Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Blade
Blade
The Hybrid King
Joined : 2011-06-06
Posts : 2654
Age : 27

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Left_bar_bleue10015/100000Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Empty_bar_bleue  (10015/100000)
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Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Empty Re: Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+]

Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:05 pm
I have ONE LARGE ISSUE With this app at the moment, and that is that none of the abilities have a post cool down or how long it takes to use the ability, which is quite annoying. I'm going to have to ask you to fix that before I fully grade it.



Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] FXpoQxJ
Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] 2Y9rqGk

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JJ
JJ
Rower of Rock. And Souls.
Joined : 2011-03-03
Posts : 5174
Age : 27
Location : , Location, Location!

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Left_bar_bleue20650/20000Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Empty_bar_bleue  (20650/20000)
Tiers:

Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Empty Re: Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+]

Fri Feb 24, 2012 3:27 pm

Application Checklist
  • Name [X]
  • Appropriate Age [X]
  • Gender [X]
  • Appearance Present [X]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
  • 10 sentences for personality [X]
  • History is of appropriate length [O]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]


Comments/Notes:

Bullet Headbutt: The Mega Toro attack which can cause a violent perhaps a massive stomach ache. Neko Shenro charges with blue reiatsu energy surrounding him, speedily dashing straight to the enemy with the force of a bull (meaning he starts running like a wild bull), and head-butts the enemy in the stomach. Which the force actually starts a chain reaction within the enemy stomach causing them to fall down for mere minutes(1 post). This allow Neko Shenro a chance to escape or plan for another attack. This is like Neko's Shenro's get the heck outta here trump card.

Hmm... so according to this, you would immobilize the slow Radioactive just by headbutting him for an entire post.... Sorry, but no. You can't treat all characters as the same; you have to honor how they're different in levels of power in regards to your attacks.

Soul State Evolution Stage 3 Abilities: Immense Strength and Endurance: Within this form, Shenro had develop an unbelevable amount of strength from his fights with hollows within his other forms. From the mark of the dragon the energies of the various ancient dragons and harness within his muscles making him into a much stronger & powerful human being. Their strength has become his own within this form. He can easily block grand rey cero or Kidō Hadō attacks up to #88 with ease. Because of the dragonoid armor, Shenro's endurance has greatly increased making him able to take attacks to endure the pain afterwards. The dragonoid armor has a strong reistance because of the fused dragon skins which was created to make the armor.

Yeah... um... NO. You can't just shrug off a Kidō of 88 damage without at least spending SOME energy yourself. That needs to be toned down.

Arm Razoroid Swords: Black sharp blades that extend from the dragonoid's forearms; they can bend and lengthen at will, folding into short spikes, or extending into meter-long swords. These blades vibrate at an extremely high frequency allowing them to cut through almost any material with ease by interfering with molecular bonds. They actually similiar to zanpakutos but little stronger to hold they own against shikai or bankai formed zanpakutos.

They may be fast and sharp; but cutting most materials is Godmodded. Plus, you don't explain what happens if the material regenerates itself; or if its molecular bonds are stronger than your sword.

Razoroid Eye Beams: From his red eyes, Shenro can generate small reiatsu reserves which his eyes will start glowing red. Then he can shoot precise red laser-like beams shot from both eyes. The eye lasers can be used for various attack procedures like nullify weak attacks and small projectiles, as well as cripple opponents and damage other objects. The damage from eye beams are very strong which can kill weaker enemies and really hurt stronger ones. It can block with stronger attacks or stronger defenses.

Alright, assuming you can automatically kill ANYONE with a power just due to its effect is not allowed. You also seriously need to say what effect that level of a blast has on him; if it needs a charge up and cool down, etc. As well as how much energy that kind of blast takes out of him; I'm assuming it would be an immense amount.

Darkness Ravager: The rage blast technique. The Darkness Ravager is a powerful condense reiatsu blast technique. To use it, the user starts by charging an ball pure reiatsu in their hand. Then, they draw their hand forward and fire the reiatsu sphere in the form of an energy wave at the opponent, inflicting a great immense amount of damage.

I NEED DETAILS! How big is this thing, and WHY can it do so much damage if it's just pure energy?

Darkness Barrier: Shenro's reiatsu starts to engulf him when it fully covers his body then the reiatsu creates something like a big energy shield. The energy shield can used protect them from weak, mid and strong attacks. This is a result of using very strong reiatsu manipulation to compress the energy to the point of being hermetically sealed. The shield lasts for about a post which he needs to wait for about 3 posts to create another one. If ane enemy can quickly hit Shenro when forming the barrier then the defense power of the barrier is weaken allowing enemies to attack which Shenro's will feel the power of the attack causing him to a strong nose bleed.

Tell us what you need to destroy the thing once it's up; as nothing is truly able to block everything.


Nova Spiritual Flame Buster: The true & deadly version of the Spiritual Flame Buster. The atack starts when Shenro raises his hand up in the air and then closes his eyes for a few seconds. The reiatsu from him starts to go through and empowerment state engulfing his right fist both flame and plasma energy. Finally he gets into a fighting stance charging up the power of the fist. Suddenly, Shenro charges towards his opponent with a energy charged punch, if it connects it will release a tremendous explosion with a blast radius on 70 yards. This is a instant killer because the punch itself feel like a dragon's mouth ripping apart flesh when it connects. However if the first punch isn't successful then the attack is over with. Leaving Shenro helpless again any attack comin his way.

...no. Just no. You cannot kill a person just with the effects of the attack. Downtone that. Not to mention you DON'T NEED TO KILL your opponents; you have to remember, these are people's characters as well, and they care about them!

Nova Hell Fire Darkness Ravager: The augmented version of the Darkness Ravager technique in the pure unholy fire form. First, Shenro prepares use the Darkness Ravager like normal, but charges it with more power. Then, while it is being prepared, some of the massive reiatsu is released as streaks of red electricity. Finally, Shenro brings his hands forward and fires the attack at the opponent, inflicting a massive amount of damage. However an strong opponent might feel 75% of the damage if they have the defense to block it. But it also his fingertips will start bleeding.

We need to know how large it is; also, for such a strong attack as it seems, it has no energy cost other than bleeding fingertips? You need to extend on that.

Nova Destroyer: The flame bomber technique. The Nova Destroyer is a powerful attack in which Shenro manipulates his reiatsu to disrupt the ground. Almost like lighting a match under the ground of his opponent. With a swift upwards motion of the hand, Shenro can create a massive atomic explosion that has the potential to cause an almost endless crater in a desired area nearby. But it a major flaw the tehcnique can be sensed meaning if the enemy can sensed where the attack. They have better of dodging it countering with a strong attack.

I see nothing in the app to justify this attack. You never use radiation before; where does this sudden power to do it come from? Again, how much damage does it actually do? And last... an endless crater...? That makes it sound like you're pouring out energy that it feels strange for a human to have who isn't even in their final stage.

This would be his most final and deadly attack when he nearly beaten to death and he yells. He starts dissapearing and the sky starts turning red thus various dragons start emerging from the sky. Then they start forming energy as the energy forms a balls and the ball starts growing in shape of a medium sized planet thus the the great dragon appears from the sky. At this point, Shenro has summoned the the legendary dragon of fire named known as "Dragon Knight Sin Lucifer". The dragon finally descends on the ground and looks at the opponent. The Dragon knight has strong hierro and armored defenses making it almost impossible to attack. Then the dragon's head focus then energy into the opponent which shoots up a an apocalyptic massive fire beam at which is called Black Sabbath. Thus after the attack the dragon will dissapear and Shenro will show major signs of both fatigue and pain. The Black Sabbath attack is almost impossible to dodge an opponent will be some of opponent's body will be burned if dodge. If it connects and hits an opponent the enemy will engulfed in the flames of both fire and plasma. No point of stop, drop and roll because of plasma flames will completely burn the flesh.

First off, where do these dragons suddenly appear from? How do they know to come? Then, for the actual power bit of it... Almost impossible to damage? No. Just no. Almost impossible to dodge? Double no. Fire that you can't even put out once it gets on you?

Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] NOPE


as for history... Did you have permission for Urahara? Or to have him called hero of Karakura? If not, you need to change those parts or get permission. That is all.

Tier: Unavailable.




Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
- Buddha

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

JJ
JJ
Rower of Rock. And Souls.
Joined : 2011-03-03
Posts : 5174
Age : 27
Location : , Location, Location!

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Left_bar_bleue20650/20000Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Empty_bar_bleue  (20650/20000)
Tiers:

Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Empty Re: Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+]

Fri Feb 24, 2012 7:18 pm

Name [X]
Appropriate Age [X]
Gender [X]
Appearance Present [X]
Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [X]
Appearance is Not Claimed [X]
10 sentences for personality [X]
History is of appropriate length [X]
Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [X]
Powers are described reasonably enough [X]
Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [X]
Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[X]
RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [X]
RP Sample is 10 sentences [X]

Comments: Play fair...

Tier: 2-1+

Will Skills
  • Willpower/Determination: Advanced
  • Mental Deduction: Adept
  • Pain Endurance: Adept
  • Focus: Adept




Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
- Buddha
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Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+] Empty Re: Shenro Kenshosaki [APPROVED, 2-1+]

Thu Nov 01, 2012 10:12 am
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