Mom, Help, I Feel Weird [Ira, Yugiri]

You know, as nice as the vacation down to the City of Lights had been...well, Ira had probably come back to Karakura with more questions than answers. Where was he even supposed to go from here? Walking back into him and Yugiri's usual abode with his bag over one shoulder, he took his shoes out before calling out with a bit less energy than he usually had.

"Hey, Yugiri, I'm home."

He really hoped she was home. He didn't even know if this was something she'd have many answers on, but like, who else was Ira supposed to talk about? He didn't have many people in his life, and Yugiri was the closest thing he'd ever had to a big sister. She'd have to have something to say.

"Welcome back."

She chimed from laying on the couch, head in whatever she was reading which was either a magazine or a newspaper. Leaning towards the former, she had only gotten it to peek at Ada's pictures but got bored and so she ended up reading the whole thing just to get her money's worth.

Yugiri wasn't going to ask her what she got up to, no point really. She was a big girl now and apparently able to take care of herself so she did admit that her shadowing of Ira had dropped down a lot more than it used to. A couple more pages and a yawn.

"There's leftovers in the fridge, eat as much as you want."

"Thanks."

Setting his bag down, Ira went to take a seat, fiddling somewhat awkwardly with his fingers. How was he supposed to talk about this, exactly? He had no idea what he was supposed to say about this, so he just sort of threw out whatever seemed right.

"Listen, I...I need some advice. It's about a girl, and before you call me gay, lemme at least explain what happened."

Leaning back and staring at the ceiling for a moment or two, he tried to think back to what'd happened. How honest should he be? Well, he'd...he'd cut a few things out. He didn't exactly wanna mention everything, and besides, he wasn't trying to make Ehefra look bad.

"Went down to hang out with that friend of mine down in the City of Lights, Ehefra. I've mentioned her before. But this trip... I dunno. I guess I saw her differently this time around. I really like her, Yugiri, but I don't know what I'm even supposed to do about that. You know how shitty it feels when that happens? I'm not supposed to feel like this. This...it's not my body."

He clenched one hand into a fist, trying not to think too much about how disgusted he felt about it.

"I don't want to dirty my little girl's memory by feeling like this."

Something awkward was coming, Yugiri's eyes were on the magazine but from the corner of her eye she could see the fidgeting figure off to the side. It was an all to familiar thing honestly as she recalled herself in her younger years and then she dedicated a good deal of effort into trying to shake off those ticks she had. It was hard to operate in a noble capacity if you were so easily read when you were uncomfortable.

Her mouth opened to respond but she refrained from voicing her disapproval for the moment, if only because she asked her to hear her out. Damn, she hated situations like this and it only proceeded to get worse as she had to think, not just about what she was going to say but how she was looking and remaining neutral in expression.

"Listen, I'm not really the best person to talk about this. I don't know how shitty it feels."

Yugiri said while tossing the magazine away and sitting up, a plainly awkward expression on her face.

"If I happened to wake up in the body of my dead son one day, I neither know at the moment what it's like to have a kid myself or what it'd be like to be a boy but I know what it's like to not feel at home in your own body. I spent my younger years depressed and upset that I was born sick and unable to use my legs and what I did to be able to walk disgusted me for a long time."

The former Shihoin grimaced as she recalled how the opinions of her changed, the girl that willingly became a vizard for such a selfish wish rather than accepting the fact that she couldn't walk.

"How I'd approach it probably doesn't matter, I'd grieve and accept it and then go on with my life but I'd make sacrifices and adapt to my situation."

A nicer way of saying that she wouldn't sully her hypothetical son's body by pursuing boys or cling desperately to perceptions of the fact she was a girl prior.

"I do know however what being a girl is like though and your body isn't any different. Being aroused is something you'll have to get used to like other things, I'd prefer to be taller, I'd like to not have certain things to deal with about my body but getting caught up with it gets me nowhere."

Yeah, this was all kinda what Ira expected. He paid attention, though, because he didn't want to seem disrespectful. For all his cool demeanor and general lack of care for authority, Yugiri was someone that meant a lot to him. He wouldn't dare to act a fool in front of her when it was a serious topic.

"Even if you're not the best person, I trust you more than anyone."

He sighed at his own predicament, studying his hands very carefully. She was right, he guessed. Ira had gone a couple years now treating this body as his little girl, protecting it like it was her...but, it wasn't. It wasn't her, and he had to accept that fact. It was his body, like it or not.

"I...yeah. You're right. I'm me. Can't cling to the past forever, right? I just hope you're willing to help me out with all this other girl stuff. I don't really...know much about it. Never quite got to help Ada through it."

Standing up, he looked around the place briefly, with some confidence.

"I need a mirror."

"You know, I guess I can coach you through it."

She thought back to the fact she relied a lot on Rio for her, although she guessed that she was on better terms with Chidori when she was around that age too but Rio was the one of the family that spent the most time with her and she grew to cling towards. Even after she became a vizard, Rio never really changed and she could never direct her bitterness towards her.

It did hit her different though when he said Ada, it was clearly a very different Ada to the one she knew and had a lot of faith and trust towards but to hear him say that name did strike her as surprising. It wasn't a name he'd have expected to hear from Ira.

"There's a mirror in the bathroom. Do you want me to come with you?"

"...Yeah. I think I might need that."

Ira wouldn't have ever asked Yugiri to come with him in this situation, but the fact that she'd offered it was something of a question that pierced through all his typical bravado. He really doubted he'd be able to look himself in the eye if he could do it alone. He headed toward the bathroom with much less confidence in his stride than was typical, and as he touched the doorknob, he took a deep breath.

"Alrighty...here we go, I guess."

And in he went, facing his own reflection for the first time in a long, long while. He hated it. He hated seeing that face again, those eyes. Even after he'd grown so much, he could still tell it was her-- No, no, it wasn't her. Ira had to accept that, but it didn't change that as he stared into his own eyes, a few tears managed to well up.

God, he hated this.

It was honestly an afterthought to add the offer to go with her. Yugiri couldn't say that she thought immediately that it was the most supportive approach but it did occur to her that she should make the offer and so she did. The Vizard rolled off the comfy spot and followed Ira, a little irked by the height difference. She liked being taller than the younger girl.

Yugiri couldn't say that it was as traumatic to her to look at her reflection compared to Ira but she sure can't say there wasn't a time in her life where looking at her reflection filled her with digust at her own decisions and choices. A thing that took her a long time to get over, she supposed it was something she had done to herself but it was like looking at what used to be limp and useless legs that she dealt with.

"It's okay. First steps are hard."

Should she hug Ira now? She remembered doing it for Kokoro after being confronted with that awful knowledge, having to bite her tongue and try to support people that mattered so much to her even if things they did and choices they made did not agree with her so much.

So she reached around and hugged Ira. She was a fragile girl right now, wasn't she? A hug from Rio always helped her when she felt that way.

In a way, Ira had been hoping for a hug. Perhaps not even consciously, because he wasn't one to ask for that sort of emotional support, and certainly not from someone like Yugiri who had already expressed that it wasn't her forte. But as Yugiri did hug him, all the emotions he'd been doing his best to keep down simply spilled out.

"God damn it, I miss her."

It was the most difficult first step he could ever imagine taking. Having to accept that no matter what he did, no matter what he saw on all these journeys, he wasn't letting his little girl see the world like he'd promised her. She was gone, and he couldn't change that. Ira tried quite hard to keep watching himself in the mirror, but in the end, he simply caved, and returned Yugiri's hug. That'd been enough for now, right? Surely he'd earned the right to cry, even just for a bit.

This was the hardest part, her own knowledge of what to do here was failing her. Yugiri was never the greatest with things like this and it was the same with Kokoro. The outpour of emotion after this act threw her off. What did she do? What could she do? Was she meant to say something here?

"It's okay."

It felt pathetic compared to someone else and the things that they might do for her but it was all that she felt like she was able to do. She could beat powerhouses of demons and other people but she couldn't do something as simple as reassure and comfort someone? Wasn't it a little pathetic?