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Ashaiya
Ashaiya
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Left_bar_bleue0/0[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Tue Aug 01, 2023 6:12 pm
THE ARRANCAR APPLICATION

I. Basic Information

» Name: Sabriel Ventress
» Alias: Sab, Lady Sabriel, Lustful Witch, Dirty (Insert whatever slur or swear word you can think of here, she has heard them all.)
» Age: Around 600
» Gender: Female

» Association: Herself

» Estigma: Purple tear like stains from both eyes when she is in resurreccion form.
» Hollow Hole: Right Ankle
» Aspect of Death: Desire

» Appearance Written: Sabriel stands at about 5'8 and 130lbs, with long black hair that she has braided in two pigtails and purple coloured eyes. Usually, she can be found wearing rather revealing see through clothing or on occasion rather extravagant dresses, always with the intention of garnering attention from those around her and having very little modesty when it comes to showing off her rather curvy figure. Even heading into battle, she rarely changes into anything more appropriate, knowing that her appearance is as much a weapon as anything else.

» Appearance Image:
[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Feaw_tharja

I. Personality

» Personality: Sabriel is a manipulative and cunning creature at her core, willing to go to any lengths to achieve what she desires. There is no lie that she will not tell, action that she will not take and line that she will not cross in order to satisfy whatever is driving her at the time. She generally comes across as rather soft spoken and it is quite rare that she ever raises her voice, instead maintaining a sense of calm and keeping a cool head. Small talk is a common tactic of hers and she is quite happy to banter with both her allies and enemies, attempting to pry into their personal lives while also looking for any potential weaknesses to exploit. Attracted to both men and women, she often flirts with those she encounters and honestly, Sabriel would rather solve a situation through a little rolling around than a fight. That is not to say that she is afraid of combat and getting her hands dirty, just that she prefers a more intelligent solution to solving her problems. A dead enemy is of no further use to her, after all.

In combat, she is just as relaxed and playful with her constantly flirting and playfully prodding at her opponent like a cat with a mouse. It usually appears as though she is not taking the situation seriously and that is more than not the truth. Combat is just foreplay for her and she is so confident in her ability to charm her foe, that even against someone more powerful than her, she will eventually end up on top, where she likes it. Sabriel can be thought of as irritating to fight but that is exactly how she wishes to be seen, as an unfocused opponent is far easier to exploit. In an ideal scenario and when facing a foe who she finds appealing, Sabriel will leave her opponents alive but only so that she can fly off with them and have her wicked way.

» Likes: Wine, conversation, manipulation, secrets and a good book.

» Dislikes: Bland food, dull people and cold weather.

I. History

» History: Sabriel thoroughly enjoyed her time as a hollow, loving the sensation of hunting down and devouring her victims. When she first became one, the winged creature only sought those who had wounded her in life, those fools who had arranged for her death as a human. Revenge was sweet though and as she ended their pathetic lives, Sabriel’s lust for power and destruction grew. She adapted quickly and it was not long before the creature began to discover her own abilities, allowing her to play and toy with her victims, using not only her purple coloured chains but her voice as well, in order to ensnare her targets and bend them to her will. It was great fun although unfortunately for her, the amount of human souls soon dried up, as her revenge was completed.

So, her attention would turn to her own kin and she would begin to devour the few other Hollows that she came across. The taste of each one was delectably different and Sabriel began to thoroughly melt away into the Hollow way of life, whatever few pieces of her past that remained fading away. It all became about the thrill of the hunt and the pleasure of devouring her own kind. She was unsure of how many Hollows she killed during that time nor how long she spent there but just like how it had been with human souls, eventually, the same lack of food would start to become apparent. The winged creature needed a new place to hunt and one day, her instincts would lead her to the next feeding ground. She would watch as another Hollow, larger than her, would create what seemed a rift in the world, leading into darkness and without any further thought, she would leap in behind him, tracking it through the blackness.

To her surprise, she would come out in a sandy location, with a desert that seemed to go on forever. It was an incredibly barren place but Sabriel was not intimidated because she could sense the presence of other Hollows. She had found her next feeding ground and almost in a frenzy, the Hollow would soon be feasting on her fellows once again although over time, the female certainly had a few misses of her own and more than once almost found herself as a meal for something far larger. So, her sense of self preservation began to grow stronger and her intelligence came to the fore. She began to pick her targets and in doing so, allowed herself to grow in both strength and intelligence. Her playful style of hunting never truly wavered but she was wise enough to know when to not engage or to appear less threatening. It was a difficult balance but it was one she learned to find.

This was how her life was for quite some time, always striving for the flesh of her fellows, always seeking further power and always continuing to master her abilities. Her confidence grew leaps and bounds, her influence began to grow and she began to lust for greater strength. So much so that eventually her desires led her to engaging in a dangerous feeding frenzy, having come across dozens of other Hollows who were doing the exact same thing. It was an absolute bloodbath but Sabriel could not turn away and by involving herself, she inadvertently started her journey to becoming someone more than just a Hollow.

She would merge with the other gorging Hollows and by doing so, would join them in taking on the form of a Gillian, a transformation that threatened to strip her of everything that she was. A process that would fuse all of the Hollows together and leave them as a mindless hulk. The experience was horrible for Sabriel and while it would have been easy for her to simply accept the inevitable and allow herself to let herself go, she rebelled and forced herself to the surface of the creature's mind. As a sign of what was to come, she would wrench for control, her will overcoming that of the others and taking the body of the great beast as her own. Her fate was not to be a simple foot soldier, a brainless monstrosity. No, she wanted more and it was that desire which allowed her to change her fate.

Sabriel would turn on her fellow Gillian, devouring them as she devoured regular Hollows in the past, satiating herself with their essence. She fully took the reins of the mass of Hollows and forced them to obey her will, which in turn gave her command. It was glorious and her power once again began to grow, much to her delight. Time had become such a meaningless thing to her that she had no idea how much had passed but she was patient and her lust for growth never faded.

As she devoured them, Sabriel would begin to feel an itch in the mask that covered her face, a desire to rip off the disgusting long nosed appearance and move on. It began as only a momentary desire but as time passed, it would grow in intensity, challenging even her desire to feed. The temptation became more difficult over time and one day, after devouring what seemed to have been her 100th Gillian, it became too strong. That overwhelming itch was what resulted in her becoming something more and her form would change once more as she evolved further, after smashing her mask against an enormous tree, breaking it and finally giving in to her instinct.

The result would be that she would become almost human-like, with a whip attached to her outfit that seemed to appear out of nowhere. The change puzzled her immensely but as she ran her hands across her face, her eyes would widen with shock and the newly created Arrancar would search for the first surface that she could see herself in. The reaction when she came across such an item was instantaneous and as she stared, a laugh would escape her, a dirty chuckle that echoed across the sandy world. She had gone beyond the life of a Menos and had become something much more. An Arrancar.

Her initial joy would not last though, as she soon discovered that her original strength had somewhat diminished, leaving her with no other choice but to rebuild. She was forced to use her wits rather than might in order to survive although with her gift of speech, that was not as difficult as it seemed. Sabriel used her new form to bewitch the minds, learning to use her body and intelligence to turn the heads of her fellow Arrancar and Hollow. She became a manipulator, a puller of strings, a role that she soon enough began to enjoy. It was not rare to find her in the company of those stronger, whispering in their ears, in order to gain influence. Such was her early life as an Arrancar.

Over many long years and through countless close encounters and fights, her powers would not only return to her but blossom. She would regain her two most useful Hollow powers, her chains and voice, as well as explore the vast array of abilities that only an Arrancar could use. It was a time of learning about herself and the manipulator eventually became rather skilled with her new abilities.

The final piece of the puzzle was her Zanpakuto and after what seemed like an eternity, she would finally come to understand its subtle uses. She adored the shape of it, believing that a whip was simply perfect for her more punishing forms of entertainment and thoroughly enjoyed learning to master it. The powers of her weapon were simply perfect for a bender of the mind, a manipulator of the soul, as she was. She loved her weapon and that was eventually what allowed her to fully master it. Emotion was what her weapon was all about.

Her first true test with her completed powers would come against a woman who she had considered to be a rival from the moment she had become an Arrancar. A pretty red headed creature named Lirael, who was fond of playing the same games as Sabriel was. They had never got on, having continually gone after the same targets and it had reached the point of no return. Two predators, who could no longer ignore each other and after exchanging the usual unpleasant form of greeting that they always did, the pair would engage in a mighty struggle that could be heard a great distance away.

Sabriel would unleash her full arsenal against her foe, her Hollow and Arrancar powers combining beautifully to create her own unique style. She moved so swiftly that it looked like there were after images of herself and as the Arrancar delivered lash after lash with her whip, striking at both her target's physical and emotional state, the fight soon turned in her favour. What was more, it was just such fun and Sabriel took immense pleasure in whipping her opponent, turning her clothing and body into a bloody mess. Lirael fought bravely and did her utmost but the fight was just in Sabriel’s favour and as the black haired Arrancar released her Zanpakuto and unleashed a powerful Winds Of Lust, the result seemed inevitable, sweeping up her opponent and sending her crashing into the sand below.

Yet, rather than kill her opponent then and there, the winged woman would descend and take her fellow Arrancar in her arms, before pulling her into a kiss and taking Lirael for her own. Death would not be the fate for this redhead, not yet, instead she would be Sabriel’s girl, to be used as the dark haired woman wished. There would be no argument or debate about it and by the time the two had finished rolling around in the sand, all the fight would have left her former enemy. Sabriel had proven her dominance, both on the battlefield and during sex. Control in its entirety.

Time passed on and Sabriel would start to increase her sphere of influence, taking more and more young and impressionable Arrancar under her wing as she made her way across the desert of Hueco Mundo. Gender or personality made no difference to the lustful creature and she accepted all those with passion in their hearts and the potential to grow. Some required a gentle touch and others required a firm hand but Sabriel always found the right approach in the end. There was barely a night where she did not have at least one of her group sharing her bed and Sabriel was soon enjoying all the comforts of being the owner of her own land. Over time, she and her follows would settle, creating a home for themselves in the sandy lands.

To this day, she still travels across the sands of Hueco Mundo., claiming those who she deems valuable as her own.


I. Natural Abilities

» Natural Abilities:

Keen Intellect: Sabriel was given the greatest education and has always had an insatiable desire for knowledge that has only continued to grow now that she is an arrancar. She has spent many years manipulating and convincing those to do as she desires, a way of life that had helped her to survive for centuries.

Potent Willpower: Another trait that stems all the way back to her time as a human, Sabriel has proven time and again to never allow a situation to get the better of her. Whether it be when in a debate, a fight to the death or even when uttering her last breath, she does not give in to panic or desperation. Her only desire in her darkest moments is to survive and that is ironclad.

Keen Insight: Sabriel is gifted when it comes to seeing through those she talks to, having lived through centuries of conversing with others and has become exceptionally good and being able to ask the right questions to discover the truth. Her reasons for doing so are usually nefarious but she is skilled all the same.

I. Racial Abilities

» Racial Abilities:

Chains Of Lust: An ability that Sabriel has carried through from her time as a hollow. She is capable of summoning purple coloured chains that chase and attempt to pin an opponent down. Infused with her natural affinity with the emotion of lust, these creations can make thinking clearly difficult for those wrapped in them. This ability scales with Sabriel's nucleo stat.

Song Of Control: The second ability that Sabriel carried through with her as a hollow. By channelling her reiatsu into her throat and then starting to sing, she can release a purple coloured sound wave that travels in an arc in front of her. Those unable to escape it will be immobilised for one post and susceptible to Sabriel's will. Sabriel's commands can be resisted by those with a willpower stat that matches Sabriel's or higher.

Cero Lujuria: A unique purple coloured cero that Sabriel has created in order to bewitch and befuddle her enemies. If a target is struck by this then they will become overcome by an illusion of what they desire most for one post. Those with a deduction stat matching Sabriel's cero or higher can see through the illusion with no issue.

Disorienting Bala: A unique bala that Sabriel has created in order to keep her enemies off of her. The knockback on her bala is particularly strong, enough to disorient the opponent for a post when used.

I. Zanpakutō

» Zanpakutō Name: Koshokuna Megami

» Sealed Zanpakutō Appearance:
[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress OYo8a3J

» Sealed Zanpakutō Power:

Megami's Lash: By cracking her whip and hitting an opponent, Koshokuna Megami leaves a heart shaped burn that floods the body of the target with an overwhelming sensation of lust. It lasts one post and while the target is afflicted, they fall under Sabriel's control. Those with a willpower stat that matches Sabriel's nucleo are able to fight off her orders with little issue.

I. Resurrección

» Resurrección Release Phrase: Embrace, Koshokuna Megami

» Resurrección Release Action: After calling out the release phrase, Sabriel's whip briefly extends and wraps around her form as the transformation takes place.

» Resurrección Appearance:
[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress A6d75f7b588ee84b97e5808e7362dcabab3a241b

» Resurrección Abilities:

Megami Charm: Sabriel flaps her wings, releasing a purple coloured mist that expands around her, with the range scaling with her spirit class. Those who are unable to escape it and who lack the necessary willpower to fight the ability off will begin to fight amongst themselves for a post. In order to fight off the mind control aspect of the spell, a target needs a willpower stat that at least matches Sabriel's nucleo. This ability has a four post cooldown.

Winds Of Lust: By briefly spinning around in a circle, Sabriel releases a powerful, purple coloured, lust imbued tornado that travels in a straight line, with the size of the tornado scaling with Sabriel's spirit class. The ability will also attempt to toy with the opponent's mind, infusing them with the emotion of lust for a post. Those who have a focus stat that at least matches Sabriel's nucleo will be able to fight off the controlling effects of this ability. This ability can be used once per thread.

Desire Aura: While Sabriel is in her resurreccion state, she is surrounded by an aura of lust, which takes on the form of a purple hue. This ability, however, comes with the drawback that she gains 50% less of a boost to her stats by activating her resurreccion.

During this time, she is able to feed off of the lust that she inflicts in those that are struck by her attacks, swallowing it as though it was any other source of nourishment. Each time this occurs, she gains a 10% boost to her damage output which stacks up to a maximum of 100%. She can only gain a maximum of 20% per post.

This aura also acts as a form of defence, causing those who strike her with a physical attack to become infatuated with her for a post. This can be overcome by a willpower stat that at least matches Sabriel's nucleo and can only occur once every four posts to the same target.

I. Equipment

» Equipment: Book: It might seem like an odd item for her to carry but Sabriel is rarely seen without some reading material, whether it be fiction or non depends on her mood.

I. Skill Sheet


General Skills
» Durability: D
» Speed: D
» Strength: D
» Soul: A

Will Skills
» Willpower: Advanced
» Deduction: Advanced
» Focus: Adept

Arrancar Skills
» Cero: Adept
» Nucleo: Advanced
» Regenerar: Adept
» Sonido: Beginner

END OF CHARACTER APPLICATION




Last edited by Ashaiya on Sun Aug 18, 2024 1:01 pm; edited 11 times in total
Lillian
Lillian
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Sun Aug 06, 2023 12:07 am
[mod]History

So, a few things:

- Her human history takes up a considerable portion of this, so it gives me the impression it's still an important, relevant thing to the mind of this character. Hollows forget their human lives over time, as base hollows just get more and more focused on being, well, hungry.

- This history also communicates a misunderstanding of how hollow evolution works. The way it's written in it's current form, Sabriel had somehow managed to remain a base hollow for hundreds of years, and then became an Arrancar. Base hollows aren't incredibly strong and at some point the need to cannibalize other hollows sets in, which is why hollows are attracted to Hueco Mundo - there's lots of hollows there. She would've at least had to go through becoming a Gillian (which entirely lose their sense of self over time) if she was a hollow for this long, provided there weren't any other factors preventing this evolution.

- Off of the previous point, Sabriel's transformation into an Arrancar wouldn't be so dramatic as to both vaporize others, and immediately attract attention across realms. She's going from base hollow to Arrancar as it's currently written, and if anything becoming an Arrancar makes you weaker than your hollow self in the beginning, as you've sealed your power into a sword. If you want her to tussle with another Arrancar from the get go, just have her in Hueco Mundo.

- The Living Realm wouldn't really have many hollows for her to groupie with, unless she was really going out of her way to get around, not to mention those hollows are less likely to be cooperative and more likely to want to eat her. Karakura Town only had so many hollows appearing in one place because it was kind of the designated spiritual spot for the era.

So for the following items, I strongly recommend reading the skill sheet and ability guides so you have an idea of how to balance these.

Racial Abilities

Chains of Lust
You need to add a clearer limitation to the emotion manipulating part of this, it should check a character's mental skills in some way with a highest skill as a cap.

Song of Control
For any timed abilities, it's better to communicate it in a manner of posts rather than raw time so there's no confusion, I recommend limiting the immobilization to one post. This also should be written with consideration to mental skills.

Cero Lujuria
Same balancing requirements as Song of Control

Sealed Zanpakuto Power
This also needs a post time and a mentals check.

Resurreccion

Megami Charm
This also needs a post time and a mentals check. Also you should scale the range off of her spirit class if it's going to be this considerable a size.

Winds of Lust
Same as Megami Charm

Desire Aura
Needs a mentals check, but also you need to considerably lower the percentage gain and cap if it's this easy to obtain, especially considering resurreccion already applies a modifier.

Skills

Willpower
Elite is an incredibly high level for the presentation of this character's skill as described in the app. Please lower it down to Advanced.

Focus
While I can see precedent for Willpower and Mental Deduction being rather high, I haven't seen much for Focus. Either add more, or lower it to Adept.

Cero
Once again, Elite is a rather high threshold, not to mention Sabriel doesn't have much to justify this. Lower it down to Adept or add more if you want to stick to advanced.
[/mod]
Ashaiya
Ashaiya
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Sun Aug 06, 2023 6:56 am
Thank you for the grading, Lillian, but it seems I've clearly messed up quite a bit in terms of how the hollow cycle works and it's probably best if I go for a different race as my starter character. I apologise for wasting your time but could this app please be archived so that I can have a go at a shinigami instead? I may well come back to Sabriel later, once I have a better grasp of how things work.
Lillian
Lillian
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Sun Aug 06, 2023 12:47 pm
[mod]No problemo, archived. [/mod]
Ashaiya
Ashaiya
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Sat Sep 23, 2023 8:19 am
I've completely rewritten her history and focused it entirely on her Hollow, Gillian and Arrancar days. With any luck, I've got a better grasp of the cycle this time.

I've also lowered the stats that were asked of me and added mental checks and post durations for Sabriel's abilities. Let me know if I've missed any and I'll deal with it.

Locke
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Fri Oct 13, 2023 11:55 am
[adm]
Chains Of Lust:

So, to clarify, are these purely a mental construct as they can only be interacted with via Willpower?

Cero Lujuria:

As this is a cero technique, it would make much more sense for this to check against Sabriel's Cero skill and instead compare that to an opponent's Mental Deduction.

Megami's Lash:

What does "they are highly suggestable to Sabriel's commands" actually mean? Is the intent to entirely control the target or hinder them in their intended action? Somewhere in between?

Also, regardless, this should use her Nucleo rather than Willpower to compare as it is an ability of her Zanpakuto not really a manifestation of her will.

Resurrección Abilities:

Again, all of these should use her Nucleo rather than Willpower to compare to an opponent's mental stats.

Megami Charm & Winds Of Lust

So is the range 200 metres or does it scale with her Spirit Class? Or do you mean it starts at that size and will get bigger as her SC increases?

These are both large-scale abilities, I would ask you to add further limitations on their use. A cooldown of X posts between uses would be a good start.

Desire Aura:

Is the intent here that Sabriel just gets 10% stronger every time she hits an opponent with an attack? Is there a limit on how often this can be done in one post? This, in addition to the added defensive function, is quite a strong ability and I would like to offer some suggestions to add that would better balance it.

- Make Sabriel's Ressurreccion initially 50% weaker than a standard release. So she could still eventually go beyond the average but it takes some time and build up to get there.

- Add a cooldown between uses of the defensive ability so that foes have more opportunities to get hits in before they may be overpowered by the mist again.

Skill Sheet

Most of this is fine, however, I would ask that Sonido change from Advanced to Beginner as there is little evidence in this app to suggest that Sabriel is any more than basically competent at the skill rather than at the upper levels.

[/adm]
Ashaiya
Ashaiya
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Fri Oct 13, 2023 12:55 pm
I've gone through and made all the edits asked. Cooldowns have been added where needed and I made the requested changed to desire aura.
Locke
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Fri Oct 13, 2023 4:39 pm
[adm]Right, thanks for making the changes. There are a couple more things to address though.

Megami Charm & Winds Of Lust
I see you went with scaling based on Spirit Class. I don't think that summoning a tornado or briefly mind-controlling everyone in a radius the size of your Spirit Class range would be something you could pull off every two posts.

Up the cooldown on the charm by double.

The tornado is also a pretty devastating move and would be better at a once per thread.

Desire Aura:
If the aura can only affect someone once every other post but they spend every other post charmed by her then it doesn't really have a cooldown? Up that number.

[/adm]
Ashaiya
Ashaiya
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Fri Oct 13, 2023 4:48 pm
Edits have been made.
Locke
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

Fri Oct 13, 2023 6:14 pm
[adm]Hazard Ranks
Power: C
Influence: F
Resources: F

Comments: Good luck out there!
Spirit Class: 6
Hazard Rating: E

Application Approved
[/adm]
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[Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress Empty Re: [Spirit Class 6] Sabriel Ventress

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