Broken Bones Can't Break My Heart [Liltotto/Alastair]

"Yeah, sure, if you call building on up only to get smacked right back down again a golden age..." Liltotto remembered those times with a cringe. It wasn't all peachy in her experience, especially with experiencing the shift of the spiritual becoming widely known. It was the dawn of an unnatural age, only further accented by the invasion and following war. That chaotic, death-filled time made her gradually lose faith in ever having a life amongst mortals, simple outliving had been topped with the realization of how absolutely fragile much of the life around her was, and how inevitable a massive disaster would come to destroy all but herself, over and over again - be it a small town, a city, or a country.

But that sense of despairing was her's alone to fathom.

"That so? I spent the last few decades avoiding all this crap. Didn't really seem worth it to get tangled up in the world's drama." A lie here, a fib there, not that it'd matter in the grander scheme of things. At the heart of it, it was the truth, but the young man didn't need to be burdened with any feelings her old self managed to cook up,

"You are a very capable guy, I will say that. I see why they bumped you up in the ranks over anyone else."

Her response was once again carefully measured, informed by distant information that she seemed able to so easily call upon. He enjoyed the history of the world and had read around the subject at length many times during his upbringing, but Liltotto's response felt more personal. Once more he posited the question to himself, who was she? Only now, she had given him a foot in the door.

"What about the decades before those? There has always been drama, this is simply a constant of the Spiritual Earth. And the world will not change unless we take the task into our own hands."

It might have been a genuinely empowering turn of phrase, was it delivered by anyone not currently laid near-prone upon a hospital bed. His convictions carefully masking his inquiry into her past, perhaps there was no grand scheme at work but his instincts had been right so far that it seemed prudent to do what could be done to verify those concerns.

"But should I be thankful for the compliment? I cannot help but wonder if I have failed to live up to expectations, that the burden I was entrusted with was too heavy and I buckled at the weight of it. Failure is the beginning of another test, my next labour to complete."

Liltotto heeded the young man's words, his questions, his pryings. If she hadn't felt the weight of the past, she would've chuckled at his words, all she had in her eyes was a sense of sadness. She'd softly shake her head before meeting his eyes,

"Shit, you really are young..." She'd say with a wistful sigh. These questions, these concerns, it was written all over him, "The world wasn't always a spiritual mess. The line was a lot clearer, maybe blurred in a few positions, but it was still a line one could tell. The spiritual and not didn't bleed together so much like it does now, to the point of being unrecognizable."

A look of memory crossed her gaze as she allowed the man to see at least some of her cards, he had earned as much, "The worst conflicts were kept to their own sides; humans and humans, shinigami and shinigami... Well. For the most part. There were exceptions," Her expression darkened, "Terrible exceptions."

She'd disregard those memories for now, suddenly taking on a far less casual tone - sounding far more like her age, "Changing the world... That was an idea I had in my thoughts when I emerged. I had the capacity - I could have tracked down and amassed power quickly, it was a waning age in terms of spirituality, it wouldn't have been difficult to get my bearings. I could have become powerful. I could have risen up and destroyed my oppressors. I could have forged a world that did not need them in the most ideal circumstances... But, I didn't. Because even in my most ignorant days, my tiny mind could form the question: What world would be created if I did so?"

Her small blonde head would shake to and fro slowly, "Not what world I intended, but what world would be born as a result of my actions. I realized, that I couldn't answer that question, I couldn't give myself the assurance I could consider the variables. I was but an angry child who wanted to lash out at those who stole everything from me. So, I refused to act out. My hunger for revenge was exchanged for a hunger to learn."

She looked at him fully once more, an expectant look in her eyes, "You're a smart young man, you can tell me - What world do you want to make, and have you considered the unintended consequences of that world?"

"You really are old, then."

Alastair met her initial comment almost word for word. That recognition that this person who sat before him, who inhabited the body of a child, was anything but. Her other words were not unfamiliar ones, he had heard the same from Shirohime, from Director Armstrong, from the Grandmaster too. His gaze was unyielding, for his stance had yet to be changed, so what did it matter if him that another was questioning his ideals?

In a way, it amused the young Quincy that out of everyone who had discussed world politics with him he was closest aligned to the only one who had not been a member of the Vandenreich at all. On the other hand, it did leave him wondering if he was on the right path. Was his viewpoint one that was actually tenable to the organisation as a whole?

"I have studied history, even if I have not lived through it. It is certainly a tenable stance that the world was better when the lines between our world and the spiritual one were near ironclad, but I do not think we can return to it. To consider as such is to admit that the world we live in can never be balanced. That the failings of our forebears are all that will define us. And I refuse to accept that."

He leant forwards from his sitting position, propping himself forwards with his one good hand. Those rusty orange eyes now alight with a rare fire. If Liltotto was going to coax it out of him then he was going to respond at full heat even if he still could not move from his bed.

"What world do I want to make? A better one. But it is something I will never be able to achieve alone. I walk this path of my own volition because I want people to stand at my side, to come together to forge a world where we no longer have to struggle to survive. Not for personal gain, not for power or riches, not for my family or my friends. No. I do this for the people that come after me. The strangers who I hope will never have to know my name or my trials."

"My body is fragile, my abilities comparatively insignificant, but I will not lay down and accept that this is the limit of what we can accomplish."

Her expression appeared to soften somewhat at his acknowledgement of her true self, but no words were spoken to such a realization, merely feelings, even the lesser expressed ones she possessed. She couldn't help but feel a stirring in a familiar feeling looking upon him, more an instinctive itch than a conscious thought in her mind at this point, that attracted her to humanity in the first place. Such a moment was no longer apparent to her conscious mind, but there were few who reminded her of it, that threatened to tear that rift she put between herself and others for what she felt was for the better.

"Is it such a terrible thing to admit that true balance can never be attained?" She'd speak in an unusually mature, questioning tone - she wanted to give him something to think about, "The foundation of our existence is not much unlike a scale. A scale will never remain perfectly matched at both ends, there will always be fractions upon fractions of inches out of place between both ends, even with the most needle-sharp attention given to maintaining it. Perfection is a dream dreamt by idealistic fools with their own flawed ways of perceiving reality that none can appear to truly agree on point for point."

She'd look to the side for a moment in thought, reflecting on those darker times, before looking back to the young man, "Do you know what happens when a Hollow's Reiatsu infects a Quincy? You must know, but for the sake of discussion, i'll just say; you aren't just weakened, you die. You don't just die, you cease. Not much unlike what your arrows do to them; you are completely extinguished. That must be terrifying, yeah? Well it certainly was for many. You can't reason with most hollows, they're ravenous beasts, so what choice do you think your ancestors had during far more primitive times?"

Her tone grew soft, tired even, yet still remained direct and serious, "The only difference between the extinguishment of Quincy, and the extinguishment of Hollows, was a matter of souls. My theory is, to the supposed arbiters of the cycle... Hollows were more valuable to them. Thousands of Quincy could be snuffed out and it wouldn't be a problem. Thousands of Hollows were millions of souls - it was a matter of what upset the balance less, even at the cost of the tiniest of lives."

Her golden eyes were dulled with a grave look as she peered back to his fiery gaze, "The sins of the Quincy ancestry as a whole were the sins of humanity itself - Being scared, naked humans left to fend for themselves against horrid beasts by whatever means they could. Unless, that was not the forebears you were referring to? Was it the survivors of the genocide? They were in hiding for the next four-hundred years - they hadn't anything to do with the shattering of the line. Was it those children who reemerged towards the third war? I'd hardly call them a failure - perhaps weak and unambitious towards the falling world was their only mistake. Were it those who preceded the most recent genocide? I truly can only blame the weakness of their leadership - a collective with a poor ruler could never remain forever."

It had been a long time since she brought these things to words, and for it to be someone who's comparatively a child to drag it out of her...

"Your intentions are noble, but aimless. I'm certain many have wished for 'a better world', but hadn't fully considered the steps before the door, and the cracks those steps could possess. That isn't to say my wishes are better, however. I could be wrong, but I have considered how I could be wrong."

Her eyes fluttered shut as she'd start with a soft exhale, "I wish for a world where that line is reforged. This amount of the spiritual and mundane spilling into each other has made our existence fragile and sick - it is unsustainable. The hypocritical thrive where they shouldn't, and monsters from realms beyond have descended upon the chaos to feed like vultures to an alley of rotten corpses. The supposed arbiters of our existence should not have that power exclusive to them, those creatures who prance about, donned in human flesh, as fallible as those they masquerade as. There should be a world where one can survive, and thrive, without worry of war and blood coming for their head merely for existing, for protecting their own, for preserving themselves."

They opened once more once she was done speaking her piece, "...But I know what I speak of is a tall order. I don't imagine it'd happen so easily. So, I do what I can now for those who may agree, even on only a few points. A view shouldn't be completely damned because it does not match your own."

Still sitting up, Alastair listened to all of what Liltotto had to say. It was a lot, to be honest, and, though he could have responded by picking away at the minutia, it was easier for the flow just to deal with the points in general. The idea was that he was a naive young fool who did not know what he wanted nor had a way to achieve it. To an extent, it was true, but it was also built upon misconceptions that sprung mostly from generalisms made either by himself or about him.

"Ever since the barriers between the Spiritual Realms and the Realm of the Living collapsed, I think it has been a foolish notion to divide ourselves by race anymore. When I fight, I do not do so for Quincy-kind alone, but of all the good people of Earth. Perhaps such a difference is arbitrary in your eyes, but it matters to me. There are those villains that cannot be saved or redeemed, and they must be dealt with as any enemy of order should be, but it is no longer just our people's survival that matters."

He wanted to be more animated about this, or rather he would have been despite his intentions, but current conditions prevented him from showing more emotion than just the zeal that lit up his eyes. She thought his intentions to be narrowminded, childish even, but the issue was less his lack of scope and more a lacking of proper resources to strategise with.

"Does balance have to be perfectly equal? Do the scales have to stay totally level? A perfect world is a wonderful dream, but it is - as you say - the death of idealism. If I can make the world even one step closer to such a state then I will have surpassed my wildest of imaginations. You ask me for the world I would mould and then chastise me for being so vague, when in truth I could never answer your question as the task you suggest is so detached from my current being that it would never come to pass were I to struggle for the rest of eternity."

"Do you know what reforging the boundaries truly entails? That you would be sealing us off from some of our most powerful protectors and pushing so many further into the arms of the dictators and warlords that have carved out their own corners of the world? There is no high road here. Just a path that we must build as we walk it, praying that we make the best choices possible."

"I feel that you misunderstand my intent." Was the only thing she said with a slight raised hand after the young man was done speaking. She could see it - under the most ideal circumstances, this young man could move mountains, he certainly had the might and will for it one day, even if he lacked the experience.

"I'm not calling for the separation of races, for us to live exclusively - that was never a scenario I saw as favorable or possible. There will always be others aside from us roaming about their business, as there was and will always be. What cannot continue, however, is the reckless crossing between realms, individual's overabundant power slaughtering the land, and beings meddling in affairs they should not be a part of, to name a few. The very thing that caused that line to break in the first place were those who overstepped and disregarded the delicate nature of our existence for their own goals and ideas."

However, even with such a correction, she couldn't help but smile lightly at the man, an unusual break from her rather bored exterior, "But don't misunderstand one thing - I don't look down upon you for your age or ideas. Discussion dies and ideas fail if one cannot hear the other out, even if they may not see eye-to-eye. To be capable of considering another's view, regardless of how much you agree, is vital in talks such as these; else it would fall apart into pointless, cannibalistic arguments, and nothing truly would get done. You're a smart young man - nothing you've said has detracted from that perception in the slightest. I'm honestly..."

She threatened to bite her own tongue, but decided to speak anyway, "...I'm thankful, to see that Quincy-kind is still strong, and producing idealistic youth such as yourself. I.. I had honestly believed it was done for."

"Perhaps we misunderstand each other, or we simply stand side-by-side viewing the world from different perspectives. Unable to see that which the other takes as gospel."

Alastair was acutely aware that he had been talking a lot. He could feel it in the back of his throat, wherein a hoarse cough was slowly developing. He had once considered himself a man of few words, content with cold indifference, but it only took one stray sentence to call his morals into question to get him waxing lyrical about right and wrong with noble intent. It was not exactly comforting, and yet he would never allow another to tread on his ideals anymore.

"Your viewpoint is tenable to those of higher authority than mine. No doubt that is why you have returned to the fold after the... Centuries..? You have remained hidden and distant. I serve them just as you do, maybe that will eventually lead to reconciliation in our stances. If not, then you still remain my comrade."

"We may not see eye-to-eye, but I appreciate your willingness to give your stance and fair discussion either way."

There was an odd sense of warmth to her gaze, though she felt his views were constructed from a young one's perspective, one who hadn't seen the changing of worlds, she could understand his intent and wishes. He was no petulant child - they were reasonable conclusions to come to, raised in an age such as this. Even if he held passion and disagreements, he kept himself cool and didn't stray into disrespect of her or her views. He certainly was someone she could consider a viable confidant.

"..You certain could say that, however, I see your condition isn't terribly merciful to you right now. Good talk, I hope there is to be many more, Alastair Eisfluch. It was nice meeting you."

That sense of age in her voice slowly vanished as she made her way to the door, but turned back to him with her typical neutral expression, a wavering feeling in her heart, "Just don't get yourself killed, kay guy..?"

Every goodbye frustrated him, for he wanted to be respectful but from the confines of his bed, all he could manage was a slight shifting of the covers and a nodding of the head. To most of his visitors, this was less of a problem as he knew them well enough to let them leave without acknowledging proper procedure. But Liltotto was not in that group yet, so struggle he did.

"There is time yet, Miss Lamperd. I am counting on my fellow Sternritter to handle matters until I am back on my feet. Perhaps then we can talk under kinder circumstance, so take care of yourself in turn."

His neck craned to watch her leave, those rusty eyes now fading back to their usually plain selves. What lustre they had previously held now spent, as a neutral expression returned to his resting features.