The Second Kind [Valentine/Lyza]

"Oh no no, I never stifle my expectations. I believe very strongly in the power of firm convictions, and I don't see any reason to let that fail to be true here as well."

Valentine listened intently as she spoke, and his typical smile fell a bit as she spoke. Not because he was made unhappy by her words, of course, but because he respected how forthright she was being in this discussion. His smile may not have been fake, per se, but it was very much affected for the sake of good interpersonal relations. Well, that and he just found it a touch amusing to display all the time. But for now, he felt it pertinent to be more serious.

"I'm not one who can give you a reason, miss. That can only come from your own desires, no matter what I might offer to you. Even so, perhaps we can whittle things down to a more manageable scope, yes? You don't care for yourself, this is fair. Truth be told, I've little stake in my own existence as well, other than perhaps that my significant other might prove displeased if I were to die. So we move to care for others, but altruism doesn't seem in your domain, else I wouldn't be here requesting your presence to begin with."

Taking another drink of his water, Valentine pondered the woman before him for a moment or two, allowing a few Drones to assist him in these considerations.

"So you care for nobody at all, and judging from your general apathy toward the situation, nothing and nowhere, as well. That's fair, in truth, I won't tell you to suddenly feel passionately toward these things. Have you simply considered that pursuing a goal outside your day to day routine might endear you to something? A life more involved than simple daily survival might pierce through that malaise."

The more that Valentine spoke the more Lyza's face scrunched into a light scowl, as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You can't... come into my home with the intent of recruiting me and then tell me to figure out my own conviction for joining. Aren't you supposed to be the one trying to persuade me to join? To abuse words and charisma in an attempt to make me want to join? If I had a desire to change things myself then we'd have met a long time ago at a different place and different time, and this entire conversation wouldn't be happening."

She sighed again as he went on to ask about whether she had any goals or motivations outside just living. "Do you think I enjoy being like this? Of course I've thought of things to do. Hobbies, goals, even things to give my life just the tiniest shred of meaning. It's just none of them... sound good, to me." Lyza sighed and slouched a little lower in her chair, eyes on the ceiling now as she contemplated ending this conversation here and now. The only reason she didn't was, well, because she felt bad for this guy. He came all the way out here just trying to help the world and instead found himself having to put up with her.

"I'll help you out a little, since you clearly need it." She said with another sigh as she sat back up in her chair and straightened her posture just to be a little more professional. "I burned myself out. That's why I'm like this. Every day for seven years, twenty hours each day I worked my ass off. Sundays were for meditation to focus on what I had learned, but otherwise I slept for four hours, woke up, and worked myself nearly to death every single day. All for what? I don't even remember where that motivation came from, but it's gone and I've been trying to find a reason, any motivation that can compare to how I was then." And it was at that point that she looked Valentine dead in the eye with her own tired, impatient glare.

"I am empathetic with these people and I do give a shit, just not enough to get up off my ass by myself. You came here spouting nonsense about ideals and your fascination with me, now prove how much of a shit you give by giving me the motivation I've been waiting thirty years for. Maybe then we can move on to something more important than my garbage self-pity."

"Miss Lyza, I may be a man who knows well the art of wordsmithing, but simple words can't suddenly give you drive. I'm no psychic."

That was rather totally a lie, but he'd intended to make a point with it, and strictly speaking he indeed could not read minds. In other words, he wasn't technically lying, in that particular sense of being a "psychic."

"To overexert oneself is a natural reason to move away from one's efforts. But these sorts of extreme demotivation can arise simply as a defense mechanism by the body, you know. A way of assuring that such extreme duress does not occur again. What I mean to say, I suppose, is that I suspect there's nothing that I could do in order to provide you sufficient motivation."

Maybe he was being too direct, but honesty tended to be the best policy, he'd found. Even if he was incorrect (and he might have been, this woman's state was absolutely foreign to him), it was better to simply be honesty and have his misunderstanding made clear.

"If we assume that to be the case, then while I can't simply present a case for you to suddenly and inexplicably feel motivated, what I can offer you is the assurance that you will not be pushed to such a self-destructive state, and that if need be I'll personally intervene. Moderation, even in good deeds, is rather key."

He paused then, knowing that if he was incorrect his offer would fall completely flat. A second point occurred to him, and he sighed internally at the macabre nature of it.

"Additionally, you say you're unconcerned with the prospect of death. However, given you seem not to enjoy the state of your life, either, perhaps you might simply find value in the risk presented by this line of work. The possibility that it may simply come to an end with any assignment may bring those fundamental drives to the surface, hm? But I can't say. Much as I wish to help you, Miss Lyza, I'm not a miracle worker. I require your help, I've been quite honest about this. But I'm quite willing to help you, as well."

Lyza was starting to genuinely lose patience with Valentine. He seemed to be confused with what she was saying, or at least trying to, and was even making her start to overthink her own words now. Several times she would open her mouth to try and say something or interject, but she quickly snapped her jaw shut and stayed quiet as the potential misinterpretations kept springing to mind. Just how was she supposed to get to this guy? Honestly, it was starting to make her want to just cut it all off.

"I don't actively seek death, and burning out a second time isn't my worry here..." She mumbled, maybe even too quiet for him to hear. Actually, what was she even trying to get out of this situation? A part of her did want to have a reason to join Lux Orior, a reason to get stronger again and maybe even a new line of work that wasn't this boring construction job that she was working now. Fighting wasn't her forte, but it wasn't something she was against either. Perhaps it wouldn't be that bad of an idea then...?

"Sorry. I've been getting ahead of myself." The woman said, now looking visibly exhausted as she held her head in her hand and rapped her fingers against the wooden table between them. "What would you have me do, should I agree to join? Anything as long as I'm getting up and about every now and then. That's all I ask for." It wasn't much, and she was indeed open to a variety of potential jobs, but in the end it would depend exclusively on the type of work offered.

Ahhh, Valentine had made progress. Of course, he knew it wasn't in the way that he perhaps had intended, but he also didn't much care about that. He'd need to keep in regular contact with this woman, especially given how earnestly fascinating he found her state of mind. Ah, and to make sure she stayed well, of course. Briefly chiding himself for forgetting that, Valentine gave Lyza a more genuine smile than his usual expression.

"Well, if you would wish to work with me, I maintain a rather extensive intelligence network around the world, through rather subtle means. Naturally I don't wish to lay out all of my secrets right away, but if you desire an opportunity to discover the world, as it were, then I can assuredly offer that much. There are other branches, as well, focused more on research and on combat. I can certainly put in a good word for you if those would be more to your fancy. And, of course, whenever there's a good deed to be done, it's the responsibility of everyone in Lux Orior to steo in."

Did that summarize things? Well, more or less. He did rather hope she'd accept his offer to work with him, admittedly. He liked her attitude. He wondered if his dear Chifuyu hadn't rubbed off on him.

"Intelligence? Sorry, I'm not too keen on sorting books, nor do I have the patience for organizing." Lyza said dismissively, not too concerned with coming off as rude at this point. The mental exhaustion was starting to kick in as she realized that the things she wished for wouldn't just be handed to her on a silver platter, as much as she wished and daydreamed of how they would be. Life just refused to be that easy, huh?

"If I did combat, what would you have me do on a regular basis? Surely I wouldn't just be sitting around waiting for something like, oh I don't know, another war to happen before you give me a job?" Lyza wondered as her attention started to wander. Her stomach was still empty and she was in need of food, but she would have to wait. Maybe steak later? No that took time to cook, but she was tired of instant ramen so... maybe? Perhaps some real ramen would be nice for once. Well... nah, she was getting tired of noodles. Meat would be nice for once.

Oh right, Valentine. Her eyes wandered back to her guest's face as she tuned back into the conversation, remembering that she was here and so was he. This conversation was just so... slow? At least for her standards, she felt like it was. Her fingers continued to lightly and quietly rap against the table as she gave Valentine this bored look of "I just want this to be over so I can go back to bed", but occasionally nodded out of pity as if to at least pretend she was paying attention.

"Oh no no, miss Lyza, I wouldn't wish to confine ou to a desk to simply sift through files. I have a system in place for something as mundane as that. No, what I'd ask of you is far more active, and naturally requires you keep the peace when necessary. I won't be squandering your abilities, nor your desires."

Pondering this little exchange of theirs for a moment or two, Valentine thought about how best to sell this position to a woman such as her. She would need some external driving force, he imagined, so his usual sell of allowing her to simply travel where she wished might fall on deaf ears. What a shame, that was usually such a strong point...

"Perhaps you might enjoy a role as something of an expeditionary force? A great deal of my current reconnaisance and first response efforts aren't capable of a more involved effort, be that in their assistance or in their information-gathering, and I imagine such regular assignments would always provide something to catch your interest."

It was obvious the woman was tiring of this conversation, which Valentine had to admit was an entirely valid response. The Martian approach to discourse was one that very few Earthlings ever seemed to appreciate, but he supposed that was what had made his darling mate such a natural fit. Ah, but he was getting distracted now, silly him.

"I think this discussion might be best completed after you've had some time to consider it, hm? Shall we meet for a meal in three days time to hear your answer? I'll of course treat you to anywhere you'd like to go, given this has been my proposal."

Part of Lyza seized up internally when she heard Valentine start to actually explain the duties she'd have under him. "No no, none of that." She said. "I'd rather just do what I did back at the Vanguard. Surely you have something like the old Initiative, right?" It was perhaps a little rude- actually no it was pretty damn rude to just deny outright like that, but Lyza didn't want anything to do with being anyone's 'expeditionary force'. First to go, last to know, and in her current state she'd probably be first to die too. Not that she thought he'd just throw her straight to hell, but there was too many variables in the woman's mind when it came to being the first one in.

"I used to be on the Initiative, I'd quite like something like that if you have it." She said bluntly, not wanting in particular to waste any time. There was a lot of time on her hands that wouldn't be well spent given her lifestyle, sure, but that didn't mean she wanted to waste it when the opportunity not to was literally right in front of her. If it was as easy as saying yes then sure, she'd do it. That's part of why she was starting to get a little genuinely frustrated when Valentine suggested that she take a break.

"It might be better for my decision making, yeah, but if I can get this out of the way now I'd much rather just bear through it. Especially since I know what I'm going to say, I just need a little more detail to make sure it's right to say it." Lyza was trying her best to sit through this genuine display of professionalism and to understand that Valentine was ultimately trying to help her. But they had only been talking maybe ten minutes and now he was suggesting that she take a break for a day? Maybe he just wanted out? Or maybe she was just overthinking it again and he was just actually genuinely concerned for her well being? Who fucking knows anymore.