So you're kinda gay, right? [Kokoro, Makoto]

There was a lot on her mind, mainly in regards to her personal life. How exactly was she meant to treat Shishiyuki? Saki sure did cross her mind and she kept on throwing ideas at her but Makoto would quietly dismiss it and prefer to get some advice from someone who held a relationship a bit more stable rather than drift between them.

So that's why she made her way to Kokoro's desk, a little more shy and less confident as she presented herself. A glance at the fifth seat before she spoke up and came out with what was bothering her, distracting her just a bit and playing on her mind.

"So you're kind of... You're with a girl. Can you explain to me what I should do to be a good girlfriend?"

Wow. That felt way more embarrassing to say than she had meant it to.

"Hmmmmmm?"

Kokoro looked up from her paperwork, pretty diligent in it even despite her typical airheadedness. Sure, she hadn't exactly changed all that much in the time since she'd gotten married, but if nothing else she had grown to be pretty responsible, she thought. A good wife, very hardworking in her career. Why? Well...hm. Maybe she just felt content for once. Confident. It was nice, honestly.

"Oh, oh oh oh! So the rumors're true? I'd heard some people talking about how you were totally dating the head of the Koizumi, but I didn't wanna pester ya about it or anything like that, ya know what I mean? That'd be totally rude."

It had actually crossed her mind once or twice, but asking that sort of thing would just be weird, and unprofessional on top of that. Wowie, unprofessional, huh? She really had grown a lot.

"Anyway, what kinda advice are you looking for specifically? I'm super happy to help with stuff like that however ya want, but are ya talkin' like on dates, when you're together, erm...in bed? Probably not that one though, sorry Vice Captain."

An earnest small bow of her head, hands clasped, made the apology all the more clearly genuine in its nature. Yep, she was definitely still the same Kokoro, even if she had grown.

There was only one point where she felt her composure break, despite how humilating it felt to ask and seek some kind of guidance. It was pretty obvious at what point that might've been when Kokoro mentioned Shishiyuki and her in bed which was something that she tried not to think about. It was daunting and if Makoto had ever looked flustered to a squadmate it was now.

"Uhm, I mean as a girlfriend and dating and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing."

Her pride felt trampled to have to ask for help in this but Makoto wanted to improve at everything, all facets even beyond her shinigami arts. She was willing to swallow it for a bit just to try and see herself improve as a significant other.

Well, it was definitely obvious to Kokoro how things were going, but she wasn't the sort to pry into someone's personal life. She might've been a couple years ago, but ya know, she'd gotten better.

"I getcha, I getcha. Mmm, well, there's a lot I could go into, and I'll be the first to tell ya that it was a little different at first. I've never been with a girl before Keiko, ya know, so sometimes it's almost funny to think I ended up marryin' her. Anyway... Hm. I guess I think the most important thing in a relationship's being willing to help them out even if you don't think they need it."

Kokoro punctuated that bit of advice with a firm nod, her expression a little bit more serious than normal. After all, she didn't mind sharing this with her Vice Captain, especially given it was all more or less public knowledge, but it was still a serious topic.

"My wife's in a wheelchair, ya know, and when we were dating she didn't like asking for help much. Still doesn't, really, but I go out of my way to do stuff for her. Obviously you're not dealin' with anything that serious, but it's important even with the little things, ya know? You wanna try and understand them like that, help them even when they say they don't want it. And I'd even say ya want to open yourself to the same thing, let 'em help even if maybe ya didn't think you needed it, or wanted it."

Makoto maintained a thoughtful look while it was explained to her, that was kind of a given wasn't it? Had she been doing that with Shishiyuki up to now? Admittedly she did think a lot about her and try to do things which might be helpful or considerate but it was a little difficult. As far as receiving help... That took a bit more thought because she was careless about her own wellbeing and neglected it for the sake of other things. Was she receptive to Shishiyuki's consideration for her own wellbeing?

"Okay, that sounds easy... What about the more niche things though? I don't know, how should I treat her and how much time should I spend with her or let her spend with me?"

It was becoming more apparent to her that she was revealing a bit of her insecurities in saying that, her conversation pathways and topics shifting less away the distinctions of sex and on the broader scope of a more general relationship. Subconsciously she didn't want this to lead to the same state as her last one, it was one of her biggest fears even that kept her up while thinking about the two of them together.

"Well... I think a lot of that's kinda based on her and you, you know? It might not be the most exciting or detailed advice or anything, but part of a relationship's talking about those sorts of things so you know your boundaries. For me, I like spending tons of time with Keiko, but I know some couples don't see each other nearly as much."

Of course, Kokoro could pretty plainly see that this was definitely not all the advice that would be good to give, and the last thing she wanted was to just leave one of her favorite coworkers without any good advice. So she thought about it a bit more, trying to figure out where to go from there.

"Do you like, miss being around her? Like right now, for example. Is it running through your head like, 'gosh, I wish I was with her right now instead of here' or anything like that?"

Now that question made her think, the first thought was along the lines of 'Of course not. I'm working' but then she thought more about it and pondered it a bit longer. She did kind of want her around even if it wasn't in the front of her mind while competing with things that needed to be done and things that she wanted to achieve or plan towards. Did that mean she should be spending more time with her?

She was busy though, they both were? Makoto thought about it a bit more. Saki did say that Shishiyuki had stopped by, how long was she left waiting for her to finish what she was doing before they saw each other.

"I suppose I would like to spend more time with her, I can't say it dominates my headspace though and I think she wants to spend more time with me but I have a lot in my hands that I have to handle. Do you think I'm neglecting her?"

Now that was a terrifying thought for her.

"Oh, no no! I'd never say you're neglecting her just because you want to spend more time together."

Kokoro's voice became exceptionally emphatic at that, and she shook her head to further emphasize the degree to which that interpretation was incorrect. That wasn't what she'd wanted to convey at all, but she supposed that she hadn't really talked to many people about stuff like this, huh?

"Besides, you haven't been together for too long, right? That's still the learning period in these things, you've got plenty of time to figure out where you guys are comfortable and how much you want to be around each other. If you feel like you want to be with her more, then by all means try and make some more time for her. Buuuuut! Don't force it! It's not healthy to do that, and couples that are always together usually end up smothering each other, so that's no good. Erm, not that I'm saying you'd do that either."

She was passionate about these topics, if only because she'd found herself in a relationship that was more than simple physical attraction, and it was rare in the extreme for Kokoro to find herself giving much advice. She liked being able to, though. Helping out in ways she'd never really gotten.

"If you've got free time, then by all means, spend it with her. And if you have some stuff that you think you could maybe push back, or let someone else handle, then go ahead and do that so you can be with her. You're not really the type to be irresponsible, so I don't need to warn you about just dropping everything to be with her. Besides, I think the fact that you're even worrying about her like this is really sweet. If I were her, I'd probably be touched."

It was such a simple thing but something that Makoto found a little harder to swallow, if she had stuff to do then apply delegation to make time for her personal life. That was a simple thing but for Makoto it was not that easy, put faith in another person that by delegating something to them then they might do it properly or to a level that she needed.

That was difficult for her.

"Uhm, I see so. I should strive to support her and help her, I should make time for her and try to figure out what our relationship will be like. So, how do I know when I should be..."

How did she word this, Makoto understood that the question might be interpreted wrongly and that she could be asking about 'bed things' but she didn't want to open that up yet. Makoto did however know that she was passive and not exactly the most forward person with this kind of stuff. She was more likely to just ride the current rather than be the current but was that good enough? She had more experience than Shishiyuki with all this, even if it was bad experience, it had to count for something though? It felt a bit cruel to expect all that from her.

"Kokoro. Neither of us really know what we're doing and I don't want it to fall apart because I'm too caught up with my indecisveness to act or do things."

It was said remarkably well when she was caught up in fear that they might stagnate and dance around things which might cause friction. What if her own shortcomings made her girlfriend discontent or disappointed? She didn't want that to happen.

Kokoro was certainly ready to give any advice Makoto needed, but she also wouldn't have expected such an honest and straightforward admission. Not necessarily because she ever expected her to lie or anything, but more because it was such a genuine, personal admission that she wouldn't have anticipated that.

"Well, I'm not you, and I'm not her, so I can't really say anything for sure, but I can tell you that me and Keiko were doing everything for the first time too when we got together. She'd never been with anyone, and I'd never been with a girl, so it was kinda...I guess scary, you know? And then...you know, she got put in her wheelchair. Stuff like that is really hard to deal with, so I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes you feel like you're not really enough for her."

Standing from her desk, Kokoro stretched for a moment before going to step outside, gesturing for Makoto to follow. This was probably something better talked about just between the two of them rather than in the office, you know?

"I had to realize that I was who she wanted to be with, and that's somethin' that doesn't always make sense at first. Why me, you know? But if she is with me, if that's who she's happy with, then I've gotta make sure I'm doing what I can to make her happy. Because I want to be with her too, so even if things aren't perfect, I should try my best, put myself out there. You'll stumble sometimes, but always keep that part in mind. She wants to be with you."

Ah, the wisdom of a married woman.