Hayami Rentai

I DID NOT POST THIS! SOMEONE USED MY ACCOUNT DX

REFER TO MESSAGE #1

Edited ^_^""

There are so many problems with your history. Heres a list.

BIG BAD BOO-BOOS

Boo-boos with an -X- next to them are critical Boo-boos. These Boo-boos are the ones you really have to fix because they're very bad boo-boos. Other boo-boos can be overlooked, but thats not recommended.

• Hayami's father and mother were both insignificant peasants, yet he somehow gets an audience with the ruler of japan and persuades him to give him a big fluffy promotion to a samurai warrior who somehow fights well against this Kashi person when you make no mention of him having skill or training or strength? All the mention of skill you have of this is that he teaches Hayami self defense AFTER she gets in a fight. This is a big gaping hole.
  
  
• -X- CRITICAL BOO-BOO!!! DANGER!! -X-
  
  Your character is born in 1500.... the year is 2410. So, shes 910 right? Oh wait, no, it says shes over TWO THOUSAND YEARS OLD? Someone went to elementary school and brutally murdered mathematics. And she looks like shes 25? Shes older than Yamaoto, the captain commander of soul society! Shinigami age, and if shes going to look that young, provide a good reason why she will look young.
  
  
  
  
• -X- CRITICAL BOO-BOO!!! DANGER!! -X-
  
  Your character has a vasto lorde form? What the hell is that? I haven't seen anything about Vizard's having vasto lorde forms, ever. It doesn't exist. Its just hollow mode. Mask on, kapow!!! No such thing as vasto lorde forms. Hollow form, sure! Vasto lorde, what? No.
  
  Also, I don't know if Frost gave you the okay for having a ressureccion, but I didn't hear about it. As the rules say, you need to clear it with him first, or another admin.
  
  
• -X- CRITICAL BOO-BOO!!! DANGER!! -X-
  
  Barrage is overpowered. You're tossing thousands of projectiles like nothing? Bankai version is even worse. That power strikes me as a final attack. You say it does minor damage, but all those things hitting an enemy at a high speed would definitely hit a lot of vital points. Thats an overpowered attach. Tone it down a lot. On both shikai and bankai. Also, what is adamant? How strong is it? Can a strong attack break through the Wave attack? Sounds like that thing off inuyasha. Adamant barrage or whatever. Exactly like it, in fact...
  
  
• -X- CRITICAL BOO-BOO!!! DANGER!! -X-
  
  You barely talk about HOW she obtains hollow form. I see very little, and what you do say about it is short, choppy, and confusing. One day she just decides to become an awesome vizard with a ton of power? Hell no. And you don't decide how powerful you are - staff does. And all the sudden, your character, a seemingly bipolar though dutiful captain, decides to take over soul society and dominate all shinigami and hollows? I don't think so, this is going too far. You are going to need to explain how she gets hollow form, and her training of it. You will also need to explain why she decides to try to dominate everything.
  
  
• In general, you skip a lot of things that need details. I suggest you read over this profile again, and then a second time, and then a third time and really try to read it from another point of view. You'll see that you didn't explain much and you left gaps and holes everywhere in your plot and history and all that stuff.
  
  
• You made a lot of spelling errors. Like, a lot. And for some odd reason, the word 'Hayami' appears in the middle of a bunch of other words, like you were revising something and forgot to fix that little thing. Opps! Yeah, fix your grammar and spelling. This gave me a headache to read.
  
  
• While you do have talent, like you said, you did this in a very short period of time. Thats bad. That tells me you didn't care enough to think about the character, that it doesn't mean anything to you. Theres very little soul or spirit in it. You spaced out a bunch of things into dwarf hobbit mini wannabe paragraphs to make it look longer, but it didn't quite work out. While you could avoid a lot of work and just make this acceptable, I would really like it if you re-did this character and this time put a lot more effort and spirit into this character. I've stayed up past dawn working on this thing which is about three hours, reading over it and thinking how you could do it better. Theres a saying I would like for you to absorb. It says "Haste makes waste". Don't remember who made it up, but it wasn't me. Point is, when you rush and do something like this, its a waste. Sorry.
  
  

Hmm, I seriously agree with divus here. There are many issues to address, and he pointed out all of them. However, some pertaining to the history should not be as relevant. We will just accurately change them in character info. Please be politically and historically correct in your future characters.

As for the ressurection, if your character ever gets above tier 0-5 you may have it. So do not delete it. You will just be unable to use it.

Correct everything else and it will be accepted with a tier of 1-2+

Sono, thats way too high.... make it 1-3 at least. Preferably 2-1.

Divus, she has a very good application. It is well above average and deserves a tier of such.