Re: Mikan Mischevang = FINISHED =

Wed Apr 10, 2013 1:27 pm

Mikan Mischevang = FINISHED = - Page 2 Tumblr_mjk9t4LutC1qkai1do1_500_zps3e815f90

Aivee Check Incoming!

So I sent a message to Chaozi on skype! I'll take over checking the powers and what not, as soon as the history is all okay~ So unless Chaozi stamped this one before hand, this might take a little bit sorry >w<

Wed Apr 10, 2013 2:08 pm

I am not doing this as a staff member, but as someone who is checking your history as it is related to Ashlei heavily. First off:

This is a copy and paste from the previous history I checked:
Not going to lie, but I doubt the villagers would retaliate and kill one of Ashleis sisters as at the time, the father of the family had proven that the rest of his daughters were not the same as Ashlei and the villagers would be aware of that. Thus, the villagers don't have any real reason to attack and kill the sisters themselves without any other proof that they were witches. Thus, Mikan should not and would not have been killed this way unless she did something blasphemous.

There are general mistakes in grammar so you may wish to re-read this.

The rest of it looks fine to me. Just deal with the method of death please and maybe think about rewriting certain bits into fluent english. That's just me being picky however.

Thu Apr 11, 2013 12:35 am

Of course, i shall fix the history, but not with a fluent english. Although i wanted to, but i've came out with a better version for the history and currently adding/fixing everything on my new one. This old 'copy pasted' history is just a temporary replacement for my history until i can manage to finish off my new one, which will take about a month or two since i am pretty busy with rl stuffs, paperworks and such. Plus, i couldn't come up with any ideas with it.

EDIT: Oh yes, i did said that i will fix it, but just to make sure in case chaozi did not notice or its just that my old history's english weren't that as fluent as my current one. There is actually a reason why she was killed. Since the history was my own 'old' post, i can understand most of it as the matter of fact. The villagers killed her is because that she defended 'Danielle Mischevang' [ Ashlei ] from the villagers from killing her. Although the villagers tried many ways to ask mikan to stop defending her, Mikan insisted, so the villagers thought that she works for 'the witch' [ Danielle ] and decides that they should kill her together with ashlei as well.

Now it is explained, i hope you understand and i am sorry for the grammatical mistakes that i did. I will try and replace the history as soon as i am done with the new one that i am currently working on.

Sincerely,
The Cookies 'NOM'

Sun Apr 14, 2013 1:37 pm

Mikan Mischevang = FINISHED = - Page 2 2988373361_1_11_VTTtLiY8_zpsad2eda32

Aivee Moving Services!

Due to user saying so, I've moved this application to WIP! You have two weeks from this date before it goes into old WIP and if you finish? Just post in This topic.

Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:16 am

Fixed. Described in the history that they killed her because they think that she works for the 'witch' [ Danielle Mischevang ] because she defended her from the villagers that tried to kill her.

While for the grammatical mistakes, i'm sorry chaozi, but i don't really think that i should be fixing it, since there's a history in my drafts that has an upgraded version of the history and i think it'll takes a month to finish up the history, since i've not been getting ideas for it lately. SORRY!

Fri May 03, 2013 5:12 pm

Moved to Old WIP.

Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:19 am

I dont have many issues with this history now BUT you should work on Mikans situational knowledge. I mean, she seems to already know the Hollow that appearaed was ashlei. why does she know? She also knows about soul society and hollows when she dies. How?

You have a confirmation of the storyline from me, but that doesn't mean that anyone checking the app will agree its approvable.

Wed Feb 18, 2015 9:44 am

Mikan Mischevang = FINISHED = - Page 2 Tumblr_niy64mOPBJ1tga1sco1_500

Archiving this as apart of my clean up of Old Wip

If you wish for this to be moved back to old wip please feel free to post within this thread

Staff Help Thread