Forest Of Devils [Saiko/Vanyel]

There was a moment of pause when Vanyel asked Saiko how her demonic powers were fed. Then, after she shoveled down some more noodles and washed that down with some water, the hybrid let out a soft sigh. She was buying time to figure out how to piece everything together and when she had the right thoughts to say, the woman just let loose.

"Uhm, well, my demonic half can eat through anything around depression, anxiety, dread, and a host of other negative emotions within people, the atmosphere, or things like that. I don't like to rely on it as it turned demons into obsessive machines, and I don't want to force anyone to have lessened mental trauma as it gradually turns back even when I eat it."

God, she sounded stupid. But was there any other better way to describe it? So, the woman leaned back in her hair, stared at the ceiling fan, and let out another deep sigh before continuing.

"It messed with my brain when I had nothing to live for. It consumed my every waking thought. All I could do was wallow in self-pity, cry and feed on myself, the world, and the people in it. I'm tired of that life. It's why I joined the Gotei. You understand, right? You can't keep living this life like a crybaby, so I just....want to be better. I want to do better. There has to be some good for all the hell I've been through, Vanyel."

Now looking back down at Vanyel, her gaze focused on his face before she spoke:

"And you deserve some slither of heaven after all the hell you've endured. Wouldn't you agree?"

As Saiko gathered her thoughts, piecing it together, Vanyel took the brief period of silence to eat more of his own soba, unintentionally mimicking her as he took a long drink. As she started talking, Vanyel leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his stomach to get comfortable as he listened. Seemed like it was more of a personal trait than a general one, from how she said it.

But, even with the potential psychological drawbacks, the idea of being able to consume and lessen the strain on someone's heart made him think of Calypso. Maybe, if he had met Saiko sooner, she could have been able to help Calypso during her...darker times. To ease the pain she felt, and even ease the pain that he felt during his darker times, as well as...moments of weakness. Maybe, then, things would have ended differently.

Unconsciously, his gloved fingers slid up his jacket sleeves and lightly rubbed at the where his self-inflicted scars were. Even if he couldn't directly feel them, at this point, he knew exactly where each one was. He knew how it felt, to have those thoughts and feelings overwhelm you. At times, all you could do was just sit there and let it pull you under.

Taking another drink, before he resumed eating and quickly finished what was left in the bowl, he heard her question. Setting the bowl down and finishing his drink, Vanyel remained silent for a bit. Like her, he was thinking, trying to figure what he wanted to say and how to say it. He wanted to be better, if for nothing else than what he thought Calypso might have wanted from him.

All he really knew as to what it meant to be better right now was...to live. To achieve that goal of turning back to a human, and to live life. To try and be happy, in spite her being gone. But, the lingering shadows whispered doubts in his ear.

Did he really deserve it? All Vanyel could answer with was...

"...Maybe. I dunno if I deserve it, but, I'm still gonna try and work for it. I don't really have a big goal like you. You got people to make up to, right? I don't got that. All I can really do is...live."

"It's still good to work toward a life you can be happy with. It doesn't matter if it isn't some lofty goal; just having an existence where you can wake up, be excited about your life, and have things or people that make you feel alive is enough. And working towards that is admirable in its own right."

Without missing a beat, Saiko commented on Vanyel's last exchange with her as she kept her gaze on him. Then, after taking another sip from her glass of water, a soft sigh escaped her mouth before she thought of how to explain where she was in life. The notion of her big goals being anything worthwhile was false in the hybrid's mind. However, when you've reaped as much blood as her, it's almost a requirement to serve in her mind, and she just expressed that when her mind could think of the right words to say.

"And my goals aren't anything impressive. They come from a place of hurt as I've harmed so much of this world being forced to serve Shadow Fall that I feel I owe it to the world. Nobody is putting that thought in my head besides myself."

Crossing her legs, Saiko steadied her thoughts and resumed speaking.

"There are those that have scorn for me, but the majority of my interactions in the Gotei have been positive, and I can't let those that want to see me suffer stop me. As if I let the self-pity grow, I'll turn back into that miserable, powerless girl in Shadow Fall who let everyone walk all over her. And I don't want that woman to come back, Vanyel..."

They both were stubborn on that front, not thinking that their goals were anything big, lofty, or worthwhile. He understood the feeling of scorn, he knew that there were people who hated him from his days in the yakuza, and even some who had never seen him before, hating him because he was now a demon. They were both people who had done bad things, and just trying their best to be better as a result of that.

So, as she finished, Vanyel quietly stood up, walked to the other side of the table, crouched down and pulled her into another gentle hug. A hand lightly patted and ruffled her hair as he did. Powerlessness. He knew that feeling all too well, and he despised it just as much as she did.

"S'long as you're doin' everythin' you can to change that 'n keep yourself from goin' back to that, it'll never happen. I don't know a lot about the Gotei or Shinigami, and I can't really do much to help, but, at least ya got me tryin' to cheer ya on from the sidelines. I'm sure there's plenty others that are like that too. Ya said that a lot of interactions were good ones, yeah? Then just...focus on those. Fuck the people that'll try and tear ya down."

He let her go, and went back to his seat, offering a warm smile as he reached to get his wallet out and pay. Some of that probably sounded stupid, but, he didn't care. He wanted to at least try and give words of encouragement, even if he wasn't particularly good at it.

"Still hungry? I think there's a guy sellin' dango near here too. This place doesn't have a dessert menu, but, might as well get some sweets, too."

What better way to try and ease the heavy atmosphere than with some good ol' sweets, eh?

There was a blink of her eyes when Vanyel went over to her side of the table and hugged her. She wasn't sure what to think for a few seconds, but the hybrid gradually returned the gesture and patted his back as they hugged. For two people who had endured so much torment in this life, it was rather sentimental for her to see that both of them could find a way to tap into that sweetness within themselves and show kindness. So, she'd respond to his word with a smile.

"We can only keep trying to do better then. Fuck everyone who would have a problem with trying to do things to have a happy life and a clean conscious. I'll be cheering you on as much as you are for me, Vanyel. Never forget you have a good friend in me."

When Vanyel let go, Saiko decided to stand up and was again surprised he decided to handle his part of the bill and hers. So, she patted his shoulders and wriggled her nose as stars started to form in her eyes at the thought of eating something sweet.

"Thank you for paying, but I'm ready to try those sweets!"

And without haste, Saiko eagerly started to grip Vanyel's wrist and take him with her to the next shop to leave the heavy atmosphere of the shop.

A friend in her, huh?

He liked that. It had been rare to find someone so genuinely kind and supportive to him in the last couple years. Kenichi and maybe one or two select others were the only people he could think of. He chuckled softly to himself as he flipped through his wallet, taking out the amount of yen to pay, walking up to the front with Saiko and paying for the bill. The moment the money and bill left his hand, he felt Saiko tugging on his wrist, pulling him along.

Without much resistance, Vanyel let the girl drag him out of the restaurant and down the street. Eventually regaining his footing, he quickly turned the tables, moving ahead and pulling Saiko down the street instead. After all, he was the one who knew where the damn place was! So, pulling her along, the two eventually arrived at the dango stand, albeit with some twists and turns.

Sighing softly, he walked up to the stand, waving slightly as he pulled out his wallet again.

"Two skewers for me, three for the lady. Make each of 'em different kinds, would ya?"

It was his treat after all, and the little lady was ready and tingling with excitement. So, why not make it a giant smorgasbord of sweetness?

It didn't take long for the vendor to get to work, making them both some of that sweet n tasty dango. Humming happily as she saw the snacks being made, she jumped at the chance to get it as her hybrid body needed a lot of energy to keep itself going and keep her from feeling tired. So, when it was ready, Saiko eagerly grabbed all three of hers and started gnawing on them without hesitation.

This dango tasted like sweet rice! The texture melted in her mouth as the chewy, tender foods were wonderful, as she dipped them in sweetened black sesame paste to give them more flavor.

"This is delicious~."

That's all the woman could hum before she sat down and dangled her legs on a bench nearby as she looked over at Vanyel and nodded.

"Do you have a sweet tooth, or is this just a treat for you? You look pretty slim, so you don't seem the meat eater type."

As Saiko took her set of dango, Vanyel smiled, chuckling softly before taking a small bite out of his, letting out a satisfied sigh at the taste of green tea. He followed the woman to the nearby bench, sitting down next to her as he took another bite of his dango, stopping mid-chew as she spoke. He snickered softly, setting the dango in the small dish and placing it in his lap.

"Lil' bit of both. I like sweets, and this is still a treat for me. I try to eat healthy, especially since, most of the time, I cook my own food. But, looks can be deceiving."

He picked up the dango, greedily taking another bite before setting it back down. He lifted the bottom of his shirt to reveal a surprisingly toned body, before letting it fall back down and taking another bite of his dango, finishing off the first stick.

"Not some super muscular guy, but, I'm not as slim as you'd think. But, far as meat eatin's concerned, I ain't too picky. Like I said, I try 'n eat healthy 'n keep my diet balanced. I'm a martial artist, so, that kind of thing is important, but it still matters, even outside of that."

He smiled and took his second stick, snatching two of the dumplings off the stick at once, chewing, and then swallowing, before finishing off the second stick.

"But, I ain't too much of a stickler for it that I don't let myself enjoy some sweets every now 'n then, though!"

Well, he was surprisingly muscular for his sides. Sometimes clothes do make a difference. Though, in Saiko's case, she wouldn't be privy to that fact given how little she often wears. So, out of response to his body, she clapped and continued.

"Nice, nice. Good and sexy body."

She'd let out a small laugh and continue.

"But seriously, nice job keeping your body up. Without any wars or battles to fight lately, it would be easy to let yourself go. We all have to keep in shape somehow, I figure."

Saiko nodded and then took another bite out of her dango while digesting more of what he said and looked at Vanyel for a moment before the words came to her mind.

"Hey, do you think the demonic parts increase your lifespan or help with your health? Of course, it makes killing us harder, but do you think the trade-off is worth it? If we decide to lose ourselves in vices, I doubt if we smoked or drank that the damage would keep up compared to how much torture our bodies have endured."

It was a good question to bring up: could such mundane things as cancer kill either of them? Food for thought.

Clapping and a raunchy comment was not what he was expecting when he lifted his shirt. So, his cheeks turned a bright red as he rubbed the back of his neck, quickly finishing off the last of his dango. He stuck his hands in his pockets, trying to let the blush die down. He wasn't used to being called stuff like that, especially not in reference to his body.

"Y-Yeah. Nothin' wrong with hittin' the gym or workin' out at home. Gotta make sure that I'm not gettin' rusty with my martial arts, after all."

However, what she said next caught his interest. He hadn't really developed any kind of powers that helped with his health, or even properly developed the base abilities of his demon blood. So, as far as he was concerned, that was a completely alien concept for him.

"Well, I know that it extends lifespans. Algos and some other demons are pretty old compared to me, I'm young even by human standards. Dunno if it helps with the other parts of our health, though. Ari told me that you can reach some really powerful levels of regeneration with enough training and experience, but it reminded me of somethin'. There's this old comic book character that has stupidly powerful regeneration, but also is afflicted by cancer."

He chuckled, pausing for a moment as he thought about it.

"His doesn't really get rid of the cancer. My best guess in that regard is that it's because he got the regen after bein' diagnosed with it. So, it can't really revert back to a state before he had it, 'cuz the regeneration doesn't have a template for that, I guess. It just heals 'im faster than the cancer cells can kill 'im. Doubt I'm gonna die anytime soon from my smokin' or drinkin', but, if it isn't passive or strong enough, somethin' like that probably could kill ya."