Give Praise, For He Has No Equal [Mazda, Liltotto]

Barefoot, sitting in the exposed sands, and watching the sea in silent contemplation was what Liltotto was up to, and would be interrupted in doing. She didn't even bring her phone to listen to any music, only letting the sounds of the ocean bring her comfort as she contemplated of how to even approach one of the few things that struck fear in her. Occasionally, a fork would stab into some leftover meat in a glass container, being gradually devoured to keep her hunger at bay until the air shifted.

Her heart dropped far below, stomach tightening as she needn't hear his voice to know he had appeared.

How fitting - Him coming to her before she's prepared for it, rather than vice versa. By no means was the woman the coward she thought herself to be at times, but speaking to something such as Mazda would take most some mental preparation.

"..Good evening to you, as well." Her words were strained, not fully facing him but certainly acknowledging his presence, as if averting her gaze from the blaze of a sun, "And what would that be, exactly?"

Her eyes scanned the sands, the occasional sand scurrier pipping up and out from the loose earth, only to return to it soon after. Her feet shifted in the sand softly in a subtle display of the anxiety she held in her heart, still simmering down from his sudden presence. She knew that he knew where she, and likely everyone else, was at any time, and could arrive whenever he wished - it simply was always going to occur like this, she'd reason to herself to cease her panic.

"Well, yeah," She'd breathe out softly, "That is what happens if you carelessly rip tons of power to and fro across different spaces with little regard to the effects doing so would have to those separations..."

In an odd way, something about what she said felt wrong on an instinctive level, wrong like, something shouldn't be like that? She couldn't place it very well... And to that comment asking her if she could feel it was another wave of irksome feeling, like she could and has been but also.. Hasn't? She shook it off - it was probably her nerves talking, she had to stay cool.

But that last statement from Mazda made that idea very hard to maintain.

Completely dropping her aversion, she'd look directly at him with shock, "..You're joking. You have to be kidding."

Her voice heightened a little, "The Soul King, you?"

It wasn't that she didn't think he couldn't, it was that she was afraid he could, and whatever that could mean past that point.

"There's.. No, no way, you made it sound like you just wanted to kick the Shinigami a few pegs, do better for who deserved it, not.." The last few weeks of thought and fester came bubbling up in her tone, "This doesn't make sense, nothing makes sense - Why do you have to go that far? Aren't you already all powerful and crap? Aren't you already a piece of him, it, whatever it is, whatever that means anymore?!"

Her hands balled into fists to hide the trembling well of feeling expressing in her hands, "Why do you have to be at the very top of everything? Will you never feel content? Will it never be satisfactory enough to truly act until everything is beneath you?"

She'd grunt almost angrily, "If you're so powerful and great and crap, why can't you just wave your hand, speak out, whatever, and just fix it? Why do you have to be at the very top to help anything?"

Liltotto was entirely wordless as the being spoke, expressing his visible disapproval of her words and demeanor as he did so. Her expression only seemed to shift from one set of emotions to another, her thoughts entirely shifted. If he was telling the truth, which she did not perceive him as the deceptive kind, she couldn't amount the decision to pride or esteem - it sounded far more.. Sacrificial, than anything she would imagine.

But those words of his, of being a piece of that creator, only made that bubbling well trapped inside of her boil over once again.

"..No, no I don't think you find this situation ideal," She'd reply softly, what faint shimmer her eyes possessed merely being the signs of watering, taken by silence for a moment.

"..I'm a piece of him, too. Isn't that why you were drawn to me in the first place?" Her voice sounded drained speaking that reality out, "Whatever that means for me. I'm nothing like you, yet here I am, whatever i'm meant to be."

Her gaze was low as she spoke, a sick feeling washing over her, "I tried being human, but I lost everything. I tried being alone, but having nothing was also painful. And now i'm.. Just doing whatever right now until I figure something new out. Working for the Vandenreich, keeping friends company, keeping myself occupied... Days feel like minutes counting down til it's all nothing but sand again."

Finally, a tear rolled down her face - a rarity for her, "If you're all that, then what even am I? Was I an accident? Was I born to suffer alone, walking for eternity? I just feel so wrong, misplaced, and it's driving me crazy. I'm so sick of everything slipping away from me, but there isn't an end to it."

She'd let out a labored breath, "..Even if you scare and worry me, you're the only one in this world who's like me. And.. I honestly have no idea how to feel about any of this."

Her weary gaze only seemed to sink further into that sea of despair that washed her mind that even he didn't know why they existed. The question of human existence was far less ambiguous to her than to that kind - there was no set path or destiny for humanity, they are born, they experience, and they die, and thus are set to repeat that cycle if nothing impedes it. But for her, her existence had a level of.. Wrongness to it, or at least that was what she described that feeling at the edge of her consciousness at times, that her birth was unnatural, this feeling only becoming far more apparent in recent weeks with that confirmation that she was a piece of a higher being, and not simply some strange human or spiritual entity.

Tired eyes would raise from the sand and look to him, clutching the earth as he spoke of her humanity, softly flinching as he wiped that tear away, but more would follow as she felt that sour feeling in her chest.

"Yeah, I am probably as close to human as something like us can get," She'd gently move to sit on her knees in the sand, "But can I really even call myself human? Do I really belong? Even in my closest moments, even reliving my life in the Vandenreich, I feel like an ill-fitting piece. No matter how much I force myself, I'm out of place."

Her hands never relaxed, remaining balled up and resting on her thighs as she spoke, "But i'm no deity, either. Even being alone for years was depressing. Being anything like that would just be more alienating, I couldn't do it no matter how much I delude myself into thinking it's the right thing. I just don't know a way that i'd feel happier..."

She'd shake her head softly, "Ugh, what's wrong with me... You come here dropping your plans for all, and all I got is blathering about all my dumb sad shit i've kept in my head all this time to you."

Why was she even bothering with this? Was she hoping he would understand? Was she hoping he would have an idea, or an answer? She felt such an ugly mix of fear and hope inside of her to this man. She felt so wary of him for all this time, in this unknown, but being right in front of him and none of her fears coming to term... Ugh, she couldn't put her finger on why.

Her gaze would lift, noticing the deity having taken a seat next to her, gaze lightening with a bit of surprise that he brought himself down to the level she was at. They would lower again, though her hands ceased their trembling, resting flat and open-palmed on her thighs, the rigidity of her body loosening.

His words made her reflect on her own experience amongst others. Despite not being human, she typically was greeted as if she were. None looked at her like some foul creature. Neutral looks from passerby's, kind exchanges from strangers, the beauty and ugliness of friends and family... Even if she wasn't human, she was seen as such, accepted as that.

A stare was pressed on Mazda as she was in such thought. He likely didn't have such experiences amongst people, his very presence was different, inhuman, even those unknowing of his true origins would be able to tell he wasn't of them. She could tell at the very least that Cyrus, the one he originally split from, did not view him highly. She hadn't any reference for how long or short he had walked the earth, but in a way, she felt a little sadness for him.

Even as accepting of it he was, it must have been lonely in that role, unable to properly connect with others on a human level. And now he was intent on fully separating himself...

"...I'm sorry," She'd finally speak, breaking the moment's silence, "...For thinking cruelly of you. I was letting my fear of the unseen guide my perception of you, and that wasn't right of me," A sad chuckle left her lips, "..Maybe I think more like a human than I originally anticipated."

There was no words once more for a moment, letting the sound of the softly crashing waves fill it again, before she'd spoke, "...Do you wish you could've been welcomed more readily? Does the fear and rejection hurt?"