Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Snopy
Snopy
The Site Hideyoshi
Joined : 2012-04-07
Posts : 783
Age : 30

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Aaron Denshomera [REDONE] Left_bar_bleue50/100Aaron Denshomera [REDONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (50/100)
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Aaron Denshomera [REDONE] Empty Re: Aaron Denshomera [REDONE]

Wed Nov 14, 2012 8:17 pm
Okay Kade, here goes.

History, that damned history. This is a Shinigami app, yet he has an inner hollow mentioned and is repeatedly referred to as a Vizard. Either take all references to Vizard's and inner hollow, or put in a Vizard app.

Also, your history is f***ed up. Your character would have lived in, what, the 14 or 1500's? There would be no movies, hell, not even highschools and IF there were any, VERY few colleges. So nope nope nope, either fix the timing or remove all out of time frame references.

Shadow Slash: An attack which was created for Sealed state weapons which any weapon of his creation is imbue an blue & invisible energy. He can use this blue energy to create an invisible wave slash against his enemies. The effects of the rebellion slash only bring medium and perhaps strong damage to enemies it can blocked with a powerful sword attack. Theinvisible wave slash is fast but not that quick it can be dodged if the opponent had agility or stronger then him

You need to explain HOW people can see this attack or know of its presence. Explain. Can it be seen if a person is stronger? Does it give off an energy signature? SOMETHING that allows it to be detected.

Now, you will not start with Shikai. Nope. However I will still check it.

Increase Strength: When holding his Zanpakutō, Aaron's muscle mass increased. His physical strength is increased while using his zanpakutō in it shikai state doing many things a normal shinigami couldn't do. Aaron can actually breaks a person's nose with one punch and perhaps blocking some other shikai or medium level attacks. He been known to stop or break weaker and medium Kidō abilities with a swing of his blade. He still can be hurt by other stronger shikai attacks and stronger bankai attacks.

You say stronger Bankai and stronger Shikai attacks. Too specific. Some people's weak Shikai attacks would plow through due to their strength. Just give a general level of strength.

Flying: The metal blades of the backpack almost act like wings this gives him the upmost keen ability to fly. The fight ability gives him to go to different places whenever he wants do so. A vizard needs to fly or super jump and with his new power can travel anywhere he wants. Aaron is really something of super jumper travelling to different points of the world reach amazing airtime of trying to dodge a great attack or leaping out of the way.

Speed, capabilities, the power of the "super jump". ALL needs more detail.

Supekutoru Subeta[Spectral Sword]: The power of the shikai allows him to generate a weapon similiar to his regular Zanpakutō as the eyes of the skull start glowing. Aaron is able to spawn out a long spectral blade creating it from pure energy yet he can empower the blade with flame energy which it glows red. The number of spectral sword that Aaron can spawn at once is abot eleven each spectral sword have the strength of normal shikai weapon. Yet their much stronger then an sealed state Zanpakutō in battle yet that proven to weaker to much stronger shikai based attacks. It wouldn't stand a chance against bankai due to testing it can stand attacks higher based Kidō. Each flame empowered spectral sword can leave burning lava sensation when a slash is delivered to an enemy.

For starters, how does he control them? How much energy does it take to make them, as in, if he makes many it should tire him out faster, etc. etc. Also, explain what you mean by "Burning Lava Sensation"

Supekutoru Danmaku - A machine gun blaze. All sixteen spectral swords come out once attacking the enemy in single file almost like bullets hitting at once. When each spectral sword pierces enemy flesh or something solid it gives a mini explosion which does medium damage almost like a super grenade. This attack can be block depending on the enemy strength. Defensive powers like hierro can be able to defend against it.

Speed of the blades? Anything he has to do to initiate this move? And Imma say no @ super grenade comment. It contradicts the "medium" damage and isn't needed for the attack. Small explosions for light to medium damage I'll accept.

Supekutoru Enjin - The chainsaw ring. The spectral swords form a ring around Aaron which spins out of control which can be used offensively or defensively. The problem is that he can only use the attack about three times becase the attack in spiritual pressure drainer. It also as fast mach speed pace. Yet Aaron doesn't call it a benefit because the attack hurt him as well if touched they spin forming a circle which keeps the user safe in the center.

Explain how they move and spin around him. More detail on how they move.

On to phantomtech

Demonic Energy Bio Heart System The second cybertech bloodstream and second cyber heart which is a (D.E.N.F.)Demon Eon-NanoTech Fusion that were implanted within his body allow him to absorb cybernetic energy almost like reishi from a quincy. The Cybernetic Heart activates the small generator works like a vacuum and activates all small particles of pure nano energy from the body. The massive energy is absorbed into his body allowing to use for certain devil forms, attacks and different abilities. There is no the different kinds of attack powers which Aaron can create from this power because the Cybernetic Heart works almost like a regular heart but it had Eon-Nanotech Motor.

Devil forms? Yeaaaaa no. He is a Shinigami, he has his releases. That much is enough. No need or reason for "devil forms". So take that comment out.

From his experimentation, Aaron was able manipulate the same characteristics to some demon spiders within the demon world. Exodus is able to transform himself into an humanoid spider warrior based on a demon reap-spider within Demono. Like a black spider warrior. The spider's newfound abilities give him more strength, fast reflexes, fast agility and greater durability. The shinigami can actually climb walls almost like regular spiders by using his hands to legs this caused by molecular sticky attractions from his fingertips and toes to stick to surfaces, cling to walls, buildings and etc. From his wrists can shoots organic webbing trap people or ensnare enemies in oragnic web for yet it can break in [2 posts] it not like regular spider's webbing but stronger. Organic webbing can be used for web slinging for getting to places fast depending on his speed and agility. The Organic webbing has other traits it can also create web shield which can last for 1 post and then after it can be destroyed. Also it can create web ball bullets which hurt people by almost attacking an enemy's pressure points weakening them.

Spiderman? Really? Well here is the problem. Who is exodus? You seem to be copy pasta'ing things now. Seriously, you shouldn't make copy and paste jobs, but if you are, AT LEAST CHANGE THE NAME! I mean seriously. Now then. I'm not even sure if I wanna allow this. However, for now, IF I am to think about approving this shit, then
1. The average to break out of webbing may be 2 posts, but depending on the person it could be more or less to break. STATE THAT.

2. There is no 1 post complete invulnerability stage. For that one post it is strongest, but that web shield is STILL breakable.

FIX ALL OF THOSE THINGS, and me or another member of staff will come and review it. Until then, this shit is denied.

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

Ulqui
Ulqui
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Joined : 2012-11-20
Posts : 831
Location : Never Land

Member Info
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Aaron Denshomera [REDONE] Left_bar_bleue10500/99999Aaron Denshomera [REDONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (10500/99999)
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Aaron Denshomera [REDONE] Empty Re: Aaron Denshomera [REDONE]

Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:50 pm
Moved to OLD WIP due to the expiration of the two week period!
If you would like this moved back post here or ask a member of staff in XAT.
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Aaron Denshomera [REDONE] Empty Re: Aaron Denshomera [REDONE]

Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:01 pm
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Aaron Denshomera [REDONE] Empty Re: Aaron Denshomera [REDONE]

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