Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Blade
Blade
The Hybrid King
Joined : 2011-06-06
Posts : 2656
Age : 27

Member Info
Platinum Points:
El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Left_bar_bleue10015/100000El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty_bar_bleue  (10015/100000)
Tiers:

El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty Re: El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished)

Sun Jun 10, 2012 8:16 pm
OKAY.

I have a few issues with this app before I can do ANYTHING For you. Now, to start, PLEASE Correct this app's grammar. This grammar in it hurts my eyes to read, no offense. STRAIN is needed to read some parts of the app, along with wrong words being used, such as Witch. (Should be Which) Now, all the abilities need to be described more, it only states the simplest use which does not help me differ the strength, cooldown, charge, or use in ANY case. Once you do this, I'll be able to fully grade the app. Also! The skills sheets need to be EMPTY until I GIVE You a tier, remove all the skills.



El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) FXpoQxJ
El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) 2Y9rqGk

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Tsubine
Tsubine
Ye Olde Guarde
Joined : 2010-07-09
Posts : 3939
Age : 30
Location : Gracemeria

Member Info
Platinum Points:
El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Left_bar_bleue7380/100El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty_bar_bleue  (7380/100)
Tiers:

El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty Re: El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished)

Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:42 pm
Also, I'm going to point out some major portions of the history that need to be changed or checked up on:

Life as adjuchas into vasto lorde:
Not just no, but NOPE. You do not have the permission to create anything related to a Vasto Lorde. Nor will you be granted it for this character. Remove all instances of mentioning of Vasto Lorde from this application.

Espada life:
His shear power was more than enough to gain him a spot on the espada court. Though his time as an actual espada flew by it was the best of his times. He flew down the ranks of espada, at first he had gained the rank of espada #8 Then he worked up the nerve to call out the espada #4 for a battle. Having fought the battle it actually ment nothing in the end, the espada broke up and left to another organization. Donglitzen refused to go with them, so he was left in hueco mundo, the new espada #4. The organization broke apart but donglitzen kept his mark of the #4, packing up and leaving las noches. As he was leaving the espada, he was left with a number that was now good for nothing but to put fear in to an opponents soul.
Have you talked to Chaoz about being a former Espada since this is recent?


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Taichou
Taichou
神 Glorious Asian
神 Glorious Asian
Joined : 2011-04-12
Posts : 831
Age : 27
Location : Human Realm

Member Info
Platinum Points:
El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Left_bar_bleue10/100El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
Tiers:

El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty Re: El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished)

Sat Jun 16, 2012 7:45 pm
You still have the Vasto Lorde stuff in your history/background. Remove it.
Taichou
Taichou
神 Glorious Asian
神 Glorious Asian
Joined : 2011-04-12
Posts : 831
Age : 27
Location : Human Realm

Member Info
Platinum Points:
El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Left_bar_bleue10/100El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty_bar_bleue  (10/100)
Tiers:

El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty Re: El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished)

Mon Jun 18, 2012 1:49 am
I'm moving this to WIP until it's fixed.
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty Re: El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished)

Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:52 pm
El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Ev023_01_3_int06_a

Fwuan so many.. this will be in old wip!
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty Re: El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished)

Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:04 pm
El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Tumblr_m0ad43uRAG1qglnd4o1_500

Okay moved into Archives!
If you want it back, feel free to ask! It's just been sitting around way too long so yeah.
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El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished) Empty Re: El Donglitzen Rodencla (Finished)

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