Re: An Ill-Fitted Puzzle [Tsurugi/Saiko]

Thu Jun 03, 2021 11:12 pm

Tsurugi Toru

It didn't take much to guess how much of a loaded question that was, probably a poor choice on the part of the man who tried to take the focus off himself, as he wasn't truly prepared for what the woman had to say. He had expected a far more vague response, it was what he was used to after all - nobody wanted to be completely straight with him, and that was just a reality he accepted.

But Saiko Mori.. Did not hold back on what was going through her mind. As soon as she mentioned 'hell', he felt he was going to be along for a ride he wasn't sure he knew how to deal with. Her human life gone completely awry, the tamperings with her body and soul in that life, her life as a Shinigami, her hurt leading her to betray the Gotei and become a part of Shadow Fall, all manner of things...

He had no fucking idea how to think of this. Not in that the woman's circumstances were disgusting or unfathomable to the man, but the sheer fact she was willing to disclose it so readily. He... Wasn't sure how to respond. Some parts of him wanted to give her comfort and condolences, others were biting at those softer parts, stating that would be a show of weakness, that it was a slippery slope into an easy to kill state, and others just wanted to run away and not think about it.

Divert. Divert. Divert. Divert.

His eyes lacked light, his expression frozen as he seemed to be figuring out what to even do, slowly blinking ever so often, a space of silence between the two as he could hear his heart in his ears, until he finally went out of his way to break it,

"... That's awful."

Any not truly paying mind to him would assume he was carelessly throwing out a generic, desired response, but he simply decided to at the very least acknowledge it before tossing to the next thing to avoid having to think about it. He would have followed her previous gaze towards the moon, slowly blinking as he would speak once more, his tone remaining flat as he spoke,

"The moon is nice tonight."

Fri Jun 04, 2021 7:26 am

[CLICK THE POSTING MUSIC IN THE YOUTUBE BAR]

THE MISTRESS OF GLUM

Enter Saiko's Post

Posting Music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXn3FNYzvwo

There was a strong aqua blush that flowed over the woman's face as she realized just how much she had dumped on to the male. That wasn't her intent to place him into an awkward circumstance, but Saiko believed it was best to try and be open with people. Perhaps this would serve as a lesson to limit the amount of information she tries to tell people moving forward.

"No, it's awful I went into all that detail. I didn't mean to put you in that position."

If nothing else, Saiko was learning to be more direct with people even in her own screw-ups. While the male tried to divert his attention away from such things, this woman was more interested in trying to confront them if nothing else.

"But you aren't wrong. The moon does look beautiful, doesn't it?"

Still feeling flustered, but determined, the shinigami then turned her eyes towards the heavenly sights of the cosmic seas above them. The stellar visuals of the skies before them brought with it a sense of awe as all the stars glistened in the backdrop. At that moment, a sense of relief flowed down her body. Even if she did mess things up between the two of them, things would be ok. She could try again, make amends or start anew with something else. Nothing to get upset about. Just live in the awkwardness of it all.

"Sorry I ruined the beauty of it, though. I just wanted to try being more open folks as I've been running from it for so many years, but I don't think I did it the right way."

Code By:
[THEFROST]

Sat Jun 05, 2021 12:32 am

Tsurugi Toru

His gaze didn't remain on the moon for too long, soon falling back on the halfling before him, only for some part of him to regret doing so in a way, not that he didn't like what he saw... The opposite, rather. Her cheeks had changed to an unusual color, a shade of blue... Did her demonic influences cause such a bodily change? Tsurugi didn't know much about demons to begin with, apart from what they did, and the hatred stewed towards them. Even Mother wasn't very fond of them. He never shared that sentiment, not out of a desire to see otherwise, but mere indifference - he had never even laid eyes on one before.

"What position?"

He uttered softly, before following her gaze back to the moon, nodding at her comment towards it,

"Yes. Perhaps one of the only constants in life.."

He almost didn't want to look down to see her unusual features again. It made him feel.. Some way. Admiring? Curious? He didn't know, he didn't know if he should know. Weren't feelings like these a show of weakness? He did nothing to earn such a sentiment, so why was she so freely expressing it? So many apologies, so much concern... He didn't know how to even begin.

"You did no such thing. Why are you apologizing?"

The young man had to at least give her that - she did nothing to disturb the night sky, so why was she so concerned about it? Though... He didn't know how to feel about the information she so freely gave to him, apart from one thing,

"I do not know if I can do such a thing - 'opening up' myself for others..."

It felt like a small, cold hand pressed against his spine as he expressed that, but he continued,

"..I do not understand why you would tell me all of that, when I have not done anything for you. Mother always said information had a price - for her there was no amount of information I could have attained for her to speak anything about herself."

His gaze slowly went back down to meet her's, almost seeming to stare deeply into her,

"...Even kindness and love, had a price."

He never blinked as he spoke, staring at her as if he were a beast looking for an opening.

"...So.. Is that a way for you to say, 'I want something from you'? Or did you just lay yourself bare and naked expecting nothing in return? I do not understand."

Sun Jun 06, 2021 2:49 pm

[CLICK THE POSTING MUSIC IN THE YOUTUBE BAR]

THE MISTRESS OF GLUM

Enter Saiko's Post

Posting Music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXn3FNYzvwo

"What position? I think I uttered too much about myself to you and we just met. So I feel that is an awkward position to be in."

Snappy and to the point, the Mistress of Glum figured she would at least get that sentiment expressed out as Tsurugi questioned what position he was in. Though, her aqua eyes kept on the male as he started to talk about the weirdness of opening oneself up to the world. The mother-like figure in his life uttered such notions of information always needing a price. And, to a degree, perhaps there was truth in it. Yes, she needed something from him, but it wasn't what he assumed it was.

"The only thing I want is to feel accepted and cared for."

By this point, it was past the time of caring about coming off as anything but herself. So, she just told him what the price was outright. Even as her own face still tinted itself with that blueberry blush of hers, there was still confidence in her eyes that she was doing the right thing. As even if things weren't going as she had intended, she was trying to grow in her own way to push past her own limited roots to try to bridge a connection with a stranger.

"Perhaps I told you all of that because I saw something in your eyes that was a kindred soul. I'm open to being a person that looks too deeply into these things, but the price for that information is just...companionship."

Saiko closed her eyes and let out a gentle breath of air before proceeding.

"I'm a woman that could fight against some of the strongest people in the Soul Society if I were to give into my demonic instincts, so I don't need anything from you other than your attention, understanding and to be able to talk to someone."

Code By:
[THEFROST]

Mon Jun 07, 2021 11:54 am

Tsurugi Toru

The young man only stared at her as he awaited an explanation for her, at least to him, contradictory actions. He wasn't sure what to even think of this situation.. He hadn't had someone truly attempt to open up to him... Since...

His mind departed from that thought - they weren't memories he wanted to dredge up, not now...

Though, his attention was placed back on the scarred woman before him, as she spoke of the thing she desired was to feel loved and accepted. His eyes seemed to give away some unconscious sensation - was it sadness? Was it yearning? He couldn't comprehend his own feelings as the woman voiced her own so freely, so calmly and clearly, that the exchange here was for that of... Companionship.

Tsurugi stood silently for a moment, before slowly approaching the woman, finally breaking the distance he imposed between the two, before he was directly in front of her. Looking down at her, his expression unreadable, he soon would back up for a moment, slowly sinking down onto his knees, sitting on them and dipping his head,

".. I apologize... You're new to me."

His hands gripped his knees, sighing softly as his gaze hardened,

"..All of this, is new to me. Sometimes I wonder, if what i've learned is the path to true strength, or if it merely made me lacking in it. You..."

He seemed to fall quiet for a moment, before continuing, "..You seem much wiser than I.. I cannot ignore that."

Mon Jun 07, 2021 1:01 pm

[CLICK THE POSTING MUSIC IN THE YOUTUBE BAR]

THE MISTRESS OF GLUM

Enter Saiko's Post

Posting Music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXn3FNYzvwo

Saiko looked at the sight of the male kneeling before her and she could only shake her head to disagree with the actions taken. For while it was nice that he was able to break the distance between the two, she had no desire for him to kneel or anything crazy like that. All she desired was his companionship.

"No need for all that. You can raise and just sit normally with me."

Really, both of them had their nerves tingling throughout this interaction. So, to her, she was just flowing through this valley of awkwardness to try to face her own weaknesses. And, in doing so, Saiko thought that perhaps she could take Tsurugi along for the ride. As it certainly seemed like the male lacked anyone to properly latch on based on his own mannerisms. The reserved nature, soft-spoken words, and general uncertainty of the circumstance he was placed into led her to believe he lacked a true connection to anyone here. Hence, she'd press forward as they both shared similar traits in one way or another.

"What strength means varies from person to person. So only you can define what it means to be strong. Why do you feel you lack it?"

Now with her blush slowly fading, the woman found herself adjusting to the conversation. And, as a result of this adaption, her eyes focused on the male before adding one last interjection to the exchange.

"Wise? I'm uncertain of that, but I do have more life experience and perhaps can help you since you seem similar to me. Both of us are scarred, timid people with big hearts perhaps."

...and then the blush returned as the woman closed her eyes and chuckled lightly.

"I'm sorry, I keep saying these mushy things as it's something that feels right. My child-like self would have wanted to be someone who could help others like that, I guess..."

Code By:
[THEFROST]

Mon Jun 07, 2021 2:32 pm

Tsurugi Toru

The young man seemed hesitant to do so initially, but sighed, nodding gently as he would climb back up to his feet, once again looking at the shorter woman with a rather intimidating gaze, quiet as the night around them as he stood over her. He couldn't tell at all what was going through her head, something that somewhat bothered the man - he could figure his way through a bad situation just fine, but figuring people out was his great wall.

His gaze would skim to the left as the woman asked why he would felt he lacked strength, and the definition she gave of it made him truly think,

"..I seem to be a failure in adapting here, the... The Gotei. I cannot even speak to my Zanpakuto due to.. I am not sure why, but something is holding me back. I cannot view it as anything other than.. A... W-weakness."

He seemed to falter a bit as he admitted that fact, as if the very idea sickened him - to be considered weak, prey, a feeble thing just waiting to be crushed by the world. That wasn't something he wanted to devolve to, he couldn't. He had to be larger, stronger, above being prey to another being. He even appeared a little upset by Saiko's determination of what they had in common.

"..Scarred..? Timid..?"

He looked down, seeming to fixate on these things, the most emotion across his face so far appeared on his face - Shock. The cold hand he felt upon his back felt like raking claws, as he would then utter his concern to Saiko,

"..Have... I.. Softened..?"

Tue Jun 08, 2021 1:13 pm

[CLICK THE POSTING MUSIC IN THE YOUTUBE BAR]

THE MISTRESS OF GLUM

Enter Saiko's Post

Posting Music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXn3FNYzvwo

Saiko placed her right hand on top of his and she shook her head to disagree with what the male was saying to her in regards to him being weak, softened, and unable to communicate with his Zanpakuto due to said weakness.

"No one's inner soul is the same, so don't beat yourself up if you can't hear your Zanpakuto. That is ok as you aren't weak and can grow from this."

Those words were spoken as softly as a mother's embrace to their newborn child, as this sense of inner-love is what she did have for herself. Perhaps it was hard to express such tender things in a world built upon savagery, yet it is in doing so that the inverse occurs and one finds the strength to vocalize themselves in a world of brutes. So, to her, this was the right path to begin nestling his own internal neglect. Being a man was rough in this world, so she knew his heart was numb and could not touch him because he himself had dulled his own inner voice.

"It's okay to be soft, but you can still act in spite of it. You are hurting your spiritual growth as I feel there is so much you may not have processed that your soul gave up with bonding with you."

There was a pause as she continued to gently caress his hand. Remembering that person she used to be in the midst of this gulf of woe, Saiko proceeded forward as the visuals of a younger, happier version of herself played in her mind. That same girl who was a champion of the Gotei could once again try to make the world happy.

"Your own pain has silenced your connection with yourself, Tsurugi. Do you not agree?"

Code By:
[THEFROST]

Tue Jun 08, 2021 3:17 pm

Tsurugi Toru

Tsurugi visibly twitched as he felt her hand touch his own, some feeling that he couldn't describe going through him as she did so. She looked like she would've felt cold, frigid, but her touch was.. Warm and comforting. He seemed a bit taken aback by such a gesture, but he didn't have it in him to be rude and reject it, even if it made him feel complicated. Even with her reassuring statements, he couldn't help but still feel as if he was failing within his new life as a Shinigami - settling for nothing but success was thoroughly baked into him throughout his life, but Saiko's words...

"..Is that so?"

The sharp gaze of the man seemed to darken with thought, taking in her words and really thinking about it, despite the chilling sensation down his spine about this matter. His free hand tightened as he almost didn't want to speak how he actually felt, but he parted his lips anyway,

"...Admitting weakness is... Agonizing."

Those true words would come forth, as his face seemed to slightly twist with pain, as if admitting that felt a little painful - like reopening a wound,

"...I have been led to believe that... That... Being soft, letting my barriers down, acknowledging my... Conflicted feelings.. Are weaknesses. Are things... I should never do..."

He wasn't entirely sure of what was to be gained here, but it felt right in some way to be honest,

"..That, if I do not take care to keep guarded, to keep one eye open... That I will be killed. But.. Hearing from you.. Someone who has survived mountains of tragedy, yet are willing to be soft... It..."

A low sigh would leave him, as he would continue on, even if it felt like claws of poor sensation were raking down his back,

"...I am not sure what I should do with this. I was taught that vulnerability and softness would be my end, yet I am being presented with the opposite...? You must know how.. Strange that could feel.."

Thu Jun 10, 2021 11:52 am

[CLICK THE POSTING MUSIC IN THE YOUTUBE BAR]

THE MISTRESS OF GLUM

Enter Saiko's Post

Posting Music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXn3FNYzvwo

There was a lot to unpack given the fact that the male was having trouble trying to open himself up to release that internal turmoil he was in. However, to Saiko, it was all but understandable. How can one begin to walk if they never walked before? Crawl. In that same manner was he crawling through the uncertainty of his own mental being and it is why The Mistress of Glum was here to absorb that and walk him through it.

"Not everyone is good in this world and it is okay to be guarded around certain individuals as they may indeed hurt or even kill you."

Now patting his shoulder for physical comfort, Saiko nodded her head and continued speaking.

"However, not all are our enemies. If you can find a few people who are allies to open up to, it makes that discomfort all the more worth it as it's tiring to go it alone. I've done it for so long it hurt."

Though, as her oceanic stare looked at the male, Saiko became aware that this was a fragile state for him to be in. So, the woman was walking carefully not to veer him off a cliff.

"The only thing you can do is experiment with people, get to know them, and train your brain to better spot bad actors. You don't have to give me everything your heart is feeling, but we can go slow until it feels natural for you. That is what training of the heart is to me: slowly working to make our capacity to care for others stronger."

Code By:
[THEFROST]