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Re: Ringo Unabara [Approved 0-3]
Sun Feb 28, 2021 10:41 pm
[mod]
If you have any concerns reach out to me and they can be discussed in more depth.
Pending.
Don't forget to claim your FCs and positions.
Don't forget to claim your FCs and positions.
- Initial Check:
- Application Checklist
- Name [O]
- Appropriate Age [O]
- Gender [O]
- Appearance Present [O]
- Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [O]
- Appearance is Not Claimed [O]
- 10 sentences for personality [X]
- History is of appropriate length/explained enough. [X]
- Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
- Powers are described reasonably enough [X]
- Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
- RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [O]
- RP Sample is 10 sentences [O]
Hazard Rankings- Power: -
- Influence: -
- Resources: -
Comments/Notes: Okay. Many issues. We're going to leave out the more specific parts of the powers and focus entirely on the bigger picture. Ringo's main power explains absolutely nothing, which is incredibly problematic when so many other powers of this zanpakuto and character are derived from it. I have no idea how Photon Sickness affects him physically beyond it's bad, he needs to lie down after fighting or using his powers but no actual descriptions are given of the negative effects that the illness entails. The Photon Generation does nothing to really try and explain what it does either. The powers in general spend more time talking about how impressive they are rather than what they actually do which is a problem in most of the abilities.
Ringo will be heavily nerfed, I could find only two upgrades to justify the kind of power they were approved with on initial grading by Gin and modern PH standards won't let that slide, especially when one of them was a GM Hoho application that was denied shortly after Ringo was approved.
Character-wise. Ringo's laced with issues. I could find no mention in threads or historical backing in their app why they are in the 0 Division, which they won't be able to remain in. Especially after being subjected to the reapproval for modern PH process. His personality is very small, paling in comparison to how much you talk about the various strong and influential people he knows in relationships.
Photon poisoning is something that he's lived with for a lengthy time. Every since he was young he's had this rare reiatsu type. Something that killed those around him who fought him even if they were careful at times. He fought some strong people and showed he had the nature to kill, to some extent he could be called a cold person who's unfeeling.
How is this relevant to his personality? It would be relevant to like "this is how photon poisoning has impacted his personality by making him overly cautious of his health and status", "he has a rare reiatsu type which has lead him to develop a kind of ego" etc. As they are now these details don't do anything to really grow any character in this section.
So, overall I would recommend reworking Ringo and trying to make them better fit into the current PH atmosphere now. His age is showing quite a bit, even without a total rework though. Many of his powers still show age to them and would not be able to be approved e.g. Sword of Rejection which is shutting down a character's release for 50 turns in a thread.
Tier: -
Hazard Rating: - - Name [O]
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