It's Grey Now [Johann/Lilith]

Lilith stood in front of a store window displaying a television for sale. Although there was no sound, the captions were visible. The news reported the death of a criminal fleeing the Vandenreich. It was just another chaotic event in the City of Lights. At least this time only one person died, unlike in Africa, where millions lost their lives. Lilith shook her head and walked away, heading toward an old friend.

It took some time, but she was able to get through security and send a message up to the one she was visiting. She had wanted to surprise him, but with the safety issues, it wasn’t shocking they were extra cautious. So, he knew she was on her way up. At his office, Lilith knocked and knocked and knocked, creating a barrage of rapid fire taps on the door until he answered. Once he did, she burst through!

“Hey, Doodlebug!” Lilith called out, louder than he probably preferred. She never worried about embarrassing those she cared about. With a big smile, she circled the desk, arms wide open, ready for her mandatory hug. He knew the rules!

Johann wasn't one who received a lot of visits these days that weren't strictly related to Vandenreich matters, the former happening even less, and the latter happening even more, thanks to the sudden spike in security after the...incident that happened in the city. Johann sighed as he set a pen down on the desk, rubbing his temples lightly.

'No doubt Emma's seen it and is worried back home...I need to call her once I'm off for today. Let her know that I'm okay.'

Lord, this was a mess. He didn't necessarily hate the uppity brat, but he certainly didn't like him either. Regardless of his extreme thoughts and abrasive personality, there was no denying that he was valuable for his skill set. It was a damaging blow, but, there was little any of them could do about it. But, thankfully, it also wasn't entirely his problem.

Then, he heard the door creak open, the head of a Soldat peeked around the door before quietly slipping around and entering, carefully closing the door behind him. Johann raised an eyebrow, gesturing to the young man expectantly.

"Mm? What is it, boy? Speak up."

"You...have a visitor, sir. A Shinigami woman with an eyepatch, Lilith Blake, she says she knows you. Should we let her through?"

A wistful smile came to the old man's face as he chuckled softly, using his Spirit Weapon to push himself to his feet and support him as he walked around his desk. A name he hadn't heard in nearly sixty years, and a face he hadn't seen since...if he remembered right, he and Emma's wedding.

"Yes, yes, let her through. She's fine."

As the young man nodded before stepping out of the room, Johann spent a little bit of time straightening his uniform and himself out, trying to make himself look less like a disheveled old man. Then came the rapid series of knocks, and Johann made his way to the door, opening and stepping to the side -- predictably, she burst through. Though, what he hadn't predicted was her using a particular nickname.

Johann sighed as he cringed in embarrassment. A nickname he loathed even all these years later, and one that he figured would follow him to the grave. Nevertheless, he opened his arms to return the hug.

"Really, Lilith? I'm not a boy anymore, I haven't been for a long, long time."

"Ha!” Lilith planted a quick kiss on Johann’s cheek. “How old are you now?” She wasn’t expecting an answer, but it was a callback to their obvious age difference. She would live beyond him, like she had his dad, grandfather, and great grandfather.

Lilith’s eyes wandered up to his hair, and suddenly, that question felt a little different. Yeah, he was getting older. “Your grandpa dyed it, you know?” Lilith chuckled, gently ruffling his hair, but not enough to damage it. “Man hated the way the grey looked. Personally, I found it much more distinguished.” Lilith pushed up the tip of her nose in that ‘nose up at you’ sort of pose before taking a seat.

“So, tell me… how have things gone? It has been way, way too long.”

It was sometimes surreal to see someone so close, who old enough to have known his grandfather's grandfather when he was a boy, still look as if she had never aged a day. But, he had lived too long to be hampered or upset by such a thing anymore -- rather, the elder chuckled softly as he made his way back to his chair.

"Seventy-two this year. Even with Ransotengai and relentless physical upkeep, the years catch up with me at times."

His grandfather, dying his hair? Johann almost went to object, but then he remembered his grandfather always seeming much younger than his father did, even in his later years. Perhaps he wanted to keep up appearances, or just not look as old as he was, a trait that never seemed to pass on to Johann himself. He agreed with Lilith that it made one look more distinguished and sophisticated, reflective of the long years they lived.

"Things have been better than they were. I've come out of retirement and am serving in the Vandenreich again, that much is rather obvious, but..."

All of a sudden, the casual expression of the Vandenreich elder turned solemn.

"The war changed me. Before World War Four, I was a father and a grandfather, and now I am neither."

A small smile was content on Lilith’s face until Johann mentioned that last bit of information. It was clear by Johann’s tone what happened. Normally, she would push for clarification, refusing these vague messages, but she knew him well enough to understand exactly what he meant. It hit hard. Lilith had not been around much, but she tried showing up for things like birthdays and graduations, at least earlier in their lives. She remembered being there for each childbirth, cheering Emma on every time. A parent never wanted to outlive their child…

Lilith leaned forward and stared at the floor. She hid her one viewable eye behind a hand, shading it like you would if the sun was in your eyes. The fact that she was not around during this time angered her, but she couldn't have known.

"I'm sorry..." Lilith said and raised her head a few moments later, letting out a heavy exhale. She was not the type to cry, but he could see it on her face...

Even after all the time that he had spent grieving, throwing himself into his work, begging and wishing for a little more time, and yet, time could never fully heal this wound. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair, he knew this, but that didn't change how much it hurt. Despite the pain, the patriarch's face remained stoic, though one look at his eyes would see that this front dangled by a dangerous thread.

"All that came home was their gloves..."

A hushed whisper was all that he could manage. He could still remember the day when he opened the door to see soldiers he was unfamiliar with, bearing somber expressions as they presented his children and grandchildren's Sanrei Gloves. Their voices and condolences, even now, were nothing but white noise as the horrible reality stared back at him.

Even with the endless cycling of souls, from living to dead and back again, he would never truly see them again. Even if he was lucky, and they did pass through the Cycle, and were not absorbed by a Hollow, then later annihilated by a Quincy, they would never be the same. That privilege existed only for a select few in the hundreds of thousands to millions of souls that came and went -- even back then, Johann's arrogance was not grand enough to try and claim them as that special.

But, there was a light in that bleak dark -- one that also came with its own share of problems. That light had gone to live on his own, far from the bastard of a man that he had been -- something he desperately wished to show that he no longer was.

"There is...one survivor. Not related by blood, but, as far as I'm concerned, he is still a member of my family, but...I have no right to call myself his grandfather."

Their gloves… How… devastating. The man before Lilith had gone through something she honestly dreaded experiencing. The loss of a child… There was so much in her that wanted to comfort him, but it was too late. He had gone through it and worked his way to where he was. Trying to console him now was a fruitless effort that would only comfort her. Taking a deep breath, Lilith sat up straight.

"That sounds like a story; what happened?" Lilith asked, referring to this survivor. Her heart ached for the loss of her family, but the fact was... this happened a lot. With her age, Lilith knew that it would continue happening unless she decided to end herself, or someone else did that for her. For now, she just wanted to know about something good in Johann's life... At least, she wanted it to be good.

'Compose yourself, Johann.'

It was a simple, brief bout of self-chastising, but it was all that a man like him needed. Taking in a deep breath, Johann lifted his head and sat up straight, resting his hands on his desk, before finally letting out the air.

"His name is Nero. Ida adopted him to give him a better life. At first, I welcomed him, thinking nothing of it, but..."

Johann's hands went to his head as he sighed. There was no amount of words that could properly describe the shame he felt, looking back on his actions. He had no right to call himself grandfather, even less be able to call himself a man with such childish measures. Nero didn't deserve that -- no one did.

"At one point, he started wearing dresses. Were he younger, I would have just assumed it to be the innocent curiosity of a child, but, the bastard of a man I was back then, instead...chose to shame and ridicule him for it. Called him disgusting, a disappointment, a failure of a man."

It would have been comical, had he not been the culprit of directing such undeserved hate. A light tinge of red coated the elder's face in embarrassment, but quickly faded as he went to compose himself with another long, deep breath.

"Then, we found out about his sexuality, and...my reaction nearly tore the family apart. It's a miracle that Emma remained with me, and that my children were still willing to tolerate me and speak with me."

Johann couldn't help but give a morbid, sorrowful chuckle as he thought of another aspect of this saga of their lives.

"Yet, he's still one of the most skilled and talented young men I've ever seen. I only found out that he was alive after seeing his name appear in the brackets for the tournament the City of Lights held not too terribly long ago. I've...I've wanted to show him that I've changed, to sit down and have a proper talk with him after all this time, but, he's been avoiding me. However, he's...been avoiding me. Even if he has every right to, it...still hurts."

It took Lilith a bit to realize what Johann was talking about. She remembered those… issues from about 100 years ago. There was part of her that could not blame Johann at all. The amount of entitlement that came out of that generation was insane. Still, Lilith stayed silent about her own views on the subject and paid closer attention to how Johann felt about it himself. He just missed his grandson.

"I'll talk to him," Lilith said bluntly and then shrugged. "Maybe I can get through to the kid; I've done it before. You said his name is Nero?" Johann would know Lilith well enough that stopping her would only get a "Fine, I won't" and then she would go look him up anyway. Since Nero's name ended up in the recent tournament, he wouldn't be too hard to find on her own. "Where's he at?" she asked, standing up.

To hear such a blunt reaction was not unexpected, but the contents of said reaction immediately made Johann stand up. His usual stoic eyes blazed with a fierce determination as his fingers tightly coiled around his cane, arm instinctually twisting as if to turn the head and activate the Spirit Weapon.

"Absolutely not. This is not your conflict to solve, Lilith. This is my problem, and my responsibility. I will not have the woman who used to be my caretaker as a boy try to solve a problem I caused."

He opened his mouth to continue, but quickly shut it. He had let his anger get the best of him too many times in the past -- and he certainly was not about to return to being the man that he loathed so thoroughly, especially not to someone he and his family had been so good to, and vice versa. He knew it would be something he would regret for the rest of his remaining days.

He was not that man anymore, and it was his sole responsibility to show that. It was the furthest thing from being a matter of pride -- not like he had much of that left anymore, these days.