Dealing with the Past. [Part 1]

For someone like Kakeru disorder was something that he always fought against, and keeping Eradication and order keeping those balanced moments in time was his job until he figured out his purpose... That was the thing he was struggling with at the moment what was his purpose what was he living for? Why was he fighting what was the point? Was there a point? There were too many unanswered question for the Sugiura, and what he should be doing. For a moment his eyes closed and the world turned to black. He had decided to seal himself away in the nothingness of the Void sitting in his corrupted form looking into the darkness and to the castle that he had sealed away quietly. He wondered what the purpose of his life meant. For once he felt actually again sad. Well empty would of been the better explaination of the heated moment. It was just a sense of he knew where he was now. The Boundary, the edge of existence. What was the point of being here? What was he looking for within the sealed darkness. Why was he searching, what was he searching for? What were the reasons of him going to meet Mana. Why did he fight. All of those questions were racing in his mind and in a sense pouring out around him while he rested in the Boundary. The connections here were strong and all of the conflicted emotions were pouring out of him like a river flows towards the ocean. They were all forming and coming to an end.

A deep tulmutious storm brewing within his mind and his soul were being displayed so viscerally to him as it while red splotches of energy were flying out and around him rapidly unrestrained as he looked at the representation of his own sister through his energy. "Why...did you go? What did you do to damn yourself? Why did you make me this broken and shattered? Who in the hell did you think you were that you could control me forever, are you insane? Why are you tormenting me like this?! Why do I feel all of this shit going on now? Huh? Why did you do this?" He drew his sword from his void and slashed out into the nothingness obviously nothign was there so nothing was cut. As he sliced he felt more emotions coming out. The violent pain he was feeling was racing around him. Why did he feel like this, well from all of the unresolved emotions and feelings she had left within him there was a sense of that he couldn't obviously let go when he knew that he was dealing with all of them at once, and that meant he was stuck in here now for a while to figure out what th hell he was going to do with this situation and just let go. He couldn't just go and say hey I"m happy, there was more to just balancing himself. He was trying to rid himself of her taste, and smell everything that made him from he he was trying to eradicate, and he wanted to be sucessful.

What was the point of pushing forward now? To restore balance to the world. He was the cold steel, the just blade that would restore balance to the world right? He was the Endbringer after all. He had a job to do, but why did he choose the job, when he knew that it meant he would lose a part of himself, because someone must be the keeper of order no matter what, and that frustration that hadn't been dealt with for ages were unwinding and becoming stronger within him. He couldn't just go with it anymore. He had to know why he was chosen to do this? Why did his origin Order become him? What would he do now if he knew that his life was meant to do this kind of servitude would he become something more or less, would he have to destroy the world or save it. What did he mean to people, Not just sugiuran, but all races. All of those questions were formed in his head, and he couldn't answer any of those questions on his own. In fact, he couldn't figure them out at all, and how it was going right now, he was just swinging within the boundary just using energy to have it replenished and just letting everything hang out violently as a beacon of his existence for the time being. The Anger, Sadness, Rage, pain, Happiness, cheerfulness, focus, Desire, Order were all speaking at once, and he was trying to disect what he was going to do within everything now.

Quote: "Her will... I'll be the one to try to fulfill it in her stead. That's all"