So Many Amusing People[Kaito and Koneko]

He did not remember which life time this was. Life as a whole had become monotonous to be perfectly honest. Sagumi frequently felt like he was trapped in some twisted version of the Groundhog day where, instead of reliving the same day ad nauseum, he was forced to relive the same life. For as long as he could remember, Sagumi was born, grew up, spent his prime years learning and mastering something in its entirety, and then dying and repeating the process. The only difference was that, instead of groundhog day, where Sagumi relived the same life with the some cast of tedious characters, he had to relearn a whole list of names for a completely new tedious cast of characters. He was doing more work than the fuck in groundhog day had to. At least he had gotten used to this dimension...five thousand years later but he was truly beginning to get used to it. For instance, the occurrence of monsters was becoming much more acceptable and, in fact, tolerable. In his world, there were only nine things he'd classify as monsters. The only other things that even began to remotely qualify were just gigantic versions of the smaller animals that they had here. Nothing was quite equivalent to a hollow. His first encounter with a hollow was an interesting one since he had initially assumed it was this world's version of his monsters. The level of power wasn't quite there, in a somewhat disappointing fashion as he had rather quickly destroyed it, but this world had caught his attention at that point and since then, it had only gotten more and more amusing. What with world wars, colossal super powers, gigantic egos and all the other various instances of small penis complexes had been a constant source of bemusement for him.

These were the arbitrary filler thoughts that were passing through his head, as if he was too lazy to come up with a decent intro, as the tall, slender, and somewhat creepily elegant man slid through the streets with a bemused smile on his face. This was honestly the first life time that he had visited Karakura. In the previous lives, he was either too preoccupied defending places that actually needed his help, Karakura always being rather well defended, or it was too small and irrelevant to really be any point of special importance. This was the first life time where he had reason and time to visit so he was planning on taking advantage of the opportunity. It was an amazing place to him, to be perfectly honest. For one such as Sagumi, a human being with a massive, massive life force, being able to sense the life present in this place was astounding. There was life everywhere and all focused in such a small place. It, in a way, reminded him of himself. If they could force the entirety of Karakura town in to a chi being, it'd outstrip even him. It wasn't a thought that his ego was especially interested in embracing, but it was one that he was very interested in investigating. Perhaps that could be his goal for this life time, to encapsulate the Chi known as Karakura town and weaponize it. That would be rather amusing wouldn't it. The bemused smile on the man's face widened further at that thought, such a gathering of spirit energy like that would totally be the bomb.

His spirit bomb protyping was interrupted by a rather...interesting occurrence. He wasn't quite hit, Sagumi was too awesome, epic, and not fond of crashing in to things for that to happen, but he had just narrowly avoided the small boy who raced past him. On the aesthetic surface, he was quite normal, a human boy obsessed with his electronics, but what Sagumi saw certainly wasn't what had interested him. It was what he felt. The boy was powerless, yet absurdly powerful at the same time. Sagumi couldn't place it, just what the thing was. He didn't sense anything special from the child...as far as he could tell he was a normal human and just that, but when he walked by him...for a second Sagumi felt something odd, something not right, something of monstrous size. Had he been the less experienced version of himself life times ago he doubted he would have given it a second thought but he had been around those with potential before and he had gotten rather, rather good at spotting them out in a crowd. For now, he'd observe, as he effectively did an about face and silently and with the stealth skills only a ninja would have, stalked his quarry through the streets of Karakura town, waiting for the young boy to do something interesting. He couldn't think of a better way to kill off a day.

Sagumi would apparently not be disappointed this fine day. He initially had reservations about following the boy, he didn't know if it was because the thing he felt that sparked his interest was so fleeting and short lived that part of him assumed he was simply crazy for a moment and didn't feel anything or if it was because what he had been following so far had been a very...well...boring child. He seemed distracted, un-attentive, blind even. There was something to be said for that kind of dedication, but for Sagumi's purposes it made his quarry very very boring. A light sigh escaped him as he watched the small boy continue weaving through the crowd, the headphones the boy was wearing most likely blocking out any chance that he had heard the spindly man behind him. Perhaps he was wrong and fantasizing about weaponizing Karakura's collective chi would have been a more entertaining way to spend the evening. He knew he felt something out of the boy though and even if he had so far been quite, quite boring Sagumi was going to stick to his decision until the end. He wasn't the type to quit something halfway through and he was pretty determined to at least make something in this situation enjoyable. Thankfully, he wouldn't have to manufacture enjoyment for himself.

Kaito provided it for him. Sagumi saw the situation unfolding a few seconds before it did and it took everything he had to not burst out laughing at what he expected to happen. Thankfully, the boy didn't disappoint as he crashed headlong in to the rather well endowed woman ahead of him, hands first. Maybe there was hope for this boy yet. If Sagumi had just imagined the sensation earlier, at least he could mold the boy in to a world class pervert, he already had accidental gropes down to a science. Interestingly enough, the boy was no longer the only interesting thing in view. Sagumi's capacity to sense Reiatsu was not exactly...existent. He could sense Chi, he could sense life, he embodied life itself and whenever he dealt with life, he could see and feel everything. The energy of life was familiar to him, the energy of death was not. He could see them and interact with them perfectly fine, but when it came to dealing with sensing it, Sagumi was rather ill-equipped. He was, however, rather intelligent and simply by watching how the people around him didn't notice a boy groping a rather chesty woman, Sagumi could easily tell that she wasn't a human. Further inspection later and he did not notice any indication of a hollow mask, so it was probably not one of the Arrancar creatures, he doubted one of them would be in Karakura to begin with. So that left Shinigami or one of the myriad of arbitrary additions that were made to the spiritual being pantheon. His quarry had interacted with her now however, so she doubled his list of targets for the time being. It seemed as well that she had detected him too as her body tensed up before she grabbed the boy, hoisted him in to her arms in a rather embarrassing fashion and quickly took to the skies. He had seen a Shunpo before and it was always amusing how similar it was to his Geppo.

That would be his response. As soon as the woman had jumped and Shunpo'd high in the air, Sagumi responded in kind. There was a rather significant difference between them in speed however and the man had timed it so he arrived directly behind her the second she came to a stop in the air. A mischievous grin rested on his face as he tenderly set his chin on her shoulder, his mouth mere inches away from her ear as he gently breathed on the soft lobe. He'd refrain from showing the boy the proper way to grope a woman, the way she was holding him would make that difficult anyway, but he did instead decide to have a little fun with the girl. From her movements, he could tell she was trained and she reminded him a lot of the girls he had learned with growing up, elegant, precise, but sloppy, like the framework was there for the puzzle and it simply missed all the complementary pieces. She had potential and a good base for the martial arts, Sagumi could tell that from her movements and now he was intrigued, almost as intrigued as he was with the boy. He simply couldn't stop himself from wanting to play with them now. If his guess was right, and she was a shinigami or at least a similarly aligned race, she was there to protect that boy, her jumping in to the air proving that, so he knew just which buttons to push with his completely empty threat.

"Impressed that you saw me but if you'd please run along now, I'd really like to eat that boy's soul."

Sagumi grinned in what was hopefully as creepy a manner as possible down at the young boy in her arms. His smile was wide with a knowing...let's call it a leer...as he gazed down at the boy. He thought it adorable that the boy thought that gun would have any effect on him. Even if it did fire something genuinely powerful, guns were terribly predictable weapons. As soon as Sagumi saw his finger move on the trigger, he would have several different barriers erected to negate, deflect, and neutralize whatever projectile came from the tiny little toy. No, Sagumi wasn't scared of the boy's gun and as he brandished the weapon, Sagumi had reached around Koneko to comically plug up the barrel with his finger. In the process, he generated a minuscule trigger shield inside the barrel of the gun, if the boy tried to fire it, it'd be rather completely jammed, the firing mechanism would be defunct, and he'd have another reason to be locked up in his room for multiple hours on end fixing it. The thought of ruining someone's toy did give Sagumi a certain sick sense of juvenile satisfaction that being alive for upwards of five thousand years did not allow him to mature out of. The boy had gotten the reaction he desired though, he got angry, loud, obstinate, yes he wold be a fun one to play with that much was certain.

Sagumi didn't get to keep enjoying the wonderful pranks he and Kaito could inevitably play on the populace. The boy was dropped from her arms as soon as Sagumi was contemplating the best way to unleash two million gerbils in to Karakura while writing numbers on them in the three millions just to see how long they waste searching for an extra million gerbils, and his finger being forcibly pulled from the gun barrel and brought him back to reality. There was plenty of fun he could have with her as well and much that he could teach her. One of Sagumi's primary and most likely favorite of his numerous martial arts styles, Wing Chun, spent a healthy amount of time teaching its students to react to tactile information and not to rely on sight. The human brain actually processes tactile information two tenths of a second faster than visual cues and while that perhaps does not sound like a lot at first pass, it is actually a substantial number when dealing with predicting an opponent's movements and while Sagumi was rather inappropriately pressed up against her back, he was being gifted with loads of tactile information. As soon as the girl had dropped the boy, Sagumi knew what was coming next simply from feeling the muscles in her back. The most important muscles in an elbow strike where in the back, right along the shoulder blade. In order to properly execute a backward elbow strike like the one she was performing, the shoulders needed to swing the arms like a pendulum to build up the proper momentum. Obviously the motion it self was not as dramatic as that of a pendulum but the physical concept still applies. Consequently, once you take away the capacity for the arms to swing, the potency of the elbow strike diminishes dramatically. As she dropped the boy, Sagumi's center of gravity lowered, and his shoulders pressed against her upper arms, cutting the range of motion by more than half and rendering the force of her elbows no existent as the slowly finished rocking in to his arms.

As her leg hooked around his ankle and her hands grabbed on to his hips, Sagumi utilized his lower center of gravity and, consequently, superior positioning to slide his free leg in between hers, positioning his core below hers as she dragged his leg out while his free leg kicked out at her other leg, knocking it forward and away from her center. The result, if nothing was prevented, would have both of their legs kicked out from under them and the pair falling backward on to the roof, Koneko landing on top of Sagumi. Now, having her right where he wanted her, Sagumi wrapped his arms around hers that were gripping on to his hips, pinning her arms to her side before he unleashed his secret technique. Hopefully Kaito could still see to learn as Sagumi roughly squeezed her breasts in his fingers, using his positional advantage to fully showcase his mastery of the groping arts.

Sagumi supposed if he had one weakness, this was it. Normally women wouldn't react to his perverted tendencies in such a reciprocating mood. Normally they scream, squeal, flail maniacally and do whatever they can to repel the dirty man and his bad bad touching as if they were being accosted by a rabid mongoose and consequently, he was not at all prepared for the noises she was making and for the first time in a very very long time, the man froze. One of Sagumi's strengths in life, or least what he felt was a strength, was his ability to keep cool under any situation and predict what would happen around him but he wasn't even sort of prepared for this as the woman moaned, running her hands through the back of his hair and grinding her ass against his crotch. Sagumi would be lying if he said he didn't get excited by the situation and for a moment, logic left him. There was no reason for the woman to be doing this for any reason other than a distraction and eventually that thought did catch up to him. The woman's body tensed as she rose her leg, Sagumi could feel what was happening, well, with her, he felt what was happening with him awhile ago, but he knew that her relaxed posture was a front, a sexy front but a front. As her leg came crashing down, Sagumi deftly re-positioned his hips and swung his leg to the side, her strike smacking off the ground. While this happened, Sagumi used his superior sense of strength to wrench his head free from her grasp, swinging his head to the side and evading the woman's headbutt. Unlike her foot however, Sagumi did not completely move out of the way and her neck would gently bounce off his shoulder, preventing her head from smacking off the ground. Sagumi had evaded all the threats, all but one.

He couldn't account for Kaito too, at least not with the distraction that he had been presented with and the small boy's kick had connected rather completely with Sagumi's face. It didn't hurt, of course, Sagumi's Iron Body was too strong for a kick of that magnitude to scratch much less cause any serious damage to and the boy's foot was probably throbbing in pain as if he had just roundhoused a brick wall, but the boy did manage to get a speck of dirt on Sagumi's nose and that fact alone was something Sagumi was incredibly amused by. As he felt the woman roll off him, his hands being forced to let go to evade her, Sagumi stared at Kaito as he shouted at him for his indecency with a sincerely amused smile on his face. As the word pervert left his mouth and the final of the successive strikes he threw, adrenaline most likely allowing him to ignore the pain he inevitably felt from punching Sagumi, something unexpected would happen to the boy. As his final blow rained down toward the supine Sagumi, a red barrier would seemingly appear from thin air. He heard the woman's hand slam off he ground away from them to balance herself while Kaito's foot connected with the barrier, the dull thud resonating across the roof top. Instead of bouncing off however, Kaito would find his foot irrevocably stuck to the shield, Sagumi, having no initialized both his Projection Trigger Shield and the Shield Grab, would utilize the barrier's adhesive properties to stick Kaito to it. A normal human wouldn't be able to see it, but a normal human also wouldn't be able to see the Shinigami, he had faith the boy wouldn't let him down. The boy, now effectively glued to the barrier by the superest silly glue in the world, would find himself being flung through the air as Sagumi's moved his arm, swinging the shield wide out before stopping it over the alleyway between the two buildings, leaving Kaito hanging upside down and looking down at the dirty alleyway below. He was safe, of course, the barrier wasn't going to let him go, but it'd be a safe place to put him that Sagumi was sure to piss him off.

"That was actually kind of impressive...you guys identified a weakness and exploited it using teamwork, the firepower wasn't there but we can always work with that."

A wide, childish, grin was painted across Sagumi's face as he watched the boy hang haphazardly over the alley before he turned that childish grin to Koneko. Flashing her a small, knowing smile, the man slowly lowered in to a tight horse stance as his arms extended out in front of him, grinning wildly at the girl. She was a trained martial artist, he could see that, but despite being crafty and really rather bright, she was still fresh and inexperienced. Her attacks lacked the speed, the precision, the lethality that a trained killer possessed but thankfully, those could be trained, taught. Ingenuity and cleverness typically couldn't be. Perhaps the boy wasn't the only interesting project he found today. For now, they'd see how she dealt with the Seikuken. He doubted she'd be able to break through it, but it'd be something for her to experience. That was how one learned after all, they faced an immovable object. He'd deal with her for now, then he'd handle

"Come, show me more of that exquisite training of yours."