Companions of Old

Ulv stumbled out of a Senkaimon into the Seireitei and just stood for a few seconds trying to regain her balance. Something had gone terribly wrong and now her equilibrium had been fucked up.
"Ughh....what now?" she grumbled, getting mad at the loss of balance.
'Ohh, you know. Just Everything. Fate doesn't like to be cheated, it seems' Hvit commented. She wasn't joking with that, the last few days had not been gentle at all. She hadn't gotten the break she needed to regenerate her eye, so she was still blind in that one, and it was fucking creepy to have to look at it. She'd gotten so used to her hollowfied eyes, seeing one normal again put her off looking at it.

Between the loss of depth perception that the blindness had caused, and now this complete lack of balance, she wasn't doing well on the old walking front, staggering like she was drunk and having a face slightly drooped as if it was made of partially melted wax. Still, she was a stubborn woman who was also the world's best martial artist - personally thought, at least - so she would just take all that in stride and stagger into the first division barracks.

Once outside Abalia's door, she would knock on it gently, gathering her head and speaking slowly to avoid slurring her words like a two day binge had happened without her noticing.
"Abalia? Are you in there?"

Abalia was never one to say more than she needed to, so the singular word did not worry Ulv at all, and she opened the door. Immediately there was something very wrong. Ulv's blotchy yellow skin implied some liver disease, her face having fallen to one side evidence of a recent stroke, and the way she slowly staggered over to the chair and gripped it with shuddering hands told a terrible tale. And then there was the eye. Her sclera was normal coloured and her iris was auburn, though a faded colour from the blindness.

"I won't lie and say I didn't suspect him. I did, but only for like four or five seconds that it took to get through the initial gut punch of emotion. And then I knew he would never do something like that without your approval. But it was an opening. It was a prime target to begin my plan. I knew that it would go right to the crux of him, that he would not hesitate to meet such an accusation head on. So he was the first put at ease for the future. But he was also the last because walking out of there, I realised I couldn't do this. That one time had taken everything I had, I couldn't do it with anyone else"

Ulv spoke with the understanding Abalia knew what had happened and wasn't interested in platitudes.
"As you might have noticed, I am not doing well. The fight with Aizen was a strain, and had it ended there then there wouldn't be a problem. But then Hebi exploded and I had to take his madness energy inside me and burn it away less it corrupt the whole continent and threaten billions. Those two together were too much for my body. It wasn't built for that kind of output, so slowly started failing. Hvit's regeneration has been keeping me alive but the process is picking up speed. I put more of my energy into Hvit every day to keep pace, but sometimes even that is not enough. Eventually, I will run out of energy to pour into Hvit, and will die"

She paused for a moment, staring into space as if saying it had just finally acknowledged the possibility she had been ignoring up until this point.
"I...don't want sadness, I don't want grief. I am hope, I am light, I am passion. So I wanted to ensure that nobody in the world would mourn my passing. And the attempt, while successful, ruined my ability to go further with it"

"Hey now, that is thinking your plans through for two seconds. It is anathema to me" Ulv replied, still as ever trying to dampen the dark parts of life with humor. She would take the tea and sip it gently, nodding to herself.
"Hmm, I do often find humor in how we became friends. As I found humor in how Rakki loved me. But both of them are riding the coat-tails of a woman who came before me. Neither had the foundations built myself, and though I added to it, it was borrowed, in truth. I have done the living on past my death thing, and I don't want to do it again. Aside from the months it took me to even become me, the idea of clinging to life at all costs will breed a deep fear of death, and fear causes people to be reckless and lose all remorse in their pursuit.

What I mostly wanted here was to ensure that I told you why the thing with Hayden happened. It is entirely your prerogative to tell him if you wish, or not. But you love him a great deal and I thought you might mirror his emotions some. And as I said, I could not stand going to the grave with you against me, Abalia"

She would sip her tea and then lean back, letting a plume of air gently take her cup and hover it on some invisible table. Clearly, though ill, she was far from useless.

"And to fix my problems is not something I think can be done. My body is disintegrating under my own power. The flame that burns in my soul has turned to a scorching inferno that is driven to leave naught but ash. Any Kaido or Magic or spiritual healing will simply exasperate the situation and hasten my demise. I would not simply allow such a thing to be if it could be fixed. Between you and Inami, there is very little that can be contracted that can't be fixed"

"This is why I love you. You are always the voice of reason in my world" Ulv would say simply, sipping her tea and nodding. It was a few moments before Ulv cracked a broad grin and laughed softly at an old memory.

"Did I ever tell you about the first time I met Hayden after Mirja died? I went to his office and there I spilled my heart out to him. Everything Mirja wanted to say to him but hadn't the courage, hadn't the social acumen to be able to say. But finally they were put to word and for three seconds there was delight that they finally had. All this stuff she so desired to say was finally out in the open and she could get the response she had so craved.

Hayden then said 'speak less, smile more'. Like, come on dude! Do you know how badly someone could take that? How badly I did! take that? It was months before I got over a guy I idolised - mostly because of Mirja's memories but still - told me to shut up and look pretty. Samhain, he could be as dense as Mirja sometimes..."

"Hehehe, yea you are right at that. He is a great man, an I am delighted to have met him. As you are a great woman. I only regret my terribly thought out plan has put a divide between us. It was such a smart plan when I thought about it, and because I wanted it to be a trick, I didn't ask anyone's opinion on it. So I learned the hard way how bad of an idea it was to do"

Ulv stared wistfully into space for a bit before coming back to look at Abalia and smiling, then standing slowly.
"I shall depart now. If you ever need any help with the paperwork or anything, send some down to me. No point lounging about doing nothing. Should make myself useful till the conclusion"