What Did You See? [Kaito, Hiroe]

The clock ticked down agonizingly slow. He could see Hiroe on the other side of the room, and his eyes never left her. He was worried. He knew something had happened in the time that they were apart since their little date, but he didn't know what. All he knew were the aftereffects.

She hardly stuck around after classes were over, she was skipping classes on occasion, and every time he saw her, she always looked...distant. She always seemed to be looking at something far off in the distance, something that he couldn't see. But, more than anything, she looked afraid. He wanted to find out what happened, to be there for her as her friend, and try to help as best he could.

Even if there wasn't much that he could do, he still had to try.

So, as the bell finally dinged, Kaito hurriedly gathered his things and tried to get to the door without pushing through too many people. He bumped into some people and didn't make the cleanest escape, but he didn't care. He kept his eyes on Hiroe as he rushed out of the lecture hall, catching up to her and putting a hand on her shoulder, gently, a look of concern on his face as slipped around to face her.

"Hiroe? What's going on? Talk to me, please."

Hiroe turned in response to that firm hand against her shoulder, gazing at Kaito as he shifted in front of her , those golden eyes seemingly void of all the fire and vigor that defined her in the past. As much as she would have liked to avoid him, she knew that they shared too much history together here to elude him forever. To no surprise, he asked the question she inevitably expected he would pose after discerning her poor habits. She treated the academy as though it were an obligation, a listless act that held no glimmer of interest at the moment. The fledgling Shinigami chose to play off the question, forming a bubbly smile, displaying a faux bubbliness as she casually placed a hand atop his own.

"I'm fine, Kaito. Someone's being overdramatic today~"

That was a lie. She knew she was anything but fine. Yet, she held no interest in revealing her own cowardice, either.

He may have been a naive, honest boy from the outer districts of the Rukon, someone who didn't truly know how the world beyond his home worked, but he wasn't stupid. He could see the strain at the edges of her lips as she forced as bubbly smile, setting her hand on his and tried to reassure him that she was fine, that he was just being overdramatic.

He knew her better than that. His worried expression changed little, his eyelids only lowering in sadness as his hand turned to hold hers. He squeezed her hand tightly as the sorrowful expression quickly switched back to what it had been before. He knew she was lying. He wasn't stupid, he knew what she was like, and this wasn't it. Or...at least he thought he knew her.

Kaito remained silent as he pulled her aside, away from the students leaving the lecture hall, down the hallway as the bicker and talk eased into a steady, silence. But, with how concerned he was, the quiet stillness carried its own weight. His hand slowly loosened its tight grip on hers, and Kaito let out a quiet, shaky sigh.

"Don't lie to me. I've seen how you've been acting. Please, Hiroe...I'm worried about you. You haven't been participating in classes like you usually are, you're skipping classes, and...I don't...I don't want to lose my friend to whatever's been bothering her. Talk to me. Please. What happened? What's going on?"

HIroe attempted to pull her hand away as Kaito motioned her away from the public, displaying an discernible grimace at his attempt to get to the bottom of the matter that troubled him. Could she truly blame him, though? Several weeks ago they had enjoyed a pleasant outing at a river, and now she was slowly descending towards what could only be described most effectively as a "shell of her former self." Indeed, to those who knew her most intimately, this was not the Hiroe everyone welcomed with open arms.

Even her peers were worried, but they kept their distance, offering their support through respecting her personal space. Eventually, she surmised, the select few who were far more stubborn would appear, force something out of her by any means necessary. Kaito, without question, undoubtedly landed in the stubborn category. What could she offer him, though? It hurt to relive the event. It haunted her even now. To know that life could vanish in an instant, in a moment where she hadn't even invited it to her doorstep. It infuriated her. It humiliated her. Above all, it was slowly but surely, beginning to crush the dream she staked her life into achieving. No, she didn't want to talk about it. To even reflect on it had become a significant source of stress, discomforting as it was soul-rending. Chuckling sheepishly, Hiroe scratched the side of her head, as if to play out the role of an oblivious woman at a loss of words.

"Ahhh, yeah. Life's gotten really busy. My parents are throwing a lot of work on my shoulders, and I've always held more interesting in inheriting their business, so I've been skipping out to work on earning some extra profit, prove that I'm worthy of inheriting the family business, ya know? I... don't think this Gotei thing is cut out for me."

It was frustrating to deal with someone who was so brazenly and willingly lying to his face, even more so when it was his friend. Even if he didn't know what happened, it still hurt that she was so adamant about lying to him. His expression shifted, clear frustration showing as he held his fist by his side. At first, he was silent after she spoke, but, eventually, he spoke up.

"That's not true. You never had more interest in your family's business than with the Gotei. Joining a squad, working your way up the ranks, you couldn't stop talking about it. You were so excited to get your Zanpakuto, to learn it's name, to be a Shinigami."

This wasn't her. This wasn't the girl who welcomed him with open arms, the person who motivated him to do his best, to work hard, to hold him to the same standard she wanted him to hold her at. Something was wrong, and she was lying to him about it. It hurt, but more than that, it was infuriating. He wasn't someone who dealt with liars very often in his life, only seeing that in the people that he had sworn to rise against in his home.

And with that, the idea of lying to someone close to him lit a fire in his heart, enraging him. His voice became firm -- still fueled by concerned, but far from the same quiet, gentle tone that he had before.

"Talk to me, Hiroe. I'm your friend, I'm not going to laugh at you or humiliate you, no matter what it is."

A downcast frown had set in across Hiroe's lips, avoiding his gaze as he reminded her of the true dream she set the fulcrum of her focus towards, reminding her of the bright woman who yearned for something far beyond her station. In truth, that woman felt distant now. Those dreams felt laughably foolish. It was as if her soul had been rubbed of all it's ambition. What occupied it's place now was a crippling sense of shame. Even worse, Hiroe truly wanted to tell Kaito the truth, but what would that achieve? She abhorred the thought. Revealing her innermost fears would force her to reflect on the fear of death she felt in that crucial moment.

"I...."

Hiroe softly turned away. No. He didn't need to know. This shame was hers alone to bear. She had already dishonored him by lying during this conversation - twice. This was her cross to bear, even if it meant that she'd carry it with her until the end of her days. After all, every dreamer has to eventually realize the cruel nature of reality one day. Hers came sooner than she intended, but that was fine. It certainly hurt, but she was fine. Everything was okay.

Everything was(not)okay.

"Well, I've stopped talking about it now, right? I was just rambling on about that stuff. It was probably never going to happen anyway. Many of the students here are way more qualified than I am. I learned my place. That's all there is to it. I am, and always was, a silly seamstress way in over her head."

Why?

Why did she keep lying to his face? It hurt. Was he not trustworthy enough? Was he just not good enough of a friend? What more could he do? It was infuriating. Kaito's hands balled into fists at his side, one grasping at his Asauchi with a death grip. Were he any stronger, and the sword a regular one, the sheath would probably have cracked. His head lowered as she spoke again, lying as easily as she breathed.

"Stop."

Quiet, yet firm, his lips pursed and his teeth clenched shut. His knuckles began to turn white from how hard he gripped the sword.He was tired of it. Sick and tired of the goddamn lying. What good was he as a friend if he couldn't help her? Even worse, what good was he as a friend if she couldn't trust him? He had enough of it. Without warning, Kaito slammed his fist into the wall, and out of pure reaction, he raised his voice, shouting.

"STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME!"

He lifted his head, bringing his arm from the wall to rub his eyes as he looked at her, his eyes wet.

"Why do you keep lying to me? I'm trying to be here, to be someone you can turn to. I want to help you, I want to be a good friend to you, and, I just...am I not good enough? Am I not doing enough?"

A fresh stream of tears started to drip down his cheeks, quickly wiped away as he lowered his voice again.

"We swore to hold each other accountable, to reach the top together, for me to believe in you, and for you to believe in me. Did that not mean anything? Please, Hiroe, I just want to help. I know I can't do much, but...I can at least listen."

Like a bolt of lightning thundering through the sky that imposes fear in those easily alarmed by it's sound, Hiroe gazed up at the man with a painful look in her eyes. What was he talking about? This truly had nothing to do with him. He was a great friend. A pillar of support that kept her grounded. Someone who genuinely appreciated everything she did here outside of Ajora. So, why? Why was he speaking like that? Please. Stop it. She knew it was wrong to lie, especially when they truly cared about her wellbeing like he did. No, this wasn't her intention.

Far from it, and yet... she gazed up at those eyes filled with tears as the man expressed his fear of feeling inadequate. It angered her that she couldn't be honest, that she wasn't willing to reveal her innermost shame to the man who had supported her from the day they met, admired her for the gift that never left his shoulders. It was as if her worst nightmares were becoming a reality - that is, her lies backfiring in the worst-case scenario.

No. Shut up. What are you saying right now, Kaito? Of course, I believe in you. I never stopped believing in you. It's me I don't believe in. I just don't believe in me anymore. Please understand that.

A tear raced down her cheek as she cast her gaze towards the ground, fighting the urge to collapse and cry. What was her purpose anymore? Why couldn't this just be simple? She had failed. Why couldn't they just let her bow out? She wasn't cut out for it. Not now, and certainly never again. Rindou was wrong. Kaito was wrong. Ajora was wrong. All of them.

Hiroe Miyashiro was a fraud.


"It meant everything." She admitted in a quiet tone as another tear dribbled down her cheek. Hiroe walked past him. It hurt. To deny him of the truth that he desire. It made her sick to her stomach. She felt so disgusted by herself that the prospect of spending another moment in his presence was something she didn't deserve in the slightest

"If you want the truth, Kaito... I genuinely believe in you. I just don't believe in myself anymore. I'm a fraud. I'm not cut out to be in the Gotei. That's it. There is nothing else to it. I..."

"I'm sorry..."

And like that, she started to walk away with hurried footsteps in her stride. She didn't want to be here anymore.

He didn't bother trying to follow her. His expression shifted from frustration to just...crestfallen. No matter what he did, no matter what he said, he wasn't going to get anything out of her. She was just going to keep lying to him, and he wasn't going to be able to help her. He turned around to watch her walk away, her self-rebuke stinging in his ears.

She couldn't be more wrong. It hurt to see her like this. He felt like a failure of a friend. Even if it had nothing to do with him, being there was the least he could do.

What was she so afraid of that she couldn't tell him? Part of him didn't want to know. But, his care and admiration of the Hiroe he knew, the strength, will, and confidence she exuded, overshadowed his own fear. Even if she had lost faith in everything she had sworn to, he would never stop being there, to listen, to believe in her. But, for now, he just walked back to his dorm, quietly closing the door behind him, and laying down in bed.