Paint the Town Pink [Gamukira, Tomoe]

This lady was so weird, she just kept on going on as if nothing was amiss. Was she brave or just stupid? Gamu had to think about that but it occurred to her that Tomoe was asking her out for a night. Whoa, whoa. Didn't she just hear a single thing!? She's a struggling maiden with her heart stolen by such a meanie that didn't reciprocate it. It was just so sad and miserable. Did this purple haired bimbo think that she could just take advantage of her vulnerable state and have her? No way.

"Listen lady. I'm not interested in dating you, okay? Get that out of your head."

She clarified, making sure that this woman knew exactly where she sat and would remain. Sure, she was keenly aware that this woman could be utterly platonic about it. It could be innocent but it could also not be and that's where she had to make it clear to her.

"Oh, that's good. I'm glad you don't want to be that way because that'd be kinda weird. I don't know about food though, after being hungry for so long in my life and not feeling that way anymore. I'm don't really want to eat that much. Let's call it a diet, I've got to burn off some fat you know."

A weird way to explain it, it told absolutely nothing to Tomoe about what she was talking about but to Gamu it broke down to logic for her. That's what was important here, having that endless hunger that drove hollows made and having to cope with it. Devouring souls and taking brief satisfactions in it as a bandaid for the issue itself. Now it was gone but she was still hollow, eating though was necessary for the fact that she had as much power as she did but it didn't derive the same kind of intoxicating pleasure and predatory instincts that she used to have.

She kind of missed the simplicity of her dog eat dog mentality. Survival of the strong and fittest. Things that burdened her now were inconsequential things to her only a few months ago. Wasn't it strange that she almost longed to go back to that time?

"Let's do something else."

"No, no I don't want a hug."

This woman and her audacious behaviour of trying to keep doing all this affectionate stuff. Did friends really behave this way? There was only one woman she wanted to touch her or shower her with affection, not whatever Tomoe was trying to peddle here. Did friends really just touch each other and do weird things like this? Gamu couldn't say she got it.

She didn't like people touching her at the best of times though, and once upon a time it might've been synonomous with becoming dinner for her that night.

"I really like a woman but she doesn't like me like that, I don't get it. She said that she'd be with me forever but is it my fault that I can't stand watching her be happy with another guy? Like I'm just standing there and watching someone else get everything that I want. It makes me mad and I just want to be a monster again but she wouldn't like me if I was a monster."

What did this woman who saw things as more than toys to experiment on think? Gamu couldn't say she ever really had an actual person comment on this things she felt. Abalia and her were monsters after all, the world was different through eyes like those.

"Me neither."

She didn't feel like herself, the person she was and the person she is not felt entirely different. Would she have to diagnose herself with cognitive dissonance now? Was she really broken by Abalia? She felt like it, it almost made her feel violated and logically that should make her hate Abalia rather than love and want her, she should hate that she can just be happy and retire to live a happy little life while she couldn't take it. It just felt like she was being torn apart at the seams.

"I'm not strong anymore, I was strong though. I was an apex predator."

Gamu wistfully said while staring down, remembering the feeling of having the power that she used to have and relishing it. Being high on the feeling of crushing people beneath her because she could and now that just felt empty. She just felt like a hollow shade of the person that she used to be.

Something about the laughter irked her, she laughed at people who were weak and feeble. Cowardly or incompetent, if she was being laughed at did that mean that she had become like them? Was that okay? No. No, she hated the feeling of her pain being the object of someone's amusement. If that's what people were like then what did they say about them?

If people and the world were like this what did that mean for the world? Gamu was deep in thought about it. Tomoe's attempts to lighten the atmosphere had only driven her further into the rabbit hole of trying to understand who she was now.

Looking down at her zanpakuto thoughtfully, Gamu finally answered Tomoe with an unamused glare that was a look that conveyed killing intent and spite.

"No. I eat the weak and trample upon them, objectify them, dispose of them at my leisure and if they can't stop me, they why should I have stopped?"