A Gentleman's Failure [Tsubine/J]

Enter: J. Saionji

End Post

Tsubine was mildly impressed by how straight J was standing. Or maybe they were just drunkenly wobbling in unison. Tsubine drank some more before responding to J's little tantrum. "My lesson was to tell you that you did nothing wrong, and because you... well, did nothing wrong, you can get your own Kanna! Well, sort-of. You can have what me and Kanna had. ...Sort-of. We didn't exactly have to deal with noble stuff. But you can have a love just like I did, of course. Just like I... did..." Tsubine stared into the half-empty cup. It rippled.

Kanna was his love, but that's just it. Was. She was dead and buried—and he had long since accepted she wasn't coming back. He just couldn't bring himself to try to open that part up again. Not just for him, but for Mayumi too. He was afraid she might not remember much of Kanna already. Adding in a new woman might just make things worse. She might think he's replacing her mother. There'd never be a replacement for Kanna in his life, but perhaps one day he could learn to open up... The problem was going to be getting Mayumi to accept anyone new.

Tsubine thought his depressing thoughts while tipping the cup back and forth. He watched the sake slosh from side to side without spilling. "J, do you think Mayumi will ever accept me back? I keep trying to show her I love her... but I keep feeling like she's fighting back... I'm beginning to think she wants me to stop trying..."

Enter: J. Saionji

End Post

"And you think I'm not? You think I like having someone else there for her? Do you think it doesn't hurt every time I say 'see you later' and not 'good night' as she scurried off to what should be her bedroom?!" Tsubine put his hand to his heart. "It hurts more than you can imagine. It's a reminder each and every time that I failed them both. That I let Kanna die. And... that I let Mayumi see it."

Tsubine quickly finished off his sake and poured another. "I don't know how much she remembers of Kanna, but I damn sure want to make sure the only thing she does isn't her mother's mangled form huddled over her, the blood dripping onto her face... I just can't let that be the only thing she remembers. That's why I tell her stories of her mother. So that even if she doesn't remember anything... she can imagine what her mother was like and not just in her last moments..." Tsubine let some inhibitions go and felt the burn of half the cup drain down his throat. All this talk just made him angry and depressed.

Enter: J. Saionji

End Post

Tsubine brooded after J's words struck true. Well, they struck one of the Tsubines at least. The fact was that J was right. Mayumi had a right to not remember. But what kind of cruel world would want a child to forget a loving parent? He could understand someone forgetting a neglectful or abusive one. But one that loved them? Why would anyone want to forget?! What good could come of forgetting? Why couldn't he...

The sake rippled again. Something clicked within him. It wasn't a missing piece, but a misaligned one. Looking from one direction, all seemed fine—but if viewed from another, it was clear something hadn't been right. "I... don't want her to feel like I did." Tsubine swallowed the tightness he felt.

"I didn't know my own mother; and my father never spoke of her. I can't even remember her name, let alone her face. I don't know if she loved me—hell, I don't know if he did either. A child should know when someone loves them. Mayumi needs to know that her mother loved her just as much as I do. And I just... FuckshitdamnassFUCK." Tsubine tossed the cup across the placid water. It skipped a few times before landing on the opposite bank. "She knows that I love her, and she knows that Kanna loved her. And that's what fucking matters, right?! It's not that I know that she knows, it's that she knows she knows, you know?!" The alcohol in his system was quite flammable when it came to the passions of a father.

Enter: J. Saionji

End Post

Tsubine was glad the cup was gone. Otherwise, he'd've thrown it at J. Clapping at him like he was some servant. "Who do you think you are? This is my house! And that's not where there's more sake." Tsubine thought about it and then crossed his arms. "Besides, you're drunk! No more sake. Don't want to clean up puke or deal with you in the morning with a hangover. Got it?" Both of them were drunk, but Tsubine was sober enough to tell J didn't need more. "Just like drink some water or something. Meanwhile..." Tsubine reached into his kimono and pulled out a metal flask. Just because J couldn't have more didn't mean he couldn't...

Enter: J. Saionji

End Post

Tsubine and J wrestled over the flask. It was, frankly, pathetic. Neither really wanted to hurt the other—even whilst inebriated. They pushed against each other's face, each trying to keep the flask (which had long-since spilled) from the other. It was like watching two immovable objects roll downhill at one another. They'd collide and then roll back up some. Then it'd repeat again and again. Newton's drunken cradle would continue until... slip.

One of the two stepped into the spilled liquor. Their footing failed them and both went tumbling to the ground. Both groaned as they decided that the floor was more comfortable than the alternative. And as they succumbed to the comfort, Tsubine and J fell asleep on the hard wooden floor...

Tsubine woke up first. Both of them had throw pillows under their heads and blankets covering them. The spill had been cleaned up, and the sake bottle was missing. He blearily cursed himself for passing out in the one room without curtains. As he stood, his back popped multiple times. Thoughts of getting old flashed through his mind. He kicked J's leg repeatedly to rouse him awake. "J... Go home and tell your sister you're fine before she sends out a search party. I'm going to get some eggs and nurse this pounding headache..." Tsubine yawned and walked away, letting his friend get ready to leave.