Wandering Thoughts

...It's so bright... everything is so bright...

Consciousness.

Awareness.

Kabuto Hebi's mind tried to move his fingers. Tried to breathe. Tried to do any of the things that meant he was alive. And yet, he could not. He had no hands. He had no lungs. He could think, but he was not alive.

He was alone.

...I was just bored, wasn't I?

It seemed to him that months had passed since he had watched his body be put down. Or perhaps it had been years. Perhaps centuries had passed, with him trapped in his own mind.

...That's also incorrect.

Freed from the flesh of his mind, Kabuto was himself, only himself. There was no Gray, the dis-associative personalities within his mind. No other creatures vying for attention within his mind. They could no longer use his mouth, express themselves using his mind. There was only his single mind, floating alone through space.

Should I wonder where I will end up?

For him, it felt like time had stopped.

But time never stops. It keeps going. It keeps passing...

Lamentations washed over his mind, once again. His wife. His child. His family. His enemies. He was detached from them all. Going to the absolute limits as he had labeled him a mad man. An insane Doctor. Appearing in the night or day. A coiling serpent, seeking out prey, constantly slithering upon the Earth, staring up at the sky.

And once again... I have no power.

For the third time in his existence, Kabuto was completely powerless. For the first time, he was completely alone. He could not end his consciousness. He could only continue within his own mind. It was so tempting. To create his own reality. To imagine an entirely new dimension, to control every piece of it and make it move the way he wanted it to. To craft a story by himself in his own head, to create a new reality.

But something was stopping him from doing so.

...What am I hoping for? Why do I force myself into this half-existence...? Why do I resist that last step, the erasure of my... self?

Without eyes to open or close, Kabuto's mind continued to drift. He knew the reason. He remembered the woman with the blue hair. The way she had told him that she craved an absolute order, to make the entire world right. The same thing that he had begun to crave, after he had a child of his own. A world that made sense. And in the midst of that, he had begun to hate himself. For the first time, he had grown bitter toward his son. That was not who he was. But it was who he felt he had to become.

Kabuto had never craved order before Rasuca had begun to grow up. He had despised it. To him, order meant stagnation. At least, on the outside. One that could affect himself. Order was well and fine to observe. To mess with. To distort and experiment upon. But when forced upon himself, it angered him. He had no authority. He had never had any authority.

That changed when he gained the burdens of others dependence.

...I want to return for them.

Kabuto could still imagine their faces. The way his son looked up at him. The way his wife smiled. The chaos and trouble they got into, watched over by his Selves. By the mind he had driven mad with the power it could contain.

Can you hear me, Hebi? My soul...? My heart? Will I fill you again...? Will you beat for me?

He felt distress... which meant, that it was time, once again...

Coursing rivers... A whirlpool pulling me down, down, down. Washing everything else away, spinning, spinning, spinning... Over and over again... taking me down in its dark waters, dragging me further down into its depths... The spinning so consistent, leaving me helpless to resist it... and then, it becomes a river... a River, rocking me back, and forth again... from one side, to the other... from one side, to the other... No rocks, no light... just a dark river, all around my body... drifting back, and forth....

At last, Kabuto Hebi's thoughts faded once again as he lulled his own conscious into a hypnotic slumber. The only way he could keep from going truly mad, breaking and losing his sense of self.

After that, there were no more thoughts to be heard.

[End Thread.]