Crossroads Of Fate. [Animum/Mirja/Open ]

Sometimes the world is beautiful, And sometimes it is cold. That was what Animum thought her golden gaze shifting to glance upwards through the canopy that shaded her from the skies harsh glare. Locks of blond hair falling in waves across her shoulders and her chest, the zaimichi seemed to exude a type of sorrow merely from her posture, slightly slumped shoulders, a posture that while not quite a slouch wasn’t ramrod straight as you might see from someone who was proud. All around her she could hear the sounds of wildlife, what ever kind existed in the realm of the soul society. Be it birds or bunnies, or possibly even the small rodents that scurried across the ground she had been able to hear them, her eyesight being able to pick out the slight difference in color from the light that filtered from above, a light that she continued to gaze into, almost as if she was searching from something in the blinding multi-hued light. Like if she just looked hard enough the secrets she sought might be laid out before her in their entirety. Eventually her eyes would shift, blinking back the tears that would never come her gaze inevitably drifting towards the ground. Her lips parted as she said softly.

’..What am i even doing.”

Her lips curled till they suggested the hint of a smile, upturned but not quite fully reaching her cheeks. Head shaking from one side to the other subtly before she had turned and the slight gleam of mischief in her eyes faded until all that was left was flat, like an unpolished gold. She wondered what she would do next, what road to take, something that made her feel a deep unease in her gut. Something that quite honestly, she didn’t want to consider. It was something she couldn’t think of and just stay still, as such she walked forward her feet eventually moving her in a circular pattern across the glen. The steep ridges that had been dotted with tree’s surrounding her as if they stood watch over her. Distrust and confusion tainted her mind partially, even when for the most part she was thinking logically rather than emotionally. Every time she had tried to do something better with her life, it had always ended in failure. She didn’t really mind it all that much anymore, it was an old ache that she had become accustomed to. Second thought really she just brushed the twinge away in her heart to leave the blissfulness of nothingness in it’s wake.

For her at least there was no harsh awakenings. There wasn’t really anything to make her feel anything other than she did now. ”..Yet why am i still searching for an alternative?” She thought to herself almost as if she was chiding herself for her foolishness. She should know better by now, but that didn’t seem to stop her. Like right now, even if she didn’t want it, she still was trying to think about how she would get better, how she might turn this all around. Even if it was a longshot, or potentially considered to be naive and misguided. She liked to think of a day where she could sit content under an open blue sky. Where she wouldn’t have to fight or she wouldn’t have to hurt others. Maybe she was soft for thinking of such things, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t content with who she was , so she wanted to change. . ”..But how do i do that?’ She thought to herself. As she had tried so many times to change, to be something better than what she was meant to be.

”..But is that enough?” The unbidden thought caused her to stop, her fingertips brushing against the rough bark of the tree besides her. Resting softly against it her hand splayed. She thought long and hard about if it was enough. She had been given plenty of chances, not only by others but she had given herself many chances. Yet none of them really had gone anywhere. She just had reverted each time. Not because others hurt her, but because she just simply couldn’t comprehend something better for herself, and because of that she had let every opportunity she was given turn to ash and become meaningless. Which was why , standing there she softly bit her lower lip and paused, and thought to herself. ”..It will have to be enough, as i have nothing left but this.”