Journal of the Pale

Sometimes the world isn't such a sweet place that one can simply remember. As Attendants slowly helped him finish bandaging and tending his broken ribs. Tsubasa's body was struggling under the weight of his own power to an extent. He was getting closer and closer as he pulled the feather pen free. Slowly he dipped it into the ink as he held the journal parchment. Beginning to write on the scroll slowly as the thoughts began."In my youth, I craved power to provide and be more. To surpass Yamamoto was a goal and create a Society beyond his dreams. But now that I draw near to it my body aches and pain is constant. I now understand what makes Mana, Shadin, and Kin so different. Their bodies ache from this pressure..from the power that is destroying them from within." He said looking thoughtfully on the subject as he reflected on the days when his spiritual pressure wasn't so massive. Sure being strong had benefits but it also had negatives as well. Friends and loved ones needed your constant restraint in place. Almost like the world was made out of cardboard.

Slowly the pen touched the ink as he continued writing. " Susanoo does help negate some of the pressure on my body. In my fight with the boy Poliro, I went too far and did damage myself as a result. I am stepping into a realm that mortals don't belong. As I draw closer I am both hopeful and scared. Is this Pandora's Box I am opening with these steps? Can this power truly be controlled without spiraling out of control and leading to self-destruction?" He once thought about fighting and nothing but. But now his outlook had changed as people needed him around. Warrior culture was important and mastering one's self. As he'd told Henrex and Mirja considering each of them potentially skilled. Unabara once upon a time meant those who'd fallen from grace. They were like Angels who fell to hell and became the darkest of sinners. It often crossed his mind that some days they'd never seemed to escape.

Running was never an option in the beginning or now. All they could do was stand their ground with the Gotei. "One thing I notice is everyone seems to believe I don't doubt or have my own demons. They think once you reach a certain power humanity disappears. If anything, I found I cling more to it. As though letting it escape will let an important piece vanish. That if I transcend what I am now everything will crumble. I'm insecure to a point about it despite one thousand years. I wonder often if Urahara-San has ever faced this dilemma." Tsubasa took the pen from the paper feeling better writing this way. He could type or use some fancy tech as he remained there. "Power doesn't mean doubt dies, it means your doubts only grow more. They are dangerous creatures my own that I often times suppress by writing. I should move on to my Vessels, they are promising all four of them. I trust someday if I can't do it anymore they will guide this family to prosperity. "

He slowly began the next section as he began to write his thoughts out on each vessel."Poliro showed great promise as a warrior and I think he'll make strides soon. I think that eventually, he could become a great leader in whatever endeavor he applies himself. He does need to work on his communication in combat, he seems to enjoy talking. Sometimes warriors merely clash in terms of skill. I sense he has demons in him as well, the past that haunts him. A trademark of our clan." He said dotting the period before moving on to the next section as he sighed softly. Leadership couldn't show these sort of emotion often. He gently tapped the paper with his finger before it turned to dust. Nothing remained of the ink as Tsubasa leaned back. He'd write his pain down to escape it now and again. Taking a breath in he gently exhaled. It was almost time for him to prepare. Meditation on the feelings he'd written down was next. A Journal was kept and destroyed where he'd write it down.

This was his way of remembering what it meant to be himself. Remembering where his tribulations and triumphs that he was still Tsubasa Unabara.