A Sleepless Dream [Calypso/Mat]

ENTER THE DREAMER

Despite the state of chaos her mind was in, she somehow still managed to stay on her feet, not slipping down onto the bloody soil for even a moment, even if it felt like everything was crumbling. It felt like her emotions were tearing her apart limb from limb, she felt such incredible illness - why did she feel so sick?! She couldn't understand it..!

She gently winced when she sensed the energy levels around them suddenly increase, anticipating some kind of physical assault, but quickly settled when she realized he wasn't intending to strike her, but rather show her - London, she recognized it... But acknowledging it made her feel all the sicker, it only serving to further fuel the turmoil occurring in her heart.

The Danava couldn't even breathe out a 'but' before Mat showed the next several images - the atrocities humanity committed, tightly clasping her lips with her hands as her eyes were wide with shock. She was aware of humanity's past transgressions, but it was so out of hand, out of mind, distant from her, that it was easy to be overshadowed with what she assumed - that the world hated their kind for their violence, that they were nothing but cruel invaders who had no right to be here with how they behaved. But she knew better, she knew humans were no different when it came to wickedness, but only formed another tear in her beliefs, the hypocrisies of them being laid bare to her.

She was in so much pain, her mind forced to process and think about these things, no matter how unpleasant they were. It was too late to shut out anything, to cover it up and hide it away.

But that's not fair, we've done way worse since we showed up again!

That isn't true. If not us, humans would have only themselves to fight. We didn't create the idea of war.

It's our fault the world is like this!

It would have happened one way or another; complaining about it isn't going to fix it.

We're just a pack of wild beasts to them!

And that isn't true, we're just as varied and likely to violence and evil as they are. It's them who can't see past the actions of a few and attribute it to the many.

I'M A GOOD PERSON! I'M NOTHING LIKE THEM!

I'm everything like them, because I am them. To think otherwise is to deny my own nature.

Her heart and mind were at war as she'd stare at the imposing man, watching as he would come down to her level for the first time, as he offered an alternative - still painful, but there was a path forward, instead of this seemingly endless march in a circle, a neverending nightmare of death and suffering, living in the delusional dream she was doing good for all.

She had the desire to imagine a better future beyond this senseless, hypocritical stance.

NO.

"...I've been blinding myself to the truth, because the lie was easier.."

NO. NO. NO. That frantic voice in her thoughts screamed.

"..It was easier to believe I was an outlier that could save everyone..."

STOP! STOP IT! I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT!

"...Gods, what the hell have I been doing..?"

PLEASE!

"...So how do you intend on being the one to save me?"

She'd smile weakly through the horrific pain her body and psyche were going through. It felt like her veins were full of clawed hands, tearing and ripping at her from the inside as she spoke. She was tired of this frivolous dream and the horrid nightmare that occurred over and over - she wanted to wake up.

ENTER THE DREAMER

That wailing voice in her mind was slowly pushed to the background with Mat's response - not gone, but quieted for now, no true knowing of how that part of her would resurface, but that was for the future to concern about, not now. The man's words and actions had turned those slight, unassuming fractures within her into a fissure; her beliefs, desires, and thoughts were in a quiet war with one another, uncertainty in what would truly win out apparent as she looked to that outstretched hand.

Go home..?
Is that something I should do at this point?
Is that something I could do at this point?

She could tell most of her family either hates or is disgusted by her at this point - she wouldn't be surprised if she got approached the moment she even entered the realm. She made a whole spectacle of leaving, just to return not that long after - what would that look like? She didn't desire forgiveness, she expected nothing to be the same. She would be leaving Earth again, her family again, even some new friends to an extent, for possibly a good while. She swallowed hard, as one affirming thought entered her mind, above the useless chatter of anxiety wishing to drag her down and turn her away:

I can't do anything for them if I don't have myself in order. Going with him and being given guidance and rule to better myself is the best choice right now. Living under a Father, is what I need right now - not living in more pointless fantasies of what I think is right or wrong in the world.

Exhaling softly, the bloodied girl, dirtied with her sins and hypocrisies laid bare before her, would relay only one message to her family, possibly leisurely going about their day:

Hi. I'm going to be gone for a while. No need to come find me, i'll be safe... It's for the better.

With that done, she would reach a hand for his own, lithe bloodied fingers placed over his larger, copper palm, standing up straight. She felt a weight on her hand, like a force trying to take it back, to pull it away, but she resisted it - she remained firm in this choice,

"Then let's go home. I'm tired of living in this well-worn circle."