Bleeding Heart Pacifist [Calypso/Ulv] (PRIVATE)

There were sobs in the darkness of a strange, cold room with checkered flooring. The young demon was in a fetal position, covering her bloodied face with equally disgusting fingers, shaking her head left and right as she mumbled 'no no no'. Above her, bodies hung, bodies of loved ones and those she didn't know, like some livestock being prepared to be butchered..

"Why... Wh-why... Why couldn't I stop it...? Why couldn't I do anything..?"

'Because you're w e a k.'

The sobbing girl looked up, a shadow with white glowing eyes staring her down, almost at level with the corpses, "W-what..?"

'Stop lying to yourself, i d i o t. Can't hold up this c r a p forever.'

It's voice was simultaneously like a distant ghost, and an angered beast, disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, hissing out words at times. The young demon's heart skipped a beat in this space, her chest feeling cold and heavy as she faced away, "I don't know what you're talking about."

'I know you know, i d i o t. Preaching about this taking initiative s h i t, then doing nothing else. Are you s c a r e d you'll end up like Mama?'

Caly didn't reply to the shadow's mocking sentence, tightening her hug around her legs, averting her eyes.

'Gotta be kidding... F i n e. The kick in the ass you need will come, s o m e d a y. Also, watch your head.'

"Wha-"

---

"Ow!"

Caly rubbed her head as she opened her eyes, sleepily looking at the armrest above her head. The calming rock of the boat had mostly ceased, the sensation of movement was gone. Provided she didn't oversleep, she must finally be at the Harbor. Despite the raging of the outside world, there was still a boatline to the place, often times loaded with those escaping the war. Makes sense that where Ulv resided would be a safe haven; she was really strong after all.

Releasing a gaping yawn, the young Asthavon walked with a crowd off the large vessel. She had wanted to try using a boat to travel rather than rely on her magic for once, and it was honestly.. Very relaxing. The rocking of the boat provoked some weird nostalgic emotions within herself, so nostalgic it made her conk out for most of it.

She roamed about the city, exhaling as she saw the sights of the city. It was all well and good but, she couldn't recall if Ulv ever gave any sort of address or place she frequented here. Releasing a yawn, she just thought about how inconvenient it was, but it wasn't like she'd be impossible to find. A buff, amber-toned redhead would easily stick from the crowd... Hopefully.

Caly walked the city in a bit of an absentminded fashion, not being too sure of where the heck she was going or where she was. The air felt warm, but Calypso knew it wasn't from the sun. Was this Ulv's energy? It simply caused the girl's head to dip, a flourishing of amazed, yet very metaphorical butterflies fluttering in her being. She's really, undeniably strong if she can wrap her energy over a whole city like that without breaking a sweat..

The young demon placed a hand on one of the amberish buildings, sighing sadly as her hand tightened into a fist as her woes came bubbling right back up, a cold kind of burning sensation of coming golden tears in her eyes, covering her mouth. She felt ill, thinking about the roars of carnage she had seen, it was hard to bear, suddenly having to witness so much death and harm, yet.. Being so tied and stuck in being able to do anything about it. Her thoughts were on a painful loop, the sensation to vomit simply growing..

Until she heard a familiar voice behind her, immediately going with the instinct to turn around and hug them. Luckily the voice belonged to just who she was looking for, the girl looking up and smiling at the woman wearily, "..It... I..."

Calypso calmly unclasped her grip, standing up straight and looking down, visibly tired yet smiling meekly, "..It's alright, it's fine. I'm..."

Her expression quickly deteriorated into sadness, as she quietly conceded that trying to cover her hurt wasn't in any way productive or helpful, "...Who the hell am I kidding, i'm not okay.. I haven't been okay, all of this is... Too much. Just.. Too much..!"

She covered her face, the sounds of choked sobs in each breath, "All of this suffering... And despite my efforts to help those affected, they don't work out all the time... I've had people I was trying to HEAL die in my care..!"

Calypso collapsed onto her knees, sobbing loudly as golden tears came from her eyes in copious amounts, "What am I going to do...? I want it to just stop...!"

Calypso appeared confused at first through rolling golden tears, as Ulv remarked of how 'easy' it would be to make things stop. What did she even mean? Stopping the suffering of many was by no means easy.....

Then she saw the woman's eyes take the signature shade of a Vizard's own when donning a mask, seeing a glowing mass of energy form in her palm, proceeding to basically suggest death in order to escape the feeling of pain and suffering. Calypso's expression, expectantly, changed from one of sadness into shock, her mouth slightly agape as she then changed into mild outrage,

"Are you CRAZY?! I can't just DIE!"

Calypso leaped to her feet, her hands balled into fists at her sides as she seemed to stiffen, "So many people are in danger, suffering, or dying. My WORLD, is like a dog biting itself to death because my Mama is fucking CRAZY and just relishes in the chaos of it all, it's just one giant jackfest to her! And I.. I...!"

She leaned against the building behind her, covering her face with her scarf, "..And.. I'm scared. I can't die, I have to help everyone... But it's just, so much, and, i'm scared, that if I fought, that I might... Actually.. K-kill, someone... And i'm terrified that... I could become like my Mama because of it.. If I let my power fly like that... But at the same time I can't just sit and do NOTHING! Ugh!"

A whimper came from her, golden tears pouring off her face, "I can't just commit suicide.. I can't just vanish, but.. I don't know what I should do here, one end, I'm scared I might go out of control, the other, just healing people isn't enough.. It isn't enough to end the suffering this stupid war's making.."

She sighed, a glowing blush forming on her face, an opal-like light around her eyes and nose, "I'm sorry for yelling."

Caly couldn't help but groan and hold the side of her head in exasperation when Ulv mentioned one of her technically true 'solutions', "Why are all your extreme, 'quick fix' solutions so... Death-y?"
The young one couldn't help but do quotations with her fingers with 'quick fix', only seeming more weary, "Besides, I don't even know what the heck an 'atmospherey incinerator' or a thermo-whatever is, whatever they are they sound horribly destructive, and I don't want destruction..."

She held her right arm, sighing as she listened to Ulv, looking to the woman's eyes; what was previously a painful experience was rendered mostly harmless, still catching the ferocity in them, as the girl nodded, "I've read em, the wars people had with each other over 400 years ago... It was crazy that they could do all of that without any sort of magic or higher energy... Just, people..."

Caly's heart sunk as Ulv once again presented her with the ultimate reality, the one that she reluctantly accepted, that no matter what there would still be suffering in any world, as long as there were beings to create suffering, "...Okay, she might not be the cause of everything, but she's doing a whole damn lot to make things harder a-and just... Not caring."

The dark haired demon's grip on her arm tightened as Ulv came with an analogy, the girl gritting her teeth, "My dream to bring some manner of peace isn't impossible, I know it isn't and i'll prove it isn't! But... But... The problem is that.."

Tears welled in her eyes once more, her lip quivering, "More and more, by the day, of watching everyone suffer, on battlefields or cities... The need to fight just seems to grow more necessary. I couldn't fight in Jefferson, but if I did something, I could have... I could have prevented Tatsuya from..."

The girl sounded choked, the golden tears only continuing to spill from her eyes with no end, "In all those battles I healed people in, I... I could have fought, I could have prevented them from dying... But I didn't. I couldn't... I couldn't fight. I don't even think that I CAN fight... Because i'm just, i'm so scared, Ulv, I'm so scared of getting carried away and hurting more people and becoming a fucking monster... I want to protect people... But I don't think I can hurt anyone... I don't know if I can do it... But if I can't, how can I protect anyone when hurt's needed..?"

The young Asthavon's eyes burned with tears as she listened to Ulv speak, that anyone who fought was a monster, the separation of the true self and the battling self; the entire idea of being any sort of monster was extremely unsettling to the little one, she had always viewed a monster as something that caused nothing but pain and destruction. She never considered that the idea of such could be in any way nuanced, but...

"Sis was trying to goad me into learning to fight, but.. I've been a bit flaking."

Caly sighed, sniffling and rubbing her eyes as she stood up straight, ".. E-even if something like Jefferson was beyond me, I... I know for certain that some situations I got into would have turned out better if I fought... S-so.."

Once more, she looked Ulv in the eyes, her's filled with hesitance and fear, but she spoke regardless, ".. Could we have a practice fight?"