I'm Better Now [Liltotto/Solo]

The thump of books and boxes sounded, Liltotto sorting through her older things, knowing for certain what she was looking for was in her possession. There were many things she had lost over the centuries, but this was one of a few articles she would never forgive herself for losing, and thus she always ensured it was in a safe spot… Ah.

An old, tiny, wooden box laid at the deepest part of her bottom shelf; even when she was living in the car she made sure to put it somewhere that couldn’t be easily bothered or ventured through. Pulling into her lap, she almost hesitated to open the lid - she hadn’t done so in a good, long time.

She looked at her surroundings, and sighed - This didn’t feel like a good place for this, but at the same time it meant leaving the house in the middle of the night.

The distant cry of gulls and the mellow crashing of waves accompanied her, bag with snacks at her side, as she planted the box in front of her. Her golden eyes rested hard on it for a moment, gently reaching for it and undoing the latch, tipping it open with her fingers.

“..Hey guys,” She’d breathe out, looking at the small yet neatly arranged shapes inside, a soft glint of silver in the moonlight answering her back. Several quincy crosses rested neatly side by side, apart from the one purposefully stuck to the top. Her expression was unreadable; she was looking upon the crosses of those given to her by her squad, one by one.

“..It’s been a while, I guess. Wonder where you all ended up. Wonder if you’re happier.” The loud, pessimistic voice in her said otherwise, but she still kept that hope, “Sorry that I was so useless. I didn’t even try. Just thought all that shit would blow over and we’d be back to normal.”

Though she vehemently despised those who vouched for the war, the troublesome vision of that Reich, the shitstain who ran the whole thing… She couldn’t be mad at the people she grew up with. They didn’t know any better - they couldn’t have; they were born into this conflict, they didn’t start anything. And with how young they died, they never would’ve gotten the chance, merely bodies for His Mediocrity and his shitastic goals.

Lil never bought into it, she knew why she was even tolerated; they wanted a weapon, and she could only guess after recent revelations that a piece of the soul king was perfect for that. Hardly trained at that point in her life, it was pointless to her - she didn’t feel like she had something to fight for.

“..Sorry.” Fingers gently picked the cross stuck to the ceiling of the chest off, holding it in her palm, “Specially to you. You just wanted to see the best in me, even if I was some mute freak.”

Memories turned to that girl, she could barely remember her name or face at this point - it was kind of scary to think about. Liltotto still remembered her by her actions; girl tried to help her in bow training when she was fucking around, pretending she couldn’t make a weapon. One of the only people who came by and acted remotely friendly to her and Giselle, sometimes brought her treats… And that girl took that hit for her on the warpath, even when she could’ve taken it just fine… Not like she would’ve known that. She had too much confidence in her blut and there wasn’t enough time to think.

“..Would’ve screamed at you back then if I could have.. You suicidal idiot…” She’d sniff softly, “Well, i’m done being a pussy. I’m gonna do better for what I got now.”

Her hand grasped tightly to the cross lying on her palm, gently unbinding the chain as she’d lift the necklace, “..I’m gonna make good on that promise. Sorry I took so long. Being a detached shithead does that to ya.”