Confessions Of A Lustful Soul (Stella, Sabriel)

There were so many days that she had spent travelling across Japan, drawing in the beautiful, the unhappy, the ambitious and yet today, Sabriel seemed to be doing precisely the opposite. A darker tone to her aura, one that actually seemed to be telling others to go away rather than get close. Such was the mood that the Arrancar was in and as she walked down the street, her attention would for once not be on the bodies of those around her.

In fact, her focus would be completely inwards, her mind recalling the invasion that had recently taken place. She had been there, one of many who had travelled in order to teach the arrogant Gotei a lesson. It had not been on a whim but Sabriel could not help but get involved, having always had a dislike for the Shinigami. Their continual hatred for her kind had always been such a turn off and now no doubt the situation would be even worse or would it, now that they had been torn to shreds.

There was not much reaction at first but after a few moments or so, Sabriel turned her head to look at Stella, the usual brightness missing from her purple eyes. She looked and felt all her 600 years that day and where on any other day, the Arrancar would probably take Stella into her arms and embrace her, today, she simply nodded as her way of saying hello. All that being said, Sabriel was happy to see her friend again, remembering that Stella had not been in the best mental state herself the last time they had met.

“Hello, Stella.” She finally responded, trying to give a smile but not making it. “Just been having a bit of trouble lately that I am struggling to deal with. I am sorry that I am not at my best but it has just been kind of tough for me. For once, I am the one who is lost rather than helping others find their way.” The Arrancar just felt so lethargic and tired, a horrible feeling that she wished would go away but for the time being, it bore on her like a ten ton weight.

Once she found herself being hugged by her friend, Sabriel seemed to just melt into it, her arms wrapping around Stella’s, while her head came to rest on the shoulder of the Quincy. There were no tears from the Arrancar or anything like that but her body language and aura were just coated in darkness. She could not remember the last she had felt this way and Sabriel supposed that the memory must have been so bad that she had erased it from her memory. Oh, how she hated feeling like this, it was driving her mad.

“Mmm. Was not that long ago when it was the opposite way around.” She answered, trying to find some dry humour but failing rather hard. It just was not happening for her today.

Considering how much Stella had been willing to share with her in the past and how close they had become, Sabriel found herself loosening up, enough to add after a few moments. “I think I have made a grave error in judgement, Stella and my willingness to help others may have done me more harm than good.”

“I was happy when I was actually there and taking part but now that it is over and I realise what I have done, I no longer feel that way.” The Arrancar sighed, knowing she was being vague but unable at the moment to go into more depth. She kept thinking back to the attack, the carnage, the death, the chaos and while she had felt pleasure at times, it just seemed pathetic now. Since when was she a reaper of lives? A creature who took joy from bringing an end to those she met? In a way, she had frightened herself by her own bloodlust.

Taking as much comfort as she could from Stella’s embrace, she would add, deciding that she should try and explain what had happened. “I met a man, an ambitious fellow who I could not help but admire. His desires were so great and I could not help but want to see them fulfilled but in doing so…I ended up becoming what I despise so much.”

“I wish it was a bad date but it ended up being something far more serious than that.” The Arrancar replied after some thought. “He asked me for help in one of his endeavours and I rather foolishly agreed to do so now that I look back upon it. I put my whole life and those who follow me in Hueco Mundo at risk, just to help him have his vengeance. I have been kicking myself ever since for making such a stupid decision.”

She could not keep beating around the bush with her friend forever and after sighing deeply, pulling back so that the Arrancar could look Stella in the eyes. “I assume you have heard what happened in the Soul Society, right?” Sabriel did not look in the slightest bit proud and as she thought back on the event now, she felt almost sick. Was one man’s desire truly worth taking so many lives to fulfil? She already knew the answer to that.