Up In The Twilit Sky [Calypso/Inami]

Inami’s eyes looked downward. Her mismatched gaze lingering on the young, weak girl that lay within her embrace. Each word that was spoken was heart-felt-- bone aching. Inami could feel the emotional state of calypso as easily as she could taste it upon the tip of her tongue. It was salty, and sour; a sensation that caused Inami’s nose to wrinkle slightly as one of her hands came up gently to caress the top of her nieces head. The emotions she was feeling were one's she had wondered to herself many times. They were emotions that kept inami awake many nights, and had brought her to the brink time and time again. The ifs, the theories and questioning, it was something that Inami understood well, afterall, her life had been full of them to the point that worrying was second nature to her, just like breathing. It had paralyzed her for so long, leaving her in fugue of foggy insecurities and fear. To see another go through such heartache was.. Sobering to the queen of brutes.

”I have only thought about how this is from my perspective. I haven’t thought about how Calypso herself must feel right now. How frightened, and woefully inadequate she must feel-- how alone she must feel.”

The thought was like quicksilver, cutting through the fog of hesitation that lay within the Queen’s heart and mind. It cut through the shadows that plagued her, illuminating her, and bringing to her a seldom ray of solace. Inami did not try to speak until Calypso was done getting out the fears and hesitation that lay within her heart. All the queen did was hold her, running her slender, and pale fingers through Calypso’s raven hair. Providing comfort and kinship as the young lady poured out the pain that lay within her heart. While Inami was not an eater of pain, she could not use her nieces pain to make herself stronger, she could not take upon herself that burden-- but that did not mean she could do nothing for her.

Inami provided her with the comfort that she has longed for so many nights. The need to be understood was like a poison, it would seep within a persons heart, and it would slowly erode away at their confidence. It was like a gaping abyss that would slowly expand, until it engulfed everything that was cherished, and in it’s wake apathy would reign supreme. Inami understood that better than most, because for years now, her heart had been mired in that very apathy, each day a struggle, each moment a fight, each thought begrudging.

She did not wish this upon anyone. This pain, this crippling feeling of inadequacy that would grip a person and hold them captive within it’s clutches. Each tremble that wracked Calypso’s body, the fingers that came to grip the queen’s arms, the silent sobs that spilled over from her nieces lips-- all of these things brought great pain upon Inami’s heart. It made her ache in a way that she had not ached for a very long time now. After all, after a certain point she had given up, she had stopped living her life, and she had merely just went through the motions: day by day, in a monotonous gray.

Within the room around them, the faded lanturns cast shadows upon the red wallpaper that surrounded them. It illuminated the pair that sat there, holding eachother. Not for lust, but for a familial bond that sang far stronger. For kindred spirits that at that moment, were just connected by the pain they shared. That was what it was right now right? Pain, and misery, regrets for the things that they could not bare to live with. Regret for the past that they could not chance. A regret so all consuming that it was interfering with their capacity to live in the present, and look forth towards the future.

”I have merely been trying to make her see things like I do, I’ve just been trying to mend my own scars. Have i not?

For inami, the moment of realization came after the sobering reality settled upon her. Her hypocrisy, her selfish, ugly desires. Her need to understand was secondary to all of these emotions, which churned within her like a volatile, toxic cocktail. She hadn’t even stopped to ask herself why? Why she was doing all this. Was it for her niece? A girl who had only lived but a few years, and yet had been subjected to the dregs of this world. Was it for the girl who had lived with nothing more than the bottom of a fucked up barrel, or was it for herself? Was it that even now, she was simply trying to pick up the pieces of her life, by padding it with consolation prizes?

Inami knew nothing about the answers to any of these questions. As her fingers continued to run through calypso’s hair; kneading her scalp, providing a warm body for the girl to vent her fears and frustrations-- Inami realized that all this time she had simply been stumbling around aimlessly. All her aspirations hadn’t been things that she had wanted, but driven by this need to be accepted and loved.

Why had it taken seeing someone so precious and dear to her, crying in her arms, besotten with their own insecurities, to understand that she hadn’t grown one bit since awakening? Inami’s eyes widened faintly, her fingers stopping within Calypso’s hair as her pupils shook faintly with that one realization. She hadn’t been moving forward, she had been moving in bloody circles.. Neoveta was simply a replacement for her insecurities about her past. Algos, was simply a bandaid used by her to get over the death of her counterpart. She had been blaming her sister for her own inadequacies. Ceal had simply been a way for her to forge a connection based on pain and suffering, in the hopes that her wretched heart could feel something again. ALL she had done, had been for her and no one else.

How sad was that one fact? Right now she sat frozen, her lips slightly ajar as she realized not once had she acted on what she wanted. She had only acted upon emotion, rage, and instinct. She had not tried to emotionally better herself, she had just taken it all stupidly.

”I’ve been a fool. Atleast now i’ve realized it though.”

Inami thought to herself, as the weight of that truth settled upon her heart. As the cracks that lay within her emotions and heart at once came tumbling down. It wasn’t as if she was cured, it wasn’t as if she could simply wish all this pain away. However, she now knew that all of it was insignificant. This warmth that lay within her arms. Her [/i]family[/i] was far more important than these petty slights and grievances.

Inami’s hand gently resumed it’s trek through Calypso’s hair, and for a moment she didn’t respond. She didn’t belittle Calypso for her childish emotions, she didn’t try to coach her that it was important to forgive. She did nothing more than allow the girl to sob within her arms. She held her, and she gently squeezed her to her bosom. She accepted that hurt, and she through her actions showed that it was okay for her Niece to be devastated. After a few minutes of silence, only punctuated by the slight crackle of dancing flame in dimmed lanturn, did Inami speak.

”I can’t say that all of that isn’t true. “

She couldn’t invalidate what Calypso was feeling. As her elder, she needed to show it was all Valid.

”That doesn’t mean that you should let that fact cripple you.”

Inami’s words were tired, and worn, but there was strength to them as she stared past calypso, towards the large open windows that bordered the wall to their adjacent left. She stared out into the distant horizon, looking at the reddened sky. As if she could find something in the vastness, as if she could gather strength from it’s depths.

”You shouldn’t hold on to what has been done, Calypso.”

Inami knew that her dearest niece felt responsible. She knew what it felt like to feel like you had failed, and failed so completely that there was seldom a path to redemption.

”Don't let what has happened define you. At the same time though, if you feel you must act, then do so without impunity. Don't let this paralyze you because.”

Inami’s hand pressed against the back of Calypso’s head, no longer running through her head she brought the girls head to rest against her collarbone.

”Life moves by far to quickly, to allow yourself to get stuck in the past. The hurting will pass, and one day the pain will be gone. But until then? “

A soft sigh escaped inami’s lips as she gently pulled Calypso back, her hands moving to rest on either one of her shoulders as she looked down upon her niece, her eyes studying the young lady’s intently. As if she could see everything that went on within her niece’s head simply by looking at her. The intensity of Inami’s gaze was far different than Algos’s or her Sister’s. For hers was a lingering flame, it shought to burn out the pain, even if it was impossible. It sought to help Calypso through this pain, so that she could become stronger from it.

”Every day will be a struggle. However, if you accept it, then each day it will get a bit easier. Until eventually, you will smile again. That’s the beauty for us demons. “

Inami’s hands shifted to gently wipe away any tears that adorned Calypso’s face. A tender, motherly expression adorning her face as she pondered how she wished to say the words that she wished to convey. How she could get them across in a way that conformed to her heart’s feelings. She did not wish to tell Calypso things half-heartedly. She didn’t wish to tell her what to do either. All she wanted was..

”For her to live her life to the fullest. Pain and Happiness included.” Once that thought escaped her mindscape, Inami knew what she wished to say to this girl. What pearls of wisdom she wished to impart to her.

”Until then, All you need to do is live by the convictions of your heart, dearest Niece.”

Inami drew Calypso back into a fierce hug. As if by doing so she could take the hurt away. As if for just a moment she could afford Calypso a safe harbor in which the worries of the world would just fall away. After all, if her worn and vile heart could provide comfort and solace for one of her dearest kin, why would she not do so?

”It’s okay to be selfish.”

Inami said softly as she glanced up at the floating city that was like a pinprick in the distance.

”It’s okay to cry. “

Inami’s eyes gently swept the horizon as she blinked back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her own face.

”It’s okay to be unsteady and make mistakes dear.”

Inami’s eyes drifted to the plushies on her bed.

”It’s okay to be imperfect. “

Inami’s eyes finally looked back to the girl that lay in her arms.

”And if you find that you cannot bare it alone, then we will just pick up the pieces together okay?”

A soft smile graced Inami’s features, one that exuded kindness, and honestly. She conveyed the emotions she wished to tell her niece. She was able to pull forth the integrity that she wished to share with her. The wishes and desires that she had for her.

”Because you are not alone. “

For Inami, that she was able to say all of this…

Pain, Anguish, Uncertainty, Doubt--All of these emotions could be tasted upon the tip of Inami’s tongue; Their acrid tones sizzling upon her taste buds. Calypso’s soft words were so broken and unsure, they were laden with the regrets that sought to bog her down and tear her asunder. For so many, these issues would continue to plague them, and would become an iron weight that sought to bring them down. So many things had happened, things that could not, nor should, ever be taken back. That was a part of growing up after all, the pain and all the anguish that would fill you was simply the worlds way of toughening one up. Still..

”Maybe this is all that we deserve to experience. This pain of reality.” Inami thought faintly as she stared down into those inky black eyes. Seeing the tears that traveled down Calypso’s face, Inami could not at first come forth with an answer. After all, who was she to tell someone else in anguish that it would be okay? That the crippling cold and numbness that came with it would abate. That the ebbing excitement, and increasing neutrality was merely a phase.

Maybe it would never be okay, for either of them, but, that was okay. Inami’s heterochromia flickered, and the pures hues of green stared down upon that uncertain gaze. There was no soft smile, or fluffy lies. She didn’t try to spoonfeed her niece shit, nor try to pain an untrue utopia. Instead, as her lips rested in a frown, and her hand gently sifted through her inky locks of hair, Inami released a sigh of midnight smog, her expression full of both pain, and conviction.

”Because when you lose what you hold dear, the hole it leaves is all consuming. Right or wrong have nothing to do with it my dear. That hole inside of you cares not for your dreams, nor your morality. “

Inami gently used a thumb to wipe away the inky blackness that seeped from her nieces eyes as she then held it aloft. Her eyes studying it as it dripped from her hands. There was a somberness about the queen as she continued to speak.

”All it cares for is destruction. If you let it, that pain in your check will consume you, It will chip away at you until you become a mere fragment of who you once were.”

Inami looked back down and smiled faintly, showing her razor sharp teeth. In that moment, the queen could not have looked more completely alone than she did. The softness of her voice underlying the raw unfiltered pain that glimmered just beneath the surface.

”You have to let go and move on Calypso. Even if in doing so you create a rift that cannot be mended. If you do not move on and live for you, then you will only walk a ruinous road. “

Inami gently planted a kiss atop calypso’s head as she murmured softly.

”You have to make peace and leave the past behind. Only then will you begin to heal my love.”