Empty Promises, Empty Emotions. [Ulv/ Demonica]

Rakki Yagurashi Date looked at the figure who had spilled into her room. The leader of the Quincy looked worse for wear, the dark rings under her eyes showed that she hadn't been sleeping. The red puffiness showed that she had been crying, the dullness in her eyes showed she still deep inside was grieving. "..Oh, it looks like she kept her promise." Rakki noted dully as the silver portal shut. She looked empty, and yet she took a few moments to register the other person in the room. who it was. When she did, her eyes widened faintly, and her lips parted, and yet no words left them.

What could she say? What could she do? How did she even feel? All of these conflicting emotions fought ravenously within her chest, and she fought the urge to flee. Ulv was her greatest happiness, but also her greatest despair, and it was eating her alive. She was confused and scared; was she led on? Was this all just, some sick joke? Honestly, she did not know the answer, for once she was unsure. She had faced down the queen of demons without batting an eyelid, but the thought of this woman in front of her belonging to anyone else, or loving anything else terrified her in a way nothing else did. Not for the reason, you might think though. It was not because of jealousy, but of fear that these thoughts roamed inside her head. Fear of the emptiness, fear of the loneliness that she had endured for so long. What used to be normal, was now suffocating for her. It was like seeing an icy land blossom into a verdant, vibrant spring, only to be plunged back into eternal winter once more.

She was not selfless, she was far from the perfect being that she showed herself to be. As she was learning, she could cry, she could be angry, she could be scared, she could be lonely, and she could be sad. She was learning that she was still as human as she was the day that she ceased to be one; ironic right? She had for so long been perfect, unfeeling, calculative and strong. She had become a beacon for those around her, a bastion that they could reside in. That, however, had been for them, not for her. It had always been for them.

What about now? Were these emotions for the people she served? No, no they weren't. These emotions that ransacked her, broke her, and shaped her, were of a far more selfish nature. She wanted to be able to keep Ulv to herself, not because she felt some need to control her, but because she couldn't afford to lose her. It was a sentiment borne of purely selfish reasons, in a rather selfless woman. Funny right?

Still, Rakki would unbundle herself, taking the blanket that had wrapped around her like a cocoon and threw it in the corner. She exhaled and walked across the room before she had come to stand in front of Ulv.

"You know, I'm actually quite selfish, right? Despite the selfless facade, I put up, I wish to be a princess, I wish to be coddled, I wish to be showered with adoration. " Rakki's voice was quiet and hoarse, as collapsed onto her knee's and let her forehead rest against ulv's breast.

" I wish to be touched, I wish to be loved, and I wish to love in return. I found it odd, the fact that beyond the kisses, and the hugs that you never tried to take it any further. It made me feel.. Undesirable, but I still put up with it, because I love you. " Her voice was drained, and dry as her fingers curled into Ulv's clothing.

" But it makes sense, you were having sex with other people. You'll have sex with others, but you won't touch me huh?" Rakki's voice shook faintly, as her fingers balled into small fists against Ulv.

" That's what hurts me the most. If you had needed to release your urges, you could've told me. I wanted you to tell me, but you couldn't figure it out I guess." A small laugh escaped Rakki's lips, the sound of self-depreciation, and loathing easy to pick up.

"You know, as I've sat here, as I've gone through the motions, I've thought about hating you. Oh god, it would be so much easier if I did. I could rationalize away the pain, I could lock it in a box and go back to the self I've been for a thousand years, but that just isn't how love works. It eats at you, It doesn't let you forget, it pounds against you and makes you ugly. " The soft sobs that left her mouth, and the tears that fell down Rakki's face showed the pain she was feeling. The frustration she was feeling.

"To make it worse, I told you how I really felt, I asked you to marry me, and only then did I learn about this. Even if you are having sex with others just to do so, do you know how that makes me feel? I felt like I had no sex appeal, that maybe that was why you'd seek out others for it. " Those small fists she made would gently bang on Ulv's chest, a faint sniffle raising from her nose.

" I thought about just annuling the engagement, but, my happiness is far more important to me than the pain you are causing me right now, at this moment. Maybe you don't understand how relationships work, or maybe it was my fault for not making it clear that this was a mutually exclusive relationship. So. " She'd exhale, a faint hiccup escaping her lips as she leaned back , meeting Ulv's eyes with her own.

"I'm going to let you explain yourself, So I can understand Why. You better have a good reason Ulv. I don't think I could bare it if you did it just because you wanted to.

.

Honestly, it didn't make any sense to her. Why... did it hurt so much? Why did she feel this regret that bubbled up within her chest? Was it because the words that graced her ears were horrid, and yet wonderful at the same time? Or was it because she believed that the path that she was to take was a folly, fake happiness that had overtaken the duty that she had once bore? Or was it because she knew that as imperfect as Ulv might seem, that the love that lingered within her bosom was pure, and yet broken at the same time. The fact that they both were so broken, irreparably so was enough for her to draw solace. In the yawning expanse of eternity, rarely so was there another that would stand with you until it's ending.

When the empires that now stood crumbled, and all that was left was ash, would then would she still look upon her loves lips, and smile in the end? Niflheim softly cupped her loves jaw and studied her willful eyes. The smile that adorned her face was a sad one, and yet it's upturned fringes conveyed her hope. Hope that maybe in time the fragments of her heart would mend. Right now though, as tears slipped silently from her eyes, her thumb continued to stroke Ulv's jaw.

"I... hope that in the end, we continue to remain together. When the worlds we've built have crumbled to ash, and the golden era's we've hailed from have long since been forgotten." Her words were bittersweet, and she brought her forehead to rest against Ulv's chest.

"But right now, whether you've intended it or not, you've harmed me. I don't think you do it intentionally, but my heart is broken. These tears I shed were caused by you. But... even so." Niflheim giggled softly, as she quashed the faint tremors that wracked her body. She'd look so frail, a far cry from the strong leader that many sought for her to be.

" I feel relief." Her words were but a whisper. Frail.

" Relief that I know that you haven't been simply leading me on."

.

Air cascaded out from her full lips, while the expression upon Niflheim's face remained saddened; yet, behind the sadness, there was a gleam of contemplation. Her luminous gaze, ethereal and mercurial, continued to study Ulv's face. There was remorse within those eyes of hers, yet it was clear the remorse wasn't for what had been done, but instead due to the outcome of those actions. It had nothing to do with the action itself, and maybe that was just the nature of who Ulv was.

Could she learn to accept that? The difference that lay in their perceptions; between morals and beliefs? Deep within her heart, she wanted to get even with her, she wanted her to gaze upon the effect of her actions, she would stay with her, but eventually, this transgression would lead to hatred if the scale was left unbalanced. Niflheim understood the heart better than most, after all, she had for a thousand years used that understanding to become what the vandenreich had needed most. To neglect one's urges, that individual would have to know those very urges at an extremely intimate level.

Which was why as Niflheim's hand trailed away from Ulv's jaw, she stood up glancing down at her from behind her veiled lashes, a captivating smile creeping upon her lips, while withdrew several paces from Ulv. Her expression remaining open, she would exhale once more before she spoke the words that came from the bottom of her heart.

"I forgive you Ulv, and I will not forsake you, however."

Niflheim's hands came to rest upon her face as if she was taking a moment to collect herself. It was such a casual motion that covered both her eyes that it wouldn't arouse suspicion. Yes, that would be what Ulv would have as an eternal reminder. Niflheim would never truly gaze upon her again, at least not visually.

"To make sure that this love never truely turns to hatred, I must balance the scales. I must appease the fledgling unrest within my own heart. "

Niflheim said in a soft tone, as she imbedded the concept of destruction within the reishi that filtered into her retina. It was relatively quick after that, the destruction of her eyes happened in the breadth of a second, and all Ulv would feel from it was a concentration of reishi momentarily gathering at her eyes, before they were irreversibly damaged.

It was at that moment that the world plunged into permanent darkness, and in that darkness her heart found solace. She knew that it would be something that Ulv could never truly forget, an eternal reminder. So once her hands fell, a peaceful expression once more graced her lips as she made her way back over to Ulv by sensing the intermittent changes in reishi density in the room. Once she made her way back to Ulv, once more she would bring her arms around her love, bringing her forehead to rest against Ulv's own, her lips curved into a gentle smile.

"Now my heart is at peace. I love you Ulv. "

Niflheim said softly before bringing her lips to her loves own. Sure, the price for this solace was that she would never gaze upon the azure skies again, however, compared to the price of her heart being at peace? It was a very small price to pay. However, most likely Ulv would be able to figure out the price that Niflheim paid, a reminder that would last an eternity.
.