Re: Auronagari Drevaki Heki No Akuma Delori [APPROVED, 0-5] Wip Done

Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:04 pm

fine by me. just no update then

Sat Sep 01, 2012 9:39 pm

Auronagari Drevaki Heki No Akuma Delori [APPROVED, 0-5] Wip Done - Page 2 1346004353220

Surprised I have to do this, but you seem to have a lot of mistakes in this app. As far as normal things go, your grammar needs a lot of work, and the app itself can be confusing at times when it comes to reading, which I get, it's not your fault. Just, try to get better and seem more clearer, okay? Anyways, I also would like to point out that you NEED TO REMOVE EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING DEALING WITH ALTER FORM. The idea itself isn't bad, but the powers are just pushed and pushed and pushed, and it seems so excessive. That, and Demons don't have an alter, as kenny stated. I would also like it if you stayed around a single base, instead of jumping from one random thing to the next, for example.

Hydrogen manipulation: Due to how his body has been he has manipulation over hydrogen in its latin states.

Gem manipulation: He has the ability to manipulate gems.

Looking through the app, I saw nothing of the sorts regarding gems before Gem Manipulation was stated. Why the hell does he have it? If you can give me a good reason, I won't hesitate to let you have it. It just makes 0 sense, even if "he uses a Gem-Like substance." It's not a Gem.

Super Solid Trandescended state: Its outside shell is 6x as hard as auro’s blade edge, but the difference is it vibrates at fuck fast speeds. And when the blade is moving, from all this force, it basically has around a potentional force of .5million pounds with its kinetic energy. Though this energy is not forced out like blunt kicks, its focused along the stream of the long narrow blade edge; which not only is highly adaptable but it moves insainly fast in the air, allowing for it to have extreme potency. Not to mention though the super solid state, disrupts energy, because it retains the properties of the armor. Although its in a bladed edge. Condensed to a super hard point which could split a blood vessel in half, and slide right through. Not to mention the blade itself reflects light and can slice through objects extremely fast. It also forms a gem compound in the blood stream which is as hard as the blade.

The grammar in this one is just.. it kills me. Along with that, please use more examples that will HAPPEN, not ones that seems impossible and excessive. For instance, THE BLOOD VESSEL THING. It MAY be possible, but it sounds super, super un-believable when you put it into terms as you have. And another thing, THE GEM SHIT. If you have a reason, I won't mind, BUT MAKE SURE IT'S LEGIT, OR I WILL DENY IT ALMOST INSTANTLY.

Now onto Alter Form with the Concept itself in mind.

ANYTHING THAT IS POTENT WITH DARK ENERGY, PLEASE, WHERE THE FUCK DID IT COME FROM? I mean, sure, the damn form may be denied, BUT EVEN IF IT WERE ALLOWED I STILL HAVE ISSUES WITH SOME OF THIS "DARK ENERGY" SHIT. Please, if you try to use this type of form for a different character, be more clear and don't make it seem as if the shit isn't even supposed to be there. It helps your chances.

Another thing that drives me insane is WHY ARE THERE SO MANY THINGS IN ALTER FORM? It stretches on and on and on, and it just seems soooooo excessive. Especially with how Auro is currently, I just don't think he would need it, or even be able to have it as far as I know.

Now, just to state it all at once and together, so I get the point across, you need to work hard and long for this app to be re-approved. I want shit updated to the point where I won't have an insane time with reading it. Along with that, I want the excessive and unneeded powers to be taken out, or toned down. And for once in your life, don't add and add and add because you think it'll make you more powerful. I know from personal experience that it is stupid and unneeded. And to address Alter form as a whole, I want you to know right now that every power/tech you had in the form would have been updated so it was compliant to the app itself, and its tier. I know it may seem harsh that I'm stating all of this about Alter form, but it's the truth Shizuo. You need to work on not adding and you need to focus more so on making the abilities and powers he already has perfected, along with future powers that will MATCH THE FUCKING BASE OF THE GOD DAMN CHARACTER. All in all, Alter form is a form that I just won't allow for this type of character, and I have reasons. One, it isn't a race that actually has an alter form. Two, if it was an adjustable demon state, I wouldn't allow any of it because you already need to work on fixing each and every power that resides inside said form. And three, the grammar itself running through the god damn form is just making my eyes hurt, so that won't really help staff members take a look and actually WANT to fucking grade it.

Overall, I gotta say that this application needs work, Shizuo. So please, if you don't want him anymore let us know, otherwise, this is denied for the time being.

Sun Oct 21, 2012 9:24 pm

Reapproved once more as update was cancelled.

Fri Nov 16, 2012 1:59 pm

Archived because of new app.