For What Reason You Stand (Liltotto/Elyss)

Everything's background noise. Her body's not even her own. This is what they call introspection, yeah?

Someone pressed the rewind button. Elyss' eyes are only capable of seeing what led up to now, dusty clips of her past made real. She can see everything, every decision, action, and thought she's made. It started at home, continued in Soul Society, and went back to Earth. She kept bouncing between the two, making friends and having fun. She let herself get too ahead of herself and fell into a tormented mental state that she had to fight out of. She's lost and gained people. She became a Captain.

However, something's still wrong.

Liltotto can spew vile words about what Elyss could and should be able to do. She can yell about some massacre that happened 1000 years before Elyss' time. She can even threaten the redhead's life. Elyss, for all the care she's had for this world, found herself, for the first time in her life, simply not caring.

Why? Why does she have to care about giving her all? Why does she have to care about something she knows nothing about? Why does she have to suffer because of someone else's mistake or calamity? Why? Why? Why...

But, the answers simple. She wants to. The reality is cruel. She doesn't have the power to. All she can do is throw a punch, be it one of a million. Tenmarin was right. Without a weapon, you can't do anything. Elyss has been so afraid of hurting people that she's dulled the very thing she needs to save them. What's the point of being so tough when her enemies can just curve the bullet around her? She doesn't want to admit it, but Liltotto's so cool. She can do so much, but she still has room to complain about how weak she is. Elyss only has one move, yet she has to be come impossible to touch ultimate warrior...

Life is unfair.

"I..." She muttered, turning her eyes gently to Liltotto, plainly unaffected by any roughhousing as blood started trinkling down her chin from her lips. "I just want to go home."

A sudden realization that she still has unsettled issues. That she's still afraid to lose anything else. That she's afraid of being too weak to do anything. She wants to be cool too. Damnit. She wants to see her mom, and her dad, and her sister. She wants to know they're alright. She wants to know everyone's alright, and she wants to be the one protecting them.

She can't though! She can't do a damn thing!

Her hand shot out, taking Liltotto's wrist, pressing down hard as she gritted her teeth and stared straight at the blonde Quincy. Fury rose in her gaze. For a second, it looked like she'd snap, but she didn't. Elyss gave Liltotto a look, a look that questioned what they're even doing right now.

"I'm sorry, Liltotto, but I'm not that strong. I wish I was, but I don't even have a Zanpakuto. I'm sorry I can't be what you want. I'm no killer, nor do I know what to say about your past. I just... I'm just trying my best so that there's a tomorrow. As much as I try to encourage others..., I guess I'm just really trying to keep myself afloat..."

..She wants to go home? What was she, a sleepy child dragged into an after-school shopping trip? The bubbling ferocity in her soul didn't give way to more sympathetic thoughts, her typically neutral features still fouled yet would color with a confusion as her lips parted to express such a thought, "What the hell are y-"

One of her hands was grabbed and squeezed, between the woman's strength and her body's durable nature, the pressure of the hold could still be felt. Her confusion only grew with witnessing what looked to be Elyss teetering over the edge and about to completely lose it. The amber eyes staring back at her held no fear or disgust, it was simply waiting - waiting to see if she was willing to strike at her, to flare back into the fight.

But she didn't. She just spoke. Even her own spark of hostility faded out as she heard her out, dulling into an unreadable look once more. Thoughts went around her head, of what to do here, of what to say here...

A breath in, a breath out, her hands released the woman's clothing... Before her free hand gave her a gentle slap on the cheek, "Cut it out."

Her gaze finally broke, head tipped slightly downward, "You are strong, Elyss. Just being who you are and wanting what you want tells me that. You... You don't need a Zanpakuto, or a dumb fancy title to be you. I... Don't know what to say about what i've been through, either. Nobody can; i'd never expect anyone to get it - that's my shit to be burdened with. I'm sorry for being a colossal bitch about it."

With a low sigh, that statement the redhead pleaded clicked to her, "..I'm absolutely certain there's people out there who love and care about you, even if there's a world of separation between you. Don't be so quick to give up; you need you, they need you, they'd miss you if something happened, i'm sure - there has to be at least one person. So... At least keep fighting for 'em, okay?"

...

Elyss sighed, shaking her head lightly. She really had another episode. It's been a long time since she's felt vulnerable, but there's been too many reminders of her own weakness to keep ignoring them. She has to get her act together, one way or another. It's funny that she has an actual idea of what to do. She just hates having to do it, but it's been a long time running. Her feet are tired.

"I'm sorry, Liltotto. I don't know what you've been through, and I can't say I can ever help you with it. I can't change the past..."

She looked down, wondering how to help a person who's issues are beyond physical. There's just nothing to be done, huh... All they have left is to keep going forward and hope the next day is better.

"But, you're right. This isn't the time to give up. I can't help with anything in your head, but I can help protect what's outside it. I can protect you and everyone else. I just... I just need to... go home."

Home. Not Soul Society. Not Minatumi. Home.

A slight face was on the woman's features, a small expression of misery to Elyss' low laid bare to her, head slightly tilted to the side, "I'm not expecting you to, I don't think any reasonable person is gonna expect something like that of you. Besides, i'm sure someone having that ability might just mess things up worse..."

Her head lowered, as if in thought for a moment as she'd murmur, "..Maybe some stuff is just bound to happen regardless of how you feel bout it... And y'gotta just.. Deal."

With the Shinigami's decision to protect, even her specifically.. She couldn't help but pull a bit of a fond expression. Elyss had strange ways of conveying how she felt, but there was feeling she was coming to some understanding of her in the small amount of time they've known one another.

"Well, you're not running home with a hole in your chest. Let's get you patched up and get some food - my treat, mmkay?"