Re: Nothing Ever Changes, Does it? [Open]

Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:43 am

"Excessively excessive? You speak to me of this, miss Calypso, you who can't even comprehend the human struggle to climb a single mountain? You, who needn't follow constraints such as atmospheric pressure or gravity? You would look at -me- and tell me that the difference between climbing a mountain and travelling Hell is 'excessively excessive'? Yes, you could say that's true, in the same way you could say infinity squared is bigger than infinity. At a certain point, measuring degrees of difficulty becomes meaningless, outside of theoreticals. There's impossible, and then there's fucking impossible, right?"

There was a horrid glee in the hollow's expression as he watched Calypso squirming, his focus more intently on her now, something approaching schadenfreude as he circled her, sitting on thin air, and crossing one leg over the other; his wings dangled around him, red scratches on them seeming to still and grow more real, more solid, as he drummed a finger against his cheek, and let off a sucking noise like a backed-up drain; had he had lips, one likely would've seen it being retracted into his mouth.

"So. To recap, climbing a mountain is perfectly fine because you're not a human, you're you. But trying to get in and out of Hell again is a task no one, not even you, should ever embark on. And you would sit here telling me that you support Ulv in her assertions that I'm...stagnant. Complacent. That she has my best intentions in mind, wanting nothing more from me than to see me excell. There is a term for such a thing, one I wouldn't expect either you or her to know off-hand. And it's quite simply not a priority for me at this phase in my life. You can't insist that a man go about bettering himself and unlocking his true potential when he's living in the cold every day, without a steady supply of food. And in the same way, you can't ask a man to go into Hell and back before he's even gone deep-sea diving. I couldn't expect you to understand, Miss Calypso. You had someone there to help you through the most difficult struggle of your life, and you found homeostasis only through the aid of another. I...well, to be honest I'm dependent on another as well, but ours is a relationship of peers. When it comes to Ulv, I'm honestly at a loss when it comes to that world. I doubt anyone in existence could be called her peer at this point. Even Mana Asthavon would be hard-pressed to keep pace with her."

He let out a low, deep exhalation, like someone who was suddenly prepared to launch into another long, difficult endeavor, but before he could say anything else he stopped, canting his head towards one side, like he was trying to make sense of a noise he'd just heard. He stood there for nearly twenty seconds, simply listening, before he rose once more, raking fingers through the air; as he did, a bruised purple-black orifice opened in the air, spilling forth from it a small pouch filled with dice. Yaksha removed a pair, rolling them between his fingers, and this time when he spoke his voice was a mere whisper, devoid of any emotion.

"I want you to hold onto that fear, Calypse. That horrible wrenching sensation you felt when I told you to do the excessively excessive. I want you to remember how it felt to even contemplate as a hypothetical doing something that every fiber of your being tells you will never ever be worth the pain and trouble. When you speak to me about Ulv, and how she's not nearly as bad as I think...I want you to remember that tearing sensation inside your very soul."

Tue Feb 05, 2019 7:21 pm

Nothing Ever Changes, Does it? [Open] - Page 3 6EdIfMt

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"No."

Such a simple response, to such a loaded request. As she listened to him, she only managed to regain and maintain composure, as she quietly came to a realization. Her anxiety managed to come to a calm, as she looked at him, still standing with great stability on the railing. She stared at him, a look of cool innocence crossing her gaze, as she then breathed to continue speaking, "Do you want to know why I said 'no'? Doesn't matter, i'm going to say it anyway."

Her tendrils stretched, lifting her up, until she was face to face with the hollow, staring into his eyes, sensing the negative emotions pouring off of him, "Because holding onto that fear, living it, breathing it, relishing it, almost ruined my own happiness. It made me not want to live in reality for the longest time in my life, it made me make up a phony personality just so I personally didn't have to deal with it."

She didn't falter or stutter in her speech, she kept herself in the same position, staring into his own gaze, regardless of the pulsating red marks upon his bony existence, "Ulv didn't tell me to climb a mountain. Not a literal one, but she did make me confront some harmful aspects of myself, and helped me make some things more bearable so I could work on other aspects of my life. Are you saying help is bad, Yaksha? That I shouldn't seek support from others if I feel like my mountain's too tall to conquer on my own? That I should just sit in the same stupid hole my whole life because i'm too scared to confront it? To grow beyond it? To see where the mountain could take me?"

Her breath became short, as she then held her hands to her chest, "But you are the only one here asking me to do something really hard, on my own, in the most literal sense. Ulv used Resolve Flame to make it bearable for me to walk out in crowds and be able to enjoy myself. Sis gave me a huge wake up call of my constant self-restraint and taught me that I didn't need to hold myself back so much with fear. And here you are, telling me pretty much to not want to do anything, because it's just too hard, at least, that's what I understood from this talk."

She stared at him deeply, regardless of if he held the same stance, "Is that how you live life? You just stick to what you know and don't bother to address anything that actively weighs you down? You just sit in your own little box and never leave it, because you're just too scared to engage anything outside of it? It's just too hard to even bother leaving? Because if that's how you think, you're no better than Mama in that respect, just wanting to sit in that rotten pit you made for yourself and just indulge in it, endlessly...! But her's is out of indulgence and addiction, and yours is out of fear and stubbornness!"

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[THEFROST]

Tue Feb 05, 2019 9:49 pm

Yaksha met Calypso's gaze unblinking, unflinching, as she began her display of outrage. He took it all in stride, listening to her without interruption, simply shuffling in place and adjusting himself, as if seeking a more comfortable position. He let her speak, let her vent her many frustrations, before he finally placed both hands over his chest, folding them together; his movement was careful, well-orchestrated, and suddenly -every- motion he had was slow, far slower than it had once been. He moved with the concern of a man made of porcelain, as he rose to his feet, gesturing towards the surroundings.

"I came from nothing. I was born the only one who could see the truth, in a world of doubt and concern. I was slaughtered for it. Even then, I retained enough of my humanity to understand what I had lost. I never missed it, Calypso. The only part I missed was being seen, being heard. I was so tired of being lonely. And then the great war broke out. I was there, during the war. I tried to serve as a peacekeeper, to show people that hollows and humans could co-exist. I was scorned and mocked, pushed aside, because I looked too monstrous to be trusted. I had found my voice, I could be seen again, heard again...and none of it mattered, because it was a gift wrapped up in an ugly package. And so, with my own two hands, I procured for myself a human body. I gained the appearance I needed to finally be taken seriously. And throughout this entire process, I watch people darting into and out of my life, telling me that they understand my plight. Offering me scant advice, arbitrary little hooks. I watch people come and go, like ships that skirt close to an island. And each time, they leave behind nothing but a few footprints in the sand...washed away by the tide. I am, now and for the last two thousand years, what I have always been."

He crouched down in front of her, his mask finally splitting open for the first time...and behind it, a very human face, with a mouth of teeth like a shark's, stared back at her. The eyes were full of infinite sadness and longing, a warmth and pain that went beyond mere words. The voice was heavy with loss, dripping with loneliness even as the wretched rictus there continued to leer, face unmoving while he spoke. He looked at her for a few seconds longer, before rising to his feet, and then turning away.

"You and I are opposites, Calypso. You fear being scorned for accepting aid in that which you could have done for yourself. You speak of the other people in your lives, and the aid you were given, with pride. And I fear accepting charity from others. Ulv, Mirja, whatever you want to call her...she and I will likely never see eye to eye. Even with her Resolve Flame, it simply reflects onto her my being. Understanding is not the same as comprehension. Were I to take her help, it would change me. Bit by bit, piece by piece, I would die and change. Hollows are a species which evolves in real time, and this was to great benefit to me for a long time. But...evolution can be controlled, and I would not put it past Ulv to begin breeding out the undesirable qualities of myself. Like you would prune a tree, or cut a nail that has grown long and ragged. Many people consider such a thing desirable...but to me, who has struggled and fought alone, for so long. To see someone changing me into something I'm not, to better suit them. That's not the way peers interact. That's a master, and his dog."

Wed Feb 06, 2019 8:32 am

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Calypso once again allowed the man to speak his words, say his story, as she slowly sunk back to the ground, the additional limbs appearing to glitch and vanish from existence, as she stared at him, almost unblinkingly, even as he had opened up his face, to reveal a more human face underneath. Her hands were curled into fists, her stance strong, as her face suddenly softened, a smile forming on her lips as she released a soft giggle,

"Who said it was Ulv you needed to receive help from? I was just trying to say she wasn't a bad person, and that she helped me. If she doesn't work for you, that's entirely different. What I have an issue with, is that you don't seem open to any help, period."

Her head tipped to the side, playing along with this rather sudden tone shift, smirking a smile that could only be described as innocent as a child, yet almost as mischievous as a fox. The playful look in her eyes didn't help much on the innocence, it was almost as if an entirely different person possessed her in this moment, "You can tell me I don't understand until the final sun implodes within the glorious heat death of the universe, but it's not an excuse that will work on me. Listen, you do this talk of being alone, being scorned, being turned away, et cetera, I do understand, I may not have experienced the centuries long, aching loneliness, but I do understand. I can sense your emotions towards it, but I myself had to experience it in my young life; My mother disregarded me anytime I tried to speak to her because I just don't interest her. Despite me being an Asthavon, i'm pretty much the bottom of the barrel to anyone who looks upon me. My kind nature puts me below the barrel, so I was effectively punished for existing. I came into this world traumatized and unable to understand myself."

Her happiness had some melancholic ring to it, but she persisted in her talk, "Despite the odds basically being against me, despite me being so initially scared of crawling out of my rock, I reached out for help, and I've begun learning things about myself that I didn't think I would have found out if I just continued letting my anxieties consume me. I wouldn't have gotten where I am now doing as you advise, shrinking back from chance like a scared, overly abused kid."

She then suddenly came in rather close, and regardless of reaction she would lay a gentle kiss upon the Hollow's exposed face, and retracting much slower than how she came forth, "You're being oddly vulnerable with me right now, is this your way of crying for help, for companionship? Well, that's fine, you can do that with me all night, i'm not interested in bruising that up."

She proceeded to sit on the railing, still smiling at him, "Again, you don't need to get support specifically from her, there are billions of beings who could offer a hand. Like me. No pruning trees, no trashing traits I view undesirable. I don't have any positivity magic, all I can present to that is just, me. Change isn't bad, but it should be done at your own pace, not my say, but if you'd let me, i'm willing to be there, even if a lot of your behavior makes you out to kinda be a doody head."

An innocent giggle left her lips, as she mischievously stuck her tongue out at him, "I will have to admit, your attitude towards people doesn't seem to be the best, at least in terms of making friends~ But i'll be here anyway."

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Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:40 am

Yaksha's eyes widened, mischief and delight matching hers as she leaned close, to kiss his cheek, before his hand reached out, as if poised to grasp at her throat, or rake at her cheek. He stopped only an inch short, exhaling slowly, and staring at her in dead silence while his hand fell back to his side; there was the tiniest hint of a shake as he did so, examining her face as her lips pressed against the cold material of his cheek. He let it fall back to his side, and turned away, not bothering to speak as he curled his wings back around himself.

"Vulnerability. Cowardice. Stagnation. How many insults must a man endure simply because he lacks the sin of greed? I have already achieved that which I set out to do. I have everything in this world I want. I got it myself, because those who offered me aid all too often were incapable of following through on their offers. I sit here, for a period of time that amounts to less than 1 percent of my lifespan, simply looking at that which I made with my own two hands. Is it possible I behave this way because I am being talked down to and treated as if I am simply not allowed to be happy? I appreciate your offers, but...they hold no appeal to me. You have nothing I want, and nothing to threaten me with. Do stay in town, and walk around. See for yourself what I've wrought. Perhaps when next we talk you'll be more willing to concede that I may have already climbed my own mountains, and find the ravings of those insisting I could do still more if I played their games to be painful."

Thu Feb 14, 2019 2:11 pm

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Twas just a friendly peck, but clearly her movements weren't perceived as friendly. She sensed an intensive sense of anger and violence in the hollow before her, though restraint gripped him faster than her reaction, which was her pulling herself onto the balcony. Her heart almost did a big leap out of her chest as her sense of dread came over her. She stared at the hollow as he turned around, and went on to make another drawn out speech, which she kept herself put to listen to regardless of how cautious she felt towards him now.

"...Sure, whatever, um..." She turned away, looking at the city below, "..Sorry I couldn't offer anything interesting to you, guess i'll just go. Have a good night."

And with that, she hopped off, and surprisingly vanished from sight, which would be worrying if she didn't just use the out of sight position to travel. She didn't care how weird it looked, she just wanted to get herself out of that potentially escalating position as fast as possible.

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