You Can't Go Back Again [Reida, Arcadia]

A humorless chuckle left Reida's lips as she thought about that question, and she replied in pretty short order. She already knew the answer, anyway.

"Mighty poorly, I'd say. Mostly just workin', drinkin'. Ya know, figurin' I'd feel better eventually if I got that vengeance burnin' in my chest. Didn't work."

That much should've always been obvious, though, and Reida knew she'd just sort of been dodging the grief by throwing herself into her work. 'Course, that wasn't exactly true anymore. She didn't talk much about her personal life, but considering the point of this conversation, she didn't want to sidestep it, either.

"Been makin' friends. Started seein' someone again. But that ain't been smooth either, honestly. He was...already with someone, when I realized. Didn't like that, so I kinda pushed it away for a time."

Nodding at the response, a kind of understanding that many centuries of experiences could give rise to a little bit of sagacity. The danava's red eyes winced a little at the mention of her relationship issue, something that struck just a bit too close to home for her tastes.

"The world's full of pain, I'm glad you've found some peace after your trying circumstances."

For a moment she wanted to ask if that relationship had settled well but refrained, it was only out of faint guilt that she felt about the cost of her own happiness that she wanted to know that. Even if Reida's situation had worked out the situation was not the same nor were the people.

Reida certainly caught Arcadia's wince, and in a way, she'd expected it. Just one more little piece of this puzzle that she'd been trying to put together. Did she actually want to even press the issue? Not really. What was the point? That told her everything she wanted to know on that end.

"Peace, eh? Guess so, in a sense. Bein' honest, I still don't quite feel like I deserve it. Bein' happy with him n' all that. But bein' some sad bitch about it's just gonna make it a waste'a time, and that'd make it worse. May as well enjoy it. Make sure what I did was worth it."

In a way she was just justifying it to herself, but Reida was already perfectly aware of that. Ultimately, it was just because it needed to be justified.

"Oh, why would someone like you not deserve it? Are people not deserving of redemption and absolution?"

She did ponder it a little, Reida wanted it but didn't feel she was allowed it, guilt in being allowed to enjoy something. Arcadia wondered to herself if it was rooted in the things she had done, the fact she had survived where others close to her did not or both.

"Dunno. I guess. I pray about it a lot n' all that, but it's a weird thing to think about. Takin' him from someone else, that's a sin. Ask forgiveness, know it was wrong, all that. Question's whether or not bein' with him is a sin too."

Reida didn't exactly talk often about her own faith, but it was pretty central to the conversation, wasn't it? Can't just ignore the whole reason she was even so bothered by all this.

"Ain't like I'm doin' charity work here at the Vandenreich. I'm already sinnin' every day, and I ain't stoppin' soon. Doesn't sound like someone lookin' for forgiveness to me."

What a funny thought that came to her mind, a her from an earlier time would've taken the talk of faith and devotion not directed at herself to be an insult but at the end of the day she did not belong to the human world even if she had established it as her home. These people were unique and different from the demons.

"And to what end does this faith and pain afford you? What is the grand reward that your eikon offers in exchange for your devotion which seems to trouble you more than help you?"

It was times like this where she was glad that she was a foreigner, a figure that could utilise ignorance in relation to the ways of this world. Something about her words told her that the faith was different to Ahura Mazda or what Cyrus belonged to beforehand.

What a strange question. Reida was actually visibly a bit surprised at the idea that someone would have been totally unaware of it, but then again, she didn't know much about all these other types of people.

"Life's a struggle. Make it through, ask forgiveness for yer sins, ya get your eternal life in Heaven with God. Paradise forever ain't a bad reward for tryin' your best, I don't think."

It was pretty straightforward, as far as she was concerned, though she'd be lying if she said it wasn't difficult for her at times. After all, she'd spent a pretty long time just having to do it alone. And even if she knew her family was already up there in paradise, it didn't make losing them any easier.

So that was it, Arcadia looked visibly confused while she thought about it. It didn't seem entirely strange, some demons she had heard of believed that after death and their za koa returned to Deveta then they would achieve peace in "paradise" but how true was that? Their essence may return but Arcadia doubted that such a figure cared enough to keep it in the same shape.

"And what happens if it is all for naught?"

It was something that was a sharp question to ask someone but Arcadia didn't even need to feign that she didn't understand this alien thinking to appear sincere. It was just that.

"Who is this God anyway that you speak of, the Soul King that the shinigami serve? Deveta whom created the demons you loathe?"

Now in her wish to know who this "God" was she had realised that those couldn't be correct for Reida wouldn't have devotion towards the figures that sworn enemies worship and revere. Did she mean Ahura Mazda? Certainly not, did she remember him from before perhaps but then she should be aware that he has disappeared from this world.

How vexing.

Reida thought about that question only for a brief moment before she continued speaking. After all, it wasn't for naught, so it was pretty much a non-issue, right?

"I reckon that'd be pretty bad, but I ain't worried about that. Wouldn't be too faithful of me if I worried about things not workin' out."

She asked for another cup of coffee, knowing perfectly well they'd probably be here for longer. Not that she minded, admittedly. Reida hadn't had a good conversation with too many people besides Alastair in a while now.

"He's, uh... God. The Lord. Dunno what his name is, ain't supposed to say it even if I did though. Made everything, sent his son to die for our sins. I ain't much of a preacher, so I'm not the best at sharin' this whole story."

Well, devotion was devotion. At the end of the day god-like entities did not equal gods to one such as Arcadia, she supposed that the fact that Reida chose to believe was enough and to try and distort it would only do her more harm. At the same time though she couldn't fathom this individual.

"Interesting, and how did you come to devote yourself to him?"

She further inquired to Reida while she took a second coffee, wondering to herself if she should force herself to drink it for the sake of a mutual gesture between them but she really couldn't stand the taste of it and forcing it just made it all the more insincere.