Life Lessons Brought to You by Gin

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.” “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things –your family, your partner, your health, your children –things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter –like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.” “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first –the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

1. Being an adult can be fun when you are acting like a child.
2. Love has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with time, trust, and interest.
3. Laughing, crying, joy and anger… All are a vital. All make us human.
4. The greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness.
5. Greed will bury even the lucky eventually.
6. Bad things do happen to good people.
7. Paving your own road is intelligent only if nobody has gone exactly where you are going.
8. Uncertainty is caused by a lack of knowledge. Hesitation is the product of fear.
9. Time heals all wounds… regardless of how you feel right now.
10. Most of the time what you are looking for is right in front of you.
11. Your health is your life.
12. Chance is a gift, so act on chance when given the opportunity.
13. Kindness and hard work will take you further than intelligence.
14. People deserve a second chance, but not a third.
15. Marry your best friend.
16. Take lots of pictures. Someday you’ll be really glad you did.
17. Money makes life easier only when the money is yours free and clear.
18. Carelessness is the root of failure
19. Your actions now create memories you will reminisce and talk about in your elder years.
20. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will put things into perspective from an angle you can’t grasp now.
21. Motivation comes in short bursts. Act while it’s hot. (Especially important for us RPers)
22. Purposely ignoring the obvious is like walking backwards toward the enemy.
23. Taking ownership of failure builds the foundation for success.
24. First impressions are completely worthless 50% of the time.
25. Personal glory lasts forever.
26. If you never act, you will never know for sure.

“Remember that nurturing yourself is as important (if not more so) as nurturing others.” –Mary Anne Radmacher


Invite Simplicity Into Your Life and Your Relationship

Conference calls, carpools, drive-thru dinners and text-messaged I love you’s make up the life many of us know today. We hurry to get from one destination to another while constantly juggling thoughts of tomorrow and beyond. We spend more time in our cars and with our co-workers than we do with our families. That means spending less time with our partners. We ignore the fact that we see less and less of our significant other and become more and more confused as to why “we don’t communicate anymore”.

What happens when we can’t deny the disconnect any longer, and the effects of an overextended life have drained our relationship of all its life and vibrancy? We go to therapy, we take a pill, we have an affair, or we have a cocktail. As a relationship coach I have an alternative solution to the above.

If you are having difficulty getting back to the simplicity of your earlier days with each other think of a time when your relationship felt uncomplicated. Write down what you liked about that time. Was it your mental state, surroundings, responsibilities or physical stuff? Which feelings and situations would you like to recreate?

Before you can invite simplicity into your relationship you must first simplify yourself. What you are feeling/experiencing as your reality will manifest in your relationship. I suggest we focus on ourselves so that we can create deeper connection to those we love by providing a strong sense of purpose and self to our loved ones.

Some check points for you to acknowledge

1. Find Purposeful work. Do something you love

Do you drag yourself out of bed in the morning to another day of work? The sheer dread of lifting your head off the pillow is excruciating. To invite simplicity into your life, begin by examining your professional life. Find work that is fun and uses your natural gifts. Explore what you are naturally good at and then begin the process of finding a more suitable job. You may find the process alone creates serenity.

2. Give up the news

What you think about, you bring about. And what you focus on manifests in your life. Those can be scary thoughts when you apply them to what you are inviting into your life by reading or watching the daily news. Are you addicted to the drama? The violence and the tragedy do nothing to add to your inner peace. To simplify your life, spend the next seven days away from the news. Instead, read a book, make positive connections with family and friends or listen to soothing music.

3. Learn to say no

JUST SAY NO! Sounds simple, right? For a lot of people saying NO brings up a lot of stuff: Will I be liked? What if they talk about me, Will I go to hell?? Learning to focus on creating healthy boundaries makes our life easier, for example “When the head of the little league association asks you to work the concessions stand, tell her you can’t. Just say no. Spend the time on yourself instead.

When you use good judgment and integrity you will always be about love and acceptance. Saying no from a loving place is much different than saying no from a hateful, spiteful place. Practice developing boundaries and self love. Saying NO could truly save your life!

4. Embrace the outdoors

Nature is therapeutic. It reminds us of what life is really about, and connects us to the simple gifts that we all too often overlook. If you are stuck at the office feeling stressed and frustrated, imagine taking a walk through the woods. Envision a flowing brook. Capture the smell of wildflowers and honeysuckle in your mind. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. If you’re home, consider the therapeutic benefits of gardening. Even the simplest of gardens can release the stress accumulated in your head, neck and shoulders after a long day of meetings.

5. LOL (Laugh out loud)

Are you too busy to laugh and too serious to smile? Are you caught up in your own sense of importance? Many of us have tucked away the inner child who longs for attention and laughter. Laughing releases a mountain of tension. It’s a quick way to feel happy. When you let go and laugh, it’s infectious. Everyone around you feels it. A good belly laugh makes your belly muscles contract. It causes a chain reaction that works out the shoulders, and leaves muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart. Count how many opportunities you have to laugh today.

6. Be silent

Start a practice of sitting with your Higher Power and asking for a quiet mind. Start your day off with a ritual of reflection and praise. At the office, shut your door for 10 minutes, close your eyes and simply be still. It will be hard at first, but after a few days, you will find yourself feeling calmer and happier than you have felt in a long time. Take time to recharge during your day!

7. Experience Gratitude

Appreciate all the simple things in your life: the sunshine, the sky, the shoes on your feet and the heart beating in your chest. Being grateful creates an energy that flows through your body and shines through your eyes. It’s what makes happy happen. Create a gratitude calendar that is full of simple reason you’re grateful.

8. Create a simplicity statement

Write down your own personal declaration of what a simple life means to you.

A simple life means different things and is valued differently by each individual. For me, it means eliminating all the drama, all the unnecessary “stuff,” choosing peace over chaos, and spending my time doing what’s important to me.

For you it may mean spending quality time with people you love, and doing the things you love. It could mean getting rid of the clutter so you are left with only what really matters to you.

The Short List to Simplicity:

For those whose mantra is “I can’t,” here’s your list:

1. Identify what’s most important to you.
2. Eliminate everything else.

The key to anything in life is WILLINGNESS. Are you willing to incorporate some behavior and change some habits in your life? Are you willing to come out of the box and teach the world how to treat you simply? The good news is it all starts with you.

Achieving simplicity isn’t always a simple process. It’s a journey, not a destination, and the joy IS in the journey, so remember to embrace it. You will always have the conference calls, and technology will only become more prevalent in our lives. But the way you choose to manage it is the key to living simply!

I promise you once you find peace and simplicity within you your relationships will naturally follow course.

1. Always swallow your pride to say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it — your relationship suffers for no good benefit.
2. Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.
3. Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace.
4. Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. And you don’t have to manage them, cutting out on some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them.
5. The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation.
6. When your child asks for your attention, always grant it. Give your child your full attention, and instead of being annoyed at the interruption, be grateful for the reminder to spend time with someone you love.
7. Don’t go into debt. That includes credit card debt, student debt, home debt, personal loans, auto loans. We think they’re necessary but they’re not, at all. They cause more headaches than they’re worth, they can ruin lives, and they cost us way more than we get. Spend less than you earn, go without until you have the money.
8. I’m not cool, and I’m cool with that. I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. It’s way more fun to forget about that, and just be yourself.
9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous.
10. Never send an email or message that’s unfit for the eyes of the world. In this digital age, you never know what might slip into public view.
11. You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions. People who think they can use behavioral “science” or management techniques have not spent enough time on the receiving end of either.
12. If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way. They don’t know where they’re going either.
13. You will miss a ton, but that’s OK. We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important … that we forget the simple fact that we cannot experience everything. That physical reality dictates we’ll miss most things. We can’t read all the good books, watch all the good films, go to all the best cities in the world, try all the best restaurants, meet all the great people. But the secret is: life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.
14. Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. Try not to repeat the same ones too often.
15. Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear.
16. Rest is more important than you think. People work too hard, forget to rest, and then begin to hate their jobs. In fitness, you see it constantly: people training for a marathon getting burned out because they don’t know how to let their straining muscles and joints recover. People who try to do too much because they don’t know that rest is where their body gets stronger, after the stress.
17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
18. Fitness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, a learning process, something that happens in little bits over a long period. I’ve been getting fit for five years now, and I still have more to learn and do. But the progress I’ve made has been amazing, and it’s been a great journey.
19. The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination.
20. A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear.
21. Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. You set up an idealized version of the thing (or person) and then try to fit the reality into this ideal, and are often disappointed. Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.
22. Giving is so much better than getting. Give with no expectation of getting something in return, and it becomes a purer, more beautiful act. To often we give something and expect to get an equal measure in return — at least get some gratitude or recognition for our efforts. Try to let go of that need, and just give.
23. Competition is very rarely as useful as cooperation. Our society is geared toward competition — rip each other’s throats out, survival of the fittest, yada yada. But humans are meant to work together for the survival of the tribe, and cooperation pools our resources and allows everyone to contribute what they can. It requires a whole other set of people skills to work cooperatively, but it’s well worth the effort.
24. Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment. We are often discontent in our lives, desire more, because we don’t realize how much we have. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for the amazing gifts you’ve been given: of loved ones and simple pleasures, of health and sight and the gift of music and books, of nature and beauty and the ability to create, and everything in between. Be grateful every day.
25. Compassion for other living things is more important than pleasure. Many people scoff at vegetarianism because they love the taste of meat and cheese too much, but they are putting the pleasure of their taste buds ahead of the suffering of other living, feeling beings. You can be perfectly healthy on a vegetarian (even vegan) diet, so killing and torturing animals is absolutely unnecessary. Compassion is a much more fulfilling way to live than closing your eyes to suffering.
26. Taste buds change. I thought I could never give up meat, but by doing it slowly, I never missed it. I thought I could never give up junk food like sweets, fried crap, nachos, all kinds of unhealthy things … and yet today I would rather eat some fresh berries or raw nuts. Weird, but it’s amazing how much our taste buds can change.
27. Create. The world is full of distractions, but very few are as important as creating. In my job as a writer, there is nothing that comes close to being as crucial as creating. In my life, creating is one of the few things that has given me meaning. When it’s time to work, clear away all else and create.
28. Get some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the larger picture, this one problem means almost nothing. This fight we’re having with someone else — it’s over something that matters naught. Let it go, and move on.
29. Don’t sit too much. It kills you. Move, dance, run, play.
30. Use the magic of compound interest. Invest early, and it will grow as if by alchemy. Live on little, don’t get into debt, save all you can, and invest it in mutual funds. Watch your money grow.
31. All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it. Ask if there are alternatives, and investigate. Hint: the corporations exert influence over all of our information sources. Another hint: read Chomsky.
32. Learn the art of empathy. Too often we judge people on too little information. We must try to understand what they do instead, put ourselves in their shoes, start with the assumption that what others do has a good reason if we understand what they’re going through. Life becomes much better if you learn this art.
33. Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.
34. No one knows what they’re doing as parents. We’re all faking it, and hoping we’re getting it right. Some people obsess about the details, and miss out on the fun. I just try not to mess them up too much, to show them they’re loved, to enjoy the moments I can with them, to show them life is fun, and stay out of the way of them becoming the amazing people they’re going to become. That they already are.
35. Love comes in many flavors. I love my children, completely and more than I can ever fully understand. I love them each in a different way, and know that each is perfect in his or her own way.
36. Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think. Your kids grow up so fast you get whiplash. You get gray hairs before you’re done getting your bearings on life. Appreciate every damn moment.
37. Fear will try to stop you. Doubts will try to stop you. You’ll shy away from doing great things, from going on new adventures, from creating something new and putting it out in the world, because of self-doubt and fear. It will happen in the recesses of your mind, where you don’t even know it’s happening. Become aware of these doubts and fears. Shine some light on them. Beat them with a thousand tiny cuts. Do it anyway, because they are wrong.
38. I have a lot left to learn. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I know almost nothing, and that I’m often wrong about what I think I know. Life has many lessons left to teach me, and I’m looking forward to them all.