Look Through You [Katori, Urahara]

"Captain?"

The gentle, two fingered knock of Katori would sound to bring the attentions of what lied behind the closed door to her, standing politely at the door of a man she would not know what to expect from. Kisuke Urahara, to call him a man of note wouldn't begin to scrape it, so to hear he had properly returned to the Gotei as a Captain was certainly a point of intrigue to anyone who paid mind to history. Though, she didn't think she would have found herself asking for his assistance, but she had determined he would have been the best and easiest to approach for this kind of subject.

It was a short notice request to speak with him, having arrived at the timeframe she claimed to in the correspondence, praying he wasn't unforgiving to such interruption.

"Katori Nobuko, I had sent notice I was to speak with you in regards to my Zanpakuto?"

It had been a strange request to receive; a seated officer from the second division asking for help with her weapon. Naturally, Kisuke was flattered to have already developed such a reputation as a helpful individual. He could have bounced it to Julian, no doubt his junior would have been interested in an interesting Zanpakuto, but that was not how he planned to cultivate a favourable reputation. So, instead, he did his research. Pulled a few files, read some notes, and waited for her to arrive.

"Ah, Katori, right on time. Come in, and shut the door behind you!"

His tone was enthusiastic and overly pleasant, not unlike a child that had found a new toy to play with, but he meant her no ill will. The Captain's quarters were surprisingly barren, indicating perhaps that he was only in here for appointments, but there was a chair left vacant for her to take if she desired. Kisuke was sitting behind the desk with a small assortment of electronic devices in front of him, tapping away on the keys of a laptop.

"I must say, your request left a lot to the imagination. So, what's the matter?"

She was mildly alarmed by the kind of voice that was on the other side; she was expecting a much more serious sounding tone, but instead it sounded more like one of her younger colleagues calling her in. This wasn't a diss towards him or some kind of disappointment, but she definitely was caught a bit off guard; it wasn't even an odd or maliciously joyful voice...

Katori would gingerly open the door, sliding into the surprisingly barren-looking room, shutting the door behind her. Her gaze would draw to the lone empty seat in front of his desk, looking his way as he asked what the matter was in regards to her Zanpakuto.

"Ah, you see..." She'd begin, making her way to and sitting politely in the vacant seat, "..I am having trouble bonding with it properly, and I felt that it would impede my future prospects if it remained an issue too long."

She'd lay the sheathed blade on her lap, staring down at it, "My issue isn't that it won't speak to me, the opposite actually - it's extremely intrusive. Always goading, trying to have an opinion, overall being... Incredibly unpleasant and difficult to work with. Even my Shikai doesn't feel to be at it's best ability."

A sigh would escape her pale lips, "..I'm not sure what to do about it."

Kisuke enjoyed the surprise that she hid behind courtesy. She was a little nervous too, which was to be expected for a discussion with any Captain - let alone him. Still, as she spoke of her Zanpakuto, he cast a purposeful and yet respectful glance towards Benihime. The cane rested against the side of the desk, close at hand but certainly not feeling the need to vocally highlight it.

"These relationships we share between Shinigami and our weapons are not just one-way streets."

He chuckled lightly, having not yet typed anything on his keyboard since she began explaining her problem. A hand scratched at the back of his head as he mused upon how best to continue. There was something that she wasn't getting, so perhaps he could steer her in that direction. But the revelation was hers to have.

"She trusted you enough to even grant you a Shikai. Most Soul Reapers never reach that level of connection with their Zanpakutos. If she's trying to coax something out of you then she thinks that is the best way to further your relationship. You don't have to tug on that thread, but its probably there if you want it."

She gently gripped the blade on her lap just a bit tighter when the man's words forced her to consider whatever road Yokudansui was intent on steering her along, thinking intently for a moment before softly shaking her head, "That's the thing, I don't.. I don't understand what they want, at least not completely.."

That familiar trickling crawl of thorny vines on her neck could be felt as she spoke, as if her spirit was making themselves known at some subconscious level, listening and ever so anxious for the answer, that feeling of eyes burning into her back haunting her as she'd go on,

"I had high marks in the academy, I rose to 13th seat in my division, I assist everywhere I can, I try to develop my medical knowledge as much as possible, but it never seems to be enough for them. They just... Ugh, they're always asking some other thing out of me, to see something else, and it's always something so ridiculous and disgraceful!"

Her hands were practically trembling from how hard she was clutching her blade, irritation practically choking the blade, "They want so terribly for me to act like just... Some, improper thing, letting my emotions and thoughts be known so carelessly. I can't just be acting like some wild thing, not here! Not... Now. That... That can't be me. That shouldn't be me, i'm of a noble house, I can't be acting out of sorts."

"Well, as I said, you don't have to force yourself down this path relentlessly. I've known hundreds of Shinigami to have problems with their Zanpakutos. Most of them aren't just resolved overnight."

He leaned back and mused about some of the more interesting characters that had come to him with such troubles, there were not that many. Most preferred to keep them secret rather than publicly announce their failings, but he had studied them anyway. Still, it put Katori in a niche.

"These spirits have their own minds, they have their own wants and desires. Just because you are studious does not mean they are, nor do they share your noble blood."

It was a delicate process, this, and not one that he could lean too hard on without ruining her progress or any attempt to gain such. Her intuition was admirable but she had still convinced herself that she knew exactly where the fault lay in this problem. Many young researchers suffered from the same issue, missing the bigger picture as they baffled themselves with intense focus.

Katori had an air of impatience and restlessness to her otherwise collected appearance. She normally carried even the most taxing duties with grace and intelligence, never letting her emotions overwhelm her need to care for her patient's or colleagues' needs. She had to be the example, the one people looked towards, the one that couldn't manage to slip or fall lest the pressures and responsibilities she has taken as a seated officer crush her like an ill-placed stack of books. She had to be liked, she had to be respected, so whatever dubious behavior her Zanpakuto was proposing for her just sounded like sabotage for everything she had painted herself to be.

Though, she shuffled her feet as that lie was repeated back to her, butterflies in her stomach as that feeling of fraudulence ran over her once again. For her to say it was one thing, to hear it from another who wholly believed it was it's own wear on the spirit.

That certainly makes us two, then, she'd idly think herself, parting her lips to speak,

"I understand this is a time-consuming, delicate endeavor..." Her voice seized briefly, taking a deep breath, "..But I want to figure some solution to this. I can't afford to sit on my hands, making a fool of myself playing a guessing game with a difficult sword that may want my downfall."

She was a feisty one, all too eager to run before she could walk. Or rather, sprint before she could run. That felt like a better analogy. How far would she drive herself with that attitude alone? Perhaps it would be enough for her to make it, or she would fall by the wayside. Still, Kisuke continued to smile innocently as she demanded to know more.

“You’re looking for a single answer to whole heap of questions. You just want the power your weapon brings, without properly considering what that would entail. Think, Katori. Why is this process being difficult for you?”

He mused again, still trying his best to dance around the heart of this issue. Now, equally, if he gave her an answer she wanted to hear then would that truly satisfy her? There was a way to fast track this. To force a spirit into cooperation. But it was far riskier than a simple conversation, failing there could be disastrous for all involved and there was no way to guarantee success, and so he held off from teasing her with that false hope.

She felt a lump in her throat with that question, of why this process could be so difficult. The pride in her wanted to keep the illusion that it was just the sword being a difficult wad of metal, but she knew at her core that wasn't the case. It was a truth she couldn't stomach, a truth she loathed, a truth she wished would just die and stop mattering now. But...

"..Speaking purely in theoretics," She'd begin, composing herself and looking Urahara in the eyes, trying to maintain that look of relaxed nobility any would expect of her, "Would lying to one's self make the process difficult?"

She really did not like the direction this conversation was heading in, but, it was what it took; even though she knew, at heart, what the issue truly was.

"Nigh impossibly so."

There was really no two ways about it, and so Kisuke did not dance around the issue. She presented him with a hypothetical that he understood, one that he had a solid grasp upon and could offer a clear resolution to. But it was still only the surface level of this whole debacle, he knew that already. A hand raised to scratch at the stubble on his chin, fingers curling as he went.

"It doesn't matter what you say aloud, or in private, behind closed doors. Your sword hears the beat of your heart. It might or might not care about the external stuff, they're picky like that, but if you are not in internal harmony then you're planning to fail."