Clearing the Mind [Fuu/Tento]

It'd been quite awhile since she'd gone out and about, truth be told she was pondering if she would've ever gone out again. After some of the recent incidents that'd occured she was wondering if it was wise to do so alone, but something pushed her forward into doing it. So here she was, wandering amongst the mountain tops of California without a true end goal or clear direction, though it wasn't that bad truthfully for her. While it might've seemed aimless, it gave her time to think and clear her mind, space to breathe and be undisturbed by most things that would sidetrack or confuse her and for now this was good enough.

Running into another so far from what most would consider 'civilization' would be an oddity, be they Human or Hollow. But considering how long she'd resided within these mountains, to run into another Shinigami? Now that was truly something she hadn't expected. So when she heard the tell-tale sound of a Shunpo nearby, her first instinct was to whip around and place one hand on the hilt of her Zanpakuto. She was, after all, technically a rogue Shinigami.

Sure some might tolerate them, but whose to say that there wasn't another in charge or an order to say otherwise? However while her sight, both physical and spiritual, failed her in this instance, her ears did not. It took her a moment to recognize it, but when it clicked her hand pulled itself away from the Zanpakuto. "Tento, was it?" She asked curiously, wanting to ensure she remembered the name correctly.

"If you're here, I assume the Gotei managed to resolve the issues in Africa? No offense but I couldn't imagine you of all people going rogue." Her tone wasn't intended to be condescending or mocking though it may've come off that way. Truth be told she was just curious, while she had learned a bit about what had happened within the Gotei on matters more recent she was admittedly still in the dark. This however wasn't too much of a surprise for her, there were many things she wasn't allowed to know due to her status.

Running into another so far from what most would consider 'civilization' would be an oddity, be they Human or Hollow. But considering how long she'd resided within these mountains, to run into another Shinigami? Now that was truly something she hadn't expected. So when she heard the tell-tale sound of a Shunpo nearby, her first instinct was to whip around and place one hand on the hilt of her Zanpakuto. She was, after all, technically a rogue Shinigami.

Sure some might tolerate them, but whose to say that there wasn't another in charge or an order to say otherwise? However while her sight, both physical and spiritual, failed her in this instance, her ears did not. It took her a moment to recognize it, but when it clicked her hand pulled itself away from the Zanpakuto. "Tento, was it?" She asked curiously, wanting to ensure she remembered the name correctly.

She nodded in return when he made sure he remembered her name, though she couldn't help but snort a bit when he referred to the situation in Africa as 'docile'. "Interesting..." She remarked after her snort, 'glancing' out around them as he motioned and stated his purpose for being here. Though his query about 'bored isolation' did peak her ears a bit.

"I'll admit, my intel is quite lacking... however not lacking so much that I didn't notice the enormous number of Reiatsu signatures coming from that area awhile back. With so many, I'd assumed the Gotei were finally mobilising to end the threat, guess I was wrong in that assumption. Either way, 'bored' isolation doesn't quite fit my current situation. When last we spoke, you called me a vengeful spirit..."

She paused for a moment, as if contemplating what to say next "You were right, I was lost... alone... desperate for meaning or purpose. I spent every waking moment doing whatever I had too just to try and feel something. Admittedly I stilll sort of am doing that, barely anything about me has changed. It's... strange... When I was in the Seventh, under Komamura Taicho, He always kept me on the right path. He knew exactly what to say annd when to say it, but since my time away I've forgotten most of that. In my isolation here I've contemplated on that, Humans would call it 'Reikon Sagashi-mono', Soul Searching, ironic isn't it?" She chuckled a bit, though it wasn't because she found something funny, but more because of the irony of the statement.

Fuurinji just shook her head at Tento's remarks that a lot had changed, though let him continue before responding. "You're wrong, Very little has truly changed. While I have come to realize my own folly, I cannot work past it. In spite of my long years of service to the Gotei, isolation of this kind does a very large number on ones own mental state. Let me tell you a story, of my first assignment as a Patrol Captain." She paused, turning now to face away from the mountain they stood upon. "When first I joined the Gotei, like many, I had no true fighting style. I swung my sword and threw my fists wildly, and just like many that served me well enough. I knew how to fight, but didn't know how to utilize that knowledge."

"The first time I was allowed to lead a patrol, due to having my Shikai, I felt elated, it was a priviledge I could've only dreamed of. I had responsibilities beyond just my duties to purify hollows or watch over some random town, I was in charge of four other Shinigami. The patrol wasn't simply an ordinary patrol, it was their first patrol... My job wasn't just lead the patrol, it was to protect them... To safeguard them and ensure nothing happened that would threaten them. I felt confident that I could do that, I knew I was a capable warrior because I was at peace with myself, that is to say, there was no division within myself. As mentioned previously, Komamura Taicho helped ensure that, whenever I felt anger or thoughts of revenge for what the Quincy had done, he was there to act as a cliff against the tides of those emotions... He sheltered me from them. Had that patrol been like any other, a normal hollow might've appeared at some point, the area showed no signs of recent or even semi-powerful hollow activity, it was supposed to just be a basic patrol.. But half way through, a Menos Grande appeared and I knew the ones I had with me didn't stand a chance... But before we could escape or call for backup, two of the four had already been killed by a Cero. Backup wouldn't arrive quick ennough, I knew that much for certain. So using all that confidence and maybe a bit of false hope, I told the others to hide and that I'd hold it off until backup arrived."

While her speech itself remained steady, any experienced fighter would likely notice the trembling her body was doing no matter how slight. "I did my best, I fought against that hollow and after a single Cero clipped me I knew my chances of survival were slim. I did manage to hold it off until backup arrived, but the two Shinigami I had told to hide were killed in the ensuing battle as well. I kept the town from being too heavily damaged sure, but I failed to keep them in mind and they were caught by stray attacks. I knew after that I needed to have some kind of proper fighting style, something that could be honed to ensure the safety of not just the cities we guard, but those that're entrusted to us. It was in this search that I discovered the foundations of Tai Chi, The Yin and The Yang, The Good and The Evil, one cannot exist without the other. It was through the study of this that I found myself become a more capable fighter, and with Komamura as my support I became something more than just a Shinigami and found myself capable of defeating hollows that would normally be impossible for myself, such as Menos Grande."

She cleared her throat and tightened her hands into fists "When I decided not to rejoin the Gotei after it was reformed, this guiding principal of the Yin and Yang helped keep me focused, but as mentioned before isolation does a lot to ones mental state. In my attempt to keep myself focused I lost sight of my purpose, and truth be told I still haven't found it. Most everything I'd learned from Komamura has since been lost to time as well, vaguely can I recall his wisdom now and even the bits I can are fragmented at best. One might think I'd attempt to rid myself of isolation, since that is what caused this in the first place, and to be frank I have to some limited extent but... it's difficult to cope. That's why very little has changed, I am still lost and without purpose, and in spite of realizing this I cannot find that purpose."

She extended the courtesy of allowing Tento to speak without interruption before she herself would respond. Many words were spoken from Tento in this regard, and though they did not fall upon deaf ears they did fall upon a somewhat dispeleased individual. "Even if Komamura Taicho would be proud of and encourage it, the lack of means to do such renders such things moot. This purpose you speak of, that of our duty within the Soul Cycle, is not one that's lost on me. Ever have I strived to fulfil my duty as a Shinigami even now, but my place within such a cycle too is not lost upon me."

She shook her head slightly, looking out past the mountain range "Hollows are getting ever stronger Tento, I'm confident you know this already yet it bears repeating. Additionally, finding peace and harmony is easier said than done for me. My Zanpakuto is uniquely different than most, its true power cannot manifest without true harmony from its wielder, harmony that its wielder has long since forgotten how to achieve, and lest you forget, trying to find my own self made purpose is what led me to my current situation." She gave a soft sigh before continuing.

"But your words are not lost upon me, I understand fully what you're trying to say. However I fear that such measures are not currently possible until I mend the fractures within my own self... Fractures that are not easily mended by simply hoping or blind attempts at trying to mend them. With Hollows becoming ever stronger and your strength stagnating for decades at a time, I'm sure you can understand how it might be difficult to percieve a way forward... For myself, it's even more difficult than that. I suppose however, that one thing your Gotei has done better is their attempt to not destroy the already fragile trust that Shinigami's and Rogue's have. If I'd gone rogue with the 13, I'd likely either not be alive or be in some prison cell for the rest of my life."