Of Course I Could Have Dreamed [Abalia, Gamu]

"You think that to be true? That I would bend so much as a single inch simply because of what anyone else might think? You may be a dangerous predator, Gamu, but I have consorted with forces far beyond your capabilities, and I stand here before you no different than I ever have been."

There it was again. That faint degree of pride, in her accomplishments, in who she was. For all that Abalia was tired, that did not take anything away from what she had done, from everything that she had managed to achieve.

"I have stood before the Queen of Demons, before Death itself. Do you truly think that your worldview could taint me, Gamu? I would gladly put that to the test. I know quite well that it is hardly even a challenge, for you to connect your mind and mine for even the briefest of moments. Show me your everything, and I will show it in return."

"Oh? Do you know what the problem is for you Abalia to glance my insides, do you think that your will would scare all the monsters in being like it does me? They have no will, are you so sure that you can exert influence over creatures that don't have will nor thoughts other than to eat. To consume. There is no fear, no regard for wellbeing or even will to live but that gnawing hunger and need to satiate themselves unlike myself who has can choose not too."

Gamu smirked, green eyes challenging the woman to try her hand at facing Gakimaru. The inner reflection of her own fundamental nature that was her zanpakuto, the true nature of Gamukira in its fullest underneath the veil of her self-awareness.

It was her true self. The result of her antithetical nature to White that would present itself if you stripped away all of her layers and let it roam free.

"You think you can survive my shikai where others have not?"

She'd only known few individuals of power to escape but it relied on their spiritual pressure to do so, and Abalia had none of that. Gamu was almost certain that she was listening to Abalia propose suicide for her ideas.

"It is good, then, that my will is not so weak as to rely simply on fear, on the desperate struggle to survive."

Abalia knew exactly how dangerous it was for her to truly exert the full capacity of her will. That was ultimately why she did not do so. If anything, perhaps this was something that both she and Gamu needed. For Gamu, it was simply to understand. And, for Abalia, the only opportunity to ever genuinely express the full scope of her will. Of all the anger, disgust, hatred, and a thousand other feelings that could have slain countless men simply if she dared to express them.

It had been so much easier when her heart was muted. But now, even a single stray thought could have been a calamity all on its own.

"There is only one way to know for certain, Gamu. But I will not die here."

"Oh? Well then, if you insist. I hate that I may never see you again."

Gamu looked annoyed at it, maybe she was a little insulted that Abalia was so certain. So assured of herself that she could look the blackness of her soul in the eye and subdue the very essence of her being The nature of a calamity.

"Eat Up, Gakimaru."

The flare of reiatsu that came with the release of her zanpakuto, the fact that nothing had changed either. The captain walked around to reposition, lining up their shadows before she gave a small sigh and opened her mouth. Closing it to envelop Abalia in the blackness of her shikai and then swallowed. Sure she might've chewed a bit to shred a person to bits and Abalia would easily be eviscerated but that would defeat the entire point. It was better to just send her down into the depths of Gamu's inner world. Where she could see the true face of her character.

Inside was awful; putrid was the scent, barely any light and fleshy growths connecting between what disappeared into the distance of walls. It was an unsightly inner-world and her zanpakuto spirit which was innumerable monsters inhabiting it weren't that nice to look at either. Almost immediately one tried to lunge at her and tear off her arm. No thought or even consideration, it was the only goal of this creature to tear off a piece of Abalia and satiate its appetite. No sooner did the first one strike did they all spur into action, looking to swarm and tear her apart.

She could sense that irritation in Gamu, the confidence with which she simply accepted that this would be the end to Abalia. But Abalia was not a woman who accepted the end of herself.

The flare of reiatsu was certainly something that Abalia had become used to in her duties, and even if it did force her to tense up, she would not allow herself to take even a single step backward. This, she knew, was the only chance she might ever have to simply...be. In this vile, foul place, where there was no light but the sick glow of the unknown.

How fitting.

"Back."

Despite speaking only a single word, Abalia had said it more forcefully than any other that had ever left her mouth. If Gamu wished to test her, to see the absolute extent of Abalia's convictions, then she would certainly see it here. Even at those times when Abalia's demeanor became so severe as to end the lives of the creatures around her, she still held herself back from anything resembling the full scope of her will.

Nothing would hold her back at this time, and as she glared at the first creature which deigned to approach her, the force that emanated from her was not simply so weak as to make it seem that the weight of the world had become immense. No, it was simply a presence that was, quite truly, crushing, in the most literal possible sense. She knew that this would certainly not be enough to keep this horde of creatures at bay, but if all she were capable of were this, she would not be the White Gold Queen of Vastime, the Captain Commander of the Gotei.

Abalia Sesshouin.

No sooner was its mouth enclosing around Abalia's arm did the weight hit it, a force that might as well have been physical as it was crushed and exploded in gore next to her to splatter the form of Abalia in its sickly purple blood while bone and organs littered around the place. The rest of the horde took but an instant to reconsider, another one rushing her for much the same effect to occur. There was no learning, no adaption as one after the other rushed her and then felt the weight of her destructive mentality manifest.

At some point there was a halt. A recognition as the final monster looked at Abalia, a pause that could've lasted only seconds but felt like an eternity as Gamukira's very existence stared off with Abalia.

Gamukira.

Gakumira.

Gakimura.

Gakimaru.

The final monster let out a screech. All of the gore that covered and surrounded Abalia was drawn into the final monster who left the cyclone of blood and remains with the pinkish skin and hollowfied eyes that was the collection of hollows she was comprised of.

There was no regard or words, it was just a battle of will as she lunged at Abalia. Coming at her with a fist that carried all of that primal instinctual desire to eat and consume. Four hundred years of history which was commited entirely to killing this woman that threatened its existence. It would unleash it all in full and try to tear out her heart with its hand to devour her like everything else.

It was after all the apex predator.

Mere animals. Things which could not ever begin to match her will, her sheer presence. But, as the blood and viscera which had splattered across her began to simply coalesce into a completely new creature, she turned the full scope of her attention onto it. It was coming for her, and she knew that no matter how intensely she simply willed it to cease, it would still come for her.

Abalia knew that there was no possible way she could have matched its speed, its strength, or its age. She knew, that by comparison, she was only a woman who believed quite firmly in everything she did. But that was what had carried her so very far. It was what had brought her to this place.

Her only choice was to meet it. Each finger of her right hand slowly curled into a tight fist, one that shook simply from how tense it was. Too tight. Not that it mattered, she knew. Her physical might was inconsequential. The monster came to consume her, to devour her whole being.

If that was what it wanted, Abalia would give it.

She swung her fist to meet it, and in that blow was all of her conviction. All of the drive that had ever carried her, from the first moment that she knew Mirja, to the loss of the husband for whom she had known so dearly. The friends she had made, the father she had loved, the kingdom she had led and the people she had lifted from poverty. All of it, everything that Abalia was and would ever be, coalesced into that one blow, and her fist flew forward to strike this violent beast down.

It came to a standstill, an moment that lasted forever for the creature that saw its hand grabbing at Abalia's shirt for stability and staring down at Abalia's hand through its chest. Utter surprise while it looked at the woman that stood before it, a monster in physical form. Gakimaru looked upwards, staring at the invisible ceiling that disappeared into the distance before its coughed up purple blood over the woman's face and fell down. Its limp body dissolving and Abalia had a few moments alone in the eeriely peaceful inner world before she was was evicted.

Expelled from Gamu's body, the image of the blood-covered Abalia back where she started and Gamu looked shook like she had lost a core piece of herself. It was just gone, that hunger that she'd known for so long and taken solace in. The very purpose to chasing her ideal, the meaning to eating the world and finding the answer to her question.

Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

It was gone... and she didn't know what to do. She was terrified and lost. It all felt suddenly meaningless.

"A..balia. I- I'm scared."

What did she do now? What was she supposed to want?

It took her a moment, to contain herself. Only the briefest of moments, yes, but Abalia had never before allowed herself that lack of restraint. Still, as the inner world disappeared, she reined herself back in, taking a single breath to control herself. She looked into the woman's eyes, and gone was any of the intensity, the fury and will. It had been replaced, once more, by compassion.

"I am here, Gamu. I will always be here."

She stepped forward, and wrapped her arms around Gamu. She had promised she would care for her, and that was a promise that Abalia had meant from the bottom of her heart. She supposed that this could have simply been a ploy by Gamu, some final effort to overcome her. But she would handle that if it came to it. For now, she simply wanted to help.

She was at a loss. Her utter despair at what had happened while she was hugged. It felt different, comforting from this woman who she had been subservient too and wanted to overcome. Crush her under her foot just minutes ago and all of her ideals.

"E-e-eat Up... Gakimaru."

Gamu said and heard nothing only making her start to shake and sob even more. Why wasn't it listening? Where was her zanpakuto, her power was all she had to define herself and it was gone now. It wasn't dead was it? Would it come back?

"S-she's not listening, Abalia. She always listens to me and does what I tell her to."

She just stayed there and shaking in Abalia's grasp while she sobbed away. It felt all so empty and she felt hollow as a result. It didn't matter that she had everything else, her zanpakuto felt like such an important part of her. It was what she had from the beginning and yet she did not hear it anymore. She couldn't be dead, if she was dead then what was she?

"Abalia!"

Her wailing continued while she continued to pathetically cling to Abalia and stand there as long as she needed to cry about it. Until she had finally finished earnestly crying for the first time in her life.