tempest

Tue Jun 05, 2012 11:12 pm

| Z I A M I C H I |

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BASIC || I N F O R M A T I O N
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Name: Tempest Evermore
Gender: Male.
Age: 286 and looks 16.
The Host Race: Iramasha

appearence: tempest ThCuteblueandwhiteboy

moderately skinny/normal about 130 lbs. and about 5"8 in hieght
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PERSONALITY || TRAITS

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Personality:

Calm As A Stream
Tempest is naturally a calm person. His patience with people and ability to ignore things is something that helps him keep his cool. Another way you could describe this is that many people usually visualize when they are annoyed this would have been more persistent had he not been so patient dealing with the other spirit inside him for so long.

Tempest has grown accustomed to troublesome things and easily keeps his cool head, even in tight situations he looks death in the eyes and laughs. but he is prone to becoming suddenly hyper and seeming sugar charged.

Sugar high.. This Can't Be Good
The aforementioned Hyperactive state Tempest has random fits of anger/hyperness mainly caused by built up energy from having to 'Keep His Cool' so often. This entails he possibly runs his mouth, rambles, has weird thoughts, seems twitchy and plenty of other things. Though his sweet tooth is his main reason for this. Candy is the best thing ever after all other than fighting.

He is mysteriously shady at times and stays out of the way of people in a rage/rampage though he can also go on random rampages as well he has a very twisted mind as he has Schizophrenia and is a little crazy. when you first meet him he 'acts' shy around you and doesn't talk to you much because he doesn't know you. If there is a girl he meets that he likes he is shy because he doesn't know how to act around her.
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BACKGROUND || THEIR PAST
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Background/History: (came from southern U.S. at around age 5 and came to live in japan and speaks fluent Japanese and Engllish.

was born with no father and the mother died giving birth. so he grew up as an orphan for 5 years. and then was adopted by a Japanese family and was flown back with the m but gave them much trouble when he was about 8 but then at ten he discovered the "thing"/ziamachi and accidentally absorbed it and couldn't control it there and was found by someone and taken to the hospital because he was unconcious when found as he was very hyperactive which is why he lost control.

At the age of 10 he was getting better with controlling the ziamachi and learned to use its powers along with discovering his own powers he could use without tapping into the ziamachis powers which kinda helped his self confidence and his courage and self concept.

As he grew at teh age 0of 16 he learned to control it and the n at the age of 18 he was in college to be a technician and graduated early at 20 and at 21 he got a Mustang Gt Convertible but he was killed in a car accident at the age of 23 driving home drunk from a party
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THE HOST || SPIRIT
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Ziamichi Spirit Name: (Xion)

Ziamichi Spirit Appearance: (http://mangadrawing.net/users/imagecache/image_display/image/23007-kingdom-hearts-xion-kingdom-hearts.74c257b771a9b240669650dfac36af2f.jpg)

Ziamachi spirit 2nd and final form: http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0u1JhCBMHqZw5rZf06w0ftBy79OjRIu47DPcqs_6Xvb28yJOUrH-fEaUW

Ziamichi Personality:shy but strong demanding and veeerry veerrry pretty

Ziamichi History: :she was born in the late 12 century in japan and was at battle with it from the inside but after twenty six years she was caught and she was put in a containment center with no way out because the center blocked her powers and after hundreds of years when i moved to japan at around 10 i discovered the containment center shut down and entered it and her soul entered my body and was trapped for her body was just bone dust by then and all here powers were transferred to me.

Ziamichi Powers: (teleportation and telekenesis)
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BENEFITS || OF HOST
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Unique Traits:fire(complete control) the ziamachi along with teleportation and telekenesis (can pick things up with his mind) which all helps me in battle

Forms: i have 3 diferent forms

2nd form:
http://joshhaley.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/firedemon31.jpg

3rd form:
https://media.photobucket.com/image/humanoid%20fire/COVYLYNN16/Dragons/firedragon-1.jpg?o=1

Drawbacks: (What are the drawbacks if you're character loses control or use too much of their power and what are the after-effects of an episode where they lose control?)

Control: 6ish

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THE HOST || POWERS

without ziamachi nothing / with ziamachi complete control over fire
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EXTRA || INFO

has a pet name of which pet is: shroud

pet:https://media.photobucket.com/image/humanoid%20fire/FoToNo/Rosario%20Vampire/kuyou-true-form.png?o=16

has a zanpakto name of which sword : Raiten

sword: https://2img.net/r/ihimizer/img359/6016/artbook423xi.jpg
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NOTE: Ziamichi's will have three to four skill sheets possibly. One for general skills, one for racial skills, one for the host's skill and possibly one for the spirit's skills if they are a different race.

Click here for skill sheet

Ziamichi Class: (Ranging from E to the weakest and A to the strongest; With S being a special class of demons. Don't do anything to this, the staff will decide how strong your demon will be from how good your application is and how good your role playing skills are.)

Skills:
0 Tier is allowed 1 Master, 2 Advanced for each section
1 Tier is allowed 2 Advanced for each section
2 Tier is allowed 1 Advanced, 2 Adept for each section
3 Tier is allowed 1 Adept for each section
4 Tier and below only get beginner.

General Skills
Durability: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
General Speed: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Weapon Skill: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner

Ziamichi Skills
Skill Of Ziamichi Powers: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Control Over Spirit: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner
Seal Strength: Master/Advanced/Adept/Beginner

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Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:55 pm

I... Don't even know where to start with this. Or wait, I do.

1. That character appearance is already taken by Tempus, owned by Aivee. (Belphagor)

2. You cannot use that many elements. Please stick to one and tell about IN DETAIL how you can use it.

3. I will say that you did a good job on the personality and background.

4. Your ziamichi powers need more explanation, you cannot have 8 different forms, and you need to fill out the template properly. I would really recommend you make a shinigami before a Ziamichi; they are much less complicated.

Fri Jun 22, 2012 9:13 pm

Let's crack some shit up. Do not take my word personally, by the way if I unintentionally insult you.

Firstly, I'd advise you do some research on the Ziamichi and Iramasha. Making an Iramasha itself is complex for a newcomer and with the combination of Ziamichi just makes it a lot more difficult. Unfortunately, Iramasha is not my forte so I would say you should ask Frost for the links to help you with it.

Also, you didn't fix the appearance; it is claimed by Aivee. You also cannot have eight forms. If it's possible, can you perhaps proofread this? Not to be offensive, but the grammar and spelling mistakes are atrocious to even look at. If you don't want to get help from Frost, then I insist you check on other Ziamichi applications and see what they do.

Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:42 pm

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY

F#@$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Also, your history isn't near correct for an iramasha, but regardless, i'mma moving this back into WIP.

Tue Jun 26, 2012 1:31 am

I'm getting real freaking tired of seeing this application whined about by Tempest in the xat. So, since he cannot take a tip from JJ or Taichou, I'll review this damn character myself and state clearly what is wrong with it and why he is constantly needing to fix it.

1st Problem: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE FIX THE GRAMMAR/STRUCTURE OF THIS APPLICATION! Some things are very difficult to read in this application and scream the reflections of a poor role player. I'll give you an example

":she was born in the late 12 century in japan and was at battle with it from the inside but after twenty six years she was caught and she was put in a containment center with no way out because the center blocked her powers and after hundreds of years when i moved to japan at around 10 i discovered the containment center shut down and entered it and her soul entered my body and was trapped for her body was just bone dust by then and all here powers were transferred to me."

What kind of massive run-on sentence is that? Please, learn to use period marks, comma's and semicolons in order to better manage your history. This is how some of that should sound: "Xion was born in the late 12th Century somewhere within Japan. During this time she was at battle with some strange force, but after twenty six years had passed she was caught and put away into a containment center. With no way to get out because the center blocked her powers, one hundred years had passed before she was finally able to move at around the age of ten,"

More over, when I tried writing this out for, this whole history is kind of bat shit insane in terms of how you are explaining it, writing it and detailing it. I barely know what is going on with her history because you need to better format your entire history to be more easily understood by those whom read it. And, on that related note, you should also make your Ziamichi history two to three paragraph's as this isn't something that should be bullshitted in just one paragraph like that. So, make those corrections to her history and make it fucking readable, doc.

Additionally, AFTER READING ALL OF YOUR POWERS AND FORMS, you need to go back and recorrect every single last one because you do not have enough detail for ANY of them to explain how they function, how they are used, what their limits or drawbacks are and all of it is just bullshit. Let me give you an example of what I mean

"without ziamachi nothing / with ziamachi complete control over fire"

...what the shit? I think my five year old niece could come up with more detail for a superpower then that crap. That barely says anything about this power. Therefore, please explain how he controls fire, how he uses it and detail everything with each and every single power you have. This includes forms as well. For your forms describe how they look, how they function, what traits they get and etc.

Also, CUT THE FUCKING FIRST PERSON SHIT OUT! THAT IS NOT ALLOWED HERE, IF I SEE YOU DOING THIS AGAIN I WILL BREAK YOUR IMAGINARY/VIRTUAL LEGS!

"Forms: i have 3 diferent forms"

^ STOP THAT SHIT

Also, make sure every single personality bit on this application is about two paragraph's. I'm not gonna have anyone running around this site with some remedial-ass shit like this

"Ziamichi Personality:shy but strong demanding and veeerry veerrry pretty"

^ Fuck that noise. You better make some serious expansion on that.

Lastly, STATE THE RACE OF THE HOST'S ZIAMICHI SPIRIT! If it's a Shinigami, you better fucking add the traits from the Shinigami Template into here. And if it's a Iramasha for the host race? You best believe your ass is getting traits from the Iramasha template to add on here.

"has a zanpakto name of which sword : Raiten

sword: https://2img.net/r/ihimizer/img359/6016/artbook423xi.jpg"

Yeah, no. That ain't fucking flying if it's a Shinigami.

Also...ADD FUCKING DRAWBACKS TO YOUR ZIAMICHI PWOERS AS WELL! DON'T JUST LEAVE THIS SECTION BLANK!

"Drawbacks: (What are the drawbacks if you're character loses control or use too much of their power and what are the after-effects of an episode where they lose control?)"

All in all bro, this app needs some SERIOUS reworking if you even wanna hope of RPing this character on any section of Platinum Hearts. Get to fucking work and don't come back until you have a respectable app.

As Suzie Orman says...

DENIED

Wed Oct 03, 2012 8:53 pm

Moved to archives because this user has left!

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