That What Is Truly Desired [Liltotto/Dorian]

She stood at the entrance to the park, her feet shuffling slightly as she waited for her invitee, back against the stone edge of the fence. It had been around a week since that night, and she decided to make a move on one facet of her life.

She had participated in volunteering in that kitchen as much as her time allowed, slowly even edging out her "free time" in favor of working there. Dorian had never ceased his kindness towards her, and such a thing had provoked feelings that she wasn't brave enough to explore, until now.

Thus, she asked the man for some time in a nearby park to chat in the evening on a free day, dressed nicely and patiently waiting for him to arrive.

The worst is him not showing up at all,, she'd think to herself, eyes squeezed shut and releasing a sigh, and he wouldn't do that. That is the worst that could ever happen today, and that will not happen.

It was fairly rare that Dorian took what could be called a "personal day." Not because he necessarily lacked the time to do so, of course. While his work as an admin was fairly demanding, it didn't require his every waking moment. But what did demand that sort of attention was staying active in the kitchen, working as a proper chef rather than just staying distant.

But, he was still a polite man, and he understood social conventions well enough. If a woman asked you out to chat in the park, it was the least that one could do to accept the invitation. Dorian was hardly the sort to show up at any meeting looking less than his best, and that was much the same case as he made his way toward the girl who'd invited him here.

"I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. I had to make sure the kitchen was doing well without me."

To most, that might have just seemed like a clever quip. But, given it was Dorian, there was no doubt that it was quite decidedly true.

She stood politely and quietly to herself, prickles of anxiety threatening to compromise her otherwise calm demeanor, until her eyes caught the familiar figure of Dorian approach her, nodding quietly in greeting.

"Oh, not at all. Of course the kitchen's a hell of a lot more important," Though she smiled softly, she was quietly relieved he was able to come at all, "Speaking of, i'm real sorry I couldn't make it the last few days. Well, it's volunteer work sure but, I just felt kind of bad I couldn't come."

That look of guilt did shimmer in her eyes, perhaps a bit brighter than usual? Either way she tempered her feelings and went on with it, "So, let's get walking and talking, huh?" She'd give a slight gesture to the gate, before letting out a groan and pinching her nosebridge, "..Sorry I don't really invite people out very much, I dunno if this is the ideal.."

The worst is over, she'd think, It's entirely uphill from here... How much uphill just depends.

"Now now, don't go selling yourself short. I've been invited here, it'd be rude of me if I took too long getting caught up in my worrying, hm?"

Once upon a time, the very idea of letting the kitchen go unattended so he could spend a bit of time in the park with Liltotto would have seemed outright appalling. That would have been time he could have committed to improving his craft, honing his technique, studying what was new and what was going out of fashion. But that sort of high-speed lifestyle wasn't really for him anymore. He preferred the way things were here in the City of Lights.

"I think it's perfectly lovely. I can't say that I do this much either, but there's not much better on a nice day than just enjoying the weather, wouldn't you say?"

Her hand would slowly descend from her face, before giving Dorian a small smile in response, "..Guess so."

Walking through the park with him, all manner of feelings stirred in her, some unfamiliar to her current self as her eyes gazed at others enjoying the park. Children frolicking, some having alone time, others walking their pets along the paths. It was as normal a park experience as one could get, and that made the woman feel a way.. Nostalgia maybe? Yearning? Well, she was making more of an effort to be a part of this normalcy again.

"Yeah.. Today's nice." She'd say on an exhale, "..So, how have things been at the kitchen since I missed a few days?"

"The same as always. Nothing too terribly exciting, and we certainly haven't had any more guests on the same level as the blonde devil from a month or so ago."

The idea of dealing with any more people like that woman was enough to make Dorian briefly sigh, though he didn't ligner on it for long. Life was too short to reminisce about things so displeasing, after all, wasn't it?

"Other than that, there hasn't been anything out of the ordinary. Though it's been a bit more quiet without you around, you know. Most of the younger people in the kitchen tend to stay quiet and focus on their work. No time to have a nice conversation."

"Well that's good at least. Don't think somebody that bratty is a common occurrence to begin with, thankfully."

She definitely wasn't there, but obviously she had heard about the woman second hand, and was mildly astonished such a person could grow to that age and yet act like such a child. Then again, she'd met her fair share of overgrown toddlers, so in the grand scheme it wasn't really that shocking. She was just glad that the woman didn't try to do any further retaliation - that kind of person was relentless if they felt up to it.

"..Yeah, can't blame em. I'm definitely the odd one out in there - attitude and skill-wise, least that's what I think," She had picked up a few things from actually being in a kitchen that was able to compensate for her needs, but for the most part was just helping around or just serving food, "I never give em a hard time when they aren't up to being too chatty, but I definitely missed talking to.. Uh.. You."

She'd go silent for a moment, hoping that wasn't too obvious of a comment, before looking away for a little as they walked, "..So uh, I know you were definitely all wrapped up in high-scale dining and whatnot before you settled down here, but... Have you ever seen somebody you particularly like.. Fancied?"

Ah, what an odd minefield to willingly throw herself onto...

Whether Dorian was oblivious to what Liltotto had been implying, or was simply polite enough not to say anything about it, was not especially clear, but he certainly seemed to take the conversation in relative stride. Up until, at least, her last question. He wasn't exactly the sort of person who wore his heart on his sleeve, by any stretch of the imagination, but he tended to keep things more to himself. Being in the kitchen did that to you, after all, but he wasn't in the kitchen at present, and he allowed himself an amused chuckle at the thought of the last woman to draw his interest in that sort of way.

"Once, when I was a boy. At the time I thought she was mature, collected, confident. Looking back, I think she was just selfish, and desperate for attention. Young people always see things in such silly ways, don't they?"

Of course, he knew that wasn't the full extent of why he'd grown attached to her at the time. There was a degree of reliance on her, after all. Without her, he'd probably have just been some street kid that died before he even hit 16.

"She was a bit older than me. I don't think I was ever on her radar, but what can I say? I've always been ambitious, I suppose."

He said it in a lighthearted tone, but the way his lips curled slightly upward made it seem more that he was simply making a statement about his preferences than trying to boast about any of his personal traits. She'd been fairly forthcoming, if in a paradoxically roundabout way. Dorian would have considered it rude if he didn't throw out something in return.

"Ah, well yeah, that is what crushes in your youth yield - you look back and it turns out that person wasn't quite what your past self saw them as. Never a fault of yours - that stuff comes with life experience that you'd get down the line."

Her expression was unreadable apart from a small amused smile, her emotions not immediately apparent as she spoke, though there was of course that sense of deep thought and feeling to her,

"I never had that sort of thing growing up. If you wouldn't imagine, it was quite hard for someone like me to even make friends. Shit, I was worse about it when I was little - I hardly ever talked or emoted much. Not out of any fear or anxiety of course, I simply wasn't very... Outwardly expressive kid."

She'd gloss over the (quite literally) gorey details of her later life with a gentle sigh, "Then again, over time, I.. became resistant to growing that close to another person.."

Her gaze was low, "..And, recent revelations have taught me.. That decision was foolish, and only made me unhappy. And.. Maybe being unhappy forever isn't worth it."

Certainly, Dorian knew that he could have said any number of things in response to that. He knew that he could quite easily have said something about relating to the matter, about having closed himself off from others so that he could focus only on the one thing that he knew wouldn't let him down, on the one thing he wanted.

But that felt more dreary than anything else to say. Particularly in a conversation such as this, and when speaking with a woman that already knew as much about him. There was no reason for that, and so he took another approach entirely.

"I think pursuit of what makes us happy in life is worth more than anything else. Whether that's friends, passions, romance... It doesn't matter. What matters is living a life we want to live, not a life we think we should live."

While Liltotto's gaze was low, Dorian's remained high, up at the clear blue skies above. He was an optimistic man, that much he knew. The countless tragedies of the world did little to bother him, even having lived through many himself. It was just in his nature, he supposed, to focus on joy.

"Feeling joy is worth every other feeling that comes with it. And sharing joy with others is the greatest thing in the world. So I think if you want to share in that with someone, you ought to with confidence. With pride, even."