Supremacy, Sonority, Tranquility [Makoto, Shishiyuki]

"It's fine. I've just well, not had someone say that to me in a while is all."

It was an honest admission, only made more embarrassing by the context of kissing and everything. She tried to picture that in her head, the two of them, 'special' like that. She couldn't do it though and it wasn't something she was going to try and make herself fantasise about either for the sake of thinking about it. She wasn't the type that could never make the first move even if it was a possibility.

"Yes. I am aware."

There was no attempt to specify to Shishiyuki that she had put a lot of time into looking into noble families for the sake of looking for a certain woman. It did not help dark hair and pale skin seemed to be a common trait, it ruled out the Shihoins at least.

"Despite the nature of her decision, I suspect that she is still happy. I doubt that she considers it a mistake, and I suppose that it is she, and not I, who has been elevated to the role of the Royal Guard. Whether I agree with her love or not, I cannot deny it has brought her very far in life."

Of course, Shishiyuki did not envy her sister, nor did she regret having exiled her. It had been the only correct course of action, after all. Even if she was now working to mend that relationship as much as she was able, she did not regret what she had done.

"I do not pretend that I understand her love, but I know it has brought her far. I suppose, if I could find a love which spurred me forward in such a way, I would like that."

She paused for a moment, then continued speaking after a short chuckle, realizing a bit of clarification was needed.

"Not to say that I would follow in her footsteps. My own dignity, and the honor of myself and my family name, are prices far too great for mere personal growth."

Right. Love takes you far or it breaks you apart, as far as she's concerned it might as well be playing with fire and like a child that's learnt not to touch a hot stove, Makoto's wary of it but she didn't think it was a bad thing. She tucked her hair back behind her ear at the mention of Shishiyuki's value of others over herself. Did that have something to do with why she liked her? She wasn't the same as Abalia but they were both selfless for different reasons.

"Well, as long as that brings you happiness. If you do find love though, I hope it doesn't burn you."

She smiled again while sipping. Shishiyuki had been living the way she had for a long time, the idea of a century was still a far milestone for a young person like her but if she had lived this lifestyle for so long then it must be something she's satisfied with. Being miserable for centuries and forcing something sounded pretty painful to do.

"Well, I would certainly hope much the same. But I am not terribly worried about such a thing. I have heard it said that love comes quickly, whatever you do. If so, I can do little but acknowledge it, and mentally prepare myself for it."

Shishiyuki had to admit that her life could have used something to introduce some degree of change. She was perfectly content as things were, at least with regard to the status of her family and her duties. But it had been quite pleasant to speak with her niece, to take Makoto in as a student. Perhaps some mysterious man sweeping her off her feet would prove pleasant, though she doubted it would occur any time soon.

"I cannot help but wonder what sort of person would wish to seek me out romantically. I think I would prove something of a difficult partner, hm?"

Makoto nodded, that sure was a way to describe it. It slowly creeps up on you or it'll just hit you from nowhere and not consider how it might go. Maybe it'll sneak up before going in for the big moment, there was probably lots of ways to fall in love.

"I don't know. Some people are different with those they like compared to other people. It'd be weird if you treated someone you were romantically interested in like me, your student. Although, you seem to be really invested in your family and very serious about principle, you're the Head of the Koizumi maybe before you'd be their lover. I think that will scare people off."

She didn't even mention the matter of the violent nature and that whole other side of her, in fact the whole way she walks the line of honesty and lies probably doesn't help her case since it was one of the things that made Makoto have her reservations.

"Maybe though, even if you might need to be the one to make the advances."

"This is true, yes. I cannot quite imagine anyone being pleased that I would consider them a lesser priority than my family, at least in a romantic setting. Though, would the final ideal of a romantic relationship not naturally bring them into my family? Perhaps I'm simply thinking in a longer-term manner than most would."

It was true, to Shishiyuki that all seemed quite natural. She couldn't envision entering into a relationship with anyone if she did not already see the potential in them for marriage, but then, she was something of an outlier.

"I can hardly imagine my advances would be helpful to the cause, given my demeanor. To say nothing of my status, or even my age. I think most would rather prefer to find some polite reason to decline such an offer."

"Well, yes. If you get married it would technically do that but would you accept them into your family or would you just regard them as your spouse? I think there's a difference, right? Though, honestly I don't know. Marriage sounds like it means a lot to you or is it like your kiss? It's the principle over the feeling."

Makoto sipped again while contemplating the matter of her glamour. She did hide her scars underneath, it didn't bother her to know of their existence or the fact that she maintained a kido spell over her body to lower the impression of her old and marred body but the words she raised did linger in her mind and make her wonder if Shishiyuki would ever kiss a lover unless they were married. That was a strange dynamic to consider, she imagined it would create distance for people to not receive affection from the one they loved because of principles. They were worth less than them.

"Anyone who rejects you based on stupid ideas like your status or age isn't worth your time in the first place and it probably wouldn't have lasted anyway. If they like you for you, are willing to try and love you, they're worth more than people that look at stupid things like that."

It felt strange to talk about love. She hated it but she had been in it before, she didn't think she was an expect but she spent a long time thinking about it. Why did it fail? What caused it to change and sour? Why'd she put up with it? Lots of questions that had plagued her mind until she came to her own answers and went numb to it all together.

"Mm... I must admit that I have not put much thought toward my stance on marriage. I find myself rather opposed to the notion of a purely political marriage. I think that they do far less good than most wish to admit, and that ultimately they provide little benefit to those involved or to the family. They create weak alliances, and breed only spite. Considering that, I would think marriage then can only exist in its value for the sake of love."

It was true, Shishiyuki had put very little thought toward her stance on these things. It wasn't so much that thinking on them had shifted her opinion, or that she had been clinging to a zealous ideal. She simply hadn't cared nearly enough to put serious thought into a matter such as love.

"Well, I do admire your straightforwardness on the matter. I doubt I would have worded it in such a way myself, but I do find the sentiment agreeable. But we seem to be creating something of an unrealizable ideal now, don't we? Someone who is willing to tolerate my principles, who is not immediately intimidated by me, and whose interest in me is wholly genuine. And, of course, someone who I feel I can trust, and who I would feel no concern bringing into my family."

A thought crossed Shishiyuki's mind, then, and she nearly laughed to herself, though it did occur to her that she likely should not have vocalized either the thought or any indication that it had occurred to her. It was one thing to indicate to Makoto that she had placed trust in her, but to make any indication that she would be a welcome Koizumi was another matter entirely. Certainly not appropriate for lighthearted ribbing.

The affairs of nobility were alien to her, she knew of some of the ettiquette but she had never experienced it. As long as she remained that way then she might as well be looking at it and never comprehending the idea of a political marriage, when one was part of the Four Great Noble Families, what reason was there to pursue political power anymore? It was already the zenith of one's nobility.

"Of course they exist but love goes both ways and that means making concessions. When you love someone you give and take. It goes both ways."

The last bit came out a lot weaker, what had started as one concession for love becomes two, bigger and bigger concessions until eventually it was nothing but giving and receiving nothing.

"And.. and that's why when you find that person you shouldn't hesitate or wait for them because if you intimidate them then they'll never understand unless they see the real you... Um, anyway, the point is don't be passive or scared about it."

How was she going to tell Shishiyuki to show the real her. That made her feel just a little awkward.

"Love truly is quite complicated, isn't it? I have to wonder how my sister ever managed to handle it all."

Shishiyuki closed her eyes with a smile, taking a sip of her tea and taking a moment to simply let things settle a bit. She understood that Makoto had likely not meant anything significant by the advice of letting them see the real her. After all, it was good advice, at least in most situations. She simply could not trust most with the real her, on principle more than anything else.

"But, at least I have someone here to instruct me in its minutiae. A bit of an exchange between us in lessons, hm? One might even call it a give and take."

Well, she supposed a bit of joking wouldn't hurt, and she laughed quietly to herself as she said it. Unlike the last bit of humor to cross her mind, this one didn't actually give anything away. It was simply harmless teasing, something she quite rarely had any opportunity to do.