Bet your Bottom Dollar [Verdada, Catherine]

What an insipid bitch.
The emotion would not register on her features. But in this moment, she began to realize that, at least in a clinical sense: That Catherine was a very poor research partner. The aggrivated and spoiled manner in which she treated these safety precautions. Acting like a teenager who thought they knew everything. Did she have no sense of self preservation? Had she thought nothing of the gorey scenes up above? The corpses? Did she think herself invincible if this experiment somehow went awry?

Had feeling the threat of death in the past taught her nothing? Her mind flashed back to the moment. When Catherine had been struggling within her own grip, and had faced the possibility of dying, when they had realized that nothing they could do would save them if Verdada put her mind to choking her to death?

She looked at the young woman for several disappointed seconds before she turned and promptly made her way to the isolated chamber, opening the door and promptly closing the box behind her as she turned her attention to the connecting chamber. Where the hollow themselves was strapped down, and a gentle smile formed.
"I'm going to begin now. If everything goes well, you won't feel a single thing. At first, you'll be very uncomfortable. Once that's taken it's time to settle, I'll turn this knob." She explained, a conversation Catherine would be entirely separated from, shed simply see Verdada's mouth moving as she reached up and gently let her finges rest around the knob on the chamber between her and the holklow, a speaker allowing her to talk to the subject, but there was no such thing to convey information to Catherine.

The hollow's eyes widened slightly.

"Once I start to turn this, you should begin to feel much better, hopefully. And eventually, you'll feel just fine. So just hang in there~" She instructed, her voice was rich with gentle, almost motherly care. She NEEDED this one to survive. Gently grasping the dial, she turned it all the way to the left, until the indicator clicked into the 0 setting. The Dial was connected to a number of filters. She had specifically designed this sound system to transmit not just her voice, but the spiritual energy that was embedded within it. And with the dial, she could control how much of that spiritual energy was channeled into the speakers. It had taken quite a bit of work. But it was all in service to this experiment. With the filters at zero, the entirety of her song would be projected.

She took a steady, calming breath as she closed her eyes and braced herself. Bringing the microphone in front of her. She began to sing.

The effect was so very immediate. The shock that ran through the arrancar's frame as if it had been electrocuted as that song was transmitted directly into the chamber. That still form so very suddenly jarred, shaking, twisting as it's maw parted ito convey it's silent screaming roar. But that, was the extent. This creature, in it's power and capacity, such that it had retained a more ..intelligent mental fortitude. IT managed not to thrash. Not to ... try and end itself. And excitement lit up in Verdada's eyes as she reached up, and gently turned the dial slowly.

It would be eerie to witness. The silent screaming and singing, and a slow, steady decline in that reaction. What had started as sheer, excruciating suffering clear in the creature's body language, would slowly devolve, from agony, to anguish, to simple pain, and then, finally, as that dial clicked into the 10 setting, it's body slumped onto the table, and Catherine would see tears running down it's mask as it settled from whatever it had gone through.

And it was in that moment, that Verdada flipped a switch that was out of sight. As she finished out her song, with the transmission reduced down to jus shy of its highest filter. With a mere ten percent of her spirit energy transmitted through the line. The very end of her song would suddenly be playing in Catherine's headset.



"If I didn't care, would it be the same?~
Would my every prayer, begin and end, with just your name?
And would I be suuure that this, is love, beyond compaaaaare?
Would all this be true, if I didn't care, for youuuuuuu?"

The effect would be minimal, but still palpable. The shock would potentially stun her in place, as the sensation of the energy pouring into her ears would run its course. Verdada had closely watched the effects on the creature as she'd lowered the transmission levels. IT was around thirty percent, that it had still been in pain, but had stopped trying to struggle. At ten percent, she suspected that the effects would be small, but still palpable. Assuming that Catherine had as strong a will as this hollow of course~

But all the same, she would feel it. A deep, puncturing sadness in her very core. And triggering of an instinct, one that was present in so very many creatures. An instinct, to isolate themselves, and meet their own end. In an animal so complex as a human? It would manifest as a very particular sentiment, wrapped neatly in a gift of sheer anguish and melancholy.

'I should not be alive'.

The dial would then click to Ten, and the transmission of her spiritual energy would cease entirely as the song finished out into her last verse, and she would smile to herself as she watched catherine the entire way. To see how her .... Second Test Subject, took to the experiment.

"Catherine Reed"

Why the hell was she looking at her like that..? Was this some sort of mean prank, before something this serious? Was she trying to psych her out? Various questions nipped at her mind as she was trying in vain to divine Verdada's intent here, find some reasonable explanation for this uncharacteristic behavior... But no, no, the experiment was about to start. All she had the power to do in this situation for now was to just take deep breath and watch it unfold. She put the headset on no problem, notepad in hand as she was ready to record whatever information she could glean; Verdada's smile and moving lips whilst addressing the hollow. didn't make her feel any more reassured for what was about to happen.

Fear, kill that fear... If she couldn't even sit through a risky experiment then how was she supposed to kill that bastard? Fear led to confusion, to mistakes, to hesitance, to death. She couldn't allow it to blossom inside of her; she would gash and cut back that eternally growing weed, no matter how many times it threatened to burst it's thorny forms through even the smallest cracks in her heart...

Every movement, every action, every writhing of that beast... She watched it with an unblinking gaze, determined to jot down every detail and speculation she could put together on the spot, that yearning for an understanding of this other half of reality consuming her... Though the flicker of audio in her ears after the Hollow's tormented movements ceased nearly made her shatter that pen in her hands - yeah, there was a suspecting this would happen at the back of her mind, and she was wholly prepared for that eventuality.

That singing, that infernal singing... She would have had half a mind to tear the headset off if it weren't for both the understanding that doing so would be not be advantageous for the situation, and the fact she had the confidence to be able to take it head on. Her attention was pulled firmly away from note taking, and placed entirely on suppressing these emotions that wished to fill her whole...

'I should have let him take me.'
'I should have been crushed.'
'I should be dead'
'Wouldn't that be better..?'

..Ignore it, she told herself. She didn't like it in the slightest, but she had to find her grounding quickly to preserve herself. The disruption, despite feeling like a long stretch, was momentary; she relaxed long before Verdada had even concluded. If anything, she seemed moreso irritated with the level of gravitas the Arrancar was so hell bent on conveying - she was fine, she would be fine, she had experienced far worse and even that wouldn't have made her break.

She, was, fine.

END | A Glimmer of Sunlight

Perfect~

Oh how rare it was that an experiment went thoroughly as she hoped it would. When she finally finished her song, she smiled from ear to ear and promptly slipped out of the booth. Gesturing for Catherine to remove her headphones as she promptly slipped into the main chamber and all but skipped in to peel the restraints from the hollow. The creature flinching before going rigid as she promptly pulled it into a hug!

"SUCCESS! YES! Ohohohohoho! Fantastic~ You did perfectly! Come on, lets get you up and out of here~ What's your name hm? Come lets get tou out of these restraints!" She chimed as she promptly began to undo the belts and locks, the Hollow stunned and still recovering from the ordeal as she slowly unlatched it and the creature allowed itself to be ushered up to its feet, Verdada's hands gently touching either side of his mask as she smiled up at it. "And you aren't fighting either. You are just the perfect assistant aren't you? Perfect. What's your name?" She asked.

The creature paused and looked around, anxiously at Catherine for a moment before looking back to Verdada. "Howl Stalker" He replied, tapping his claws anxiously along the floor as she lightly strokked along the top of his head. The wolf-like hollow still quite shellshocked.

"Hm, that so? We'll have to come up with a new name, I'll just call you Howie for now. Right. Now, lets get you to one of thew side rooms. I shouldn't need to advise you to remain nonviolent. You're hungry yes? I'll see abouit getting you something substantial to eat." She practically bounced as she led them out of the chamber and paused to look at Catherine. Her smile laxing a bit as she kept her distance from the woman as she leg the Hollow towards the stairwell. "Thank you. For staying in place, as well as bringing me this specimen. I'll be sure to pay you handsomely. And I of course, owe you for not telling you that you'd be a part of the experiment as well. Are you alright?"

"Catherine Reed"

Her headset went quiet. That nagging at her will was finally gone.

She didn't adhere to Verdada's excited gesturing at her; she knew what was intended by it, but all she felt up to doing was watching the following scene with an unreadable expression. She hardly believed what she was witnessing, or experiencing, her fingers tightly gripping that instrument of writing and the pad, the tip of her pen pressed into the paper, pooling contemptuous ink in that one little spot.

That question provoked quite a response, her sitting figure suddenly transforming into standing a mere foot before Verdada, the only indication of her movement being the flutter of her ginger locks and the lingerings of Bringer Light's pulsations, her hands having risen momentarily on impulse, before harshly dropping to her sides in a display of restrained frustration. Instead, she leaned very close to Verdada's face, a hard expression on her features that floated unreliably between bitterness and confusion.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was low, a disturbing tone for the otherwise proud woman, "If this is a game of pretend, i'm not playing."

Her gaze would only break for a moment, to look where that hollow was led off to, "I can't stand it when people lie to me, Verdada. So start be honest. Right, now."

END | A Glimmer of Sunlight

Verdada raised a brow slightly as suddenly Catherine bolted towards her. The Hollow growled and bristled at the sudden approach, and promptly, Verdada shoved her palm up and pushed the two of them away from eachother, and well...also barred Catherine from getting in her face. Her brows raising slightly before she offered a calm smirk. "Oh? I believe I simply omitted information. But I don't think it's been the first little lie between us now has it?"" She chimed with a tilt of her head, her grip tightening on the girl's shirt as she leaned in for a moment. "Besides. You're fine with experiments on hollows aren't you? What do you expect? you've been so compliant before. You went to hueco mundo. You got a hollow for me. And you continue to again and again put yourself in danger for these curiosities of yours." She smiled a bit wider and pulleed the woman in close, until their foreheads touched and something of a manic little smile played on her lips.

"You, have never once, shown regard for your own safety. And so, I confess. I took a page from your book.I wouldn't be surprised if I tore off your shirt and found you riddled with stitches from your most recent excursions. So by all means, feel free to be irrate. But please don't insult me by pretending that I'm the dishonesty one here." She hummed, before releasing the woman and then gently stroking the hollow's jawline. "Relax she's not gonna hurt you~ I'll get you somewhere to rest, then I'll deal with her." He assured the hollow, putting her back to Catherine and going to settle her newest subject.

It would only be a while later that she finally returned, wiping off her glasses before raising a brow at Catherine.

"Now then. What was it you had to say?"

"Catherine Reed"

She hadn't even taken the moment to register the Hollow as a credible threat, attention firmly on Verdada. Her breathing irregular, blood rushing as her pale face was reddened with silent turmoil, her stormy eyes dark yet piercing into the one in front of her. As the Arrancar spoke her infuriating words, she restrained herself - she wasn't entirely sure why she did that; some part of her knew Verdada was right, another part may have been questioning why she even felt this intensely about it, and an underlying part was hotly provoked into wanting to bash something's brains in.

Sickness and rage built inside of her, but she couldn't admit that to herself - the first to lose their cool was who lost, she kept jamming those words into her thoughts, but it didn't make the spiral slow at all, especially not while egged on by the Arrancar's proddings. Breath was held, her chest tight when the taunting grew to them being face to face. Control. Control. Control.

Only when she was left with a moment of alone time, did she have a moment to contemplate what she was experiencing; her heart wouldn't stop pounding, deep breathing didn't feel possible. The song didn't do this, it couldn't have provoked this... She wasn't weak, she was better than this. Even so, it felt like every one of that bastard's words were dredged up, every single one of those words that sought to drag her down like teeth to prey... Every. Single. Frustrating. Call, for her to give up, that she wasn't enough.

But that couldn't have been true - if she wasn't enough, she would have been long dead...

Verdada was back.

On the other hand, she had taken a seat, clutching her shirt with incredible might. Her face was unreadable, "Y'think I just throw myself into this line of work for no reason, other than blind curiosity?"

Her false accent had dropped, the melodic tones of her natural tongue turned harsh as a stiff walk brought her up from her seat and heavily carried her over to her company; ferocity was in her gaze, anyone with half a mind would think they were about to be attacked. But rather, she stopped a few feet in front of her, the tense gulf of the unknown broken into with a cracking laugh, her expression pulling an unusual mix of desperation and mania,

"I have to fight this much, this hard, because I have to be able to Verdada. My time's running out, Verdada. I have to kill my sorry asshole of a grandfather before the end of this year, Verdada!"

That hand clutched so tightly on her own shirt suddenly tightened, and dragged down. The sound of buttons tearing out and fibers straining would reveal the entirety of her chest; though her chest was obscured by a close fitting black sports bra, the picture she wished to present was present - there were only three types of scars painting her pale skin:

Massive discolorations, the tips of which strongly resembled large reptilian hands, as if she was burned countless times by the touch of a nightmare.

Remnants of uniform gougings raking and crisscrossing from her lower ribs down to below her hips, as if a bird of prey came upon her wishing to tear her innards out and feast on her agony.

And finally, the piercings of half a great beast's teeth marks, lining her right shoulder region, as if a painful reminder of her place.

No other markings were present, even what wounds she had obtained from bagging the hollow for this experiment had since closed up.

"I've healed up nice from many things, Verdada. At the same time though, there's just some things... That I can't be rid of," A sickly smile was on her face as she tilted her head to the side to run a finger down that row of bite scars, "And a touch a' that bastard, is one a' those things. He has to be dead soon, or i'll be dead. If I could not stomach half the shit I've had to deal with, I might as well have died in that room all those years ago."

Her hand dropped. She stared at Verdada expectantly. Of what? she didn't have the sense right now to say.

END | A Glimmer of Sunlight

Whens he returned, she had to say. She was a little surprised when she saw the state Catherine was in. After all, wans't she just so cool and calm all the time? Nothing ever phased her. Ahhh but for once, there was a bit of something else bubbling to the surface, and a slow, spreading smile formed on her lips as she tiredly stared the woman down.

She took a step forward and promptly let her eyes glance down at the woman's suddenl baring of her flesh. She could only imagine how excited sabriel would be at such a display. Ugh. Still, she made note of those scars. She gently peeled a cigarette from her jacket pocket and slipped it between her lips. Not that she'd light it down here, but all the same, she let her eyes scan the woman's body, her injuries, before ultimately looked back up at Catherine and smiled.

"Oh? You think that that's not all that won't be healing?" She asked with a calm, cool smile as she reached up and gently tapped the very center of Catherine's chest, poking her sternum. Right where once upon a time. She'd tugged at the woman's chain of fate.

She gently leaned in and let that hand trail up and gently cup the side of the girl's face. a Gesture of comfort as she took the woman's words with calm and ease.

"Are you done pretending yet? You must really be tired. Walking around in this ...weak... thin little sack of kishi and bad memories. Pretending to be a human. Tell me: Cathy~ If you had none of these scars, and none of these little worries in your head. Do you honestly think you STILL wouldn't be throwing yourself into danger?" She asked, amusement in her voice.

"Isn't it just a little ... too convenient? That all of these problems are your grandfather's fault?"

"Catherine Reed"

"Eighteen years old," She'd briskly cut into Verdada's words, catching her hand in a careful yet stern grip, "I was eighteen, years old, when I made the agreement to kill him. He dies, I get his company and every bit of what remains of my family's history. I don't kill him within eleven years, i'm the one that dies."

Her breathing grew less erratic, as she'd continue, "I tried killing him. Once. A year later. That was a mistake. That was another wretched piece of shit I couldn't clean up."

That darkness in her eyes grew more focused, deliberate, "If I was 'so tired of being human', why do you think i've been alive for so long, Verdada? I could've given up at any time, yknow? Could've let one of those huge African hollows swallow me up... Could've let the countless others that tried to take my mind and body from me just do what they wanted, could've given in to the horrible pain of nearly being bisected, could've let that first try against that wolf be my last breath..."

Her manic smile vanished with this last memory resurfacing, her gaze drawing away, "Could've just complied, and given my body away to him, and died right there... That would've been so easy, so simple, so reassuring... I'd never have to worry about anything again, if I was swallowed, or if I became a mindless animal just like the many of you..."

That grip tightened within that moment.

"But I don't want to. Because I want to be free. I want to live, not survive, Verdada. Despite everything, despite how ugly it's made me... I want to. So many things are in the way of that, but I want to. Even if it's fucking miserable, there has to be more to it than that..."

Her expression was hard, yet her eyes had a sensation of pleading, mist in her gaze, "I can feel it, but I can't see that through if I give up just like that. So quit pushing me to destroy myself, if you really consider me a 'friend'."

END | A Glimmer of Sunlight

Verdada listened calmly enough and stared at Catherine as she provided her story, but she didn't stop smiling.

Was this callous? Was there perhaps some cruelty to the fact that she in fact, simply had no context for any of this? Even a normal hollow at the very least would have had some faint memories of perhaps a human life. But she didn't. She was entirely artificial. Created. And so, she truly only tangentially understood that this treatment was harsh to come from her 'family'. Or that getting 'roughed up'.

She firmly grasped Catherine's shoulder, right over the bite marks.

"Oh Cathy." She sighed, and closed her eyes, taking a moment to think to herself and ... imagine what this emotion inside of the woman was. This ....desperation. Were she in another life, she would have fed on it. Like that mite, Ajora. But alas, that was not her aspect, and when she opened her eyes, that smile thinned tiredly.

"How succinctly you trip over the very core of what it means to be an arrancar. This drive of yours to survive. To maintain you as you are. It's so adorable how incapable you are of seeing just how like us you are." She released the girl and glanced down to their chest, then back up to their eyes. "But don't worry. I wont' go ...yanking your chain' again~ I have a feeling that no matter what happens. You'll wind up where you need to be." She reached into her pocket and retrieved a lighter, promptly igniting the end of the cigarette she'd been holding in her mouth, taking a slow, steady drag before sighing fondly.

"Let me ask you. Do you... feel free, Catherine? Do you think that if you manage to kill your grandfather. You'll feel free?" Those eyelids drooped slightly and blinked slowly. "I already killed my grandparent. Do I seem free to you?"

"Catherine Reed"

Verdada's words only further encouraged her panic to subside, confusion filling her instead. Her expression changed from twisted pain, to a look of thought as she considered how... Odd, this perspective was. The drive to survive, being just like Arrancar? That wasn't unique to them in the slightest, why would she even liken that..? Sure, Verdada came across as odd and unlike the typical Arrancar she spoke to, but she didn't really think much of it... But now she had some suspecting...

"..Verdada, every living thing has that drive," Her tone lifted from it's tired state, sighing softly as she felt the truth slowly dawning on her, running a hand through her hair, "The basis for survival is the will to persist, that's not unique to Hollows at all. Even the tiniest of microorganisms have some trace of that instinct..."

She was really getting the thought.. Was the woman before her not that old, or had she simply never left Hueco Mundo until recently? She really thought on what she's said, the talks they've had...

But that last comment really got her to gently place her hands on Verdada's shoulders, for once the tension was fading, "Verdada. I'm not out to kill him for a frivolous sense of freedom. I literally have to or else my heart's gonna be eaten. As in, literal heart," She'd touch her own chest for emphasis, "Out of my chest, down an idiot's throat. That was the terms I agreed on, and I can't break that, so I gotta be as good as I can before that ticker's up."

Inhale, exhale, "I hate that blubbering corpse to death and beyond, don't mistake me. But I don't see it as a ticket out... I... It'll be a means for me to get somewhere else in life, in the most literal way possible; as in, I get all his possessions if I kill him."

She dared to ask, "..Verdada, have you even been around many humans in your time? Do you even know what that's like? An average human life? Because i'm getting the sensation you don't really know how much of an outlier I am."

END | A Glimmer of Sunlight