued in her head, feeling as if words weren't enough. She wanted to tell her that it wasn't because of pride but..

The only thing that could come of her mouth is that she's okay now - a white lie.

Fri Feb 08, 2019 1:17 pm

THE FLAME OF HOPE

Artist: Hammerfall - Song: Heart's On Fire

nothing wrong now. Nothing wrong. Nothing....wrong..... Ulv's eyebrow twitched, and wind whistled in through the door, blown open by the force of the wind. It swirled around the table Ulv was sat at, which then burst into flames so hot and so vicious there was naught but ash left. Such precise destruction was a showcase of Ulv's control over her emotions, but the need for such destruction was a showcase of the emotion's scale. Clenching her fists, she stood up, and turned to Verniy, the pounding fury of her reiatsu adding to the incredible weight of her presence, cracking the ground and raking the walls.

"No" It was a word spoken with soft thunder. Such fury billowed from this woman, to feel her was like feeling the endless abyss, that shrieked in rage for eternity. "I will accept that you wish to live your life how you wish, and that you wish to solve your life how you wish. But I will not have you lying to me when such lies are as obvious as the sun. I can help you, it will be precise, it will be perfect, and it will be permanent. I offer no half-measures, no temporary measures, no stop-gaps. I offer you resolution, and freedom. But I shall not be lied to. This is one thing I shall not tolerate, Verniy"