We got the moves [Hime/Hanako]

The Big Woman

Hanako Yamada

At the mention of Hime being born in Rukongai Hanako turned her head and her eyebrows rose a few milimetres.

“Really? Rukongai? No, you never told me.”

There was surprise in Hanako’s voice. She would have thought that Hime was born into a noble family of Seireitei. If anyone appeared like she was born noble it was Hime. But in the end it didn’t make much of a difference, did it? Hanako had never understood the big deal with noble families anyway. Captain Kobayashi for example, she had known him before he got adopted and as far as she could tell only his name and his private address had changed.

“I am from Rukongai, too. At least…that’s what I think.”

Hanako had never really thought about it. She was usually so consumed by the knowledge that almost all of her past was a deep dark void that she never thought about the small details. Things began to change since she began to recover her memories piece by piece, the biggest being her real name.

“I was told that I walked up to the Seireitei gates from outside, but if I was born in Rukongai or if I even lived here for any amount of time…I still have no idea.”

It was a discrepancy in Hanako’s feelings about her past. She had partly accepted the reality of things, that she was now Hanako and concentrated mainly on building her new life. It helped, it didn’t bother her as much as it had, not by a long shot. Then again, her way to “normal” was long, even endless, and it was fairly impossible that it would ever not bother her.

It wasn’t long before they reached the restaurant. The Robatayaki was on the smaller side, but the scents of grilled food that wafted out of it were nothing short of mouthwatering. Hana made an inviting gesture towards the restaurant.

“You want to tell me about your time in Rukongai?” she asked while they entered and looked for a pair of empty seats.

The Big Woman

Hanako Yamada

In between their conversation they had an opportunity to order. Hanako felt more like light food and ordered a little seafood and otherwise only vegetables.

While listening to Hime, Hanako's gaze wandered off into the distance and got lost somewhere between her and eternity. She couldn't explain it, but the mention of a sister struck a chord with Hanako. Something resonated and it was more than frustrating that she couldn't figure out what it was.

"It sounds like a good life. And it explains how you are such a good cook. How did you discover your spiritual powers and decide to become a Shinigami? Hm, I'm afraid I can't reciprocate with a similar story." Hanako said in a thoughtful voice after Hime had told the story of her life in Rukongai. Hanako liked it. She wished she could remember what it was like. Having a home, a past, sounded nice. Warm. Like Bakumusha's house on the clearing in her inner world. Only out here

"I have never told you, have I? Why I can't…why I can't remember anything of my past. There was an attack. I suffered heavy injuries, lost my right arm…"

At this point she moved her arm, which was actually a bionic prosthesis with artificial muscles and very convincing skin.

"...and my memories. Everything before the attack…gone. All my life, from my point of view, only extends over the last ten or so years. So, for all intents and purposes, you just went out with a minor."

Hanako smiled her half-smile with her attempt at self-humor. She wasn't sure if it worked. She wasn't very good with jokes.

"Since then I have recovered some bits and pieces. Quite a lot actually, but most of it is incoherent impressions. Bakumusha, my Zanpakuto, helped a lot with that. And…well…heh, it feels a bit embarrassing to say it out loud, but…before I was called Ameko Sato."

Hana shook her head. It didn't feel like her. There was no connection to that name, which was the reason why she still went with Hanako Yamada. She had no clue who this Ameko was.

She concentrated on Hime again and smiled at her invitation to her sister's cafe.

"That sounds nice. I'd love that." She said, "What is your sister like? Are you two close?"

There it was again, the word 'sister' resonating with something inside Hanako. But what? Whatever it was, thanks to it she was dying to hear about Hime's sister.

The Big Woman

Hanako Yamada

Hime telling about her family made Hanako think. How had her family been? She assumed that at some point in her life she must have had a family. After all, souls didn’t just appear, did they? There were some blurry images. A village, a forest, some houses, people without faces…since she had recovered all these bits and pieces she had assumed it was her home, but in reality she had no idea. It was just what she hoped it was. At least she knew there was something, some past. She had to have come from somewhere, which meant a family, even if she couldn’t put it into perspective or even say whether the images were from the world of the living, Soul Society, or both.

“Hm…I never thought about things like that. Gender roles, I mean. I kind of started shinoo just because there was nothing else for me and I didn’t know what to do. It was all the same. I had no role models, nothing to draw from. Well, that is until I met people like Abalia, Magnolia and…uh…you.
So, you had this goal the whole time? To compete with your brothers? What became of them? Are they still serving as Shinigami?”

She took a few bites of her food and thought a moment about the potential pleasure of someone even better at cooking than Hime. Granted, Hanako had no real frame of reference to say if Hime really was good. It didn’t matter anyway. She liked her food and had adapted many of her tips to learn how to cook herself. And if Hime said her sister was even better…

“A whole new world? That sounds promising. I would very much like to meet your sister and be taken to that culinary new world. And I hope you’ll accompany me.”

Hanako was about to make another small joke about how a ten year old probably wasn’t allowed to travel off-world alone. She didn’t do it, because at the last moment she realised how ridiculous that would be. After all, that ten year old was obviously allowed to be second in command of a whole Gotei Division.
And there was something else that suddenly registered with her. Something that Hime had said just a few moments ago.

“Wait…back to prison? You? I can’t imagine a person more gentle and righteous than you.”
Hanako closed her mouth and bit her tongue, literally, as she realised what she had just said. How stupid! She should have known better than to poke around it potential very painful wounds with fingers coated in salt.
“I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not my place to…I really am sorry.”

The Big Woman

Hanako Yamada

For a moment Hanako fell silent and did not know what she should say. She had even less of an idea how to deal with this than she had with intimacy.

“I’m…I’m sorry.”

Hanako decided to drop the topic. She had the feeling that Hime had no desire to discuss it. She had avoided describing any details of how her brothers fell ill or how she landed in prison. Somehow it didn’t bother Hanako as much as it probably should. Much less than it would bother any other person. Words from the past, from others that had helped Hana along the way, echoed in her mind. Loudest amongst them were the voices that told her to not let herself be caught in the past, but instead look at the present and work towards a future. Hana couldn’t do anything about her own past, didn’t even remember it. She could have committed worse atrocities than every criminal in Soul Societies prisons together, or she could have arrived in Rukongai five minutes before she lost her memories. No way to know. Nothing to do about it. Hime…whatever she had done, it was in a past that didn’t affect Hanako in any way. Everything she knew about the woman, everything she had experienced in relation to her, gave her no reasons at all to doubt her honesty and respectability. So…who cared about yesterday’s news?

Instead, Hanako brought her thoughts back to the cheerful events and thoughts of earlier that day. Almost immediately a smile lit up her face again.

“How about…how about our immediate futures take us to the shops out there, after we finished our meal?”

A hint of red áppeared on Hanako’s cheeks. Curse this light complexion of hers…

“I feel so…hm, I don’t know…good, today? I would like to go and look for some bright and colourful clothes. I still only have that one dress, but today I feel like, after expanding myself a little, I could maybe expand my wardrobe a bit, too. And I would really enjoy your continued company.”

A spark was in Hana’s eyes, like in the moment when they had stopped dancing and she felt like she was overflowing with joy. She had initially thought that she wouldn’t be able to hold on to that joy for more than a few moments, maybe an hour. Now it seemed as if it stayed there and lingered in the back of her mind, just like the dread and frustration and anger that were her constant companions. The joy was a disproportionate more pleasant guest, indeed welcome to stay.

The Big Woman

Hanako Yamada

Indeed, even Hanako could tell that the beautiful things of (after-)life were important to Hime. Which was exactly why she sought her ought when she wanted to wet her toes in this part of existence. She couldn’t think of a better teacher and companion for any adventure into the meaning of being her. The side of her that wasn’t always wielding a sword or pursued a goal of some sort, but enjoyed doing things for their own sake. Like wearing a dress, simply because she thought it was beautiful and felt good wearing it. Something unthinkable for the Hanako of the past. In the present, however, Hanako felt so close to her real self as if she was standing right next to a thin veil and could hear voices from the other side, whispering through. Only she never managed to pierce the veil on her own. If only one of the persons on the other side would reach through…one hand would be enough.

“I had so little time lately to think about my wardrobe. I mean, I don’t want to complain, I enjoy my work and my duties and being in the Fourth feels right beyond any doubt. Also I like the Shihakusho, it’s comfortable and practical. Only…practical isn’t always enough.”

She ate the last bite of her lunch.

“Shall we go?”

After they were finished and out of the street Hanako began looking around. There were many shops in this part of Rukongai. It was one of the innermost sectors and thus one of the richest and most lively. A wide street was leading more or less straight from the Seireitei gate towards the Outer Rukongai. Alongside this street many merchants were advertising their wares in front of their shops in the hopes that customers would see them first. Of course their competitors did the same thing, so not only did nobody gain anything from it, but the street was filled with many a voice.
One curious thing Hanako also never realised was that when she was in Rukongai, surrounded by its atmosphere, she didn’t mind the crowds of people half as much as she did when inside the Seireitei’s walls.

After a short while Hanako spotted something that piqued her interest: It was a long summer’s dress, made from a light material. It had a floral pattern, just like the one she had bought for Hime’s party, with a plunging neckline and thin straps. Normally the latter two items would have been something still a little bit too spicy for Hanako, and at first she wanted to turn away again. But she stayed and looked at the dress for several moments. It had something. She couldn’t tell what it was, but it was something.
It was the colour, which was almost exactly the same blue as her eyes. Of course Hana didn’t realise it because she wasn’t able to see her own eyes. It also meshed with her dark red hair.

“What do you think about this one?” she asked Hime.