Devil's Apologies [Mana/Vanyel]

The whirlwind of his life had finally begun coming to a calm. But, in the recent months he had begun to have...doubts about some of the things that had happened.

Most notably, the turn to devilry. It felt...wrong. Beyond just to acquire more strength in the world and attempt to reach the same heights that someone like Mana and Algos had in the world, he wanted to feel accepted with demonkind, not just as the human who had nosed his way into their matters. He had abandoned the Asthavon Family and, by extension, Demon World as a whole, to stay with Calypso, to stay with the woman he loved and trusted above all else.

'I don't want this. It hasn't accomplished anything. I'm just back to where I was before, but now, I'm--'

The ominous aura of the Demon Queen pouring from the door jarred him from his thoughts, and he was quick to get a weapon in his hand. He drew a switchblade from his pocket as he closed the book in his hands, setting it on the nightstand as he walked out of the room. He didn't know why Mana was there, and part of him was concerned because of it. As he approached the door, he heard her voice beckoning him out in a tone that sounded...almost too serious to be the Mana that he had experienced.

The door opened, and Vanyel saw the stern face of the Queen, and he raised an eyebrow, keeping the switch close, his finger lightly hovering and dancing on the button.

"What do you want? I'd have figured you'd wanna to talk to your daughter above everythin' else. Not like any of you give a shit about me outside of the Phonoi."

The man's finger drifted away from the switch, sliding the weapon into his pocket and leaning against the doorway as he spoke. His last sentence stung -- realizing that the people in the Demon World didn't care for him, that he was basically just a nuisance and intruder, more than anything else, and part of what steeled his decision to leave the Demon World behind. So, to see one of them standing in front of him was strange, but there was still a coldness to him. Whatever her business was with him, it had better be important.

The fledgling demon felt a spike of anxiety begin to creep over his heart as Mana maintained the serious tone. Something felt wrong -- he didn't like this change, it gave him the nonstop feeling of dread, the emotion feeling as if it were wrapping long, cold claws tightly around his throat. So, at the suggestion of the Queen, Vanyel slowly eased himself down, his arms resting on his legs. That feeling of dread only seemed to grow stronger as Mana spoke, briefly noting on the bond that she and Calypso had, one that transcended worlds.

'She knows something that I don't.'

Vanyel felt a lump in his throat, but still maintained his composure. She knew something that Calypso hadn't told him, but, what could it be? What would she keep from him? Was it something in regards to her own well-being? Something she thought about him? But, even so...why would she keep it from him? Shivers snaked down his spine as the woman put a hand on his shoulder, and her next words made his blood run cold.

"Your child is dead."

No...no, she was lying. She had to be. Calypso wasn't showing any signs, all this time later, but, that wasn't really all that surprising, since...she was a Danava, they were weird and worked differently than humans, didn't they? Calypso wouldn't just...not tell him something that important, would she? He trusted her with everything he had, she was one of the few people he went to for just about anything. He remained silent for several minutes, his quickening breath being the only sound coming from him. A hand slowly rose to his mouth, and his bit down on his finger as his voice came out in a hushed, almost terrified whisper as tears began to well in his eyes.

"Liar. You're lying. She...She wouldn't let that happen. She...She would have told me if something like that happened...wouldn't she?"

He didn't want to believe her -- he wanted her to be lying, for it all to be some sick, cruel joke at his expense. That would be better than the reality of his unborn child being dead. His hands began to tremble. Calypso would tell him if that happened...wouldn't she?

…Wouldn't she?

Soften the blow? How the living fuck would keeping something like that soften the blow?! Vanyel slowly lowered his head, setting it in his trembling hands. Part of him wanted to lash out, to hit something or someone, to destroy something, to just scream out. His breathing continued to quicken in pace, and eventually he lowered his still trembling hands, staring at the ground with wide-open eyes.

Without so much as a word, Vanyel slowly stood up, setting the chair out of his way as he walked into the entranceway of the home. He stood in place for a brief moment, before a quiet, strangled sob finally came from him and without warning, spun around and hurled a punch at the wall, cracking the material and breaking a hole into the wall. The man didn't even flinch as he lowered his head, tears freely flowed from his cheeks as he grit his teeth -- every fiber of his body fought to keep himself from crying out.

Mana really didn't have any reason to lie to him right now. What would be the point, other than it just being some sick joke? Why would she joke about such a serious matter related to her kin? She even said it herself -- that corrupted blackness of her heart spared Algos, for fuck's sake. His denial quickly began to bottom out, replaced by sorrowful anger.

Once again, without a word, Vanyel slid the chair back in place, collapsing into it and put his head in his hands, still making little noise aside from quiet gags and coughs from his restrained cries. He had been scared of raising a child, but he wanted to try and be the best he could be, so that the kid wouldn't end up like him, so that he could try and give it a better life than what he and Calypso had. To some extent, he had been looking forward to it -- but now...

It was dead. God knows for how long. Vanyel finally managed to control himself, evening his breathing and slowing it down, wiping his eyes on his jacket sleeve as he slowly brought his gaze to Mana.

"...I don't even know what to do right now. God knows how long she's kept this from me. Not even so much as a subtle fuckin' hint. She's barely been around as it is. She's doin' it again, goin' off on...whatever the hell she's been doin', and not even sayin' anythin' to me about it."

Vanyel's gaze turned back to the ground. He was hardly sure of what to make of it all -- after so many emotions had suddenly fired off in his head, it wasn't long before his body calmed down, at least momentarily. He still felt incredible amounts of anger, but, right now, it just...hurt. he saw Mana move from the corner of his eye, and he jumped slightly as he felt her arms around her, holding him. Normally, he would have pushed her away, but, right now...he needed it.

So, without a word, Vanyel slowly leaned into the Demon Queen's arms. It...felt nice. The woman's scent vaguely reminded him of Calypso -- causing a mixture of hurt, yet also causing his heart to swell with the love he had for the dreamer. But, his mind also focused on that single, almost innocuous statement of hers. If he needed anything from her, that he shouldn't hesitate to ask. His thoughts immediately went to his doubts -- how pointless his transformation into a demon was.

Part of him wanted to ask of the possibility, but, he held his tongue. Instead, he just rested in Mana's arms -- if nothing else, having someone there for him like this softened the blow, if only by just a little. He felt like he mattered, and it was all from the woman who he believed didn't give two shits about him, aside from the cacophony of murder that was locked within him. So, as Vanyel let Mana hold him, partaking in the Queen's embrace, her next words caused a another swelling of emotions in him.

"I am here for you."

It was simple assurance, but, for him, especially with how raw and emotional he was right now, it meant far more. HIs expression didn't change as he closed his eyes, tears welling up in them again and he wiped his eyes with his sleeve again. He finally spoke, albeit quiet, almost a whisper -- his voice lightly trembled from the overwhelming emotion he was trying to process.

"...Thank you. It feels...rare that something like this happens. Calypso disappears so often, I hardly see her sometimes. She doesn't ever tell me what happened or what she did. It feels like she knows just about everything about me, but...I know so little, if anything about her. She just...does things sometimes, and I don't understand why, because she doesn't explain."

There was a pause as he slowly brought his arms up around himself.

"But...I trusted her. It felt like she was the only one who gave a shit about me in this entire family, and I love her, so...what reason did I have to doubt?"

Despite the deadened look on his face, Vanyel listened to what she said -- and her words struck true: love did hurt. The last year had been a testament to it, with the amount of drama and insanity that he went through alongside her. But...this hurt so, so much more. Perhaps it was because this was the first time he had ever experienced love to this extreme, or even the first time he had loved at all. It was still foreign to him, confusing to understand the reasonings and nuances, yet, it never ceased permeating and burning in his heart.

He blinked, coming back to reality as he felt the coil wipe away his tears, with Mana's fingers cupping his chin and tilting his head to face her. The question she set for him to ask Calypso was one that he too pondered briefly. For him, it was hardly about it being fun. It was maddening, but, for him...even he couldn't properly describe what love meant. He enjoyed the feeling of being wanted, feeling important and like he mattered, but, perhaps, love simply meant those things to him. To make another feel wanted and important in this chaotic, hellish world that they shared.

But, it also made him wonder -- what did love mean to Calypso? Did she think that this relationship was love? He didn't think it was. He just felt like a trophy, being toyed with and lied to for whatever the reason may be. But, she was right -- he did deserve that much from her, if anything else. So, Vanyel let out a quiet sigh, his fingers slowly wrapping around his pants, clenching the cloth tightly as a wave of anxiety washed over him, causing the exhale to be shaky.

"Alright. You wanted to speak to her too, so...say the word, and I'll call her here."